adna89 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 My husband recently told me that when we first started dating he was in a non-serious relationship (for 7,8 months).He says it was nothing serious and he broke up as soon as he and i got serious ,,but i am still very angry and can not get over this.I keep asking him about all details,and he gets only angry when i do. What to do? is he right to be angry,am i right? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 My husband recently told me that when we first started dating he was in a non-serious relationship (for 7,8 months).He says it was nothing serious and he broke up as soon as he and i got serious ,,but i am still very angry and can not get over this.I keep asking him about all details,and he gets only angry when i do. What to do? is he right to be angry,am i right? Can you clarify, the non-serious relationship lasted for 7-8 months in total with a short overlap with you, or he was seeing her for 7-8 months whilst he was seeing you at the same time? Link to post Share on other sites
Author adna89 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Can you clarify, the non-serious relationship lasted for 7-8 months in total with a short overlap with you, or he was seeing her for 7-8 months whilst he was seeing you at the same time? He was with her for 7,8 months,,and of those months 3 with me...so for 3 months he was with me and her but he says they were nothing serious and saw each other only sometimes,and neither was i serious in the start(even though he knew me way before her,and always was interested in me,just that i was not before) Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Why did this come up in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
Author adna89 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Why did this come up in the first place? because we started talking about ex Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 because we started talking about ex ALWAYS a dangerous road to go down. Did you start the conversation or him? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 He was with her for 7,8 months,,and of those months 3 with me...so for 3 months he was with me and her but he says they were nothing serious and saw each other only sometimes,and neither was i serious in the start(even though he knew me way before her,and always was interested in me,just that i was not before) Was he actually sleeping with you both at the same time? Link to post Share on other sites
Author adna89 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 ALWAYS a dangerous road to go down. Did you start the conversation or him? I did :/ i know i should have not now Link to post Share on other sites
Author adna89 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Was he actually sleeping with you both at the same time? Not me,we were not that serious yet,but we did kiss and go far Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I did :/ i know i should have not now That's the problem. Listen, I know you can't "unthink" it now, it happened. But this is the biggest issue I have with people when they start asking about someone else's past. They think they can deal with it, until they can't. You need to decide right now what is more important to you, your current situation or something he told you about his past. I can see why you are angry, but you asked the question. But now you are prying for more information. That's the problem, right there. If he had brought it up on his own, then sure, pry away. But the situation is different. Are you sure you want to know details? You already asked the question and the answer isn't what you expected. So what happens if you find out more? And more importantly, do you think this information is important enough to ruin a relationship or is there more to this that you aren't telling us? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author adna89 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 So i told him i want to contact her,he was against it says it is just weird and embarrassing ...does he have a right to be against ? what would you do? its embarrassing to me too ,but it bothers me he is against Link to post Share on other sites
Fugu Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I strongly advise against contacting the ex. I'm not saying that what he did was right by not telling you about it - he should have disclosed it for sure. I think it's okay to be upset about it and to communicate why you're upset, but I would not contact his ex - that's out of line. It's in the past, right? I think the key here - and what you and he need to talk about - is why he kept it a secret. You need to address that and that only. It has nothing really to do with her at this point, so you'd be way wrong in bringing her back into the relationship. You need to use this experience as a starting point going forward for mutual understanding, that there are to be no more secrets like this. That's what you need to focus on here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 IMO, he's right, you're wrong. If he was not in a serious, exclusive relationship, he had every right to date whoever he wanted, including you. You did not enter an exclusive or serious relationship with him until he broke up with her. You were casually dating. He did the right thing to break up with this ex before getting serious with you - at which time (and not before) I'm assuming your relationship became sexual. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author adna89 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 I strongly advise against contacting the ex. I'm not saying that what he did was right by not telling you about it - he should have disclosed it for sure. I think it's okay to be upset about it and to communicate why you're upset, but I would not contact his ex - that's out of line. It's in the past, right? I think the key here - and what you and he need to talk about - is why he kept it a secret. You need to address that and that only. It has nothing really to do with her at this point, so you'd be way wrong in bringing her back into the relationship. You need to use this experience as a starting point going forward for mutual understanding, that there are to be no more secrets like this. That's what you need to focus on here. He now becomes angry every time i mention it ,since i have made a huge issue about this for the last 4 days.I am guessing he did it because i was not sure,because he never knew what i was thinking or how serious i wanted to be Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Um let it go. He's with you. You dug for it and now you want to punish him for it. You will make him miserable. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 He chose you. And broke it off with her. You are giving his prior relationship way too much time and effort. Sounds like he is being honest with you. This should give you some compliment. Are you taking this as a compliment? you should, and be less upset about his past. So put on the big smile, because you know how much you mean to him and she did not. Have you told him thank you for letting you know that you are the lady he wants and wanted? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 What is the main thing that is upsetting you here? Is it trust, do you feel he betrayed you, even cheated on you, and has this shaken your trust in him going forward? He did it before so he can do it again sort of feeling. Is it the fact it was not some fairytale "love at first sight" romance for him, perhaps? Is it the fact he had what sounds like a FWB relationship? Is it because he doesn't want to discuss it and you are worried there may be more to it? ie he was sleeping with you both at the same time, or she turned him down and you were then the "chosen" one, perhaps? Are you worried he rebounded onto you? Or do you just feel helpless and frustrated because he knows about it and he won't tell you? OR Are you in fact, concerned about this relationship for other reasons and this new info is just the last straw... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 In all your threads, you're looking for reasons to be unhappy with him. Most spouses seek harmony and contentment, you're after discord and drama. Why is that? Mr. Lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author adna89 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 What is the main thing that is upsetting you here? Is it trust, do you feel he betrayed you, even cheated on you, and has this shaken your trust in him going forward? He did it before so he can do it again sort of feeling. Is it the fact it was not some fairytale "love at first sight" romance for him, perhaps? Is it the fact he had what sounds like a FWB relationship? Is it because he doesn't want to discuss it and you are worried there may be more to it? ie he was sleeping with you both at the same time, or she turned him down and you were then the "chosen" one, perhaps? Are you worried he rebounded onto you? Or do you just feel helpless and frustrated because he knows about it and he won't tell you? OR Are you in fact, concerned about this relationship for other reasons and this new info is just the last straw... I know i am his first choice,even though he wont admit it he was interested in me for long time when i was with an ex that i liked .So its not that,its more the lies In my eyes this ex is a pretty girl(i have seen her)..i am ok with me,people tell me i look good so its not that ,but i do feel jealous when i see her 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author adna89 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 In all your threads, you're looking for reasons to be unhappy with him. Most spouses seek harmony and contentment, you're after discord and drama. Why is that? Mr. Lucky Well this is the last thing i needed ,we were so close to be happy,and now i had to find out about this Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Well this is the last thing i needed ,we were so close to be happy,and now i had to find out about this Honestly it sounds like self sabotage on your part. It really does. I have no earthly idea what you are upset about. He was seeing someone else casually before you. You guys started dating and weren't serious - so he spent time with both of you. You and he got serious and he broke things off with her to focus and eventually marry you. What is the issue here?! That's how dating works. And your idea of contacting the ex (she isn't really even an ex since she was just casual) is just plain weird. Look - you are making a ton of story behind this seemingly innocuous fact. Why are you making this story? I mean there were so many other stories you could have made (e.g. My husband had options and he chose me over her - because I am so special and he really loves me). That's a much better story rather than this malignant one you are dreaming up. Or to put it another way: 6 Link to post Share on other sites
goodgirlgonebad15 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 What is the main thing that is upsetting you here? Is it trust, do you feel he betrayed you, even cheated on you, and has this shaken your trust in him going forward? He did it before so he can do it again sort of feeling. Is it the fact it was not some fairytale "love at first sight" romance for him, perhaps? Is it the fact he had what sounds like a FWB relationship? Is it because he doesn't want to discuss it and you are worried there may be more to it? ie he was sleeping with you both at the same time, or she turned him down and you were then the "chosen" one, perhaps? Are you worried he rebounded onto you? Or do you just feel helpless and frustrated because he knows about it and he won't tell you? OR Are you in fact, concerned about this relationship for other reasons and this new info is just the last straw... I think this is a good point and some good questions for the OP to consider...Why is this so important to you? And it does sound like you are the wife that snoops and looks for stuff and then freaks out over everything little thing you find because of the mind frame you are in when you go digging. I am a young woman and if the 89 behind your username is your birth year, than you are only one year older than me. I know if I was asking my husband about his exes, it would not be innocent and I probably have a motive for doing so... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 So i told him i want to contact her,he was against it says it is just weird and embarrassing ...does he have a right to be against ? what would you do? its embarrassing to me too ,but it bothers me he is against Are you trying to torpedo your relationship on purpose? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Well this is the last thing i needed ,we were so close to be happy,and now i had to find out about this Because YOU ASKED. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Self sabotage and insecurity. Get a grip on yourself OP. This is all about how you feel about yourself and nothing else. LET IT GO before your husband lets you go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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