Will my ex's rebound fail? should i hold on or move on?

[Calidude6]

Ha and you said never be someones second option

 

I know what you mean though, although my ex has caused me all this pain and misery i know right now id have her back.

 

There would have to be a long serious chat about it first tho

 

I know it sounds contradicting but different situations. My current ex, I'm the one who should be blame for the break up so I would welcome a new start but the girl before her, she didn't treat me as half as good as I treated her. It just all depends on the relationship.

[Gwwm123]

She contacted me after 2 years, asked me if I was single I said yes, got my hopes up and guess what? It did not work, heartbroken again and disillusioned, back to square one.

 

If your ex wants you back make him/her really fight for you, don't turn yourself in like I did, one of the worst mistakes in my life.

 

The sad thing is that the moment she contacts me again I would take her back.

[Esraem]

She contacted me after 2 years, asked me if I was single I said yes, got my hopes up and guess what? It did not work, heartbroken again and disillusioned, back to square one.

 

If your ex wants you back make him/her really fight for you, don't turn yourself in like I did, one of the worst mistakes in my life.

 

The sad thing is that the moment she contacts me again I would take her back.

 

I completely understand

[DJOkawari]

Yeah she came back 6 weeks later. Huge crying apology and all. Then she left again 3 weeks later citing that we needed time apart. To be fair, we did. I was still angry.

 

1 month later she's back "you're the only guy for me". 1 month later "I just don't have feelings for you any more"

 

Haven't seen her in 2 months. Keep your wits about you everyone

 

That's what happens when you don't heal up with NC. You can't think straight and you end up getting hurt extra.

[SLee]

My ex came back within a week after my embarrassing begging/pleading crap. It was a mess for a lot of reasons and it lasted like 2 weeks with him sighting a bunch of stupid reasons that made no sense at all.

 

It's hard to, because I see exes in my own life getting back together after long times apart and getting engaged/married. But that's usually after a very long time, and everyone has moved on and people have had time to work on themselves.

 

I've come around to it now that no matter what happens in the long run, if he comes back someday or not, I need time. As was said earlier, I probably would take him back if he had a "come to Jesus" moment, but the conditions would have to be just right, and I know if it happened now, I'd be an emotional disaster while all this hurt is still fresh.

 

I have this perspective now too, that I need to work on myself and so does he, for whatever outcome. If he comes back and we're both healed and it works, GREAT. If not, I've worked on me and have gotten my life and my future in a more solid place and will be in a much better spot. Either way, I win.

[JollyDays]

It'll help you Loveless86. Well, that's just my opinion. It will probably bring some sort of closure for you, as you recognize that life goes on. There will be someone else to love eventually.

[Loveless86]

It'll help you Loveless86. Well, that's just my opinion. It will probably bring some sort of closure for you, as you recognize that life goes on. There will be someone else to love eventually.

 

I cant do it im scared it will set me back and it will make the thoughts of them together more vivid

[Loveless86]

We had a good relationship, no violence or infidelity, we loved each other spoke of marriage and kids, then she left me and went straight into a rebound with some guy she met the night we broke up.

 

I think about her all day and night, i love her she was my best friend i desperately want her back i want to hold her and see her smile at me again, it kills me to think someone else is getting that.

 

Would she be thinking about me in anyway? who knows shes probably tied up in her new fling. id like to think she is thinking about me

[Calidude6]

We had a good relationship, no violence or infidelity, we loved each other spoke of marriage and kids, then she left me and went straight into a rebound with some guy she met the night we broke up.

 

I think about her all day and night, i love her she was my best friend i desperately want her back i want to hold her and see her smile at me again, it kills me to think someone else is getting that.

 

Would she be thinking about me in anyway? who knows shes probably tied up in her new fling. id like to think she is thinking about me

 

How long did you guys date? I'm more than sure she is comparing the guy to you so yes, she is thinking about you. Such a quick turn around from you to him and typically those rebounds never work out long term.

 

Whenever two people create a foundation with each other, they'll never forget each other. She thinks about you. How much? No one will know but her. If you do NC and stick with it, she'll think about you more often than if you if smother her or talk to her.

 

Quick question and answer with your mind and not your heart. Do you really want to be with someone that broke up with you for another guy especially after meeting him that the night she dumped you? You don't deserve that and no one does.

[Loveless86]

How long did you guys date? I'm more than sure she is comparing the guy to you so yes, she is thinking about you. Such a quick turn around from you to him and typically those rebounds never work out long term.

 

Whenever two people create a foundation with each other, they'll never forget each other. She thinks about you. How much? No one will know but her. If you do NC and stick with it, she'll think about you more often than if you if smother her or talk to her.

