bada bing Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Ok, we are a bit older, me early 40's she is early 30's and we have been dating Long Distance for about 10 months…I visit her about every 2-3 months. Had a great visit with her for 6 days in early April…We text and talk a lot throughout the day including friday days…But for the last 3 weeks she goes off line or "ghost" after work on Friday not even responding to the last texts I send and then I hear from her usually on Sunday. This is the 3rd weekend this has happened? I don't want to over react, but it's starting to seem suspicious? No texts, no calls, or even replies? It like the conversation just comes to a abrupt stop. Am I overacting here? if not, how should I communicate this to her without seeming over jealous or weak? How would you tell her?
ExpatInItaly Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 If she goes off the radar all weekend, then yes, I would assume there's a problem and you're not over-reacting. How do you resume contact come Sunday or Monday? Something is fishy there. If she is your girlfriend, you shouldn't be so worried about appearing needy or weak - you should be confident in asking her what's up. I think anyone would be wondering where the heck their loved one is after disappearing all weekend. If this is out of the norm, you have a reason to be concerned. Have you asked her what he she's been getting up to on the weekends? 3
Gary S Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 She disappears on the weekends? - that's because she is busy with her boyfriend or husband! 4
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 You could CALL her and ASK her pointblank why hasn't she been responding to your texts or phone calls for the past 3 weekends? It would actually be better if you could ask her this question while you're both Skyping so you could see her facial expressions/reactions, but if you guys don't Skype, then you're going to have to play very close attention to any type of intonation(s) or tone in her voice and to what she says or doesn't say after you ask her this question. I've been in a LDR before, and if this had happened to me, I'd definitely get suspicious. I mean seriously? She can't be THAT mega-busy that she can't even take a few seconds to text you or to spend a few minutes of her time calling you to let you know that she loves you and misses you! And, IF she IS cheating on you or there's something else fishy going on, it's stupid of her to be SO obvious about it by NOT responding to your texts or phone calls. If you don't ask her what's going on, you're always going to be wondering about it...and it's going to breed an atmosphere of distrust and doubt in your mind - not to mention the fact that by not confronting her about this SOON, you COULD very well be WASTING your time with her while she could possibly be dating (or in a relationship with) SOMEONE ELSE! I just don't want what happened to this poster to happen to you: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/526804-dealing-infidelity Your suspicions about this could turn out to be nothing, if you talk to her and she tells you something that is legit and genuinely true with regard to her ghosting you for the past 3 weekends in a row. However...if your suspicions are confirmed if she doesn't give you a reasonable answer when you talk to her or if her voice wavers and she says something that's lame or doesn't make any sense - then it's good that you find out about it NOW...instead of later. .
Author bada bing Posted May 2, 2015 Author Posted May 2, 2015 Thanks for your replies…Yes that is starting to be my thoughts too. Last week you finally responded on Sunday as texted me a few times, asking me how my Saturday was but never volunteering what she did other than what she did Sunday. 3 weeks in a row is what alerted my suspicions today actually, but then why text me all week mon-thurs, and spend the week with me when I visit? I'm very trusting, but this is a flag… How would you tell her?
Author bada bing Posted May 2, 2015 Author Posted May 2, 2015 Black Ops, thats a great idea to Skype her to see her face. I'm going to wait until she finally responds…very late last night I texted her to say "I needed to talk to her about something" and "could she call me tomorrow" and its now 3:30pm where she lives and still have not heard from her. Dating sucks---sometimes. I expect her to deny it? then what should I do? 1
ExpatInItaly Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 (edited) Thanks for your replies…Yes that is starting to be my thoughts too. Last week you finally responded on Sunday as texted me a few times, asking me how my Saturday was but never volunteering what she did other than what she did Sunday. 3 weeks in a row is what alerted my suspicions today actually, but then why text me all week mon-thurs, and spend the week with me when I visit? I'm very trusting, but this is a flag… How would you tell her? A lot of people unfortunately don't mind testing out the waters with a new interest while they still have a partner. I can't say with certainty she's got another guy in the picture, but her weekend disappearances are suspicious. Full stop. Do what another poster suggested. Get her on the phone or Skype/FaceTime, and simply ask her what she did this weekend. You can you noticed she seems to have become very busy on weekends; let her fill in the blanks. Or suggest coming to visit her next weekend and watch her reaction. Don't do this over text though. Speak to her. Out of curiosity, why did you text her that you needed to talk, instead of calling her? Edited May 2, 2015 by ExpatInItaly
Author bada bing Posted May 2, 2015 Author Posted May 2, 2015 ExPat, I texted her because it was very late her time and I just started to piece it all together. I also just looked at the two weeks before I visited her in April and its the same pattern, basically Friday morning call or text from her and then nothing until Sunday….Not looking good:cool: I think i will ask but also confront t her, because she will say she went to the movies or something like that, she's a slick talker to be honest.
