Simon Phoenix Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Here we go again .... It's a vacuum dude. Just consider it severance pay for 4.5 years, buy a new one and go No Contact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ravfour4 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 Or I could just get it and worse case scenario be upset for a day longer, best case scenario I get my vacuum back and feel fine. Are you thinking she'll find a way to Hoover me back in during the 30 second meet up? Link to post Share on other sites
Yummm Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 You won't be upset for a day, you won't be satisfied with just picking up your vacuum, it will play on your mind. Out of sight out of mind works bro, you don't need the vacuum, you don't need to encounter her again. EVERYTIME I see her during my lunch at work or in the mornings on the way to work, my heart sinks and she plays on my mind. Stay strong bro Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZoo Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Or I could just get it and worse case scenario be upset for a day longer, best case scenario I get my vacuum back and feel fine. Are you thinking she'll find a way to Hoover me back in during the 30 second meet up? Har, har...but seriously, yes. I can absolutely see her mentioning something like "We should keep in touch, meet for drinks" and it will start up all over again. If you really, truly must have this vacuum back, have someone else grab it for you. And do it now, don't wait a few weeks. Because you know that by then she'll be on the outs with this other guy and looking to play "sorta boyfriend/not really" with you again. I've read your whole saga, been following it from the beginning, and I so wish that you could just be done with her. If you could step back and look at it from an outsiders' POV, you'd see how insane it is. C'mon, man, you give others great advice, time to suck it up and start following it. We really are all rooting for you... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ravfour4 Posted June 10, 2015 Author Share Posted June 10, 2015 Thanks Ziggy! I appreciate the nice post. Usually I'm such a logical and reasonable guy who thinks through his actions. Not when it comes to break-ups, I'm impulsive as can be. I know it's insane, she whipped me around like a yoyo because that's exactly what her emotions were doing. She has no idea what to do, doesn't think and therefore just follows them blindly and I rode the roller coaster with her. I'm finally starting to see it from that outside perspective. I've felt different these past 2 days than I have the rest of this journey through hell starting to walk out of the fog. I'll probably get my vacuum back in the next day or so and be done. I doubt she'll ask for drinks and if she does, I'll decline with a no thanks. I saw her 2 days ago so the sooner the better, I agree. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZoo Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I'm the queen of "do as I say, not as I do", so I know where you're coming from. I've had to give my phone to my friends at times to keep from contacting my ex. And I still was creeping on FB right up until we went LC, so I can't talk. Just keep on trying, right? Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Don't be surprised if you ask for the vacuum and get strung along for a while. You're letting her know she has something you want, so she'll be in total control over this. Just ask for the vacuum and a specific day and time and stick to it. If it doesn't happen for that day, please, just let it go. Don't play anything else in to it. Get the damn vacuum and be done.........for now Let us know how it goes 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ravfour4 Posted June 11, 2015 Author Share Posted June 11, 2015 Texted her, she responded right away. She'll be bringing my stuff over tomorrow (apparently I left a few pans there too). I've continued to come to terms with what happened and can finally sum it up in a few sentences rather than pages of posts : Things between us got bad, partially due to me not seeing her as a future wife and therefore slacking a bit, she fell out of love and fell in love with someone else. She felt bad about hurting me when she did and logically knew we could be good, got scared of committing to the other guy, tried to force herself to fall back in love with me, didn't work, went back to a ****ty situation because she's scared of being alone. Helps me realize there was really nothing and is nothing I can do. You were all right, if this ever had a chance of working, I needed to let things play out with that dude first, spend months on myself and then maybe just maybe we could reconnect. Hindsight.... Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Right before you are suppose to her tomorrow, come back on here and re-read all the posts in your threads. Be strong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ravfour4 Posted June 12, 2015 Author Share Posted June 12, 2015 (edited) She just came over. I felt myself getting pretty nervous before she came which I didn't really expect, but I cancelled that out with this feeling/shield of numbness. When she was here, I just felt tense and weird. There was nothing for me to say. No more "let's get back together!"