Lonely, bitter, angry, disillusioned - at an all time low

[DivorcedDad123]

No you're not. I started to take pics,because I thought of you while we were there. It's your own perception of yourself,like someone else said.

I like to people watch and it was clear that the single guys just lacked any self confidence to go up to a girl and chat. They were open to it and right there in front of them.

Another thing you might do is foster a dog for a short time. Take it to the park. Pick a cute one and play with it in the park. Then, watch the women that approach you.

The guys that were there with girlfriends may not have been "attractive" by manys standard,but those girls were having fun with them and enjoyed their company,one could tell.

Had one couple who you could tell it was there first date,because he was listening to every word she said and kept the conversation going. lol

[Moy]

Divorced Dad gets 2 to 3 women a week messaging him first on OLD, so he's a different animal.

 

I'm in the same boat as you. No women have ever hit on me and we're about the same age.

 

What makes you think that if you have a woman you'll be happy. It won't happen like that, I guarantee.

 

Because being lonely, being rejected, hated, ostracised by women is killing me.

Having nobody to care for, show affection towards, sleep with, wake up next to and just BE WITH is killing me.

Ostracised from society, for years on end with no sign of it ever ending...because women have let me know in no uncertain terms that that is all I deserve.

 

Being single isn't the issue, being kicked out of society for not being 'hawt' enough....THAT is the issue.

[Moy]

Then, watch the women that approach you.

 

 

I will be a dead man before any woman ever approaches me. At best I am completely invisible to them, at worst I am physically disgusting to them. I was a virgin until my mid 20s and it wasn't through choice!

[JuneJulySeptember]

Because being lonely, being rejected, hated, ostracised by women is killing me.

Having nobody to care for, show affection towards, sleep with, wake up next to and just BE WITH is killing me.

Ostracised from society, for years on end with no sign of it ever ending...because women have let me know in no uncertain terms that that is all I deserve.

 

Being single isn't the issue, being kicked out of society for not being 'hawt' enough....THAT is the issue.

 

In general, most people need social relationships. As humans, we need that. But that does not have to be filled by romantic relationships. You can fill it with friends, family, or volunteering/helping people. Etc.

 

I really cannot say with any conviction that the times in my life when I was in a relationship were the happier times in my life. As a matter of fact, it sways the other way. Which is not to say rejection by women is fun. It is not.

[clia]

Have you taken any of the suggestions you got in your previous thread on this topic?

 

OLD obviously doesn't work for you. That's fine; it doesn't work for everyone. So, you have no choice but to meet women in real life. Do you do anything to make that happen? Do you have any sort of social life? If you are too afraid to speak to women in real life, you need to work on that issue first.

 

I'm not sure why you think getting jacked up on steroids is going to solve your problems. You already look really muscular in your profile photo here, and I personally don't know any women who like guys who have that jacked out, steroid, bodybuilder physique.

[Moy]

Do you do anything to make that happen? Do you have any sort of social life? If you are too afraid to speak to women in real life, you need to work on that issue first.

 

1. No social life, as I have no friends.

 

2. How? How can I speak to women in real life when they want me nowhere near them? I haven't even spoken to a woman in two years. If a woman walks towards me in the street I either have to cross the street to avoid her, or look at the floor until she has passed me.

[clia]

1. No social life, as I have no friends.

 

Having a social life would help you immensely. Why don't you have any friends? Have you tried to make friends?

 

2. How? How can I speak to women in real life when they want me nowhere near them? I haven't even spoken to a woman in two years. If a woman walks towards me in the street I either have to cross the street to avoid her, or look at the floor until she has passed me.

 

If you can't even walk on the same side of the street as a woman you need serious counseling. I'm not sure how you are even able to function in life without ever speaking to a woman. Don't you work with any women?

[GemmaUK]

Moy,

 

 

You need to get positive for you.

Did you see and go out in the sunshine today?

We had a freebie day off and it was lovely!

Bank holidays are great! Even when you are totally on your own!

 

 

I was, I have no family, only a Brother, Sil and Niece in Oz.

I am still making new friends since I broke with my LT ex and he was always out - I didn't want to see him always when I was out. He now plays in a band and is out just about everywhere..so I go elsewhere.

 

 

If you sit at home you will feel just sh*t. Get out, your area is amazing and so lively/buzzy! I wish I was around there or in London - doing stuff would be so much easier. You're so lucky!

 

 

When I am really on my own - Christmas and Easter (family times) I cook myself yum meals and go for walks and end up interacting with horses and dogs and frogs and cats and lizards and humans and it's ...it's turned out to be some of THE BEST experiences of my life...just because I am on my own.

