Lonely, bitter, angry, disillusioned - at an all time low

[Moy]

A few of you will have seen my posts on here. I'm at an all time low right now after being single for two and a half years. Now, being single for two and a half years is nothing in the grand scheme of things, but in my case I Haven't even SPOKEN to a woman in that time!!

 

I split with my ex fiancee in January 2013 (we were supposed to be getting married this month) when she met a 27 year-old Porsche owner. (I've just turned 41 by the way)

 

I signed up to POF in March 2013 after recommendations from friends.

BIG mistake. I've just deleted my profile finally this week, as I had women messaging me to give me abuse for being too short, too ugly, not muscular enough. I had women messaging me to tell me off for daring to message them in the first place, the tone of their messages being "How dare somebody as ugly as YOU message me!?"

 

This wrecked my confidence so I started hitting the gym and became a weighlifting addict. This is the only thing that I have in my life that I can gain any enjoyment from. Two years of this constantly on POF has left me scared and disillusioned of what women are attracted to and motivated by.

 

I know that your natural reaction will be "HA!!! You are an entitled jerk and this is what you get for messaging 21 year-old Sports Illustrated models!!"

 

Wrong. I've always felt bad about myself so I only message 'homely' women. Even on POF, the only women who expressed any interest in me at all were either at least 250lbs or nearly 60. In turn, this has cemented into me that this is all I am worth - morbidly obese and nearly 20 years older than me. Anyone else will abuse me for daring to say hi to them in a message.

 

This experience on OLD has spilled over into my everyday life. I cannot even look at women, let alone talk to one. I don't know what to say. I mean, we've all heard about this new thing of street harassment and rape culture whereby even smiling and saying hello is now classed as rape/sexual assualt (Google it, it was a big thing amongst feminism before they moved onto manspreading)

 

How do you say hello to a woman without being a creep? I've also got some - let's say "autistic" tendencies from childhood so I have trouble reading non-verbal signals and due to my low self-esteem I can't look at people when I talk to them so they in turn think I'm being arrogant.

 

I feel like I'm exiled from society. I hate this. I miss company so much, my life is spent alone. I have no friends and I'm too ugly for anybody.

 

Today, I finally took the plunge and purchased some anabolic steroids online in order to get a more muscular physique so that women might actually look at me. Drastic measures, but what else is there? I'm left with an unshakeable belief that I'm repulsive and women despise me because of it, so much so that I'm an aberration from the dating pool - heck, even the gene pool who doesn't even deserve life itself.

 

I'm crying as I type this, am I really that ugly to go years without any women even wanting to speak to me as a human being?

Edited May 3, 2015 by Moy

[Moy]

I think your next move would be to forget about dating for a while. Just focus on other things. Improve your life in all other aspects. Women need to have a reason to want to date you. If you can't even see a reason why they would want you, they won't either.

 

I've gathered now that women aren't ever going to like me until I'm dead so that they won't have to look at me anymore - so you've no worries about me taking that advice above onboard.

[Vegeta2]

Don't feel to bad mate.. There are many men in your shoes(moi)

[preraph]

Moy, you can't let the bullies on online dating take your confidence. Please remember that those people who are trolling online dating sites looking for someone to bully, insult and abuse, actually DO have very low self-esteem and hate themselves so much that they find a momentary relief in knocking someone down to their size. Psychologists call this leveling. It makes them feel superior for a moment to find fault with others. So those people are pathetic idiots.

 

You have got to stay off online dating because it is brutal. And you have to get out there and find group activities such as bowling or happy hour or a cooking class or a group sport activity like kayaking classes, volunteer doing something you have a passion or empathy for, like volunteering at an animal shelter or a homeless shelter or make your own charity and become the neighborhood handyman. Have a backyard barbecue and invite the neighbors. Try to get a circle of acquaintances going so you meet more women. If you have a special hobby or collection, go to conventions like that. For example, if it's music, go to music fairs. If it's fitness, go to fitness expositions.