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Black Ops, thats a great idea to Skype her to see her face. I'm going to wait until she finally responds…very late last night I texted her to say "I needed to talk to her about something" and "could she call me tomorrow" and its now 3:30pm where she lives and still have not heard from her. Dating sucks---sometimes. I expect her to deny it? then what should I do? It doesn't matter if she 'denies' that anything's wrong or not - you'll be able to SEE IT in her FACIAL EXPRESSIONS and her BODY LANGUAGE *if* something shady IS going on with her on the weekends. If you can get her to Skype with you when you ask her this VERY important question, I have a feeling you'll get the answer you need to know - whether it's favorable...or UNfavorable. Just say, "Hey babe, I miss you so much and wanna Skype with ya! I'll be online at _:_ _ am/pm this _______(insert day of the week)." Make it seem like you just want to have an EASY BREEZY conversation with her - do NOT say, "I have something important I need to talk to you about...". If you say it like that, it'll ALERT HER that you think something's wrong or that you may be suspicious about something, and that'll have her guard up! The purpose of doing it the way I suggested for you to do it (making it like you want an easy breezy regular convo with her) is so that you CATCH HER COMPLETELY **OFF-GUARD** with your question! If she has NO idea what you're going to say to her, and then you ASK her, "Babe, why haven't you been responding to my texts or my phone calls for these past 3 weekends?" - HER REACTION will be GENUINE and you'll be putting her ON THE SPOT to ANSWER YOU right then and THERE. If she hems or haws, or takes too long to answer your question or does ANYTHING ELSE that gives you a feeling that something's not right - your instinct will be more than likely CORRECT. Trust your gut! If her behavior is suspicious, weird or out of the ordinary, then you'll HAVE YOUR ANSWER. Maybe not a direct answer, but at least you'll KNOW that something's definitely UP with her and that she's NOT being HONEST with you with regard to what she's been REALLY doing on the weekends when she's been GHOSTING you. .
Author bada bing Posted May 2, 2015 Author Posted May 2, 2015 I'm going to do that tonight Black Ops… i know she will have a BS answer, she's always does, she's a bit crafty. How could I be so stupid and not see this sooner. Every weekend for the past 5 weeks…Oh well 1
devilish innocent Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 I would start by just asking her where she's been. If this had happened to me when I was with in a long-distance relationship with my now husband, I'd assume he was with friends or family. Yet, I'd still ask that question because I'd be curious which one it was. I don't think the question is confrontational. I don't know your girlfriend so can't say if she'd lie to you or not. I would have trusted my husband unless he avoided answering the question, but that's because I knew how much he values honesty. You say your lady is a smooth-talker, so maybe she has a history of being dishonest. Then maybe you are better off with somebody you can't even trust. If you're on the fence for whatever reason, you can see how she reacts when you ask the question. If she says she was with other people, you can also ask to verify it with them.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 I'm going to do that tonight Black Ops… i know she will have a BS answer, she's always does, she's a bit crafty. How could I be so stupid and not see this sooner. Every weekend for the past 5 weeks…Oh well Why do you say that? What red flags have you seen before?
Author bada bing Posted May 2, 2015 Author Posted May 2, 2015 Why do you say that? What red flags have you seen before? Well when i first met her online, i asked her if she was talking to any other men and she said no, but when I added her as a friend on FB I could see she had another guy who was talking to her long distance too! I asked her if she had other guys and her answer was "well I have lots of male friends"…so I quipped, its a simple question do you have another BF because this guy seems interested on FB and she said well yes there is another guy who she is talking too….(He has since married so he's gone) So she is clever in how she answers things, sort of like a politician… Other than that though, she's been honest as far as I can tell...
