My mom is so rude to my girlfriend who has been nothing but sweet

[RonaldMcDonald]

I'm 21 and few weeks ago my 19 year old girlfriend got kicked out of her dads house by his new wife because they needed my gfs bedroom for her kid. She had a job and everything but they just tell her to get out and she's walking around on the streets until I pick her up and take her to my house where I live with my parents. My mom wasn't thrilled about my gf moving in but she seemed to accept it at first. But lately my mom gets onto her for random little things she didn't even do. My girlfriend has a new job here and has been nothing but kind and trys to stay out of the way but my mom just targets her. If something goes wrong, goes missing, anything my gf is always the first to be blamed. It has makes her so uncomfortable and anxious and it saddens me because she dealt with that enough at her dads house. It's getting to the point of my mom yelling at my gf and it makes her cry. She doesn't handle stress or being yelled at very well at all. I tried talking to my mom one time while my gf was at work and my mom just starts ranting about how she wants my gf out of the house. I'm afraid my mom is going to do exactly what my gfs dad did to her and kick her to the streets. We are struggling to save enough money for our own place and this isn't making it any easier and my gf has suffered the most.. What can I do to make my mom see that and that what she's doing to this poor girl is taking a toll on her. She doesn't deserve this treatment. I hate seeing my gf walk around on egg shells here. I always have to save her because she really seems fearful in this house.

[Phoenician]

Ronald ,

 

few questions to better understand the situation :

-She was your girlfriend before , how was she treated at that time by your mom ?

-Did you talk to your mom before bringing the girl , at the end it is her house right ?

-do you work ?, are you independent , or you are dependant on your parents ?

 

Your mom has fears that she is loosing control on you , if you have been a spoiled child it is time to stand by your feet.

[RonaldMcDonald]

Do you mean how she was treated before moving in? She was treated fine. All the cornering, blaming, and yelling happened a few weeks after movong in.

I did tell my mom but it was really short notice. Her stepmom kicking her out was totally unexpected. After the new wife moved in she basically said "out of the house now."

I work just like my gf but it's minimum wage so even though we make money we still depend on my parents for a place to live.

[CC12]

Your girlfriend may not deserve that kind of treatment, but it's not like she's being forced to stay at your mother's house against her will. She's free to leave at any time, as are you.

 

I think the solution to this problem is to have your girlfriend move out (with or without you) instead of trying to change your mother's behavior. That's really the only answer.

[Taramere]

I feel bad for your girlfriend, and I'm guessing your mother does too - which is why she's allowing her to stay. But she doesn't want her there, and she probably feels "this girl's family don't give a crap about her, which is terrible - but I shouldn't be landed with the consequences of another parent being such an uncaring twat that he'd let his new wife chuck out his daughter without notice - and not even help her find alternative accommodation."

 

Is your girlfriend's mother still alive? Is she still in touch with her father and his new wife? Because I'll tell you...if she is then were I in your mother's place I would be feeling even more pissed off. don't doubt that your girlfriend's nice, that she's trying to stay out of the way and is in a bad situation...but you might consider whether it's really fair to expect your mother to open up her home in a situation where the girl's own family aren't doing a thing to help her.

 

If there isn't a housing association that can help your girlfriend with low cost rented accommodation, then she needs to look into flat or apartment sharing. That's generally been what most young people do when they first leave home and are working in a low paid job. As a couple, you could try to find a house share with people who are willing to rent a room to a couple. If you're both on minimum wage, that might be the most affordable option.

[anika99]

Your gf needs to find other living arrangements. Your mother doesn't have an obligation to shelter and feed another adult and she obviously doesn't want to live with your gf which is every bit her right. She probably let your gf stay in the beginning as way of getting her off the streets but then your gf should have started looking into what she is going to in the longer term. Just imposing herself on your mom is not the solution. She needs to move out.

[amaysngrace]

Can't she find a roommate to live with or go live with her mom?

 

Is she in school? Are you?

[eye of the storm]

You mother is stressed. She has another adult living in her house, running up her bills, taking up her space.

 

The fact that your mother allowed her to move in was great. But she should not be expected to house, feed, and support another person just because you are sleeping with her.

 

Give your mother credit for what she has done. Realize she is done. Accept it. Tell your GF to find another place to live.

 

Just because you want to house your GF does not obligate your mother.

 

I'm sorry for her situation. It sucks. But she has other resources besides your mother.

[Tayla]

I'd say its time to have a house meeting and each one of you speak your mind in a respectful way. Point towards actions /behaviors and solutions. Find a middle ground, til a move out target date can be established.

 

I sincerely think you owe your Mom an apology though for not "asking" for the gal to move in, but instead sprung it on them. Adults ask. Respecting boundaries is apart of adult relations. Sounds like this can be worked thru though...