 

If you have extra time, take a bad paying part time retail job somewhere that might have your target crowd, or take a job being a bouncer at a bar where people in your age range frequent. Just to meet people.

 

But you can't let people on the internet tell you what your worth is. You are a normal 40 year old guy. It's harder to meet people after a certain age, it's true, so you have to work harder at it and be deliberate about it. But if you get in the right crowd, you will be accepted. Good luck.

[elaine567]

I've gathered now that women aren't ever going to like me until I'm dead so that they won't have to look at me anymore - so you've no worries about me taking that advice above onboard.

 

I think a visit to your GP is in order here, you are not thinking straight.

I feel you may be depressed and will need counselling and even medication.

I do not think women in general want overly muscular men, and I do not think, how you look is your problem here.

Steroids will not only affect you physically they will also mess with your brain too and buying them off the internet is like playing Russian roulette.

Go and have a chat with your GP

[Cupid's Puppet]

Where are these women from, Moy? And what is their cultural background? You don't look repulsive to me. You look pretty muscular as is and happy in your avatar. Do you travel any? I know for me, when I go outside where I live I get attention from guys. However, where I currently live, guys look right pass me. Traveling to different places will expose you to different mindsets, too. Some women in certain areas may not look at you. But women in other areas or from different backgrounds may be totally into you.

Edited May 3, 2015 by Cupid's Puppet

[SJC2008]

Moy it sucks but some people have horrible luck with the opposite sex. I don't have a magic bullet but I'm right there with you brother so i can relate.

 

Stay off old, don't get too caught up in the mud slinging here. Women are humans and we don't have to be perfect or have all the answers. A lot of dating advice makes it seem like aan has to be perfect ir it's over. If a woman likes you she'll cut you a lot of slack. See my it never fails thread.

[Moy]

Where are these women from' date=' Moy? And what is their cultural background? You don't look repulsive to me. You look pretty muscular as is and happy in your avatar. Do you travel any? I know for me, when I go outside where I live I get attention from guys. However, where I currently live, guys look right pass me. Traveling to different places will expose you to different mindsets, too. Some women in certain areas may not look at you. But women in other areas or from different backgrounds may be totally into you.[/quote']

 

I'm from NW England, UK.

[Satu]

You sound depressed to me.

 

The world isn't as dark a place as you perceive it to be.

 

Get a psychiatric assessment done via your GP and look into counselling.

 

Life isn't meant to be constant misery, so do something about it.

 

Good luck.

[ZA Dater]

My advice as someone who has extremely low days is try keep you mind busy with other things, focus on something, it can be anything.

 

 

Its not a solution but just for a while it will make you feel better about life.

[Moy]

 

The world isn't as dark a place as you perceive it to be.

 

 

Unfortunately it is at this end of the food chain.

[Satu]

Unfortunately it is at this end of the food chain.

 

You are the victim of your own perceptions.

 

If you don't like your life you can change it.

 

If you don't like being who you are, you can change that too.

 

It won't necessarily be easy, but its doable, as many can confirm.

 

If you're not happy, change.

[Haydn]

Mate NW UK? Manchester...Liverpool, Cheshire...Big place. Maybe get out to the pubs and a few beers with mates?

 

If you are trying too hard it won`t happen.... Get out there.

 

Satu is right. Change if you don`t like what you are or the situation. Only you can....

[Taramere]

How do you say hello to a woman without being a creep? I've also got some - let's say "autistic" tendencies from childhood so I have trouble reading non-verbal signals and due to my low self-esteem I can't look at people when I talk to them so they in turn think I'm being arrogant.

 

Knowing when to say "hi" to somebody is about gauging the environment. If you're out for a walk in the country or along the riverside and you pass somebody then a quick nod, smile and "hi" is fairly normal. Maybe a passing comment about the weather. If you have a dog and you meet other people with dogs, you're more likely to get talking to them.

 

In busier locations, it's not going to seem quite so natural to strike up conversations with people - and they're more likely to think "eh?" if you try.

