l2hvn Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 Which is more important in a relationship? Chemistry or friendship?
Marshbear Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 Both are important. You want your SO to be a friend but you also need that spark to tie it all together. Is one more important? I would say that the friendship in the long run is more important but, to want to be with them you need the chemistry as well.
purple21 Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 Yeah - I agree - friendship is really important but you also need some spark I don't think just having one or the other can work in the long run in my experience. Of course my longest relationship (almost 6 years) was with someone I had a great friendship with but there was only a little spark in the beginning and it faded throughout time to only friendship. It was great to have such a good friend but we both wanted some spark in a relationship as well (in terms of getting married) so it ended. We are still friends now. Relationships with tons of spark and little friendship are very fun - but don't seem to last too long.
fundamental Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by purple21 Yeah - I agree - friendship is really important but you also need some spark I don't think just having one or the other can work in the long run in my experience. Of course my longest relationship (almost 6 years) was with someone I had a great friendship with but there was only a little spark in the beginning and it faded throughout time to only friendship. It was great to have such a good friend but we both wanted some spark in a relationship as well (in terms of getting married) so it ended. We are still friends now. Relationships with tons of spark and little friendship are very fun - but don't seem to last too long. So, when the spark is gone, do you not find the person attractive anymore? What is spark actually??? I believe that the spark will never be at the same level as the relationship progesses. It will always die down because the longer you know someone the closer a friendship becomes (usually). So, the friendship is usually stronger than the spark. I think people jump into relationship too fast and when they realize they do not like the person, or feel that things are different, they blame it on not enough spark.
Marshbear Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 The spark is called lust, infatuation, raging hormones etc. Friendship will always be important but the physical attraction of lust is undeniable. It makes you want to be with them and you can't stop thinking about them. It's that mystery that you just don't understand but you feel it then it's there and don't feel it when it's not there. You can try to rationalize it as much as you wish but it is what it is....
Author l2hvn Posted April 20, 2005 Author Posted April 20, 2005 yes i do agree that both are important. however, i think chemistry is a must in a relationship. i'm just not talking about a spark. what i mean by chemistry is that feeling of connection with somebody physically, emotionally, mentally, sexually, and spiritually... all of it... you can then form a friendship with that person once that chemistry has been established. i went out with a guy. he and i shared a lot of things in common. he's a good guy overall and we connected on the emotional, mental and spiritual level.. however i just didn't feel enough chemistry with him physically and sexually. so the relationship didn't last... i tried to overlook that aspect but i couldn't, esp. the fact that sex is very important to me. if i'm not compatible w/ a guy sexually, then it will be pretty hard for the relationship to survive... i tried. it didn't work...
Author l2hvn Posted April 20, 2005 Author Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear The spark is called lust, infatuation, raging hormones etc. Friendship will always be important but the physical attraction of lust is undeniable. It makes you want to be with them and you can't stop thinking about them. It's that mystery that you just don't understand but you feel it then it's there and don't feel it when it's not there. You can try to rationalize it as much as you wish but it is what it is.... totally agree... you've gotta have that attraction..
purple21 Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by l2hvn yes i do agree that both are important. however, i think chemistry is a must in a relationship. i'm just not talking about a spark. what i mean by chemistry is that feeling of connection with somebody physically, emotionally, mentally, sexually, and spiritually... all of it... you can then form a friendship with that person once that chemistry has been established. i went out with a guy. he and i shared a lot of things in common. he's a good guy overall and we connected on the emotional, mental and spiritual level.. however i just didn't feel enough chemistry with him physically and sexually. so the relationship didn't last... i tried to overlook that aspect but i couldn't, esp. the fact that sex is very important to me. if i'm not compatible w/ a guy sexually, then it will be pretty hard for the relationship to survive... i tried. it didn't work... Yes - that is what I was trying to say above - but you put it much better Same thing happened with me and my ex
moimeme Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 I would like to see answers from people who have been in an LTR and are still happy.
Pendawn Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 I was in an 11 year relationship and to be honest I think it finished because we had lots of friendship but no chemistry, or at least very little. I don't think we felt that chemical attraction and desperate need for each other, though we loved each other dearly. I still occassionally miss spending time with the Ex but I don't miss the romantic side at all because in the end it really wasn't that fulfilling.
Author l2hvn Posted April 21, 2005 Author Posted April 21, 2005 Originally posted by Pendawn I was in an 11 year relationship and to be honest I think it finished because we had lots of friendship but no chemistry, or at least very little. I don't think we felt that chemical attraction and desperate need for each other, though we loved each other dearly. I still occassionally miss spending time with the Ex but I don't miss the romantic side at all because in the end it really wasn't that fulfilling. good to know i'm not the only one who feels this way... but wow.... 11 years???? that's a pretty long time to figure out it just wasn't working out....
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