Will my ex's rebound fail? should i hold on or move on?

[Loveless86]

That's really hard, I'm sorry you're hurting right now. Do you have any hobbies that you really enjoy? Do you like to read? Take some time to read a favorite book, or go for a run, if you like to exercise. Do you have family close by that you can go enjoy some time with? Could you go on a weekend trip with some friends? Just some different ideas, I hope that it gets better for you. Hang in there.

 

 

 

 

the brie's cheese knees

 

My Sisters, aunty and my best friend have been brilliant listening to me whine for the last 3 weeks. Ive got a new job and gonna take up running, also gonna make an effort to be more sociable. Need to learn to be happy on my own, its been difficult but i'll get there. Thanks for your support.

[Loveless86]

Mornings are by far the worst if never wanted to hold her so much and tell her I love her

[OldRover]

I've had two Ex's come back (actually I went back to them, as I was the one that left). They both worked out pretty well, and I could have stayed with either for a lifetime. The one I eventually left for good had a serious insecurity issue that was impossible to deal with at times, with very violent outbreaks totally trying to destroy me with word of hate, distrust, etc.... totaly unwarranted. And several stupid things triggered that and made me paranoid about everything I said or did. It eventually destroyed us, even though I was still very much in love with her. I often wonder if I could have cured her problem with help, but I will never know.

 

The other Ex is still with me.

 

Both ladies had issues, and I had some too. (we all do). It's how one handles their issues and works hard to keep their lady happy... and she appreciates it.

 

Yes, Ex's can come back and things work out great!

[Ruby65]

Almost all the people who post here have been left by people who won't be coming back.

 

It's not up to the Dumpee to decide whether or not a relationship is "worth fighting for".... it's up to the person who ended the relationship to either change their mind or not.

 

I was a Dumper and changed my mind and had a successful longterm reconciliation. However, my ex wasn't trying to stay in contact or "fight" to get me back. He accepted the breakup and was moving on with his life.

 

This is the best course of healing for anyone who's been dumped.

 

IF your ex ever changes their mind, you won't have to "fight" for them -- you won't have to do ONE SINGLE THING. If they want you back, they'll make it happen.

[Esraem]

Almost all the people who post here have been left by people who won't be coming back.

 

It's not up to the Dumpee to decide whether or not a relationship is "worth fighting for".... it's up to the person who ended the relationship to either change their mind or not.

 

I was a Dumper and changed my mind and had a successful longterm reconciliation. However, my ex wasn't trying to stay in contact or "fight" to get me back. He accepted the breakup and was moving on with his life.

 

This is the best course of healing for anyone who's been dumped.

 

IF your ex ever changes their mind, you won't have to "fight" for them -- you won't have to do ONE SINGLE THING. If they want you back, they'll make it happen.

 

Exactly. Dont sit still. Move on, date. dont just stare at the door. If it is meant to be they will find you. At that point you get to make the decision. Yea or Nea.

 

It is hard to let go of someone you love. I still love my STBXW with all my heart. She is leaving to live with the OM since she cant support herself, but I get to keep my daughter . I dont see her situation getting better, I see the trainwreck coming, I want to protect her, but it is no longer for me to do. I am going to move forward for my daughter and I, if she decides to come back, I will have to think real long and hard.

[Mrlonelyone]

Almost all the people who post here have been left by people who won't be coming back.

 

It's not up to the Dumpee to decide whether or not a relationship is "worth fighting for".... it's up to the person who ended the relationship to either change their mind or not.

 

I was a Dumper and changed my mind and had a successful longterm reconciliation. However, my ex wasn't trying to stay in contact or "fight" to get me back. He accepted the breakup and was moving on with his life.

 

This is the best course of healing for anyone who's been dumped.

 

IF your ex ever changes their mind, you won't have to "fight" for them -- you won't have to do ONE SINGLE THING. If they want you back, they'll make it happen.

 

That's partly right. No amount of "fight" for someone will make them like you if they just don't like you.

 

The dumpee has to make it clear that the door to reconciliation is still open. Ruby if the dumpee in your situation had cut all contact, never answered the phone, never answered an email, blocked you completely on all social media, would not even open the door if you knocked...etc, etc..... you couldn't come back to him.

 

Plenty of dumpers have anxiety about the very idea of wanting the ex back.

 

 

The reason, the root cause, for the break up is of more importance than who is the dumper and who is the dumpee, or if it was mutual.

 

• For example if one or both cheated or found someone better, more attractive or more compatible then reconciliation is unlikely.
  
• If there was abuse and the abused party has had enough of it then reconciliation isn't going to happen.
  