 

 

Today, I finally took the plunge and purchased some anabolic steroids online in order to get a more muscular physique so that women might actually look at me. Drastic measures, but what else is there? I'm left with an unshakeable belief that I'm repulsive and women despise me because of it, so much so that I'm an aberration from the dating pool - heck, even the gene pool who doesn't even deserve life itself.

 

That's really worrying. What you're describing sounds a bit like body dysmorphic disorder - where people have a distorted view of what they look like and devote huge amounts of time to worrying about it. In women, it often manifests as an anorexic or eating disorder. Men....well, there's a term "bigorexia" which refers to a sort of male version of it (though men get anorexia too). It's a preoccupation with appearance, obsession with building muscle etc.

 

Bigorexia: the male quest for the body beautiful | Health24

 

I'm crying as I type this, am I really that ugly to go years without any women even wanting to speak to me as a human being?

 

I'm so sorry to hear this. I second, or third, those who are urging you to speak to your GP about this. They might be able to refer you to specialist counselling for some help. Not to suggest you shouldn't also carry on expressing your feelings here, which may be of ancillary benefit - but it really sounds as though you need to speak to somebody who has the specialist knowledge to assess the difficulties you're experiencing and suggest appropriate methods of dealing with them.

[kolleamm]

Hey Moy don't even worry about it, I'm in the exact same boat as you.

 

I have done practically no messaging whatsoever on OLD because I just got fed up with it. Why would I go on there to feed the egos of women who don't like me?

 

And just as you the type of women I could get on there are not even attractive to me.

 

My advice would be to take a break from OLD. You don't even have to better yourself during that time just take a break from it because you know it's torture for you.

[I_Squared_R]

To hell with online dating. I tried it a while ago and the only replies I got were from women that had nothing nice to say. I had one girl say "omg I am scarred for life".. Kind of harsh and I bet she thought all week to come up with that. She wasn't happy about my reply - I took a jab at her pictures as well and she didn't like what I thought

 

Don't take those women seriously. They typically spend their time in their bedroom with an arsenal of make up, instagram filters, and photo correction apps to paint themselves as a beautiful woman. All that work results in thousands of messages from men, it gets to their head, and they feel entitled to the greatest man on earth (the unicorn). Not much reaches their standards.

 

Make up is a wild thing! I was seeing a woman a while ago and she was a make up artist - she was a pro at looking like a model. You would never recognize her without it.

[ManyDissapoint]

Hello Sir,

 

Let me say as someone who is starting to finally come out of my almost 6 month depression after my relationship ended, I have many of the same hopeless feelings about women as you. As other posters pointed out, you have a MASSIVE self-perception problem since how you perceive yourself does not seem to be how you really are. From where I'm standing, I see a very fit and fairly good looking older man who is self aware. You're already miles ahead.

 

Based on your picture and your excersize habits, you are in very good shape. Steroids are NOT going to give you any advantage with women. I guarantee you that there is a solid chunk of the female population that finds you attractive.

 

What has really helped me is making new friends and getting out and socializing with them. I'm an introvert but up to a point I get buried in depression if I don't have company. I don't even know why that is.

 

After my breakup I took a second job teaching English to young women just to break up the cycle and meet new people. So far it has helped tremendously just seeing how many beautiful women there are out there.

 

People are very lonely these days, despite all the facebook, clubbing and other nonsense. Or you could go MGTOW and realize you don't really need women at all, but I think there are a lot of men and women that need each other for proper mental health.

[lollipopspot]

Don't take the steroids. Contrary to popular popular belief, most women don't like the look of super jacked up guys. It's mostly other guys who seem to admire that look. Steroids will only make your problems worse. As others have said, you are depressed and seeing the world through that lens.

 

You don't even know if those were real women. They could be guys trolling other guys as women just for fun. There are many trolls online.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I agree with the advice of staying off of OLD.

 

It was brutal for me as well.

 

I went through a few rounds of generally all rejections and am generally inactive on my paid account. I keep meaning to message another slew of women, and probably will, but I kind of fail to see the point.