 

Be no threat, smile, say hello, help someone and you'll soon seen life can be so rewarding and rewarding way beyond any relationship you have yet had.

Give life a go Moy!

[Moy]

Having a social life would help you immensely. Why don't you have any friends? Have you tried to make friends?

 

 

 

If you can't even walk on the same side of the street as a woman you need serious counseling. I'm not sure how you are even able to function in life without ever speaking to a woman. Don't you work with any women?

 

Yes, but I have no reason to speak to them other than about the job. A colleague found out that I was attracted to her once (I didn't ask her out and I actually apologised to her when she put two and two together. She said that she was fine and that we were still friends.....and then reported me to HR the next day, even though the conversation was outside of work. She hasn't worked with me since and this has been my only real-life interaction with a woman in the past two years. It has contributed to destroying my confidence along with my OLD experiences.

 

Women just plain don't like me and there isn't a damn thing that I can do about it. You can't smile and say hello now as it is classed as rape culture (Google Shoshana Roberts video) so I don't want to risk a harrassment charge by the police, especially after what my work colleague did.

[clia]

Yes, but I have no reason to speak to them other than about the job. A colleague found out that I was attracted to her once (I didn't ask her out and I actually apologised to her when she put two and two together. She said that she was fine and that we were still friends.....and then reported me to HR the next day, even though the conversation was outside of work. She hasn't worked with me since and this has been my only real-life interaction with a woman in the past two years. It has contributed to destroying my confidence along with my OLD experiences.

 

She probably stopped working with you and interacting with you because it made her feel uncomfortable that you wanted to date her. How did she even find out that you were attracted to her? What exactly did she say to HR?

 

Women just plain don't like me and there isn't a damn thing that I can do about it. You can't smile and say hello now as it is classed as rape culture (Google Shoshana Roberts video) so I don't want to risk a harrassment charge by the police, especially after what my work colleague did.

 

 

Now you are being extreme. I have men smile and say hello to me every day on the street. That's being friendly, not harassment or rape. Please don't use that as an excuse as to why you can't change your behavior.

 

I don't see how you can say that women as a group don't like you when the vast sum of your experience over the past two years has been OLD, which is admittedly difficult for some people. I actually think it's not a particularly great way to meet people. But did you ever ask anyone to review your OLD profile and pictures? I can see that you aren't a bad looking guy, but the picture you have up right now on this site is not flattering at all. If you are using that or similar pictures in OLD that may be part of your problem. Pictures are really important. And there are many things in a profile or initial email that can be a turn off.

 

What about at your gym? Do you go to any group fitness classes where you could interact with women? What about Cross Fit or something like that? Or an outdoor sporting group, since summer is starting? Volleyball, softball, kickball, tennis, etc. Those are great ways to meet people. You might even try to make some male friends. My suspicion is that your social issues are the root of your problem. I don't see how you can ever expect to meet a woman if you can't resolve those issues.

 

Anyway, the point is that the is a "damn thing you can do about it."

[Moy]

She probably stopped working with you and interacting with you because it made her feel uncomfortable that you wanted to date her. How did she even find out that you were attracted to her? What exactly did she say to HR?

 

 

 

 

Now you are being extreme. I have men smile and say hello to me every day on the street. That's being friendly, not harassment or rape. Please don't use that as an excuse as to why you can't change your behavior.

 

I don't see how you can say that women as a group don't like you when the vast sum of your experience over the past two years has been OLD, which is admittedly difficult for some people. I actually think it's not a particularly great way to meet people. But did you ever ask anyone to review your OLD profile and pictures? I can see that you aren't a bad looking guy, but the picture you have up right now on this site is not flattering at all. If you are using that or similar pictures in OLD that may be part of your problem. Pictures are really important. And there are many things in a profile or initial email that can be a turn off.

 

What about at your gym? Do you go to any group fitness classes where you could interact with women? What about Cross Fit or something like that? Or an outdoor sporting group, since summer is starting? Volleyball, softball, kickball, tennis, etc. Those are great ways to meet people. You might even try to make some male friends. My suspicion is that your social issues are the root of your problem. I don't see how you can ever expect to meet a woman if you can't resolve those issues.

 

Anyway, the point is that the is a "damn thing you can do about it."

 

Why would any woman at the gym want to be spoken to by me when they are just concentrating on their workout and there are a host of Jeff Seid lookalikes that they'd rather be spoken to by? I'm too scared to join any classes in case they feel disgusted by me being there and complain.

 

I can't see any way out of this, it's been years now and there's nothing I can do to solve it. If this is the rest of my life then I don't want to be alive anymore. Even prisoners get a cell mate.

