elaine567 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 But I do need to come to terms with how my experiences on OLD over the past two years - those being my only interactions with women - have totally distorted my view of what women are like in real life. I've developed a phobia. I did wonder about that when you had to dash out of that night out you went on, and you had to go home. I am so glad you are seeking help. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moy Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 I did wonder about that when you had to dash out of that night out you went on, and you had to go home. I am so glad you are seeking help. Good luck. I feel terrible about that, especially as I have no social life now. That was my only real night out this year, and it was cut short by me not being able to cope with being surrounded by beautiful women! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I've gathered now that women aren't ever going to like me until I'm dead so that they won't have to look at me anymore - so you've no worries about me taking that advice above onboard. Go see a therapist. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moy Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Go see a therapist. Got an appointment later on. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I feel terrible about that, especially as I have no social life now. That was my only real night out this year, and it was cut short by me not being able to cope with being surrounded by beautiful women! Moy OLD is and has not been your only interaction with women... You have been talking to us. Some of us are women... You are not afraid of us... Just thought I would point that out... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moy Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Moy OLD is and has not been your only interaction with women... You have been talking to us. Some of us are women... You are not afraid of us... Just thought I would point that out... Yes, but you're not looking to size me up/judge me on my unattractiveness though. This is a discussion forum, we all seem to meld into one in this environment, I guess. I wouldn't dare look at any of you in the street, though! Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Yes, but you're not looking to size me up/judge me on my unattractiveness though. This is a discussion forum, we all seem to meld into one in this environment, I guess. I wouldn't dare look at any of you in the street, though! How do you know? We are just another community after all and we chase off the ones who we deem to be unpleasant characters and you have assimilated well into our little community... You have several people who regularly comment on your threads and follow your comments... As for the street. You would have no idea if you were talking to one us! We could be the girl who served you in Asda... we could be the chap who served you at the petrol station... Just saying... Your very hard on yourself but you are not giving yourself credit for how far you have already come since you joined. When you arrived here you were bitter, angry and stressed. Your still stressed but you rare less bitter, less angry and you are trying to get appropriate help so that you can combat your daemons... Thats a pretty big jump in a short space of time don't you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moy Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 How do you know? We are just another community after all and we chase off the ones who we deem to be unpleasant characters and you have assimilated well into our little community... You have several people who regularly comment on your threads and follow your comments... As for the street. You would have no idea if you were talking to one us! We could be the girl who served you in Asda... we could be the chap who served you at the petrol station... Just saying... Your very hard on yourself but you are not giving yourself credit for how far you have already come since you joined. When you arrived here you were bitter, angry and stressed. Your still stressed but you rare less bitter, less angry and you are trying to get appropriate help so that you can combat your daemons... Thats a pretty big jump in a short space of time don't you think? I honestly can't see that as I'm too consumed with the loneliness, fear of women and the shame of not being attractive enough for them. I've just been put on anti-depressants after today, so that really isn't going to appeal to anybody, is it? Link to post Share on other sites
empresario Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Moy: I feel for you. I really do. Your problem is not one of physical appearance. I PROMISE you. This is coming from a guy that was the brunt of every joke until I was 23. Now I'm the guy that every other dude wants to be (and women want to date). That's not to sound cocky, it's just how life has gone for me. But that was never the case in my youth. In fact, I was beat up in high school by the chess club. Routinely. True story. I was the same. I thought I was ugly. I thought I was out of shape (O.K., I was definitely out of shape). I thought I was awkward. I thought I had no value. But you know what the difference is between 23 year old me and today version of me? I have confidence. I let each success build off the last. Genetically, I haven't changed one iota. I look attractive, healthy, and have success. And it's a transition. Instead of sounding like