Itspointless Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Its all happened far too quick which is the hardest thing to swallow, she clearly didnt care for me as much as she said. Maybe it was good of her to tell me but id rather not know and im guessing she kind of enjoyed rubbing it in. Do not be to hard on yourself, I am sure she meant what she said to you in the past. I am guessing she is young, young women can be fickle. It does not say anything about you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveless86 Posted May 4, 2015 Author Share Posted May 4, 2015 Yeah i suppose youre right she was 19/20 whilst we were together. Fickle is certainly the word 18 months together and shes straight off with the first guy to show her attention Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveless86 Posted May 4, 2015 Author Share Posted May 4, 2015 Has anyone looked at their exs new bf or gf on facebook out of curiosity? and if so were you glad you did? I know i could easily find out who he is if i wanted but it would be torturing myself because i would be able to picture them together. Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Many of us have similar stories and wrestle with thoughts of them being with someone new. It sucks and its the worse possible thought you can have. I'm at the same spot though. In the end though, and this is hard to grasp initially too, it really IS about them and not a reflection of us. Yes of course we play our parts and they respond to us, but if at the end of the day you went as far as you could go without fundamentally sacrificing yourself and who YOU are to be someone else, then it is about them and THEIR choices. She is choosing this at this point in her life. Now you have choices too and when you feel better a world of possibilities will await you. It may be a bit lonely going solo at first, but a new box is being opened. You'll see. Take heart my friend. P.s. read Rudyard Kiplings poem "If." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Has anyone looked at their exs new bf or gf on facebook out of curiosity? and if so were you glad you did? I know i could easily find out who he is if i wanted but it would be torturing myself because i would be able to picture them together. Yup. Due to NC after my divorce (which any girl will tell you is the best way to upset me), I went and had a look at lots of stuff a former tech guy might get his hands on. In fact, she never told me who the guy was. I pieced it together with clues and found them. Where they live, what they're up to, pretty much everything one could find online. Stalker level: Expert Be careful though. When you see that pic of her kissing the new guy, it gets a little rough... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Nope. Don't want to know. If she hasn't come back to me then he's probably "better" in her eyes (im just an average guy and he's probably a military hero lol). Sigh. They can have each other as far as I'm concerned. I'm on the way to "better" myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveless86 Posted May 4, 2015 Author Share Posted May 4, 2015 Her with someone else is the worst part to come to terms with but i have to focus on myself and try to keep busy and try to remember why she wasnt right for me, its just like the hardest thing in the world going through a bereavement like this whilst he probably feels like its christmas. ( whoever he is ) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveless86 Posted May 4, 2015 Author Share Posted May 4, 2015 Yup. Due to NC after my divorce (which any girl will tell you is the best way to upset me), I went and had a look at lots of stuff a former tech guy might get his hands on. In fact, she never told me who the guy was. I pieced it together with clues and found them. Where they live, what they're up to, pretty much everything one could find online. Stalker level: Expert Be careful though. When you see that pic of her kissing the new guy, it gets a little rough... I never want to see that picture, staying away from facebook the bloody thing does more harm than good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveless86 Posted May 4, 2015 Author Share Posted May 4, 2015 Nope. Don't want to know. If she hasn't come back to me then he's probably "better" in her eyes (im just an average guy and he's probably a military hero lol). Sigh. They can have each other as far as I'm concerned. I'm on the way to "better" myself. I heard on the grapevine that my ex is with some "Big ugly guy" which kind of makes it more insulting in a way. I still dont want to see them together. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Even if her relationship with the new guy fails, her path forward does not lead her backwards to you. Sorry. Do not hold out home. Work on healing so you will be ready to pursue a healthy new relationship 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TrevorDia Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 I most definitely looked him up, you know "Know your enemy" and all that. I had to find out if there was anything illegal I could put him away for. Turns out he's as plain as boiled cabbage. Can't believe she chose him. But, "OMG he's so hot and funny". Yeah, let's see how hot he is when I burn his house down. (No, I have no intention of burning anything) It didn't make me feel any better though. Especially when I saw the pics with my ex. In fact, my exact reaction (only a few days ago) was to punch through my laptop screen. Ahhh, isn't "love" such a blessing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Has anyone looked at their exs new bf or gf on facebook out of curiosity? and if so were you glad you did? I know i could easily find out who he is if i wanted but it would be torturing myself because i would be able to picture them together. i did, when i was still grieving -- it actually helped me because it finally hit me that it was over, that he truly doesn't love me and that he truly moved on. seeing him happy with someone else and already planning a life with another person, seeing how he DOESN'T regret anything or thinks about me... it allowed me to move on to acceptance. as far as the person goes... didn't care about her at all. it was more about him and what that relationship meant for ME. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveless86 Posted May 4, 2015 Author Share Posted May 4, 2015 i did, when i was still grieving -- it actually helped me because it finally hit me that it was over, that he truly doesn't love me and that he truly moved on. seeing him happy with someone else and already planning a life with another person, seeing how he DOESN'T regret anything or thinks about me... it allowed me to move on to acceptance. as far as the person goes... didn't care about her at all. it was more about him and what that relationship meant for ME. I dont think i could physically bring myself to do it, id be scared it would set my back and make me worse, shes dead to metime to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Snip: I think the hardest thing to stomach is all the times she'd say "i love you" "i dont want anyone else" and all the talk of marriage and kids, i thought she was genuine. Thanks again I'm sure that she meant those things when she said them. You should proceed under the assumption that you will never get back together. I know that isn't what you want to do, but it's the best way forward. Seeing it that way, means you won't be investing your time and energy into something that has a very low probability of turning out the way you'd like it to. Focus on your self and your immediate circumstances. You'll get over this eventually. It will take some time, but you'll get there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveless86 Posted May 4, 2015 Author Share Posted May 4, 2015 Even if her relationship with the new guy fails, her path forward does not lead her backwards to you. Sorry. Do not hold out home. Work on healing so you will be ready to pursue a healthy new relationship What makes you so sure? Im starting to come to terms with the fact that even if it does fail im not going to be her second option, its hard when you love someone tho. Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 What makes you so sure? Im starting to come to terms with the fact that even if it does fail im not going to be her second option, its hard when you love someone tho. Well, the biggest part is that she's 20 and in college. Its a new and exciting time for her when she will be growing and changing rapidly. Plus, there is this concept of college and the whole "you only live once" thing which I'm sure she'll be influnced by. As I said before, it will probably take her 5 years AT LEAST to get out of this stage and maybe even a couple more as she settles into a career and new place (and then you have to deal with the "I am woman, like Sex in the City/I won't settle for less then the men the media says I DESERVE, phase.) By that time, you'll have gone through changes yourself. You'll have met other, professional women emerging from the above, and those who will have more wisdom and hopefully appreciation for you. Imagine how awesome that will be guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 I don't have the balls, cojones, or the testicular fortitude to check my exes Twitter page. Maybe in a year I'll check if she doesn't hit me up. But no, staying away that ****, even though I've been getting the urge to check lately Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 What makes you so sure? Im starting to come to terms with the fact that even if it does fail im not going to be her second option, its hard when you love someone tho. She was 18 when you started dating. She's 20 now & realizing all the options life has to offer. Young woman are fickle. She is at a stage where she wants to sow wild oats. That will take her on a path away from you. Sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveless86 Posted May 4, 2015 Author Share Posted May 4, 2015 Well, the biggest part is that she's 20 and in college. Its a new and exciting time for her when she will be growing and changing rapidly. Plus, there is this concept of college and the whole "you only live once" thing which I'm sure she'll be influnced by. As I said before, it will probably take her 5 years AT LEAST to get out of this stage and maybe even a couple more as she settles into a career and new place (and then you have to deal with the "I am woman, like Sex in the City/I won't settle for less then the men the media says I DESERVE, phase.) By that time, you'll have gone through changes yourself. You'll have met other, professional women emerging from the above, and those who will have more wisdom and hopefully appreciation for you. Imagine how awesome that will be guy. Shes having a hard time in college she told me she hates it shes suffering from anxiety, i tried to support her through it but didnt tell her what she wanted to hear. She told me this new guy phones her every day and is more supportive which is good for her but upsetting for me to hear how easily ive been replaced. Like i said i should forget about her and focus on myself but unlike her im finding it hard to turn off my feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveless86 Posted May 4, 2015 Author Share Posted May 4, 2015 Dont check it i think it will only make things worse total no contact is the way to go 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Well, that will change for her too. It will get easier for her there just like it will for you. Do me a favor... watch this and as you do remember two things... 1. She ended it with you. (Go No contact) 2. When she left you and chose someone else, she CHANGED. She isn't the same person you remembered in regards to her feelings toward you. Also know, that because she's in college, that she WONT be the same person when she emerges from college. Why would you still want her ( your ex ) if she i…: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveless86 Posted May 4, 2015 Author Share Posted May 4, 2015 Well, that will change for her too. It will get easier for her there just like it will for you. Do me a favor... watch this and as you do remember two things... 1. She ended it with you. (Go No contact) 2. When she left you and chose someone else, she CHANGED. She isn't the same person you remembered in regards to her feelings toward you. Also know, that because she's in college, that she WONT be the same person when she emerges from college. Why would you still want her ( your ex ) if she i…: Thanks that did help ive not spoke to her in 10 days and have no intention of getting in contact with her, the reality of her having changed is difficult to accept but i dont have a choice i suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 He has great videos. He's a good guy. And unfortunately, no choice. Link to post Share on other sites
JollyDays Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Funny that I came upon this conversation, because I received a notification on April 30th telling me that one of my exes just joined Facebook after all these years, and it freaked me out. First, how would FB know that I would be interested in her joining the site? Did she send a Yahoo blast to all of the Yahoo messenger buddies saying that she joined FB and I was on that list (still)? Furthermore, what's even more creepy is not only did it tell me that she joined, but it automatically sent a friend request to her. Now I feel embarrassed, and awkward as ****, since I never sent her a request. How can you send a request when your FB was DEACTIVATED earlier in the day? It feels all kinds of creepy and ****ed up to me. In any event, perhaps she was trying to friend request me and FB made a glitch? Since I've found out that she joined Facebook, I have felt depressed and anxious as all hell waiting for the moment that she plasters her man (I'm guessing that she's in a relationship) all over the ****ing place. My situation is different, since we broke up 10 years ago, but since that split, we only had one brief (and testy) interaction through Yahoo messenger a few years ago---she initiated contact with me, and I didn't take too kindly to it. But I still love her in my own way. Yeah, I'm an idiot for pain, but you just can't stop loving someone because they moved on. You just have to keep pressing ahead and living too. Link to post Share on other sites
Familia Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I had the joy of seeing my ex of 7 years and 2 months break up with her new man, It hurts and hurt alot thinking of him doing everything I used to do with her, although in many ways it has helped me move on knowing its over, whilst its painful I am glad it happened. I was laughing inside that he was bald I am proud of my head of hair hahaha 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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