• Say both parties have demanding careers that take up all of their time, so they can't spend quality time. That usually does not change (This is why so many Hollywood types can't keep a relationship between them.)
  

 

 

Other reasons to break up can make reconciliation easier if they change. External conditions made the relationship too hard to keep it working.

 

• LTR became an LDR
  
• Emotional or mental issues (immaturity, drinking, drugs)
  
• Hostile social environment for the couple.
  
• Money issues.
  

 

 

The only sign one can have that a dumper may want to get back together is that they reach out to you. The only sign that a dumper can have that reconciliation is possible is that they reach out.

 

At the end of the day relationships involve the risk of rejection. If one never takes that risk they will never get a relationship.

[OldRover]

.......

 

• LTR became an LDR
  
• Emotional or mental issues (immaturity, drinking, drugs)
  
• Hostile social environment for the couple.
  
• Money issues.
  

 

 

Dumb question but what's and LTR and LDR? (hate acronyms)

[TunaCat]

Dumb question but what's and LTR and LDR? (hate acronyms)

 

LTR- Long Term Relationship

LDR- Long Distance Relationship

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

While we're on the subject, what does GIGS mean? And WS? I see a lot of abbreviations in the Other Man/Woman section I don't get, lol. Sorry, but it would help me understand the forum a little better. Maybe someone could make an abbreviations post so we all know what they are.

[Esraem]

GIGS - Grass is Greener Syndrome

WS - Wayward Spouse

[Van Norden]

As someone said here or in another thread, that someone has gotten his/her ex back doesn't mean that (y)ours will be the same case. And it's completely normal that the vast majority of users in LS are bittersweet on this, otherwise we wouldn't be posting here and would be enjoying our lives with our rekindled beloved ones.

 

This being said, I'm the first one guilty trying to find solace in such kind of topics. And based on the shortness of our relationship, each day I'm more and more skeptical on it. Dunno, if you're looking for some uplifting words, check the GIGS syndrome thread by user homebrew, but you should consider moving on since no one is really sure of what the future holds.

[tobrieornottobrie]

Maybe morning would be a good time for you to start a new routine? Start running as soon as you get up, make yourself a well balanced breakfast once you get back, and prepare yourself to face the day. Routine will help take your mind off of everything and exercising first thing in the morning is a great habit to start. I'm sorry it's hard for you right now. Continue spending time with your family and friends. Keep your chin up, friend!

 

 

 

 

the brie's cheese knees

[LifeNomad]

just think that shes happy and that alone should make you feel a little better, even though its not with you.

[SheleftmeforMichael]

Find something else to live for besides her or the memory of her.

 

Focus on you. Find a new hobby or something that you've always wanted to do but never could while you were with her. Experience and renew the interests you had to put side or on the back burner when you were with your ex.

 

Focus on the people in your life that matter to you. An example I have to give off this is after my break up in December of last year (a week before Christmas... What a blow) i was pretty much lost mentally for the beginning of 2015 (January to March). I let it affect my work. I'm a manager of a team of people at my job and i put them on the back burner and neglected properly managing them due to the grief and emotions that i was feeling at the time. They all noticed the pain i was going through and did their best to console me, but I wasn't listening. It was only until one of my teammates/friend had not one but two deaths in his family (Lost sister to suicide and his his unborn child the day before he was to be birthed) within the span of a month apart. He was crushed and needed support to get through this tough time. It put my life in perspective and made realize that I shouldn't be lamenting over a person that has moved on and doesn't want to be with me nor in my life. I needed to put my time and energy towards people who want to be apart of my life and those that are in it. I needed to be there for my teammate/friend and for my team that i had neglected as they mattered to me and looked to me for guidance. Focus and invest your time in the people that matter to you most and are in your life whether they be family or friends or colleagues. Don't waste your time on those who don't care about you or only do so at their convenience.

[candie13]

you're doing all the right things except for one. Start dating. this puts things into perspective. Meet new women, new stories, new thrills. Slowly, it will take your mind off from her.

 

I mean it. Really. Go on dates. 5 weeks is long enough to mourn. Now get out and do some hunting

[Hawaii51]

Just have to put it behind you, chap. That's it. Seriously. YOU made that love, and you will do it again

[guest569]

Mornings are by far the worst if never wanted to hold her so much and tell her I love her

 

I agree, mornings are awful. Are you on your own? If so, staying with a friend or relative for a while helps a lot. Just having someone nearby. Surround yourself with friends and family as much as possible. It's ok to mope, but keep doing things you love and just keep moving and time will do it's thing.