 

Not that real life is all that much different or better.

 

Either way, you cannot depend on romantic relationships for happiness.

[Moy]

Don't take the steroids. Contrary to popular popular belief, most women don't like the look of super jacked up guys. It's mostly other guys who seem to admire that look. Steroids will only make your problems worse. As others have said, you are depressed and seeing the world through that lens.

 

You don't even know if those were real women. They could be guys trolling other guys as women just for fun. There are many trolls online.

 

1. I've had women flat out telling me I'm too skinny. Jacked up guys I know have women round them like flies round s***! Women like Chad Thundercock. Fact. There are countless threads on bodybuilding forums of men using jacked up pics on fake OLD profiles. They screengrab the messages they get from women offering them sex, the same women who "Ew, no way!" them for saying hi on their real OLD profiles.

 

2. Trust me, they were women. Their pics were too genuine.

Edited May 4, 2015 by Moy

[elaine567]

1. I've had women flat out telling me I'm too skinny. Jacked up guys I know have women round them like flies round s***! Women like Chad Thundercock. Fact. There are countless threads on bodybuilding forums of men using jacked up pics on fake OLD profiles. They screengrab the messages they get from women offering them sex, the same women who "Ew, no way!" them for saying hi on their real OLD profiles.

 

2. Trust me, they were women. Their pics were too genuine.

 

Stay off body building forums.

Not a healthy way to look at life in general.

Superficial and an "All about me" attitude, plus a very easy way to make yourself feel inferior to all those seriously pumped up guys. Guys who are genetically "superior" and who supposedly have sex on tap.

Guys who really have good relationships with women are not usually spending hours and hours preening and building muscle every day; taking supplements that may damage their long term health too.

 

Exercise - tick

Looking good - tick

But a body building obsession is not usually a recipe for building good relationships.

[ascendotum]

Unfortunately it is at this end of the food chain.

I'm not going to say don't get on the gear, but I really don't think you need them going by your avatar and the fact you only been going hard at the gym for the last couple of years. Yeah getting big will get you more attention and will get you laid but I don't know how great the women will be for a LTR, but ONS I'm sure will boost self esteem. It can effect your libido and that would be ironic if attention goes ^ while boners/libido goes V. It can also cause/aggravate depression which given your low spirits would not be good.

Are there any single guys at the gym who you are mates with that you could hang out with at a bar/club and try to chat up women together? You'll need to get out of your funk though if you are going to charm some woman. What about a holiday to coast of spain or greek Isles to clear your mind plus and try pull some female tourists.

[DivorcedDad123]

We went to a street festival this weekend. Beer,food,live bands,beer,fun stuff for kids,beer,etc.,, There were tons of hot women there. Wish I had taken some pics. I noticed they were with your normal everyday guys. One guy near us was extremely overweight,but he had the hottest girlfriend there. She was all over him.

Lots of beautiful women were there alone too,or with a girl friend. No guys talking to them and I was all,WTF? The single guys were off to themselves and these women were just dancing by themselves.

If you ever get a chance,go to one of these! I was there with my girlfriend and one of my kids and still got hit on. Even my 10 year old had a little girl sizing him up.

He just wanted funnel cake tho. Maybe he's onto something.

[Moy]

If you ever get a chance,go to one of these! I was there with my girlfriend and one of my kids and still got hit on.

 

 

See? I hear things like this and my heart sinks. In all of my 41 years no woman has ever approached me or hit on me. Ever. This is how I know that I'm too ugly.

[JuneJulySeptember]

See? I hear things like this and my heart sinks. In all of my 41 years no woman has ever approached me or hit on me. Ever. This is how I know that I'm too ugly.

 

Divorced Dad gets 2 to 3 women a week messaging him first on OLD, so he's a different animal.

 

I'm in the same boat as you. No women have ever hit on me and we're about the same age.

 

What makes you think that if you have a woman you'll be happy. It won't happen like that, I guarantee.