 

Quick question and answer with your mind and not your heart. Do you really want to be with someone that broke up with you for another guy especially after meeting him that the night she dumped you? You don't deserve that and no one does.

 

We were together 18 months, I've not spoke to her since she called me to tell me she was seeing someone else, that was 2 weeks ago.

 

We went through a lot together, she told me all her secrets and her life story we cared for and loved each other

 

Then all of a sudden shes got someone else.

 

I know what you mean why would I want to be with a person who could do that?

 

I still love her

 

And I she wanted me back there would have to be a serious conversation but I know right now I'd have her

 

Maybe I've got a low opinion of myself dunno

[d0nnivain]

You are in a heartbroken place. She has already moved on.

 

Everybody has sense memory triggers. She might hear a song that reminds her of you. She might see another guy that looks like you or is wearing a shirt you own.

 

However, she is not sitting around dwelling on you the way you are thinking about her.

 

As good as you thought the relationship was, she didn't think it was so great. If she had, you would still be together.

 

So to answer your Q, no, she's probably not thinking about you. You on the other hand need to think about yourself. Do things that take your mind off her. Give yourself time to heal.

 

Hang in there.

[crimsontactics]

Oh, you can be sure she will be...

 

Just like CaliDude said, she will be thinking of you, but in a way which you won't really be liking if you have even a single grain of self-respect in you.

 

She is comparing you with her new partner. You're Plan B.

 

I know, cause my first love did exactly what your ex is doing to you. Cheated on me, dumped me and started to throw breadcrumbs at me to keep me around as a safety net.

 

So please, for your own sake, go NC and move on!

[Loveless86]

Thanks for all your comments, youre all right!

 

I wont be second best to some rebound

[Satu]

One of the keys to healing is to turn your attention away from your ex, and back onto yourself.

 

Some people find that very hard to do, but it really helps.

[Loveless86]

One of the keys to healing is to turn your attention away from your ex, and back onto yourself.

 

Some people find that very hard to do, but it really helps.

 

its very hard to do

 

i was in so much pain and sorrow at first

 

but after a month the anger is creeping in, a lot better emotion as far as coping is concerned

[Satu]

its very hard to do

 

i was in so much pain and sorrow at first

 

but after a month the anger is creeping in, a lot better emotion as far as coping is concerned

 

Anger is often the turning point where real recovery begins.

[loveiswar101]

I look at it this way...

 

Marriage of 10 years crumbled, then found out she had slept with someone...in a way it gave me closure that if she can do that she has no right in my life.

 

Current 2.5 yr on/off relationship. She told me she wants space, now I really love this woman, if she comes back and wants try again...i probably would....but if she went to see GIGS and went with someone...for me that's it.

 

I'm no second choice.!!!

[Loveless86]

Okay so my gf of 18 months broke up with me 5 weeks ago, the night she broke up with me she met a guy in a bar and is with him in a long distance rebound.

 

I was in emotional and physical pain for the first few weeks, im slowly getting better, i keep thinking of the negatives about her and why it would not have worked.

 

Its still very painful knowing shes moved on and no longer wants marriage and kids and a future with me that she always talked about.

 

I find this site a very good venting outlet and all the support ive had so far has been amazing.

 

I just wanted to know peoples best ways of coping with a loss and moving on.

 

I still find myself moping about thinking of her with this new guy and it tears me up inside, i still love her. I need to forget now

[Mrlonelyone]

There really is no way but time to get through the pain of a break up. Go NC and focus on those parts of your life that will never leave with an ex.

 

You were there before her and you'll be there after her.

[Loveless86]

There really is no way but time to get through the pain of a break up. Go NC and focus on those parts of your life that will never leave with an ex.

 

You were there before her and you'll be there after her.

 

Thanks man! im getting there slowly im starting to get angry instead of upset which is helping.

 

She called me 2 weeks ago to tell me shes seeing this bloke, ive done NC since then.

[Jimmyjackson]

Even if everyone who had commented on this had their exes come back, doesn't mean yours will...

 

Every situation is different, asking others if their exes came back won't answer your question as it's not your situation.

 

Try not to think about this, what happens will happen.

[stopping]

I was slamming down NC and she said the only thing that would make me break it. She started talking about us and wanting to get married. We would talk about honeymoon locales and dates and such...

 

Know what?! All of it was a ruse so that she could have me on the back burner. Some undetermined date while I lived an hour away. Real nice until she stopped feeling guility or afraid of being alone....

 

Then the same old behavior was coming in it...talk about wanting space/break so I just nipped it in the bud and went NC

 

even if they come back sometimes they dont feel the need that they have to change also....

 

its just more of the old thing and better off finding something new

[Mrlonelyone]

My parents. If you ask them they have been together since 1973 or 1975 so long they don't remember. But...I remember the problems they overcame to do that.

