Wow my ex and her new bf already moving in together

[fireflywy]

I never begged or pleaded ever not even from the beginning. I even told her "ok well I'm not going to convince you to stay with me" when we were breaking up.

 

If anything I'd been acting like my usual self afterwards when we started texting though me initiating more than usual was out of character for me which is why I though ok enough of this I'll just ask to get together and if she says no I'll peace out.

 

Also she threatened to block me and told me to stop texting her initially (month after the break up) when she mentioned a new guy and I said "it's funny someone you've just met is already making you "very happy" but ok :)"

 

I didn't want her hating me so I apologized and then we started texting casually to the conclusion of the interaction.

 

Well, then you answered your own question. She kept talking to you, she didn't hate you, but she isn't with you. She isn't NOT with BECAUSE you texted her and communicated with her, she isn't with you because the separation began before the post break up communications complexities took place. Remember that.

 

You are okay my friend. I think, and I'm not an expert, that you are worried about how she sees you because you want her back. The truth is though, while she sees you as a good guy, she doesn't see you in a relationship perspective anymore. While it sucks, and as I said before, at least you know she doesn't hate you and that's a major WIN for you if you have any doubts because it should assure you that you have good qualities to take into a future relationship.

 

Even if she did (for you other readers concerned with an ex hating you) that is simply the EXES perception of you, a subjective quality that has no reality as long as you fix whatever fault you have (therefore showing you ARE a decent human being worthy of love) and foster positive qualities.

 

So, in the end. You're fine. The relationship has a very, very, very low chance of rekindling at this point and you should walk away for a now and not care how you were seen post breakup (which you were seen as worthy of communicating with for the most part!). When you do embrace this, when you walk on, other destinations will open up to you.

Edited April 12, 2015 by fireflywy

[fireflywy]

Disregard my above post. I just saw that you WERE doing this to get her back.

[BC1980]

When I reached out she made a point to tell me she's seeing someone she's serious about and how happy he makes her (without me asking)

 

Figured at that point my only "in" was to be on friendlier good terms

 

Ouch. She told you how happy she is with someone else. I mean, she's really trying to get you to move on.

[BC1980]

I never begged or pleaded ever not even from the beginning. I even told her "ok well I'm not going to convince you to stay with me" when we were breaking up.

 

If anything I'd been acting like my usual self afterwards when we started texting though me initiating more than usual was out of character for me which is why I though ok enough of this I'll just ask to get together and if she says no I'll peace out.

 

Also she threatened to block me and told me to stop texting her initially (month after the break up) when she mentioned a new guy and I said "it's funny someone you've just met is already making you "very happy" but ok :)"

 

I didn't want her hating me so I apologized and then we started texting casually to the conclusion of the interaction.

 

Even if you don't literally beg/plead, the vibes you can put off are those of someone who wants to beg/plead. People are usually pretty perceptive with these types of things. Sending these texts every few weeks or so, asking to walk her dog together, it's all very transparent.

 

If someone has threatened to block you and has asked you to stop texting, you need to respect that. It shouldn't even get to that point, though it often does. I know it's difficult, but you are just digging your grave deeper by texting her. She is with someone else, so it's no longer appropriate to be in her life.

[say_what]

Yeah I know this now. I guess what's bothering me is that I may have come across in a negative light to her. It's kind of eating away at me because that's not who I am at all. It's crazy how being fueled by emotions can hijack logic.

 

Is this something that will always be associated in her perception of me or does it fade?

[lana-banana]

Yeah I know this now. I guess what's bothering me is that I may have come across in a negative light to her. It's kind of eating away at me because that's not who I am at all. It's crazy how being fueled by emotions can hijack logic.

 

Is this something that will always be associated in her perception of me or does it fade?

 

Yes, it will fade in time; even severe crazy fades in time. But the point here is that her opinion of you no longer matters. She is not your girlfriend anymore and she's been painfully clear that she's moved on. Block her number, block her social media profiles if you haven't already, and start thinking about the next lovely lady to enter your life.

[Simon Phoenix]

She doesn't hate you, she just wants you to go away. The fact that she threatened to block you and you still kept texting her undermines any "cool" you were trying to portray. You would have been better off saying "fine, I'm done with this" than trying to kiss her ass.

 

It doesn't matter what she thinks though. It's time for you to face facts and recover. I doubt she hates you. If anything, she's indifferent

[say_what]

She only threatened to block my number when I questioned how happy she is with someone else. It was a little extreme, she could have just ignored me.

[BC1980]

She only threatened to block my number when I questioned how happy she is with someone else. It was a little extreme, she could have just ignored me.

 

It doesn't really matter what she texted back. What did you expect when you asked her that? I would be offended if an ex asked me that. Yeah, she probably should have ignored you, but you basically poked her to get a reaction. So you got a reaction, and, predictably, it wasn't a reaction that you liked.