Edited May 4, 2015 by Moy

[xxoo]

If you have no social life, you are struggling to relate to men as well as women. Why, then, have you concluded that your problem with women is due to your appearance?

 

The core issue is social interaction. This is how we make friends, connect with people, attract mates.

[Haydn]

Moy, i don`t think the issue is women. You need to find a way boost your self esteem without thinking that women don`t like you is the problem.

 

What do you like to do? Apart from working out i mean. You must have other interests? Books, films, even things you think other people wouldn`t like.

 

Maybe put a focus on those other things you like and the rest may follow without you actually noticing it.

[Moy]

Moy, i don`t think the issue is women. You need to find a way boost your self esteem without thinking that women don`t like you is the problem.

 

What do you like to do? Apart from working out i mean. You must have other interests? Books, films, even things you think other people wouldn`t like.

 

Maybe put a focus on those other things you like and the rest may follow without you actually noticing it.

 

I like lots of things. I get to do them all alone indoors. They haven't really helped much.

 

The issue is women. I've been called ugly by them non stop for the past two years, and I'm very lonely and frustrated to the point where I don't want to be alive anymore. At least men nod and say hello in the street.

Edited May 4, 2015 by Moy

[Taramere]

Make an appointment with your GP. You're in a very bad place, and you're posting about personal issues on a public site - with your photo attached. To me, that's a cry for help (and honestly, I think you should be more careful to protect your identity). Be proactive. Go and get that help. Start with a visit to your GP outlining the thoughts you've been expressing on here.

[clia]

Why would any woman at the gym want to be spoken to by me when they are just concentrating on their workout and there are a host of Jeff Seid lookalikes that they'd rather be spoken to by? I'm too scared to join any classes in case they feel disgusted by me being there and complain.

 

People aren't going to feel disgusted by you for taking a class. You have as much right to be there as anyone. (Honestly if you feel that way, you should really seek counseling for your self esteem.) And you don't jump in and start asking for digits or getting into heart to heart conversations. Just attend class for a couple of weeks. Smile at the room. Look happy. If you make eye contact, say hello. If you do a team activity (like volleyball, softball, kickball), it will force you to interact with your teammates.

 

I can't see any way out of this, it's been years now and there's nothing I can do to solve it. If this is the rest of my life then I don't want to be alive anymore. Even prisoners get a cell mate.

 

I gave you a bunch of suggestions. So have other people. If I recall, there were even more suggestions in your other threads. If you want your life to change, you are going to have to do something differently. Complaining will get you nowhere.

[JesRabbit]

A few of you will have seen my posts on here. I'm at an all time low right now after being single for two and a half years. Now, being single for two and a half years is nothing in the grand scheme of things, but in my case I Haven't even SPOKEN to a woman in that time!!

 

I split with my ex fiancee in January 2013 (we were supposed to be getting married this month) when she met a 27 year-old Porsche owner. (I've just turned 41 by the way)

 

I signed up to POF in March 2013 after recommendations from friends.

BIG mistake. I've just deleted my profile finally this week, as I had women messaging me to give me abuse for being too short, too ugly, not muscular enough. I had women messaging me to tell me off for daring to message them in the first place, the tone of their messages being "How dare somebody as ugly as YOU message me!?"

 

This wrecked my confidence so I started hitting the gym and became a weighlifting addict. This is the only thing that I have in my life that I can gain any enjoyment from. Two years of this constantly on POF has left me scared and disillusioned of what women are attracted to and motivated by.

 

I know that your natural reaction will be "HA!!! You are an entitled jerk and this is what you get for messaging 21 year-old Sports Illustrated models!!"

 

Wrong. I've always felt bad about myself so I only message 'homely' women. Even on POF, the only women who expressed any interest in me at all were either at least 250lbs or nearly 60. In turn, this has cemented into me that this is all I am worth - morbidly obese and nearly 20 years older than me. Anyone else will abuse me for daring to say hi to them in a message.

 

This experience on OLD has spilled over into my everyday life. I cannot even look at women, let alone talk to one. I don't know what to say. I mean, we've all heard about this new thing of street harassment and rape culture whereby even smiling and saying hello is now classed as rape/sexual assualt (Google it, it was a big thing amongst feminism before they moved onto manspreading)

 

How do you say hello to a woman without being a creep? I've also got some - let's say "autistic" tendencies from childhood so I have trouble reading non-verbal signals and due to my low self-esteem I can't look at people when I talk to them so they in turn think I'm being arrogant.

 

I feel like I'm exiled from society. I hate this. I miss company so much, my life is spent alone. I have no friends and I'm too ugly for anybody.