an infomercial about how to make millions working 1 hour a month...I'll stop ranting now. I'm going to send you a PM of an article I think may help. If I'm way off base with what I send, I apologize. EDIT: Actually, I have no idea how to send PMs on this board. So I won't until I figure it out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moy Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Moy: I feel for you. I really do. Your problem is not one of physical appearance. I PROMISE you. This is coming from a guy that was the brunt of every joke until I was 23. Now I'm the guy that every other dude wants to be (and women want to date). That's not to sound cocky, it's just how life has gone for me. But that was never the case in my youth. In fact, I was beat up in high school by the chess club. Routinely. True story. I was the same. I thought I was ugly. I thought I was out of shape (O.K., I was definitely out of shape). I thought I was awkward. I thought I had no value. But you know what the difference is between 23 year old me and today version of me? I have confidence. I let each success build off the last. Genetically, I haven't changed one iota. I look attractive, healthy, and have success. And it's a transition. Instead of sounding like an infomercial about how to make millions working 1 hour a month...I'll stop ranting now. I'm going to send you a PM of an article I think may help. If I'm way off base with what I send, I apologize. EDIT: Actually, I have no idea how to send PMs on this board. So I won't until I figure it out. Thanks man. I don't think you can PM until you have a certain number of posts. Link to post Share on other sites
empresario Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Yeah that's probably the case. I added you to contacts to see if that helps. If not, I will wait until I can PM and send the link. It's a book actually, not an article. It helped me change my life around. I didn't even know people like me existed (you will understand when you read it). But you and I are a highly studied phenomenon. I won't forget to send it when I can. I promise. If the contacts thing works I'll send it right away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moy Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 But you and I are a highly studied phenomenon. We are? Yikes! Link to post Share on other sites
empresario Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 We are? Yikes! Unfortunately, yes. If I am gauging the whole thing correctly, at least. Keep hope alive. You will get through this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moy Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Unfortunately, yes. If I am gauging the whole thing correctly, at least. Keep hope alive. You will get through this. I'm curious to know what you're getting at! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Moy: I feel for you. I really do. Your problem is not one of physical appearance. I PROMISE you. This is coming from a guy that was the brunt of every joke until I was 23. Now I'm the guy that every other dude wants to be (and women want to date). That's not to sound cocky, it's just how life has gone for me. But that was never the case in my youth. In fact, I was beat up in high school by the chess club. Routinely. True story. I was the same. I thought I was ugly. I thought I was out of shape (O.K., I was definitely out of shape). I thought I was awkward. I thought I had no value. But you know what the difference is between 23 year old me and today version of me? I have confidence. I let each success build off the last. Genetically, I haven't changed one iota. I look attractive, healthy, and have success. And it's a transition. Instead of sounding like an infomercial about how to make millions working 1 hour a month...I'll stop ranting now. I'm going to send you a PM of an article I think may help. If I'm way off base with what I send, I apologize. EDIT: Actually, I have no idea how to send PMs on this board. So I won't until I figure it out. Empresario, I apologize for getting a huge laugh out of your line about being beat up by the Chess Club, but that is priceless. It was worth it just to have that story to tell the rest of your life. If you have indeed unlocked the mysteries of the Holy Grail, there are a lot of guys on this board who will be indebted to you, so I hope you qualify for PMing soon. Link to post Share on other sites
empresario Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Empresario, I apologize for getting a huge laugh out of your line about being beat up by the Chess Club, but that is priceless. It was worth it just to have that story to tell the rest of your life. If you have indeed unlocked the mysteries of the Holy Grail, there are a lot of guys on this board who will be indebted to you, so I hope you qualify for PMing soon. Glad I could make you laugh, haha. Actually, it for the sake of not divulging too much personal information I will fully disclose it wasn't the chess club. But I assure you the real club was even MORE embarrassing. Yes. There is a more embarrassing faction than the chess club (when I was that age). We're talking bottom of the dumpster. If I ever get a chance to PM I will tell and you will laugh even harder. I guess I see the humor in it now. At the time, not so much. I ended up having to change schools. A real life "The New Guy"...only without the resulting high-school infamy. And college made high school memories seem pretty damn cheery! . Maybe someday I'll give the full story. For now just browsing and helping where I can. Thanks for the good words. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moy Posted May 6, 2015 Author Share Posted May 6, 2015 Glad I could make you laugh, haha. Actually, it for the sake of not divulging too much personal information I will fully disclose it wasn't the chess club. But I assure you the real club was even MORE embarrassing. Yes. There is a more embarrassing faction than the chess club (when I was that age). We're talking bottom of the dumpster. If I ever get a chance to PM I will tell and you will laugh even harder. I guess I see the humor in it now. At the time, not so much. I ended up having to change schools. A real life "The New Guy"...only without the resulting high-school infamy. And college made high school memories seem pretty damn cheery! . Maybe someday I'll give the full story. For now just browsing and helping where I can. Thanks for the good words. Yeah, the chess club line made me laugh, too! Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 You know if a girl is hating on you it's pretty much as good as if she's loving on you. Any kind of strong emotional reaction either way and you're golden. You just have to learn how to handle it. Link to post Share on other sites
calvincline47 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 A few of you will have seen my posts on here. I'm at an all time low right now after being single for two and a half years. Now, being single for two and a half years is nothing in the grand scheme of things, but in my case I Haven't even SPOKEN to a woman in that time!! I split with my ex fiancee in January 2013 (we were supposed to be getting married this month) when she met a 27 year-old Porsche owner. (I've just turned 41 by the way) I signed up to POF in March 2013 after recommendations from friends. BIG mistake. I've just deleted my profile finally this week, as I had women messaging me to give me abuse for being too short, too ugly, not muscular enough. I had women messaging me to tell me off for daring to message them in the first place, the tone of their messages being "How dare somebody as ugly as YOU message me!?" This wrecked my confidence so I started hitting the gym and became a weighlifting addict. This is the only thing that I have in my life that I can gain any enjoyment from. Two years of this constantly on POF has left me scared and disillusioned of what women are attracted to and motivated by. I know that your natural reaction will be "HA!!! You are an entitled jerk and this is what you get for messaging 21 year-old Sports Illustrated models!!" Wrong. I've always felt bad about myself so I only message 'homely' women. Even on POF, the only women who expressed any interest in me at all were either at least 250lbs or nearly 60. In turn, this has cemented into me that this is all I am worth - morbidly obese and nearly 20 years older than me. Anyone else will abuse me for daring to say hi to them in a message. This experience on OLD has spilled over into my everyday life. I cannot even look at women, let alone talk to one. I don't know what to say. I mean, we've all heard about this new thing of street harassment and rape culture whereby even smiling and saying hello is now classed as rape/sexual assualt (Google it, it was a big thing amongst feminism before they moved onto manspreading) How do you say hello to a woman without being a creep? I've also got some - let's say "autistic" tendencies from childhood so I have trouble reading non-verbal signals and due to my low self-esteem I can't look at people when I talk to them so they in turn think I'm being arrogant. I feel like I'm exiled from society. I hate this. I miss company so much, my life is spent alone. I have no friends and I'm too ugly for anybody. Today, I finally took the plunge and purchased some anabolic steroids online in order to get a more muscular physique so that women might actually look at me. Drastic measures, but what else is there? I'm left with an unshakeable belief that I'm repulsive and women despise me because of it, so much so that I'm an aberration from the dating pool - heck, even the gene pool who doesn't even deserve life itself. I'm crying as I type this, am I really that ugly to go years without any women even wanting to speak to me as a human being? You have to realize a few things, man. First, OLD is built entirely for women to succeed, not men. It is not surprising that you are doing poorly there because most men do. Women tend to go for the same types of men. In addition, the entire western world is established to cater to women. So, as a man, you are at a disadvantage from birth. The only way to be successful as man is to either have model looks, bend over backwards for women, or work the system (that is stacked against you) to your advantage, which is certainly possible. So, again, don't take the lack of interest personally. It likely has nothing to do with you. And stop letting women's reactions affect you so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 There's actually nothing wrong with the OP, other than his feeling that there is something wrong with him. Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Just wanted to shout out Moy. I'm so sorry for your pain man. Agree completely with what others have said here. It's not your looks. You've become a prisoner of your own warped perception of yourself. It's reached a point where it's poisoned your self-belief and now is threatening to drag you under. Keep posting man. Stay on the anti-depressants (keep trying till you find one that works for you). I'm 36, on anti-depressants, in no where near as good a shape as you, yet I get dates regularly. I'm just an average looking guy. Once you've gotten a handle on your social phobia and negative self image, things will start to turn around. Keep posting man. Hang in there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
2011 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 A few of you will have seen my posts on here. I'm at an all time low right now after being single for two and a half years. Now, being single for two and a half years is nothing in the grand scheme of things, but in my case I Haven't even SPOKEN to a woman in that time!! I split with my ex fiancee in January 2013 (we were supposed to be getting married this month) when she met a 27 year-old Porsche owner. (I've just turned 41 by the way) I signed up to POF in March 2013 after recommendations from friends. BIG mistake. I've just deleted my profile finally this week, as I had women messaging me to give me abuse for being too short, too ugly, not muscular enough. I had women messaging me to tell me off for daring to message them in the first place, the tone of their messages being "How dare somebody as ugly as YOU message me!?" This wrecked my confidence so I started hitting the gym and became a weighlifting addict. This is the only thing that I have in my life that I can gain any enjoyment from. Two years of this constantly on POF has left me scared and disillusioned of what women are attracted to and motivated by. I know that your natural reaction will be "HA!!! You are an entitled jerk and this is what you get for messaging 21 year-old Sports Illustrated models!!" Wrong. I've always felt bad about myself so I only message 'homely' women. Even on POF, the only women who expressed any interest in me at all were either at least 250lbs or nearly 60. In turn, this has cemented into me that this is all I am worth - morbidly obese and nearly 20 years older than me. Anyone else will abuse me for daring to say hi to them in a message. This experience on OLD has spilled over into my everyday life. I cannot even look at women, let alone talk to one. I don't know what to say. I mean, we've all heard about this new thing of street harassment and rape culture whereby even smiling and saying hello is now classed as rape/sexual assualt (Google it, it was a big thing amongst feminism before they moved onto manspreading) How do you say hello to a woman without being a creep? I've also got some - let's say "autistic" tendencies from childhood so I have trouble reading non-verbal signals and due to my low self-esteem I can't look at people when I talk to them so they in turn think I'm being arrogant. I feel like I'm exiled from society. I hate this. I miss company so much, my life is spent alone. I have no friends and I'm too ugly for anybody. Today, I finally took the plunge and purchased some anabolic steroids online in order to get a more muscular physique so that women might actually look at me. Drastic measures, but what else is there? I'm left with an unshakeable belief that I'm repulsive and women despise me because of it, so much so that I'm an aberration from the dating pool - heck, even the gene pool who doesn't even deserve life itself. I'm crying as I type this, am I really that ugly to go years without any women even wanting to speak to me as a human being? Moy I've been single for at least 3 years and had absolutely no confidence, low self-esteem and started having anxiety attacks as I am now approaching 40 and hopeless at dating/talking to women, but I got myself out to a few meetup groups and slowly but surely things are starting to change, I've been flirting/dancing with Women and got a number from one and meeting up on Saturday so you see it can happen. I can understand your frustration but it's bringing you right down and will make you really unattractive i.e. socially. Never mind your looks how many guys do you see, not that great looking, short stumpy fat but with a decent chick on their arm, come on you see it all the time. I'd also see a therapist maybe to get your frame of mind switched. PM me and I can give you a link to a guy's blog that does really good dating advice and training, it's not crappy pick up artist stuff I found it really good. Link to post Share on other sites
calvincline47 Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 I can understand your frustration but it's bringing you right down and will make you really unattractive i.e. socially. Never mind your looks how many guys do you see, not that great looking, short stumpy fat but with a decent chick on their arm, come on you see it all the time. These guys need to put in a TON of effort though. Do you think if Moy was very good-looking and tall, he'd be having trouble right now? Doubtful. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 These guys need to put in a TON of effort though. And what is wrong with effort? Very few good things come along with no effort. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 Do you think if Moy was very good-looking and tall, he'd be having trouble right now? Doubtful. Moy has issues that he is now addressing with professional help. His looks in reality are immaterial actually. He may not be Brad Pitt (who is?), but he is definitely "attractive enough". His looks are not the source of his problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts