Potential LDR...

[courtneykay]

Hi everyone,

 

My name is Courtney and I am new to this forum. I have been doing research as I will potentially be entering a long distance relationship.

 

A little background, my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. He is graduating from college in May, and I have one more year left. He has been applying for jobs, and recently had two interviews with a company that seemed very excited to talk to him. They said they wanted to talk to him on the phone tomorrow, so we are assuming that they are going to offer him a position. Here's the catch, it's across the country, 36 hours away from where I am.

 

I know this may be kind of early to start seeking advice, but even if he doesn't get, or doesn't take this particular job, I have a feeling we will still end up in a LDR. He is pursuing a career as a news anchor, and unfortunately where we live now doesn't have much of a market for it.

 

I need to be happy for him. I should want him to be successful. But for selfish reasons I want him to stay here and find a job closer to me. I guess it hurts a little bit because it seems like he is leaving me behind in the dust for bigger and better things.

 

We are in love. We talk about a future together. We plan on spending our lives together. This is something that we are both willing to work for, no matter what. I'm just feeling really worried. I don't know what it is like being in a LDR, and I know I can be very dependent on him at times so I am worried about what this is going to do to my mental health.

 

Could anyone offer some advice on entering a LDR? Anything you wish you knew?

 

Like I said this is all just a prerequisite...but his graduation is in a few weeks and I feel like I need to start mentally preparing myself for this.

[Penguin_hugs]

Hi Courtney

 

I feel your pain- I'm in a similar situation myself.

 

I understand the selfish feeling. I had it too- we had only been together 9 months when my BF finished his PhD. He was offered 2 post docs- One at an amazingly prestigious uni, or one at his current Uni with a terrifying boss. I wanted him to take the closer one- but you can't influence them. If he stays with you and doesn't take the opportunity because you ask him to- then he may regret it massively in the future and he will resent you for it. He has to make the decision on his own. At one point my BF asked me what job he should take and I told him I couldn't answer for him because he had to make the choice and be happy with it.

 

LDR is tough- you can't just pop to see them for 10 mins when you're having a bad day- but it does mean that you really appreciate the time you have together. Always plan visits ahead so you have something to look forward to. And these days with technology- it's really easy to Skype them for an hour throughout your day.

But you do have to trust them and let them get on with their life. Don't get angry if they've gone out somewhere and not text you for so many hours.

 

You said you are in your final year? This may be beneficial then. Our last year apart has been my final year too. It means you can focus on work and your breaks can be visiting him 36 hours is a long way though- is there not a quicker mode of transport? Flying perhaps?