 

Today, I finally took the plunge and purchased some anabolic steroids online in order to get a more muscular physique so that women might actually look at me. Drastic measures, but what else is there? I'm left with an unshakeable belief that I'm repulsive and women despise me because of it, so much so that I'm an aberration from the dating pool - heck, even the gene pool who doesn't even deserve life itself.

 

I'm crying as I type this, am I really that ugly to go years without any women even wanting to speak to me as a human being?

 

Sometimes I feel the same way,, but don't feel bad. I THINK I'm okay looking but EVERY guy I meet finds something wrong with me. What gave me hope and don't scold me for this is when I seen mayor of NY De Blasio's wife. I felt like if she can get a good-looking rich man without being that attractive so can I. You need to gain confidence in yourself so you can attract the right person. As long as you think low of yourself, you will attract women who are low on standards. Realize that everything we go through in life is a mirror of how we feel inside.

[xxoo]

I like lots of things. I get to do them all alone indoors. They haven't really helped much.

 

The issue is women. I've been called ugly by them non stop for the past two years, and I'm very lonely and frustrated to the point where I don't want to be alive anymore. At least men nod and say hello in the street.

 

In your opening post, you mentioned that you haven't spoken to a woman for 2 years. I'm assuming, then, that the women calling you ugly non stop for the past two years have been online interactions.

 

Online is an often cruel world, and is not a good substitute for real life, interpersonal relationships. Face to face, soul to soul.

 

You've isolated yourself. You need to join the real world! Get the professional help that you need for your social anxiety, and then slowly start joining some meetups that will help you rediscover the big world of kind and funny and compassionate people

[kolleamm]

Moy remember, just because someone calls you ugly or worthless does that mean you really are? Does that mean that they themselves aren't?

 

You need to find a way besides women to feel like you are not worthless.

Offer the world a skill or something, or someone some support and I guarantee you you will not feel worthless.

 

Don't let some online messages dictate your life.

 

I tried online dating again today for about an hour, sent out about 20 messages, got probably 1 reply that was a one word answer. Does it make me feel worthless that they don't like me? Nope couldn't care less. You have to develop that thicker skin, and that thicker skin comes from believing you are truly important even if women don't see it.

 

Relationships/Sex are nothing more than drugs anyway, it's more of an addiction than a true need.

[ascendotum]

Why would any woman at the gym want to be spoken to by me when they are just concentrating on their workout and there are a host of Jeff Seid lookalikes that they'd rather be spoken to by? I'm too scared to join any classes in case they feel disgusted by me being there and complain.

 

I can't see any way out of this, it's been years now and there's nothing I can do to solve it. If this is the rest of my life then I don't want to be alive anymore. Even prisoners get a cell mate.

 

A Jeff Seid gym lookalike is for the young gym hot bod women in their early/mid 20s to get googoo over. You can chat to the women in their 30s/40s there that are working out. Just give them some advice, compliment them on their progress, ask one to spot for you then start making chit chat, ask them what their goals are and how they think they are progressing, tell how you admire them for getting in amongst the guys and doing the hard stuff working out with weights (this all assumes the women are in the weight room near you and not in the treadmill /aerobic rooms).

Dude, your physique is not the boat anchor on your lack of success, its the cant talk, need to look down, cross the road issue much much more, and your past rejections have built up in your head to really kill your self esteem. If you don't want to see a therapist (the americans seem to love them), then try a psychologist who's a hypnotist.

[Pablee]

Hi Moy,

 

I would advise you to do the following:

 

Start speaking to a psychotherapist. Find a proper qualified one near you from this website:

 

BACP - British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy

 

Secondly, the gym isn't the best place to try and meet people. Join a walking club or something like that which is more social and you will make new friends.

 

Thirdly, DO NOT take steroids while you are feeling like this. They will screw up your head even more. I know what I am talking about. Keep training at the gym as it will help you somewhat, but you really need counselling as your self-esteem is extremely low.

Edited May 5, 2015 by Pablee

[Popsicle]

Lots of beautiful women were there alone too,or with a girl friend. No guys talking to them and I was all,WTF? The single guys were off to themselves and these women were just dancing by themselves.

 

You just described what it's like where I live.

[Moy]

Got a psychologist appointment this afternoon.

[Moy]

But I do need to come to terms with how my experiences on OLD over the past two years - those being my only interactions with women - have totally distorted my view of what women are like in real life. I've developed a phobia.

[guest569]

If you had higher self esteem you wouldn't give a crap about what a few strange women said. I think that's the key. You're not ugly, you're not 'too skinny', women are not the problem. Hope the GP and psychologist can help you to force a change in your attitude and false beliefs you have about yourself.