 

Look, we've all made mistakes after a breakup and done things we know cringe at. The only thing you can do is learn from it and leave her alone. Honestly, the best thing you can do for your image is to leave her alone. Time might soften her view of you or make her forget some things. Most likely, she will become more indifferent as time goes on, which is about the best you can hope for. Eventually, you won't even care yourself, which is the best place you can be.

[say_what]

Trust me I have no intention of contacting her anymore.

 

I honestly feel SO embarrassed now in reflection. I hate that she saw through my attempts as being just a "friend" I just hope that's not her lasting impression of me as a "manipulator"

[say_what]

Ok so a quick run down:

 

Dated my ex for 8 months. Broke up in November after only two "conflicts" she said she wants someone who accepts her 100% for who she is.

 

 

We started dating 2/3 months after she left a 2 year relationship. This makes me feel like I was a rebound. I'd like some opinions on this theory, she wanted me to move in 3 months into the relationship and kept pressing it I told her no let's wait a year. We only saw each other on weekends as she lived an hour away. Now in hindsight I'm realizing she's the type to jump from relationship to relationship (maybe but seems that way) and doesn't like being alone.

 

 

I'm curious if by me pacing the relationship, not moving in and forcing her to be alone 5 days a week caused her to develop real feelings for me rather than just needing someone (rebound)?

 

 

Another, I found out she started dating someone new after she joined Match a month after our breakup and started seeing this new guy in Janury "seriously" (so my previous suspicions that she left me for her ex were false) and they've been dating for 3 months and he's moving in!! Same time frame she wanted me to move in except he's doing it where as I thought best we wait longer.

 

 

Now on paper this guy seems like an "upgrade" compared to me in terms of a better paying job and some other skills, he's older, and is recently divorced with a kid so might have better relationship experience than me. Idk.

 

 

My ex told me she left her ex before me because he wanted kids so it's funny she's with someone who has one. Also one of the reasons she dished out to me when she left was because of my "job" when conveniently she had started getting in financial despair.

 

 

I'm curious on opinions about the situation. I can't help but compare myself to this new guy (I know I know I shouldn't) but since in her mind she "upgraded" due to him having a better job it does sting a little.

Edited May 4, 2015 by say_what

[Chi townD]

 

My ex told me she left her ex before me because he wanted kids so it's funny she's with someone who has one. Also one of the reasons she dished out to me when she left was because of my "job" when conveniently she had started getting in financial despair.

 

 

I'm curious on opinions about the situation. I can't help but compare myself to this new guy (I know I know I shouldn't) but since in her mind she "upgraded" due to him having a better job it does sting a little.

 

 

Dude, think outside the box a little. If this dude was previously married and has a kid, then he's not better off than you are.

 

 

Sure, he might have a better job, but once they deduced alimony and child support, he probably makes the same as you do.

 

 

And if you think you want more out of life and better financial opportunities for yourself, then go back to school. Find a career field that pays a lot, is in high demand and has more opportunities to hire from and go for it!

 

 

Sure, it's going to be a lot of work and study, but things worth going for don't come easy but they are attainable.

[Diezel]

I'd like some opinions on this theory, she wanted me to move in 3 months into the relationship and kept pressing it I told her no let's wait a year.

 

Are you so surprised then that she already is living with someone else when she tried to do the same with you?

 

This is her M.O.

 

She wants to play house.

 

I'd say you dodged a bullet. Instead of comparing yourself to him, you should probably feel sorry for him.

[Moy]

 

Also one of the reasons she dished out to me when she left was because of my "job" when conveniently she had started getting in financial despair.

 

 

Why were her finances YOUR responsibility? What gave her the right to shame you for not earning enough for HER needs? That is disgusting.

[say_what]

Why were her finances YOUR responsibility? What gave her the right to shame you for not earning enough for HER needs? That is disgusting.

We had this arrangement that SHE came up with that since I drive an hour and help her out with house work etc when need be that she'd pick up little things like dinner.

 

In the end "I should have known to contribute more since it was fair"

[say_what]

Dude, think outside the box a little. If this dude was previously married and has a kid, then he's not better off than you are.

 

 

Sure, he might have a better job, but once they deduced alimony and child support, he probably makes the same as you do.

Good point. From what I gathered he makes really good money so who knows. But reason this bummed me out a little is it just made it seem like money is more important, like our relationship was fake after all was said and done.

[Twigyy]

I used to think that my ex upgraded too. New guy is taller, stronger, able to eat with her cos I'm vegetarian, etc. But it's not the case. It will never be an upgrade or a downgrade, because everyone is unique in their own ways. Unless she is with your twin brother, but you are you, made up with all the qualities that makes the best out of you. Those people who think that they upgraded just don't know how to appreciate others.

[Moy]

My ex left me for a 27 year-old who drives a Porsche. She's with somebody else again now.

[Chi townD]

Good point. From what I gathered he makes really good money so who knows. But reason this bummed me out a little is it just made it seem like money is more important, like our relationship was fake after all was said and done.

 

 

And you don't think his Ex wife and her lawyer knew this too?

[say_what]

And you don't think his Ex wife and her lawyer knew this too?

Haha awesome

[Chi townD]

Good point. From what I gathered he makes really good money so who knows. But reason this bummed me out a little is it just made it seem like money is more important, like our relationship was fake after all was said and done.

 

 

Well, to some women, money is important They want to know that they are provided for. Have all their needs met. But, you got involved with the wrong class of woman.

 

 

See, the minimum requirement for a lot a girls is if the guy can at least take care of himself BUT also has goals and motivation to meet those goals. Example, if a girl gets with a guy that doesn't have a lot of money and lives in a one bedroom studio apartment she my be okay with that. Because this guy is also in an intensive Chemical Engineering PhD program. Okay, break it down, he doesn't have a lot now, but is motivated for something more. And if he's motivated with his own goals, then he can be motivated when starting a family and providing for that family when the time comes and girls find that trait attractive. It shows a strong man with a steadfast ambition.

 

 

There are two types of women when it comes to relationships. There are ones that WANT a man and those that NEED a man. Big difference between the two.

 

 

The girls that NEED a man is the type of girl that wants the man to take care of her every need and buy her things and takes care of her financially.

 

 

The girls that WANT a man are usually strong independent women that have career's and want to be with a man. They could say to you , "Look, I was doing fine before you came along. I don't need to be with you. However, I WANT to be with you because I fell in love with you and there's no other place in the world I would rather be." See the difference between the two?

 

 

Now, take a scientific wild ass guess which girl you've been messing with.

[say_what]

Well, to some women, money is important They want to know that they are provided for. Have all their needs met. But, you got involved with the wrong class of woman.

 

 

See, the minimum requirement for a lot a girls is if the guy can at least take care of himself BUT also has goals and motivation to meet those goals. Example, if a girl gets with a guy that doesn't have a lot of money and lives in a one bedroom studio apartment she my be okay with that. Because this guy is also in an intensive Chemical Engineering PhD program. Okay, break it down, he doesn't have a lot now, but is motivated for something more. And if he's motivated with his own goals, then he can be motivated when starting a family and providing for that family when the time comes and girls find that trait attractive. It shows a strong man with a steadfast ambition.

 

 

There are two types of women when it comes to relationships. There are ones that WANT a man and those that NEED a man. Big difference between the two.

 

 

The girls that NEED a man is the type of girl that wants the man to take care of her every need and buy her things and takes care of her financially.

 

 

The girls that WANT a man are usually strong independent women that have career's and want to be with a man. They could say to you , "Look, I was doing fine before you came along. I don't need to be with you. However, I WANT to be with you because I fell in love with you and there's no other place in the world I would rather be." See the difference between the two?

 

 

Now, take a scientific wild ass guess which girl you've been messing with.

Yes and in the beginning she seemed like the woman who "wants" a man. She even suggested I move in and live rent free just because she'd love having me there. She also offered me to get a job with one of her family members which would have been more of a "career"

 

I never complained about money or said I wasn't making enough. She was the one in debt with a higher paying job than myself. Before we met I was looking for work in a trade I have so it wasn't that I didn't seem motivated.

[Chi townD]

Yes and in the beginning she seemed like the woman who "wants" a man. She even suggested I move in and live rent free just because she'd love having me there. She also offered me to get a job with one of her family members which would have been more of a "career"

 

I never complained about money or said I wasn't making enough. She was the one in debt with a higher paying job than myself. Before we met I was looking for work in a trade I have so it wasn't that I didn't seem motivated.

 

 

True, And I never said you weren't motivated. But, you were interested in trade work (and there's nothing wrong with that, you can make some damn good money in the trades) and she suggested that you work with one of her family members for a "career" job. It's what SHE wanted you to do. You also need to be in a relationship where a woman can be proud of her man no matter what he does.

 

 

I have a couple that are friends of mine. She is a General Surgeon and he's a grade school teacher. Obviously, she makes a hell of a lot more than he does, but they're happy. He loves teaching and she loves being a doctor. But, they set that aside and when they're together, they're just husband and wife. And she proud of what he does. Never looks down on it, she loves the fact that he teaches and inspires kids. And she also confessed to my wife that she kinda finds it sexy that he's able to handle, teach and care for his kids in his class. Sorta makes him look like great father material. Apparently, women think of this stuff in the big picture.

[say_what]

Yes I agree. The "career" she wanted me to take with family member was in the trade I'm skilled at actually. It's just she wanted all this to happen at the 3 month mark when she kept bringing up moving in together.

 

When I told her let's give the relationship a year so it's a solid foundation of trust, I figured the job etc would come into play then since I was an hour away.

[say_what]

Update: Woke up to a FaceTime call by my ex this morning. I didn't answer it and wasn't sure if it was intended for me. Kind of random.

 

Do I ask about it or leave it be?