RenJen Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Hey all. I want to thank everyone who read and replied to my original post. Take a look for more context if you want. For anyone new, here's the basic info: -Both my husband and mine's second marriage. -Married for 10 years. -Had an affair that I found out about last year. My first husband also had an affair that led to the eventual end of our marriage. -We both have children from our first marriages. Mine: 22 yr old daughter. His: 20 year old son, and 18 year old daughter. All 3 live away at their universities. -He and I had a child together who is 8 years old now. -We are still legally married and have been living in the same house. I spent a year being heartbroken, depressed, and angry. It was an unhealthy environment for everyone. We are more amicable now, but I'm coming around that cohabitation isn't going to work. -My husband is a great provider, but not a very good father, as in he doesn't spend time with his children and isn't really interested in spending time with them. -He's a workaholic and sees no value in people unless they make a lot of money. He works two full time jobs, one in the evening and one in the morning, but never quit one so that I could help provide and contribute financially. Obviously, someone needed to be around to take care of our daughter. -I made a lot of mistakes in my first marriage that eventually pushed my first husband away and led him to his affair. This time I was determined to make it work and I loved him very much. I was really nothing but a good and faithful wife who took care of all 4 of the kids and kept house. -Finally, I'd like to divorce, I think. Because of his work schedule and disinterest in children, he'd give me custody of our daughter. But of course he will be able to see her when ever either of them like and I have no interest in being mean or vindictive, especially when it comes to children. So, I've been really stagnate this past year. After 10 years of living comfortably and being a stay at home mom, a divorce is terrifying. Even though I would get child support and alimony (again, I'm not interested in taking him for all he's worth, I just would like what I'm legally entitled to.), I would have to jump right back into full-time work almost immediately. Even though I'm well educated and good at my work (I'm an RN with 30 years experience) the thought is just really overwhelming. My husband wants to keep our house which is a large 4 bedroom home, for just himself. He offered to buy me a second house. My eldest daughter thinks that's BS, and that since he cheated he should leave, and not get to keep the house that I took care of and helped raised the children in. I just want it all to be done. A while ago my brother referred me to a lawyer friend of his. I never went through it, because I was so depressed and in the midst of all this chaos. BUT, after hearing all your advice and listening to my eldest daughter (who's very wise for her age-proud mom moment, sorry.) I'm going through with the consult next week. I really took in the statement that posters wrote that "It's better for a child to be from a broken home than in one". My eldest agreed, after living with me and my first husband (her father) through our rough marriage. I'm really scared. I've always had anxiety issues. I know what I want to do, but the actually taking action is the difficult part, if that makes sense. It may sound really stupid and selfish of me, but I have a fairly comfortable life despite my husband. Doing all of this AGAIN with the lawyers and the division of property and what not is disheartening and overwhelming. I'm trying to be strong and brave, especially for the sake of my 8 year old, but this is still a lot to handle. Has anyone else been in a similar situation or can relate? How did you get strength and be brave? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I'm really scared. I've always had anxiety issues. I know what I want to do, but the actually taking action is the difficult part, if that makes sense. It may sound really stupid and selfish of me, but I have a fairly comfortable life despite my husband. Doing all of this AGAIN with the lawyers and the division of property and what not is disheartening and overwhelming. I'm trying to be strong and brave, especially for the sake of my 8 year old, but this is still a lot to handle. Has anyone else been in a similar situation or can relate? How did you get strength and be brave? I don't care if it's your first divorce or your Mickey Rooney-ish eighth, the change that results from separation is a scary proposition. We all had to ask ourselves this question: Is my fear of the unknown greater or less than my dissatisfaction with present circumstances? If your unhappiness is greater than your fears, moving forward is a pretty pleasant alternative. You may not be there yet, nothing wrong with that... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RenJen Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Thank you so much for your reply. My friends and family having been practically screaming "DIVORCE HIM!" over and over at me, lol. I know they mean well, but hearing words like yours is very reassuring. That's a great question, and I think I will be asking myself that a lot in the very near future. And I've been moving to the point over the past year of moving forward and getting on with my life. I didn't at first because of this huge fog I was in for so long mentally and emotionally. But I feel myself moving that way, so I think that's progress in some way. I tend to do these things in baby steps. When I'm hurt I tend to just shut down and not take action. Bad habit I've done my whole life that I'm still trying to unlearn in my 50s. But like I said, I'm moving that way. That's all I can really do. Finding the courage and strength. Link to post Share on other sites
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