Borderline Personality Disorder

[No Foolin]

I want everyone to look up this disorder on google. "Borderline Personality Disorder". Many of us have a tendency to get involved with some very........Interesting cats. Some realtionships can be so bad, filled with drama, that in the end you are left wasted like going on a 24 hour Cutty Sark binge (not good). It is my personal opinion that there are many of these "personality" types destroying people on a daily basis.

 

I heard from the grape vine 2 weeks ago from a friend, that my ex was diagnosed "borderline", lol. Another reason why no contact rocks. "Hey No Foolin your ex is a sith lord" lol.

 

Word of caution, these people did not ask for these disorders. You don't roll down to an action alley in Wal-Mart and pick this up. You have to have one hell of a childhood to get this way. Have a little sympathy, keep your distance, keep no contact.

 

Remember when you've taken a great loss, it all boils down to you; not them. Nobody can save you. You will repeat the same mistake in relationships until you get real with yourself. THE DEFINITION OF INSANITY "Doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results".

 

No Foolin

[angelj]

that is amazing...

 

i definitely can identify quite a few of my exes with that...especially the boy i hve been frequently posting about in the friends and lovers forum. it all makes so much sense!!

 

but i ask you...what do you do? give up on these BPD people or hang on and they will one day change?

 

and are people with BPD always incapable of maintaining a normal relationship?

 

i know you wont have all the answers...but id like to hear some more insight from someone who apparently dates the exact same type of people i date!!

 

(and i thought it was always me all along...

[No Foolin]

Who we date if we are not right with ourselves tend to reflect that "unwellness". If we date more than one of these type THIS IS OUR FAULT. We are selecting them (something about recreating childhood trauma, in order to work through childhood issues). Truth

 

Some people need drama.....maybe its all they know. "Borderlines" are deadly to a non-borderline. Contact with one is a one way ticket to a shrink

 

"borderlines" are not stable, they can't hold down relationships. They literally do not have a personality. Chaos and seperation from reality, accountability, and logic is very normal.

 

Don't try to make sense of it, our mistake was thinking that we were dealing with a normal girl/guy. Its not your fault. It was like having only one half to a puzzle. You lost before it began.

 

Nobody tames a borderline, your just victimized by them. Run!!!

 

No Foolin

[ReluctantRomeo]

... BPD is notoriously difficult to diagnose.

 

In addition, all of us show some signs ("traits") of at least one mental disorder at subclinical levels. For example, you might have very mild neurotic tendencies.

 

For both of these reasons, without formal medical diagnosis, it is better to say that your ex is "showing borderline traits". Or, if you are absolutely convinced and need a peg to hang it on, "has borderline tendencies".

 

Moreover, as NF notes, the degree of BPD will to some extent be mirrored by problems within you. You will be attracted to them for a reason. A classic (but not the only) combination is someone with borderline traits pairing off with someone with narcissistic traits.

 

Borderlines are deeply unhappily people. Most psychological disorders - whatever their drawbacks - provide some kind of defence and a "safe place". This one does not.

 

Sadly, BPD has a reputation for being intractable to treatment. For the full blown disorder, advice for dating them can be summed up in one word: don't.

[XNemesisX]

If I'm not mistaken, Borderline Personality Disorder is the hardest mental disorder to treat. These people usually can't be helped.

 

They surely can make someone's life a nightmare. I would guess that if you find yourself constantly attracted to people showing traits of BPD then in some way you may be attracted to the drama they always have/create.

 

People with BPD are usually victims of very traumatic childhoods. I guess this may be a cause for how they confuse love and hate a lot when they are in romantic relationships.

[MySugaree]

I've just ended a hyper-intense 4 month roller coaster of a ride rebound relationship with a 36 year old woman whom I'm now convinced has BPD: the mood swings, disconnected anger, super-sexual focus, history of emotional and physical abuse as a child, etc.

 

I've lived a sheltered life. Never again.

[CurlyIam]

Sounds like you've got a LOT to talk about! Can't wait to hear the details!!!!

[MySugaree]

Another Thread, another Time, Curly.

[CurlyIam]

As you wish, sugaree! I'll be... reading!

[whichwayisup]

People with BPD are usually victims of very traumatic childhoods. I guess this may be a cause for how they confuse love and hate a lot when they are in romantic relationships.

 

Well, this explains my bestfriend and why she's having SO many problems in her marriage right now.

 

She is the most wonderful and loving person (to me anyway!) but can do a 180 in less than 3 seconds. I know her childhood wasn't easy and unfortunately experienced some unnecessary suffering that could have been prevented by her mother.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Word of caution, these people did not ask for these disorders. You don't roll down to an action alley in Wal-Mart and pick this up. You have to have one hell of a childhood to get this way.

 

Not necessarily, No Foolin.

 

People can be born with certain chemical imbalances. Or they can acquire them later in life through drug use or abuse. With many BPD's, drug/alcohol use or "self medication" is one of the common symptoms…along with a plethora of others such as eating disorders, self mutilation and sexual deviance. Because drug/alcohol abuse can also severely alter one's personality, its hard to determine which came first --- The chicken or the egg. Even trained professionals have a difficult time determining the difference. Since Borderline is a relatively new term or "label" used to describe a certain set of personality characteristics or behaviors, there's still a lot left to be learned about the disorder and how it came about.

 

I have two people in my immediate family who have been diagnosed with BPD. Neither of them had a bad or abusive childhood. For the most part, they were both intelligent over-achievers in grade school, excelling in grades and extracurricular activities. PERFECT kids! Then, when reaching adolescence, a switch was flipped somewhere. Like most teenagers, they went through a rocky and rebellious adolescence which neither of them ever grew out of.

 

While prescribed anti-depressants and behavior modification can help a BPD if caught early enough, for the most part parents simply assume that this is just a stage their teenagers will eventually grow out. Because of this, they don't seek clinical help until the child is much older (usually an adult) and by then certain behaviors have become so ingrained that they are difficult to change. Particularly if drug/alcohol addiction has set in.

 

Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder run so close in hand that it's often difficult to tell the difference. With Bipolar, the depression or "mood swings" can last for days. Borderlines tend to be more manic…going from up to down within hours. They'll be raging at you one moment…walk back into the room and be all cheerful and loveable the next as if nothing happened.

 

"Go away, I hate you!....But please, I need you so don't ever leave me!"

 

If that sounds familiar, I'd recommend the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells" if you're interested in getting a better understanding of this disorder. Meanwhile, I'd caution anyone about labeling people who have yet to be clinically diagnosed. Particularly if you know that person may be using recreational drugs or alcohol on a regular basis.

[WhereSpiritsRoam]

I know a couple who both have clinical diagnoses of Borderline Personality Disorder, and they get along great. I think knowing a lot about the condition and being with someone who experiences the same things goes a long way to strengthening the relationship.

[Mz. Pixie]

I grew up in the school of BPD! My mother suffered, her's was narcassistic but she also had traits of the others. I went to counseling and my therapist suggested I read up on BPD. I visited the bpdcentral website and I was in a support group for three years for adult children of BPD parents.

 

My mother suffered no abuse in her childhood that I know of. In fact, I'd say that she had a great childhood. My grandmother helped raised me, and she raised her as well and without my grandmother I wouldn't have lived past 12!

 

I always knew something was wrong with her because of her rages but she took medicine for anxiety and depression. My therapist said that is because medication rarely helps them- it's not like they are manic depressive and can pop a pill and be better. It takes years and years of therapy for a BPD to begin to see the tiniest bit of progress.

 

They rarely seek treatment because they don't think there is anything wrong with them. It's always the other person. They do not have emotions really and are disconnected.

 

They are marvelous little actresses- they can fool people and draw them in. Only to "BAM" sock it to them later. They call this sucking people in and then hurting them "hoovering". My mother hoovered me all the time until I learned how to deal with her, set boundaries.

 

My whole life was about her- when I got married, all about her- when I had my first child- all about her- when my best friend died- all about her- when I was ill in the hospital with the second child- you guessed it- all about her.

 

I could tell you some stories that would curl your hair. Luckily for me I had my grandmother who was nurturing and loving and did her best to make sure I turned out okay.

 

It's particularly hard when the person is your mother- the one person who is to love you more than anyone ever and you can't count on that person.

[laRubiaBonita]

i think "borderline" is a very general and crappy way to "diagnose" someone.

 

they may as well call it "kinda looney.....but normal- personality disorder" You either have a disorder or you do not. Just another way for doctors to push pills, treatments, and bills on us.

 

there should be no grey areas when it comes to diagnostics, IMO.

[Mz. Pixie]

Well, if you read the characteristics of these traits and had been brought up by one you would see how hard they can be to figure out.

 

They are one way one minute and the next another way. Or that period of time can vary. Plus, they act and fool people into believing they are something else and then they will do something awful and that person will be like, "Where did that come from?"

[laRubiaBonita]

oh, i know it is a real disorder, but why not just say they actaully have "personality disorders" and get it over with?

 

what is with the borderline crap?

[EnigmaXOXO]

oh, i know it is a real disorder, but why not just say they actaully have "personality disorders" and get it over with?

 

what is with the borderline crap?

 

 

Maybe it means you're "bordering" somewhere between sanity and insanity. A bit crazy, but not crazy enough to be institutionalized?

 

Of course, those of us who have actually lived with or experienced people with "disorderly" personalities might beg to differ!

 

Then again, doctors are in the business of diagnosing and treating. When possible. And unless you give it some sort of "name" how else would you differentiate between the behavioral characteristics (and thinking processes) of a Sociopath vs. that of a Bipolar or Borderline?

 

You either have a disorder or you do not. Just another way for doctors to push pills, treatments, and bills on us.

 

And there are times when I agree! Paticularly when it comes to treating drug addiction by substituting it with other drugs.

 

But when you have gone through therapist after therapist, and still can't reach any conclusion as to where it comes from; how/when it all started; and have exhausted every avenue when it comes to getting that individual permanent help -- there comes a time when there's nothing left to do except surrender yourself to the possibility that the experts might know what they're talking about.

 

True, it might be just a label. But at least having some kind of "name" or explanation for it is something to hold onto when all hope is lost and your struggling to accept the fact that you are powerless to help that person in spite of all your efforts or how much you love them.

 

It's what helps keep me sane. Then again, I bet there's some psychologist out there who might disagree with that last statement!

[blind_otter]

There are numerous "personality disorders" - antisocial, narcissistic, borderline....check out the DSM for more.

 

That said, I have a big problem with the profession that I was in the process of being educated to enter. Which is why I am stalled out after dropping out of grad school last year.

 

All these obviously sh*tty practicioners are running around diagnosing people as this that or the other. Having worked in a mental institution, I can honestly say that people who are functional in society are really on the low end of the spectrum with most of these disorders and jesus, lots of people had sh*tty childhoods but can function find in society. Then there are those who are crappy all around and basically non-functional with no clear indentifier for their dysfunction.

 

Are we a country of whiners? I can see the benefit of a diagnosis from the standpoint of treatment for the SPMI (severe persistent mental illness) population. But for those people who seem to have mildly dysfunctional lives, how much is involved in personal choice and accountability and how much blame should be placed on a mental illness that usually takes about 10 years of inpatient treatment to alter (according to my mentor at the mental hospital).

[laRubiaBonita]

Originally posted by blind_otter

There are numerous "personality disorders" - antisocial, narcissistic, borderline....check out the DSM for more.

 

That said, I have a big problem with the profession that I was in the process of being educated to enter. Which is why I am stalled out after dropping out of grad school last year.

 

All these obviously sh*tty practicioners are running around diagnosing people as this that or the other. Having worked in a mental institution, I can honestly say that people who are functional in society are really on the low end of the spectrum with most of these disorders and jesus, lots of people had sh*tty childhoods but can function find in society. Then there are those who are crappy all around and basically non-functional with no clear indentifier for their dysfunction.

 

Are we a country of whiners? I can see the benefit of a diagnosis from the standpoint of treatment for the SPMI (severe persistent mental illness) population. But for those people who seem to have mildly dysfunctional lives, how much is involved in personal choice and accountability and how much blame should be placed on a mental illness that usually takes about 10 years of inpatient treatment to alter (according to my mentor at the mental hospital).

