Getting on a plane to see her after 5 months. Moving to live in Nicaragua. Terrified

[sanderson]

I'm quite scared, uncertain.

 

In less than 4 weeks i'm jetting off to Nicaragua to start a life with a local girl I met over there, 5 Months ago volunteering.

 

We've been in regular contact, mainly by whatsapp. Phone calls have been very sparse and internet / video calls: never.

 

We've had fall outs, we've ended it on a couple of occasions and got back together, and it's all been rather fragile, filled with anxiety. At times I didn't know what was happening between us, and was rather sad.

 

When we were together, all was perfect - the LDR thing has really taken its toll.

That said, we've battled through and i've bought my tickets.

 

I've bought them in hope that when we reunite there will still be something there.

 

I am terrified.

 

I am disposing of a life in the UK for a life I really am clueless about in Nicaragua.

 

 

Things have been picking up with her and I. We have spoken a lot about what is going to happen. Fears have been spoken of from her side, which are some of the reasons for our fall outs. We have cleared a lot of things up, and we both have decided to go ahead with it.

 

I need to feel positive, i need to feel secure that what I am doing is right.

 

The purpose of this thread post is to ask for your help to come up with some ways I can really gauge her thoughts and opinions, in order to get the clearest possible idea of what is actually going to happen between the both of us when I get over there.

 

I need to know her fears, her worries, concerns, her expectations, her ideas, her dreams. I need to know everything....

 

Is it right that I should need to know everything?

 

I thought about getting an email going with her. A fun Q&A email, with all my questions, and a space for her to answer.

 

 

I know I should have gathered all of this information in the past 5 months, but it is only the last 2-3 weeks she has come round to the fact that it all is a reality, and I will be seeing her soon. We are young, her mind changes quickly. At the beginning, all of our thoughts were tinted, now it's real and we're talking about rent, the tone has changed, and we need to be adult now.

[GorillaTheater]

How long were you physically with her before it became a LDR?

[sanderson]

How long were you physically with her before it became a LDR?

 

10 weeks total, 4-5 weeks intimately

 

Not long!

[GorillaTheater]

I dunno brother. It's a big leap to take for someone you haven't known long, and who has fairly recently told you that you should see other women.

 

You may want to have an exit plan in place, in case things don't work out.

[ExpatInItaly]

My advice would be to go for a holiday. Do not move there permanently. I realize you've already got your tickets, but I think you need to be very concerned that you've had so little contact with her and so little foundation to build on, and she's only been warming up over the last 2-3 weeks. It's simply not wise to move there on a permanent basis at this stage.

 

I have also moved abroad. It is a huge undertaking. It sounds like you haven't done much research, and I fear you're going to be in for a some big surprises. What do you plan to do for work? Have you looked into securing the necessary work or residency permits? Do you know how to open a bank account, obtain health care, and so on? Are you going to try to take some language classes? Do you know how to go about renting a place to live? Do not rely on this girl to help you with these things; she sounds too flaky and unsure, and you might just wind up on your own.

 

I think she's not ready. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. The fact that you can't even communicate with her about these concerns is a big red flag. Why don't you call her and speak directly to her? Email is not the appropriate context for this. Has she told you why she can't ever FaceTime/Skype/chat on webcam? She obviously has internet access if she's using What's App.

[OnlyHonesty]

I just don't get it. Time and time again, guys on this forum and everywhere else leave all of their logic behind and do things that not only make absolutely zero sense but create drama, anxiety, stress and negatives in an otherwise good life.

 

What you are doing is without the slightest doubt a mistake and you are willingly throwing away money, time and putting yourself in danger for someone you barely know.

 

I cannot even begin to describe how illogical and devoid of sense this action is. Now if you were just going for a short trip to spend some time with her then that would be a different matter.

 

Why do you feel the need to sabotage your own life?

[justwhoiam]

I do not feel like rubbing salt in the wound. Previous posters did that already.

You came here for reassurance. Now that's difficult too for any of us here.

 

People leave some logic behind when love matters come first. You got heavily infatuated and rushed into things.