 

At one point they were broken up my father living in California and my mother in Illinois. They both dated other people very seriously for a large part of that time...about 2 years.

 

Eventually my father moved back home. They were not together right away. It took another couple of years for them to really be together again.

 

 

So yes a couple can get back together if they both want it.

 

 

What they did:

1. Limited contact to only the really needed level
   
2. Saw other people and learned how much they had already.
   
3. Took their time getting back together.
   

 

 

I got back together with an Ex who I wrote about here and called her S. S and I dated/hung out on and off in the Early 2000's. She was of an ethnicity that arranges marriages. So we could not "date" but we did fool around until that is I left one school to go to another and so did she. We reconnected a few times. The last time I found her in the phone book and when I knocked on the door she was happy to see me. We had one more good year after that. This was back at a time when cell phones were not common, FB barely existed and so forth.

 

We had NC for years, saw other people, but like young people we were not as deliberate about getting back together.

 

Getting back together is possible but it is not likely. Most of the time when people move on they don't move backwards.. Many people view it as having made mistakes, learned a lesson and they take that lesson to their next relationship which makes it better than the last. Those same people often don't want to work on a relationship when it's not so great.

 

 

 

What I have learned from looking at my parents, elders, friends, and my own relationships is this. We all have to judge whether or not a relationship is worth fighting for and working on and know when to let go. If you just go NC and let go every time there is a break, then you will never be one of those people like my parents who can count 40+ years of togetherness.

[Jonp219]

My parents. If you ask them they have been together since 1973 or 1975 so long they don't remember. But...I remember the problems they overcame to do that.

 

At one point they were broken up my father living in California and my mother in Illinois. They both dated other people very seriously for a large part of that time...about 2 years.

 

Eventually my father moved back home. They were not together right away. It took another couple of years for them to really be together again.

 

 

So yes a couple can get back together if they both want it.

 

 

What they did:

1. Limited contact to only the really needed level
   
2. Saw other people and learned how much they had already.
   
3. Took their time getting back together.
   

 

 

I got back together with an Ex who I wrote about here and called her S. S and I dated/hung out on and off in the Early 2000's. She was of an ethnicity that arranges marriages. So we could not "date" but we did fool around until that is I left one school to go to another and so did she. We reconnected a few times. The last time I found her in the phone book and when I knocked on the door she was happy to see me. We had one more good year after that. This was back at a time when cell phones were not common, FB barely existed and so forth.

 

We had NC for years, saw other people, but like young people we were not as deliberate about getting back together.

 

Getting back together is possible but it is not likely. Most of the time when people move on they don't move backwards.. Many people view it as having made mistakes, learned a lesson and they take that lesson to their next relationship which makes it better than the last. Those same people often don't want to work on a relationship when it's not so great.

 

 

 

What I have learned from looking at my parents, elders, friends, and my own relationships is this. We all have to judge whether or not a relationship is worth fighting for and working on and know when to let go. If you just go NC and let go every time there is a break, then you will never be one of those people like my parents who can count 40+ years of togetherness.

 

Wonderful stories, they kind of make my situation seem awful.

There were a lot of feeling hurt in mine, too much arguing and my insecurities got the best of me. Its been three months and she hasn't reached out once and I've broken NC twice. Once two weeks after the break up and other time was a little more than a month ago.

 

Although I don't feel as bad as I did in the beginning, I still have this modicum of hope that once I've make some improvements she will come back. Sometimes I have a difficult time forgiving myself but it's getting easier. I can't help it with the hope, it just comes with the territory. Eventually, that too will fade into the background.

 

I need to get it through my thick skull that every time she thinks of me she's going to think of this insecure, controlling guy who could of had so much more going for him. She's never going to revisit our relationship, she could probably look under a rock and find something better than what we had.

 

Although I have made a considerable amount of improvements and will continue to do so despite what happens, I know this summer is going to be difficult. I know I will have tears in my eyes when I think about the times we hung out in central park. I know I will have tears in my eyes when I think about sitting in her backyard while her dog runs around the grass. I know I will have tears in my eyes when I remember going to her favorite bands concert last year in Jones Beach and remembering how much having me there meant to her. And I know I will have tears in my eyes thinking about when we use to go to the corner store to get a frozen yogurt in the scorching heat in the middle of July.

 

Sorry for the post, but this just made me think about a lot.

[tobrieornottobrie]

That's really hard, I'm sorry you're hurting right now. Do you have any hobbies that you really enjoy? Do you like to read? Take some time to read a favorite book, or go for a run, if you like to exercise. Do you have family close by that you can go enjoy some time with? Could you go on a weekend trip with some friends? Just some different ideas, I hope that it gets better for you. Hang in there.

 

 

 

 

the brie's cheese knees