Lunay Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Is "failing to mention" something the same as lying? In my opinion it is. I find men fail to mention something, in fear of saving an argument between them and their SO. Women tend to want to know either way, it's better to be honest and have an argument then having them find out later... and eventually they'll find out anyway. It could be vice versa in your opinion, depends on the person... This is just my experience. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 In general no. However, the specifics will matter. Failing to mention that you broke our marital vows & slept with somebody else, yes, HUGE lie. Failing to mention that your EX from umpteen years ago said hello to you on the street & you chatted for 5 minutes not great but not a lie and not something that I would stir up drama about. The bigger problem in your scenario is that these two people aren't communicating. One is withholding to avoid a fight. There's not much that my husband could say to me that would cause a fight -- I may be shocked, I may be hurt, I may be incredulous but my immediate reaction is not going to be to fly off the handle & go bat**** crazy on him. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Lying by omission comes to mind. Link to post Share on other sites
badpenny Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 In the UK, we have a turn of phrase: Being Economical with the Truth. It was brought into the contemporary language by the UK Cabinet Secretary, Sir Robert Armstrong, who used the phrase during the Australian 'Spycatcher' trial in 1986. Lawyer: What is the difference between a misleading impression and a lie? Armstrong: A lie is a straight untruth. Lawyer: What is a misleading impression - a sort of bent untruth? Armstrong: As one person said, it is perhaps being "economical with the truth". What Armstrong left out (perhaps he knew but was being economical) was that the 'one person' was Edmund Burke. In 1796 Burke wrote: "Falsehood and delusion are allowed in no case whatsoever: But, as in the exercise of all the virtues, there is an economy of truth." I think that sums up the severity of the lie..... Link to post Share on other sites
Vercetti Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Little things kill. Oh so was just friendly to ex behind back and vomited out small talk I'm not privy to. How many other conversations have you had behind my back. What about your social networks , phone, and email.....Little chats here and there with former lovers. Whatever on my example. Just are small lies worth opening floodgates? After all why lie unless doing being thinking something that the other person would consider detrimental? Wife and I had issues from being overtly honest. Thing is are closer because of it and it's far better then the opposite. Lies always bite. Would you rather get the truth from husband or wife, or would you rather find out from third party and confronting? With above example, what if found out from third party wife / husband spoke with ex...what are they going to say they lied cause it was no big deal? Yay, now I know my other half can lie to me over nothing for no reason and I'll not detect it. When asked her how her day went that day, she lied to me...what about all the other days nothing out of the ordinary supposedly took place. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 What do you think? I think what it is exactly that hasn't been mentioned matters a whole lot. So what is it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lunay Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Ha. Good observation. A friend of mines fiance (B) has a female friend he goes for coffee with. This woman is in an abusive relationship and she is always telling B about her troubles. B has tried to help this woman get out of a bad situation before. She always goes back. My friend is not exactly friends with her she says, but they talk and are on good terms. She is adamant that there is nothing sexual going on between B and this woman (Who is 5 or 6 years his senior). She told me her issue is that he went for coffee with this woman and did not tell her. She said she found the womans number in his recent calls and a text saying "On my way" with nothing before or after. She mentioned to him and he told her it was to not start an argument. (I guess they have argued about the amount of time he spends with this woman). She also told me she texted this woman with her concerns, and the woman said she was clueless as to why he would hide something, that there was nothing going on like that and that she would stay away if it meant it would cause problems in their relationship. She said she doesn't think anything is going on, and B didn't care if she texted the woman. That is all I know. I am asking because I told her, to ME... failing to mention is the same thing as lying. Why go for coffee with this woman and fail to mention it? I should also add that often times when B goes and hangs out with this woman, her 21 year old son is there as well. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 It sounds like it's probably on the up-and-up from what you describe, but it's certainly something that should have been mentioned to his fiance. That fact that he hasn't is worth being concerned about, and if she's upset I wouldn't blame her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Vercetti Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Sounds legit. Only why can't she get someone else for a emotional crutch and why should someone in a healthy relationship divert thier energy over her drama. It's cusp emotional affair...what if talk of relationship issues becomes a two way street. Stranger things have happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lunay Posted May 6, 2015 Author Share Posted May 6, 2015 Sounds legit. Only why can't she get someone else for a emotional crutch and why should someone in a healthy relationship divert thier energy over her drama. It's cusp emotional affair...what if talk of relationship issues becomes a two way street. Stranger things have happened. Agreed. That's what I think, sounds like the start of an EA. She said B puts the woman down a lot (i.e. she's manly, she looked like crap today etc). I don't know what to think about that. I just don't want to be the person to put doubt and paranoia in her head if it's nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Is "failing to mention" something the same as lying? I think it is; my wife thinks it's not. However, I've noticed that, for several things which she "failed to mention", she later lied about them when asked a direct question. This is why I tend to think of omissions and lies as equivalent, or, at least, that omissions are "virtual lies" in some sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Forgetting something is one thing, not saying something that is mean and not productive is mature, knowing the answer and choosing to withhold it is a lie of omission. Link to post Share on other sites
lemoncello Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 (edited) Is "failing to mention" something the same as lying? In my opinion it is. I find men fail to mention something, in fear of saving an argument between them and their SO. Women tend to want to know either way, it's better to be honest and have an argument then having them find out later... and eventually they'll find out anyway. It could be vice versa in your opinion, depends on the person... This is just my experience. What do you think? Definitely! Omission - the action of excluding or leaving out something. A failure to do something, that one has a moral or legal obligation to do. It's always best to just be honest. Neglect, oversight, or forgetfulness to tell the truth is not a good enough excuse for me. Poet Emily Dickinson in the poem below, explores the power of how to tell people the truth without going overboard and overwhelming or offending them. Easier said than done, obviously. Tell all the truth but tell it slant — Success in Circuit lies Too bright for our infirm Delight The Truth's superb surprise As Lightning to the Children eased With explanation kind The Truth must dazzle gradually Or every man be blind — Side note: You can literally sing "The Yellow Rose of Texas" song to every E.D. poem. Edited May 7, 2015 by lemoncello Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 My two cents: “Is "failing to mention" something the same as lying? “ Yes, it is, I am not talking about the “white” lies we give each other during our life’s, I am talking about answers to fundamental questions, when asked, or to issues, that are being kept secret. No one, OK not most, is going to end a relationship over a lie of “does this make me look fat” or the occasional small purchase. Spending the 401k, in secret, or having sex with someone else will. Lying will destroy trust in a marriage, faster then anything. Once trust is gone, it is hard to get back – if ever. One has in the back of their mind, that “Yes, she maybe telling me the truth, but I need to check it out” One of the things that the BS has to decide on is that he/she must “check up” on your spouse from now on, and are they all right with that. Can they live with having to do that? I do not think a BS ever gets to the point that they will, or should, trust everything that their spouse says. Their “word” is suspect, and cannot be taken at first. This is “the insentience is lost” that people talk about. Lying has consequences, even if you may not see them at first. Lying to your spouse will lead to a divorce, or at least you never being taken at your word. I do not think that this is a deep revelation to anyone on LS. I think it is self evident. 852854 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 If the omission doesn't materially affect the other, it's not a lie. For example, you told them you went shopping at the store, and you stopped for a beer with your buddy afterward but didn't mention it, it would not be a lie, unless she was waiting for you or she had already she mentioned she had an issue with the buddy. If you did the same, but stopped to see and old GF, it would be a lie. (lying by omission). Been thru this crap with an old GF, when she ended up needed to know where I was at every instant.... I didn't need to give her that much detail, but had no problem with letting her know where I was, but she didn't believe my story regardless (which was totally truthful). It helped destroy our relationship. My comment would be it just the opposite happened, would I be affected if I didn't know something? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts