msblissful Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 Hi just giving my story so people can have a idea about why I am here. I am a MW having affair with a MM. I am 21 years younger than him but I am very much in love with this man. I have 2 young children at home also. I'm not exactly sure how I ended up in the A it sounds cliche but it just gradually started after talking on a friendly basis to this person about my situation at home. We met online and yes I was there looking for friends but not there intentionally looking for a AP. I gradually realised over time I loved him. I am in shall we say a controlling marriage, I live in my husband's country of birth thousands of miles away from my family and anyone else I know. As I said I have 2 children so my time is occupied looking after and caring for them. I don't know anyone where I am and my H does not like me going out so I find it easier to just say no to new social invitations. I see my MM whenever the opportunity arises. I feel I'm in too deep with him now to leave on my decision and I know I'm going to get slated here but I don't want this to end. I see him when my children are in daycare and my H Is at work. I do feel guilty and I do want to leave my marriage but without going into too much detail I cannot see a way of getting out of my M. I just wanted to post here today because I have been on here for a while now and I'm not sure why really. To get it out there. To get it off my chest. I'm not sure Link to post Share on other sites
badpenny Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 While I can offer no comment or resolution to your situation, I will say that your feelings for this older man are extremely unlikely to be reciprocated. He's old enough to be your dad. he's married. He has probably got a higher sex drive than his wife, and her interest in the physical may have waned. You may be in love, but to him, I'm sorry, but you just fulfil a need. I'm sure he says all the right things and makes you feel the way you want to feel - but he's with his wife. And he has no intention of leaving her. Has he offered any possible resolution to your situation? Has he made any suggestions as to what you might do to get out of this 'controlling' marriage? Does he want to be with you, and only you? Hell. If you want to continue seeing this man and being unfaithful to your H, go ahead. But things will evolve and change, and what would happen if your H found out? And as for being in love with him....? Well, I know you can't just turn feelings on and off, but that is a bad move, on your part. No really, it is. You've given your heart away too easily, and trust me on this - sooner or later, it will get crushed. Pulverised. He will "throw you under the bus" rather than risk his marriage. This will all end in tears. They always do. Well, maybe not always, but happy affair-endings are rarer than an ice cube in the desert.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 Hello Blissful, Please do not rely on MM to be an escape route for you They rarely leave their marriages as you have probably read on here. It sounds as though the A is an escape from reality for you. Poppy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 *I am in shall we say a controlling marriage, I live in my husband's country of birth thousands of miles away from my family and anyone else I know. Putting the issue of the affair aside, your role seems to be more that of a prisoner, than a wife. Why do you choose to remain in a situation like that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 What keeps you from filing for divorce? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 Are you in a country where there is a different culture to that of your country of origin? Is it a society more male dominated? Would leaving mean you had to leave your children behind? If the answer to the above question is yes, then I really feel sorry for you. Would you be able to get the help of your family to leave? Is there any part of you that wants your marriage to be better? If so, are you able to discuss it with your H. I worry that you could be putting yourself in a dangerous situation if your H finds out. You say he's controlling and if he suspects anything, he could easily have you followed and discover the truth. Also, has your MM said anything about a future with you? If not he's probably comfortable with the way things are. Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 What do you want? What are you getting in your marriage? Maybe you can get whatever it is in your marriage better outside or by yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 I'd be surprised if a man his age wants to raise another man's children. Have you asked him? I imagine the age difference might just be an ego boost for him and he's in a different stage of his life than you are. But hey, I could be wrong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 Hi just giving my story so people can have a idea about why I am here. I am a MW having affair with a MM. I am 21 years younger than him but I am very much in love with this man. I have 2 young children at home also. ** 21 years younger...man is having am mid life crisis. I'm not exactly sure how I ended up in the A it sounds cliche but it just gradually started after talking on a friendly basis to this person about my situation at home. We met online and yes I was there looking for friends but not there intentionally looking for a AP. I gradually realised over time I loved him. **Yes, very cliche. You were online looking for what exactly? Friends? What site were you looking for friends on? You realized you were in love with him while chatting to him online? Seems like you were wanting to find someone to get involved with. I am in shall we say a controlling marriage, I live in my husband's country of birth thousands of miles away from my family and anyone else I know. As I said I have 2 children so my time is occupied looking after and caring for them. I don't know anyone where I am and my H does not like me going out so I find it easier to just say no to new social invitations. **You obviously have a bunch of free time if you are online looking for "friends" and then chose to dedicate time to some married guy who was looking for some action. So I am guessing you don't have a job, since your time is occupied to looking after and caring for your children. That's what mom's do...look after and care for their children. It can be in itself a full time job; but lots of mom's work outside the home full time AND raise their kids full time. What social invitations have you declined? You state you have no friends there so who is inviting you to do stuff? I see my MM whenever the opportunity arises. I feel I'm in too deep with him now to leave on my decision and I know I'm going to get slated here but I don't want this to end. I see him when my children are in daycare and my H Is at work. I do feel guilty and I do want to leave my marriage but without going into too much detail I cannot see a way of getting out of my M. **You aren't "in too deep" to leave; you just don't want to. You enjoy the rush, the attention, the excitement. Looking after your children doesn't give you the adrenline rush what a married guy does. I am curious as to why your children go to daycare though if you don't have a job outside of the home. Do you put them there so you can have time to spend with the MM? What does your H think you are doing while the kids are at daycare? I just wanted to post here today because I have been on here for a while now and I'm not sure why really. To get it out there. To get it off my chest. I'm not sure I see a lot of loneliness in your life and your future. Instead of addressing and working towards having a marriage that makes you happy, you instead chose to go online and find some guy to chat with. If you aren't happy with the 'controlling' husband, you DO have a choice to leave. You have many choices with regards to your marriage. I have a feeling you will say you don't want to put your kids through a divorce; but if they are young, they won't have scars for a lifetime (many kids today have divorced parents or parents who were never married - it isn't the stigmatism it was 20 years ago). But you seem content to stay in an affair and that's your choice. Just remember when it gets exposed and it more than likely will, your children's lives WILL be affected because the exposure of the affair will cause major anxiety/stress, fights, and most likely turn their worlds upside down. Hopefully, you don't get pregnant by the MM, on accident. Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 If you are not happy with your homelife, maybe its time to start planning for your future life without your H? Your A is only temporary happiness, and gives you relief for now, but what will happen if your H finds out? Eventually, all this hiding and secret meetings will cause you stress and one way or another, there might be a slip and everything gets laid out. Maybe its time to start to work on getting yourself independent and ready to be on your own with your kids if your M is no longer working. Link to post Share on other sites
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