Author bada bing Posted May 2, 2015 Author Posted May 2, 2015 I would start by just asking her where she's been. If this had happened to me when I was with in a long-distance relationship with my now husband, I'd assume he was with friends or family. Yet, I'd still ask that question because I'd be curious which one it was. I don't think the question is confrontational. I don't know your girlfriend so can't say if she'd lie to you or not. I would have trusted my husband unless he avoided answering the question, but that's because I knew how much he values honesty. You say your lady is a smooth-talker, so maybe she has a history of being dishonest. Then maybe you are better off with somebody you can't even trust. If you're on the fence for whatever reason, you can see how she reacts when you ask the question. If she says she was with other people, you can also ask to verify it with them. That's sort of the problem being LD…I really can't verify anything with anybody as she lives so far away and I don't know anybody there. I could hire a PI? But thats a bit excessive I know...
beach Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Why aren't you calling her? CALL! Get a live voice - ask her why she hasn't responded by calling you when you asked her to. Have you ever given her money? She's showing major red flags that she is spending every weekend with someone who takes up her time and attention. What was your last visit like? Was anything suspicious? Did she have any unaccounted time away from you?
Price2Play Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Dump her and move on with your life. LDRs are not real relationships, dude you are so being played. This is a no brainer, find a local gf & forget about this girl. 2
Author bada bing Posted May 2, 2015 Author Posted May 2, 2015 Why aren't you calling her? CALL! Get a live voice - ask her why she hasn't responded by calling you when you asked her to. Have you ever given her money? She's showing major red flags that she is spending every weekend with someone who takes up her time and attention. What was your last visit like? Was anything suspicious? Did she have any unaccounted time away from you? Ok, I just tried calling her and she answered but there was lot of people in the background but she said she can't talk and will call me later, then I asked where she was again because I could not here her and she hung up…just texted me I'll call you later. call lasted 5 seconds tops Just texted her back where are you, I could not hear, and nothing back.
beach Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 And so you know - she can not take a call from you. Suspicious? You bet it is given the history and pattern the past few weeks. Do you have money to hire a PI? Or go there unannounced and follow her for one weekend without her knowing?
ascendotum Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 So she is clever in how she answers things, sort of like a politician… Anyone who answers questions like this will tend to set of my bs alert. You really have to go on faith with LDRs,and the longer the time period the more temptations and the more someone will rationalize going out with others as they wanted the company but nothings going to happen they are just friends, until oops we got drunk one night. Physical contact just every 2-3 mths over a year is going to test quite a few people out, especially anyone who is getting flirted with often. In your shoes I'd be very suspicious as well and would find it a little strange she doesn't say what she got up to on the weekend if she's been going out. If she was out on dates, she could put her phone on silent and still txt when she is in the toilet instead of ghosting. BOZG idea was good. I see you met her online, well get back on that site and see if her profile is active when she last logged on. Of course some will be smarter than that and try fly under the radar by having a profile on another less popular site.
beach Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Long distance visits are once every 2-3 months - been dating 10 months? So you've spent 3-5 times together? I think she has now been dating a new guy - one that sees her every weekend. 1
katiegrl Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 I will probably get blasted for this....but this is what I would do. Since she hasn't been responding to your texts or calls for the past THREE weekends, STOP texting or calling her on the weekend! Hello..... YOU ghost on HER. :bunny: Flip it around and let HER wonder what YOU are doing...oh and she will, trust me... Then when she asks you why you have stopped, you can either be honest and *non-defensively* say there was no point since she's never around to respond back ... or shoot it right back to her and say "sorry, I've been busy, no time." I see no point in confronting her .... as even if there is another guy .... she will never admit it so why bother. Futile waste of time energy. And even if her body language screamed she was being dishonest, unless you are an expert in reading body language, you will still be questioning it. I would just assume there IS another guy, based on her ghosting you for the past THREE weekend, and respond accordingly, by ghosting on her. Will it ruffle her feathers? Yes!!! Which is precisely what you want to happen ...so as to faciliate having a damn conversation about it! Wherein you either decide to fully commit, or break up. JMO 1
KatZee Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 I was just going to write what Beach already wrote. You see her every 2-3 months? She's off the map Fri/Sat because those are prime date nights. She's out doing her own thing, and I have no doubt she's out acting single. I hesitate to even say that she's "acting" single. To me, she IS single. Texting someone Monday-Thursday and seeing them rarely isn't dating someone. This isn't a relationship. Did you even have plans to move closer to each other? If not, this is a dead end. You're just an ego boost, and someone fun to hang with every few months. 1
beach Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 If it were me - i would know deep in my gut it's over and I'd block the person from ever contacting me again. 1
katiegrl Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 If it were me - i would know deep in my gut it's over and I'd block the person from ever contacting me again. ^^Yeah that too!
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