Jmmg35 Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 Since i discovered a possible affair with my wife and a workmate last january my life has been hell. i dont know if people remember my last post. well we went to counseling with a good psicologist and things got better but last month my wife was fired and she told me the cause was a call that i made to her workmate and he took revenge and made her fired. but i think some info is amiss because a call (it wasn't a threat or violent call) is not enough reason to lay off somebody. We got involved in a very violent argument because i felt she wasn't telling me the truth and i punched her in the right eye. oh god i felt like crap, like if the earth could swallow me. i have never physical assaulted a woman before. she told me to pack my things and leave. Now i am living in my parents place. My mother and 80% friends told me to leave her because they think she cheated and didn't tell me the truth but i think i love her and want her back. i was advice to let things get colder. give us some space apart but this waiting game is killing me because there is not internet or cable tv in my parents house. I already made a appointment with a evangelic minister that gives counseling and write books but this waiting game is killing me. my sixth sense tells me that the relationship is over and even if we get back she would cheat again. I am devastated. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 Since i discovered a possible affair with my wife and a workmate last january my life has been hell. i dont know if people remember my last post. well we went to counseling with a good psicologist and things got better but last month my wife was fired and she told me the cause was a call that i made to her workmate and he took revenge and made her fired. but i think some info is amiss because a call (it wasn't a threat or violent call) is not enough reason to lay off somebody. We got involved in a very violent argument because i felt she wasn't telling me the truth and i punched her in the right eye. oh god i felt like crap, like if the earth could swallow me. i have never physical assaulted a woman before. she told me to pack my things and leave. Now i am living in my parents place. My mother and 80% friends told me to leave her because they think she cheated and didn't tell me the truth but i think i love her and want her back. i was advice to let things get colder. give us some space apart but this waiting game is killing me because there is not internet or cable tv in my parents house. I already made a appointment with a evangelic minister that gives counseling and write books but this waiting game is killing me. my sixth sense tells me that the relationship is over and even if we get back she would cheat again. I am devastated. Oh, hale no. You have got to be kidding me with this. Your priorities are completely screwed up. You got violent with her, and you're whining about TV and internet? Grow up. And take some anger management courses along with the counseling. You have a lot of work ahead of you before you should even think about attempting a reconciliation. Reacting the way you did is horribly unaccpetable, even if you suspect she was lying. I can't even.... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 Hitting someone is a definite game-changer. Regardless of what your wife might have done, you have crossed a line that shouldn't be crossed. You are overwhelmed by your feelings and not coping. That means you need help. Talk to your doctor as soon as possible. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmmg35 Posted May 3, 2015 Author Share Posted May 3, 2015 Oh, hale no. You have got to be kidding me with this. Your priorities are completely screwed up. You got violent with her, and you're whining about TV and internet? Grow up. And take some anger management courses along with the counseling. You have a lot of work ahead of you before you should even think about attempting a reconciliation. Reacting the way you did is horribly unaccpetable, even if you suspect she was lying. I can't even.... I am deeply sorry about this. I have never, never punched a woman before. I feel like crap and in complete remorse. I will be taking anger managment courses because i know i am a good human being and i have so many good things to give to society. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 You know you need to get your head straight again - and personally I believe it would be best if you took that path without your wife. She's not remorseful, she's not honest, and eventually it tipped you over the iceberg and the situation escalated with a punch. She's not a healthy influence on you. If you don't have kids, divorce and move on without her, it just isn't worth it to attempt to fix a marriage on your own only to lose yourself in that fight - a fight that is futile and can't be won because your wife just doesn't care. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmmg35 Posted May 3, 2015 Author Share Posted May 3, 2015 You know you need to get your head straight again - and personally I believe it would be best if you took that path without your wife. She's not remorseful, she's not honest, and eventually it tipped you over the iceberg and the situation escalated with a punch. She's not a healthy influence on you. If you don't have kids, divorce and move on without her, it just isn't worth it to attempt to fix a marriage on your own only to lose yourself in that fight - a fight that is futile and can't be won because your wife just doesn't care. Finally someone hit the jackspot and listened to me. thanks a lot. this is what truly happening to me. Thanks for the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 I'm listening too! Get a divorce. There 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 Your wife was obviously lying about the real reason she got sacked. If the affair indeed happened, why did the other man not get sacked as well. It's sexual discrimination, unless she is a manager or above him at work. Your act of violence here was inexcusable. A punch in her eye? That's scary and I wouldn't want to remain in a marriage or other relationship where that happened. You say you've never done it before, but ONCE is more than enough. Think about where this could have led you. Arrested with a criminal record for a violent offence. Would you ever think it was acceptable for a man to punch your mother, sister, daughter? Your wife was lying, but your violence was worse. You have to hear the truth and I'm not sugar coating it. If my adult daughter cheated, sure it's wrong, but if her husband punched her in the eye ( you could have blinded her ), then I would want her out of the marriage immediately. I'd be in fear of the next time he got angry. I'm not condoning the cheating at all. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 Its over. She cheated. You crossed well over the line. You two don't mix at all and bring out the ABSOLUTE WORST in each other. Divorce her because she cheated on you; let her go because of what you did to her. Then make sure that NEITHER of these happen EVER again by seeking counseling. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 Finally someone hit the jackspot and listened to me. thanks a lot. this is what truly happening to me. Thanks for the advice. But, being this close to your limit means you weren't communicating with your own feelings either. That's when things get problematic. Punching someone in the face is way too far. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 Finally someone hit the jackspot and listened to me. thanks a lot. this is what truly happening to me. Thanks for the advice. No problem. If you want a more scientific explanation, I'd recommend googling for "Freud's Iceberg Theory" on that matter. The most simple depiction I found of it would be this one (to avoid a super-sized post): http://hranexi.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/iceberg-model1.jpg 2 Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 I am not going to tell you how bad you are for punching your wife I think you already get that. I will tell you this is a toxic relationship though. I also say he should have also got fired and she lied to you. She had an affair and you tried to work it out the ball was in your court now that you hit her it turned in her court. Let her go this will just end up worse if you keep trying with her. Better yourself treat yourself good that's the best. She will wish she never cheated when she sees you living good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmmg35 Posted May 3, 2015 Author Share Posted May 3, 2015 my mom and soccer friends told me to leave her, you people here in this forum told me to leave her.I think the balance weight is overwhelming for one side. i am not a violent man and if a woman made me punch her. that's explain a lot. Never in my 36 years old life i have hit a woman before. Thank you all for take your time and give me advice. And i apology to all women on this forum for my actions. lets see how i can get out gently of this relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 my mom and soccer friends told me to leave her, you people here in this forum told me to leave her.I think the balance weight is overwhelming for one side. i am not a violent man and if a woman made me punch her. that's explain a lot. Never in my 36 years old life i have hit a woman before. Thank you all for take your time and give me advice. And i apology to all women on this forum for my actions. lets see how i can get out gently of this relationship. Nobody can make you violent. That was your horrible choice. This statement tells me you still don't really take responsibility for your role in this scenario. So let's at least be real about that. Having said that, the relationship sounds toxic all around. It's bad for both of you and it's very likely best to end it completely. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 Love won't cure this illness you call a marriage. Sometimes you need to quit it to accomplish true happiness. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 Nobody can make you violent. That was your horrible choice. This statement tells me you still don't really take responsibility for your role in this scenario. So let's at least be real about that. Having said that, the relationship sounds toxic all around. It's bad for both of you and it's very likely best to end it completely. ^^^ this ^^^ 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Actually, people can push you to violence and that is nothing new. If you haven't had someone take you there congrats. But if you have, then you can understand. Now, I'm not saying hitting people is right but I do understand where those feelings come from. I was cheated on too, a really ****ty feeling from a really **** person (never hit her...but that isn't to say that when she hit me, I didn't want to be her tooth fairy). Now, she was definitely wrong for cheating and that is something no one should dispute. You should have done as she did, and kicked her out immediately upon proof of the affair. That's the only way a man can save himself in a relationship with a toxic woman...be the first to act (within reason). Don't be naive, she doesn't respect you, the relationship, or the promises she once made to you. Cut those feelings for her out like a cancer, because essentially that is what she is to you. You stand to lose everything because of your response to her actions. Be smart about your actions from here on out. To everyone who doesn't know the details of your relationship, she probably has painted you as an abusive and neglectful husband that drove her to cheat. And when you found out this was the result, one that she has hidden for years from friends and family. I'm not even a lawyer (yet) and I could nail you to the cross on that one action alone. I wish you the best of luck and please get a good lawyer and stay away from her. If you must interact with her, document everything (witness,etc). Remember no one is worth the price of your freedom. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Actually, people can push you to violence and that is nothing new. If you haven't had someone take you there congrats. But if you have, then you can understand. Now, I'm not saying hitting people is right but I do understand where those feelings come from. I was cheated on too, a really ****ty feeling from a really **** person (never hit her...but that isn't to say that when she hit me, I didn't want to be her tooth fairy). Now, she was definitely wrong for cheating and that is something no one should dispute. You should have done as she did, and kicked her out immediately upon proof of the affair. That's the only way a man can save himself in a relationship with a toxic woman...be the first to act (within reason). Don't be naive, she doesn't respect you, the relationship, or the promises she once made to you. Cut those feelings for her out like a cancer, because essentially that is what she is to you. You stand to lose everything because of your response to her actions. Be smart about your actions from here on out. To everyone who doesn't know the details of your relationship, she probably has painted you as an abusive and neglectful husband that drove her to cheat. And when you found out this was the result, one that she has hidden for years from friends and family. I'm not even a lawyer (yet) and I could nail you to the cross on that one action alone. I wish you the best of luck and please get a good lawyer and stay away from her. If you must interact with her, document everything (witness,etc). Remember no one is worth the price of your freedom. Agreed. People can get pushed to a limit; some turn violent; a different example would be people who were driven into suicide (cyber bullying does that quite often). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Heer Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 I'm sorry this happened to you OP, words cannot describe my horror for your situation. :( Are you really sure that your relationship with your wife is over? It would be a shame to see your relationship end on such a bad note. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmmg35 Posted May 4, 2015 Author Share Posted May 4, 2015 I'm sorry this happened to you OP, words cannot describe my horror for your situation. :( Are you really sure that your relationship with your wife is over? It would be a shame to see your relationship end on such a bad note. we are not finishing the relationship yet. i was sent out the house. My mother talked to her yesterday and told me she was in a good mood and she even wanted to invite me to watch a boxing fight. this is kinda confusing because the recent traumatic events. i am beginning to think she is no right in her mind But everyone on this forum plus my mother and friends told me to finish with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmmg35 Posted May 4, 2015 Author Share Posted May 4, 2015 Actually, people can push you to violence and that is nothing new. If you haven't had someone take you there congrats. But if you have, then you can understand. Now, I'm not saying hitting people is right but I do understand where those feelings come from. I was cheated on too, a really ****ty feeling from a really **** person (never hit her...but that isn't to say that when she hit me, I didn't want to be her tooth fairy). Now, she was definitely wrong for cheating and that is something no one should dispute. You should have done as she did, and kicked her out immediately upon proof of the affair. That's the only way a man can save himself in a relationship with a toxic woman...be the first to act (within reason). Don't be naive, she doesn't respect you, the relationship, or the promises she once made to you. Cut those feelings for her out like a cancer, because essentially that is what she is to you. You stand to lose everything because of your response to her actions. Be smart about your actions from here on out. To everyone who doesn't know the details of your relationship, she probably has painted you as an abusive and neglectful husband that drove her to cheat. And when you found out this was the result, one that she has hidden for years from friends and family. I'm not even a lawyer (yet) and I could nail you to the cross on that one action alone. I wish you the best of luck and please get a good lawyer and stay away from her. If you must interact with her, document everything (witness,etc). Remember no one is worth the price of your freedom. The problem is i never had a solid proof of the affair. thanks for the advice Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 The problem is i never had a solid proof of the affair. thanks for the advice I thought you did. Or that she confessed. If your wife wants a reconciliation, then I'm inclined to believe she had an affair, because there's absolutely NO chance I would reconcile if I didn't cheat. The thought in my mind would be, if I got punched in the face on suspicion of an affair, I could be killed if he had solid proof. So your wife's guilt, may be the reason she's not walking. She realises her actions pushed you, but as responsible adults, we have to accept RESPONSIBILITY for our OWN actions. The punch was ALL on you. Honestly, I'd say the same to my own brother. Men are much stronger than women and you could have done irreparable damage to her. I accept that her actions made you feel very angry. Do you have kids? Is that why she may want to work things out if she actually does want to? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Cheaters often like to stay, it's more comfortable to get your cake and eat it too. You don't need a permission to get a divorce. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Naturebox Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Didn't go through thread but start protecting your assets now, divorce is brewing! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Heer Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 we are not finishing the relationship yet. i was sent out the house. My mother talked to her yesterday and told me she was in a good mood and she even wanted to invite me to watch a boxing fight. this is kinda confusing because the recent traumatic events. i am beginning to think she is no right in her mind But everyone on this forum plus my mother and friends told me to finish with her. Well if she's in a good mood I guess you could give her one more chance. The best case scenario would be reconciliation while the worst case possible is divorce, which you seem to be planning for. It doesn't hurt to go watch a boxing match with her :) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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