Youngpharm Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 A more detailed story is available at Help me save my marriage please by Charlie Cid - GoFundMe. While you are there, please consider donating for us to be able to afford going to a marriage counselor. Hopefully you will gain a deeper happiness knowing you helped us get one step closer to our happiness. My wife and I got married about a year after high school. No kids but we were so in love. We've lived together for about three years at this point. While in high school my wife dated a guy much older who promised her the world and then broke her heart. Recently we've been having problems. We get into arguments and she says things like she doesn't deserve me and we are not right for each other. We have both poured out hearts into our marriage but it sounds like she just wants to give up. Not only that but she also recently confessed that she has never stopped thinking about him even though she hasn't been in contact with him. She keeps wondering what could have been with him. She wants to take some time apart and i think she is even contemplating separation even though she says she still loves me and hopes for a future with me. What I am afraid of is that if we take some time apart she will take that opportunity to reconnect with him and leave me. I'm in college and close to a high paying career and she wants to be a stay at home mother to beautiful children. If she goes with him everything will be up in the air. He doesn't have a stable job or living arrangement and no prospect on the future. After everything we have been through and everything we have accomplished I am not ready to let her go. I don't know what to do to save our marriage. I know that if we fix this, this time, we can make it forever. I just don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 IMHO, your approach wrong on many levels including the fact there are counseling resources out there in line with your financial situation. But what do I know, there are GoFundMe appeals for wedding reception and vacation funds. Me, I'd be embarrassed to ask but I get that the world has become a different place. Regardless, hope you find success repairing your marriage... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
SJS Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Does your wife know you have a GoFundMe page? With her full name posted? I would be mortified... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Talk to your Pastor of a church. That should be free. I don't think it's right to ask people to fund your MC. Save up the money and fund your own. WTF? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Does your wife know you have a GoFundMe page? With her full name posted? I would be mortified... Hadn't considered this angle, your appeal may kill the very thing you're trying to revive... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cressida Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Sorry if I'm butting in here, as a person who's never been married, but I think that your thread points out something important- the big cons of early marriage. I have never been married myself, as I said, but my younger sister got married at 24, a very early marrying age in Europe, and I have witnessed the problems myself. Again- no intention to sound like a Know-It-All person, but I think that your problems stem exactly from the fact that you married very young (right after highschool), which means being under 20, that I understand. Usually, when one spouse gets irritable and impatient and things start not to work anymore, it's the wife, not the husband. Reading what you said about your wife reminds me of my sister in her early years of marriage- exact same reaction. Your wife most likely feels that she 'hasn't lived her life' enough and 'locked' herself up in a marriage at a too young age. It doesn't have to be about the guy she used to date, particularly as she doesn't even keep in touch with him. She just makes reference to him because he's a vector of the 'old life', when she was 'free and young', unrestricted to think about whatever she wanted and do the things that she wanted as a separate individual and not someone else's spouse. A person, whether male or female, changes tremendously during their 20's. The individual at 20 will be a completely different person at 30- in terms of likes and dislikes, tastes, desires, plans, values, future ambitions, etc. Only someone who literally lives secluded from the society wouldn't evolve, primarily because it is encoded in our biology and not just socially motivated. Most early marriages end up in divorce for the same reason- highschool/college sweethearts who thought that their love was going to be fuzzy pink until forever- because they had no clue what 'forever' meant. Most kids who get married young, on a whim have no idea about normal, adult life, a marriage, a family, let alone the routine, potential financial issues, etc. I bet that when you got married, your wife had starry-eyed dreams about going to see Paris and swim with the dolphins with her hubby, hand in hand into the sunset, until 'forever' But then the lawnmower broke down, hubby had to work extra shifts for the house payment, there were some arguments with the in laws and the swimming with the dolphins never happened. She is a married woman now- no more sleeping until noon, always being with her friends, taking spontaneous trips, going shopping and dancing etc. Perhaps she checks her unmarried friends' Facebook pages and says 'damn! I wish I still had that'. Because she is not mature enough to value a marriage and the idea of a family. Of course, my above words are a simple metaphor that most probably has nothing to do with the day-to-day reality of your marriage. I do however believe that your wife is regretting having gotten married NOT because of you, but because of herself. She has some desires and plans and ideas that she thinks marriage is hindering from happening. Link to post Share on other sites
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