Dealing with infidelity

[badpenny]

OK then if he doesn't want to show up at the wedding, then fin out who the guy si and send him the text messages. The woman is burning the candles at both ends and the other guy should be given the heads up.

 

As far as he knows, he thinks that she's being hones with him and he doesn't deserve it

 

Personally, I would do it this way:

 

If this was me, in the situation, I would -

Contact her.

Tell her she has 24 hours to tell the guy about me.

If she doesn't - and I don't get message from him telling me he now knows - then I will make sure that I tell him.

 

Which would she prefer?

 

Standing up in the middle of the wedding is all very well, but is disproportionate to what has happened.

 

She is a liar and a cheat, and a coward to boot.

But she has involved two other people.

 

making a spectacle at the wedding exposes her to an entire community, and risks people incurring enormous expenses to attend and participate.

Others don't need to be roped in on the punishment, or to be subjected to exposing dirty laundry so widely.

Why wait until people have spent time, money and huge effort? That's spiting everyone.

And that's not fair.

 

The best thing is to certainly expose her to the other guy. That, I think is just and fair: he has a right to have his eyes opened to her manipulative ways. he has a right to know exactly what he's dealing with.

If he then decides to to forgive her, and to go ahead with the wedding anyway, then that's his funeral. If you'll pardon the metaphor....

 

But taking it as far as the wedding, is, in my opinion, using a sledge-hammer to crack a peanut.

[aliveagain]

The other man deserves to know what he is getting himself into. He is innocent and he is being cheated on. He deserves the right to make an informed decision regarding his marriage. Wouldn't you want to know before you committed yourself legally and financially? Not telling him is worse because you become her accomplice by withholding information about her infidelity from him, you are now part of the cover up.

 

This was no ONS, this was a long term affair and you unknowingly were the other man. You were both at risk for STD's, if she wasn't using condoms with you she wasn't using condoms with him. Contact him, it's the right thing to do, let him decide if marrying her is what he still wants. Too many people know about each of your relations with her. This has nothing to do with revenge, this is about saving some poor guy from potential financial and emotional ruin. Contact him.

[steve19951]

So I have contacted her and left a phone message, so far without reply. I certainly don't want to text with her about it. I didn't tip my hand. But other friends have tagged pictures of her bachelorette party on Facebook as of this morning. I'm amazed she could be so thoughtless (or reckless) as to let pictures get posted before telling me anything. But, at this point, not much surprises me anymore.

[No Limit]

You contacted the wrong person.

[jbrent890]

Why would you contact her? Dude the thing is you know what you need to do, you just don't want do it because your scared how it will affect your life. Directly contacting her won't change anything. All she will do is lie and cover her tracks. You have access to his facebook, so send him a message. If you don't want to, then leave her and the situation alone. I'm all for you telling this guy. It will save him a ton of money and embarrassment. However, if you choose not tell, I think she will get busted eventually. Even though a large number of these things go undiscovered, this girl is very careless, so I think she will get caught eventually.

Edited May 3, 2015 by jbrent890

[Space Ritual]

So I have contacted her and left a phone message, so far without reply. I certainly don't want to text with her about it. I didn't tip my hand. But other friends have tagged pictures of her bachelorette party on Facebook as of this morning. I'm amazed she could be so thoughtless (or reckless) as to let pictures get posted before telling me anything. But, at this point, not much surprises me anymore.

 

You tipped your hand man...not good but if you can get to OM in time and let him know and have PROOF, then I think you owe it to yourself, and him a contact. There is a chance he has no idea you exist, but he will now if she contacts him. You need to get to him ASAP.

 

Had I been informed about my Fiance's infidelity, I'd have been able to bow out of the relationship gracefully instead of having a bomb dropped on me by walking in on it.. So I would want to know just who it was I was marrying. Get to him and save both of yourselves from this person.

[Buckeye2]

I think she didn't know how to let me down, so she didn't do it. Instead, I think she figured I'd get the message if she paid me less attention. But, instead, I stayed loyal through thick and thin, and her plan didn't work.

 

This and/or she was keeping you in reserve in case it didn’t work out with the other guy. Then things moved so far along she was afraid you would get mad and spill the beans before they got married.

 

There were always good reasons why we had less time together. Through it all, I was as flexible as I could be. And I often would confirm with her that we were going to be a couple, that we were committed, and she always agreed.

 

I know you haven’t seen much of her but did you have sex when you did?

[RoseVille]

Are you actually in a relationship with this girl? For how long?

[Try]

I've found out more details since I posted. I found the guy's Facebook page, and there are pictures of her with him on various outings (boating, etc.) going back to 2013. So I'm sure the many times she told me she had to work, she was with him.

I'm also sure the many times she told him she had to work, she was with you. From his point of view, you are the other man that she is cheating with while being engaged to him. He deserves to know. I am not talking revenge. I am talking about the right thing to do if you are a decent person.