...she's with that other person and already betrayed me three times. No more "how are you? let's be friends"...that was just a ploy to get back with her that failed, plus I don't care how she is right now. So weird how quick people change, 2 weeks ago she was giving me a big hug, excited to see me and hopping in my bed at night. She wished me a good weekend, told me to shut the door and I'm like "...but your car is still running?" She's like "oh yeah! I have to get going". It probably was awkward and weird for her too. Then she made some comment about how maybe she'll get a dog one day and he can play with our dog.....what? then left. Well, I guess that's the last I'll see of her for a long time, potentially forever. I feel sort of ****ty, but it's just a feeling without any accompanying thoughts. Maybe because I know the distance is real now, or maybe because I've finally manned up and am acting like I should have the whole time. Very different than how I've felt every other time I saw her. Edited June 12, 2015 by ravfour4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ravfour4 Posted June 13, 2015 Author Share Posted June 13, 2015 (edited) Was a bit harder today than expected, I randomly woke up last night thinking about her intensely, like I woke up in the middle of a dream of her or something. Then she randomly texts me this afternoon, some super non-important random bs. Why? I can only presume 1 of 3 reasons: 1) feels bad and wants me to respond so she feels better 2) actually wants me as a friend now or eventually 3) somehow still wants me as plan B I responded nonchalantly like 5 hours later and she responded. i continue to notice and love a drastic change in my perception about this, if I ever think of texting her again I just think: why? There's nothing she can say that will mean anything to you, she sucks. Before I always would get so excited thinking about what she could say or how we may get back, it was like a drug. Now I'm focused on me and for the first time, I'm legitimately excited about my future, my future without her. I feel myself returning, I'm routinely reminding myself - who cares what she does, your happiness comes from you and you only and when I think that - I forget about her. And simon - I don't need any **** about responding lol. I realize how weak I looked and was before, i feel strong internal strength growing and a flip in my way of thinking about this....finally. Edited June 13, 2015 by ravfour4 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Was a bit harder today than expected, I randomly woke up last night thinking about her intensely, like I woke up in the middle of a dream of her or something. Then she randomly texts me this afternoon, some super non-important random bs. Why? I can only presume 1 of 3 reasons: 1) feels bad and wants me to respond so she feels better 2) actually wants me as a friend now or eventually 3) somehow still wants me as plan B I responded nonchalantly like 5 hours later and she responded. i continue to notice and love a drastic change in my perception about this, if I ever think of texting her again I just think: why? There's nothing she can say that will mean anything to you, she sucks. Before I always would get so excited thinking about what she could say or how we may get back, it was like a drug. Now I'm focused on me and for the first time, I'm legitimately excited about my future, my future without her. I feel myself returning, I'm routinely reminding myself - who cares what she does, your happiness comes from you and you only and when I think that - I forget about her. And simon - I don't need any **** about responding lol. I realize how weak I looked and was before, i feel strong internal strength growing and a flip in my way of thinking about this....finally. I don't buy any of this until you stop all contact with her. I'm sorry dude. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ravfour4 Posted June 13, 2015 Author Share Posted June 13, 2015 Haha! I knew you'd be back. Well keep an eye on the thread and give me loads of **** if I go back again, I'm more confident than ever that I'm moving forward and will in the near future meet a better woman or at least a few women I can have fun with. Time to focus on me and the great person I am and the even better person I can be, screw this virus of a woman who has been holding me back. What a waste of my time and effort. She's a mess that I cannot fix. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Haha! I knew you'd be back. Well keep an eye on the thread and give me loads of **** if I go back again, I'm more confident than ever that I'm moving forward and will in the near future meet a better woman or at least a few women I can have fun with. Time to focus on me and the great person I am and the even better person I can be, screw this virus of a woman who has been holding me back. What a waste of my time and effort. She's a mess that I cannot fix. Then stop talking to her. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Sorry, you know you're gonna hear it from everyone. Yesterday: "I've finally manned up and am acting like I should have the whole time. Very different than how I've felt every other time I saw her." Today: "I responded nonchalantly like 5 hours later and she responded. i continue to notice and love a drastic change in my perception about this, if I ever think of texting her again I just think: why?" That's the question all of us on here are asking now. You say you finally manned up and then you contact her. You're in or back in denial. Read some of the stuff you've posted on here and even over the last few days. You were suppose to get the vacuum and that was it. No more excuses. There is absolutely nothing there. Stop wasting your valuable time on this now and really try to move on. NC and don't break it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ravfour4 Posted June 14, 2015 Author Share Posted June 14, 2015 Progress For the first time in 5 months I think about her and feel only one of two emotions - neutrality or anger. There is no excitement, love or hope any longer. I know now, with both my mind and heart, that she is not and will not be the one for me. I road her emotional roller coaster with her like a spineless fool and I have finally hopped off the ride. When I'm alone, I'm excited and I can't wait to make large strides in my already good and successful life. She called me today - to ask how my dads celebration of life/funeral was in his hometown. I felt neutral/annoyed seeing her number call, I felt no excitement on the phone and I felt fine afterwards. I no longer craved more of her, or to see her or to be with her. I got off the phone and was focused on myself and on a concert I'm going to later this week. I'm excited to meet new friends and women. I'm excited to work out more. More than anything, I'm happy to be excited. I know - "ravfour4 you're an idiot, block her number, you must go NC", you're just on a contact high", but after climbing out of this abyss, I'm fairly confident that NC is only necessary for the emotionally devastated or weak - which I most definitely was for the past few months. I will never initiate contact with her again, nor will I accept a reconciliation attempt, but if she wants to reach out to ask how a difficult celebration was - I'll answer, and I'll be just fine. Thank you all for your help, I'll come back in a few weeks to give a progress update. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ravfour4 Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 Still thinking clearly and finally feel like I no longer love her. It's crazy to think that she felt this way about me during the last few months of our relationship and potentially during that terribly weak reconcillation attempt of hers. I could never have done that with her the way I feel right now, so distant and indifferent. The day before her bday I sent her a snide happy early bday text saying happy bday don't forget that thing you owe me (insert devil face emoji) since she ditched me on my bday and didn't get me something she said she would. She responded saying she'd try to get me it, then soon after said she was driving by our old apartments and that it was weird. I just replied ha "those were the days" in quotes like that. We didn't talk on her bday and first thing this morning she texts me saying "I got you it" (the thing I texted about). I asked when I could get it and.....nothing. Haha idk what the hell she's doing, still misses my companionship I guess? I have a few dates lined up this week and continue to feel indifferent. Things get better my friends, I just couldn't give up until I had give it my all. Once I knew I had, there was nothing more for me to do. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 When was her birthday? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ravfour4 Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 Why you asking? Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 never mind, i see it was after your last post. Ok, so you did this after just a few days ago you said, "I will never initiate contact with her again" You keep going back and will keep going back. She's not missing your companionship, you are missing hers that is why YOU keep contacting her. You're not indifferent. Not even close. You are in denial. I know because I've been there and I can see it. Your still going through the process and it will get better and something will finally hit you, but it hasn't yet. You need to just be honest with yourself and accept where you're at and work on moving forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Jesus dude.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ravfour4 Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 She reached out to me the last 5 times (texts and calls), the bday text was a response to another text of hers. I know I'm not 100% indifferent yet, but if before when after every text I sent I was anxious until I got a response and thought of her nonstop - id say I'm 70% indifferent now. Don't think about her much at all, don't initiate contact and don't worry or care if I get a response back when I respond to her Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Round and round we go. Have fun dude, I'm out. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 "Don't think about her much at all" Holy crap dude! Listen to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ravfour4 Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 I'm not going to defend myself to two much older strangers who repeat the same advice over and over. Of course I'm going to think of her when I'm on this website and she texted me earlier this morning saying she got me something that I never thought she would. My text was meant to be a rude insult, not an actual request. I went from thinking about her all the time to maybe an hour or less a day. Progress. And when I think about her, it's neutral or hatred, not hope. Progress. I don't post on here to get insulted. I post on here to vent my thoughts like a journal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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