 

I too think that it'd be better for you to spend more time with her. Take a sabbatical year in Nicaragua. Then you will decide. Can you do that?

[gaius]

Sanderson, I've done things in my life some people might consider hasty or unwise, but at the end of the day you only get one life. =/ And to be laying in your death bed many years from now regretting that you never went down to Nicaragua to see that girl will be worse than any defeat that might come from taking the chance and having it not work out. So I for one am happy for you.

 

I would recommend caring less about gauging what she's thinking and just go after her once you get down there and setup for yourself. The one thing you can't do is center all this around her, or it has no hope of working out.

[Timshel]

Ditto to gaius' post. You'll be fine. If there is a way in, there is a way out, if need be.

[Darren Steez]

I need to know her fears, her worries, concerns, her expectations, her ideas, her dreams. I need to know everything

 

Errrm shouldn't you have done that before going? If you haven't asked her now, why would she volunteer the info when you get there?

 

Where are you going to work, live? Do you know spanish? Do you plan to marry? What if it doesn't work out, what's your plan?

[Els]

So let me get this straight - you're planning to move to a new country for a woman you've known for 5 months and who, in that (extremely short) period of time, also 'ended things' between the two of you a few times and your entire relationship has been fraught with anxiety.

 

Dude, this sounds like a terrible idea. I'm not going to tell you 'don't go', but if you DO go you need to educate yourself on the country you are moving to and have a backup plan. If things don't work out with her, what are you gonna do? If you're planning to travel the region anyway, or have an exciting new job (and the appropriate visa) lined up, fine - at least it'll be a good experience even if you don't end up together. But if a breakup down the line is literally going to ruin your life, you have some serious thinking to do.

[Diezel]

Worst idea ever.

 

But hey, YOLO and all that stuff young people say, right?

[CherryT]

Sanderson, I've done things in my life some people might consider hasty or unwise, but at the end of the day you only get one life. =/ And to be laying in your death bed many years from now regretting that you never went down to Nicaragua to see that girl will be worse than any defeat that might come from taking the chance and having it not work out. So I for one am happy for you.

 

I would recommend caring less about gauging what she's thinking and just go after her once you get down there and setup for yourself. The one thing you can't do is center all this around her, or it has no hope of working out.

 

I want to resonate some of this. I agree, that you have one life and you shouldn't regret anything. But have you outweighed what you're giving up?

 

So, you move and it doesn't work out... going back to the UK, will that be hard? How are you moving there? I guess I'm not familiar with the immigration process.

 

I was in a LDR for 2+ years. We saw each other every 2-3 weeks (though we lived in different Countries. Our countries are neighbors and our flights were 2 hours) for 2+ years. When I moved, we got married and I have been here ever since.

 

Like you, I am someone who doesn't want to regret. But calculated risks will help your future. For me, I had a career and a home. I couldn't just up and leave even though us being in love made being apart so hard.

 

We video chatted every day. So when I moved, there was no doubt in my mind that we did the right thing.

 

If you're going for an extended 'vacation'. Where you're there for a few months to date... then have the time of your life. But if you don't have an exit strategy and you're sacrificing a lot and there's no option but for this to work... then I'd say, plan otherwise. You cannot make her love you. Yes, when you are together it might be great... but moving countries for someone, they need to be in it. For the long haul. Not 5 months.

[OnlyHonesty]

Sanderson, I've done things in my life some people might consider hasty or unwise, but at the end of the day you only get one life. =/ And to be laying in your death bed many years from now regretting that you never went down to Nicaragua to see that girl will be worse than any defeat that might come from taking the chance and having it not work out. So I for one am happy for you.

 

I would recommend caring less about gauging what she's thinking and just go after her once you get down there and setup for yourself. The one thing you can't do is center all this around her, or it has no hope of working out.

 

Most aren't saying he shouldn't go to Nicaragua to see the girl, they are saying he shouldn't put all of his eggs in one basket and move there.

 

There is no reason why he can't go there on holiday to see her and still have the option of coming back. Living life to the full does not have to mean making unnecessary mistakes. Both may be fun, only one poses unnecessary risks.