 

this is where is was going......thank B_O!

 

basically it is now an excuse. "Oh, well he has Borderline Personality Disorder...so he can throw a tantrum in the middle of the office."

"Oh, well she is a nempho, so it is understandable for her to cheat."

 

it is such a freaking cop-out, especially when persons do use these afflictions for personal benefit, rather than working on it in therapy and yes, preferrrable in-patient therapy.

Not that it makes it any less acceptable, but at least I have tried to help better myself, and i was taught the tools, and shown the avenues to take.

 

but no.....most the time it a half-assed-my-mother(spouse)-made-me-come-to-treatment type attitude, so it does no good, except to maybe fuel the flames of the disorder cause you feel like a failure, even though you brought it on yourself.

[EnigmaXOXO]

But for those people who seem to have mildly dysfunctional lives, how much is involved in personal choice and accountability and how much blame should be placed on a mental illness that usually takes about 10 years of inpatient treatment to alter

 

Bump that!

 

VERY good point, Otter.

[faux]

I have always known "Borderline Personality Disorder"(BPD) to be a bullsh- diagnosis. If a person appears to be problematic, yet cannot easily fit into any other category, that person usually gets labeled BPD. This is just personal experience. Two people with the same diagnosis are often radically different in symptoms and mannerisms. There is no definitive diagnosis.

 

I find it is too easy to explain away human behavior with mental illness. I'm sure that in less common circumstances those labels can actually apply. If I were to go by the trend in my state alone, it would seem that nearly all children born here have ADD/ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, and nearly all teens have BPD, Bipolar Disorder, and a long list of other things. You should check out the psychiatric hospital admission rates for youths in my area.

 

A lot of people get misdiagnosed in the U.S., especially teens and youths. Oddly enough, professionals still feel the need to diagnose teens and children with criteria from the DSMV--criteria intended only to be used in the diagnosis of fully adult patients in their twenties. Misdiagnosis in adults is also a very common problem.

 

Patients who are misdiagnosed with something often believe that misdiagnosis. When a person is tacked with a mental illness, he tends to act as though he does have that mental disorder.

 

See:

 

Kasper, Siegfried. "Issues in the Treatment of Bipolar Disorder." European Neuropsychopharmaology 13 (2003): S36-S42.

 

McClure, Erin B., Tom Kibiszyn, and Nadine J. Kaslow. "Advances in the Diagnosis and Treatment of Childhood Mood Disorders." Professional Psychology: Research and Practice 33.2 (2002): 125-134.

[No Foolin]

Hey outstanding thoughts people!!!

 

Borderlines do exist, and yes it is one of the hardest to pin down clinically. Its the grab bag of personality disorders. With grim long term issues.

 

The term "borderline" is used to describe "bordering on psychosis" originally lumped with schizoid personality. I agree not all borderlines have bad childhood. I was wrong (thanks you for keeping me in check) in that blanket assumption.

 

The thing that I like best about bps is there ability to "split". Black and white thinking, no middle ground. These are some very lonely people.

 

The most disturbing facets in my dealings with bps is there "hyper sexuality" and complete lack of remorse or accountability.

 

To close, every last one of us can be clinically labeled with a disorder. Just remember, to love and to save are two different things. Hell, most of the time we feel more for them then they do about themselves; after all, in their mind you the one with the problem, lol. take it easy.

 

No Foolin

[BrotherAaron]

I used to work with somebody who had borderline personality disorder... he was one of the smartest guys I ever met. He made an amazing customer service rep because he was good at being manipulative. What more could a company want?

 

Anyway, he used to do self-mutilation, and that's what forced him to get help and had been seeing a psychiatrist (maybe even medicated) and he was happy in a 3 year relationship. BPD is not a death sentence, even in terms of relationships.

[moimeme]

basically it is now an excuse. "Oh, well he has Borderline Personality Disorder...so he can throw a tantrum in the middle of the office."

"Oh, well she is a nempho, so it is understandable for her to cheat."

 

it is such a freaking cop-out, especially when persons do use these afflictions for personal benefit, rather than working on it in therapy and yes, preferrrable in-patient therapy.

Not that it makes it any less acceptable, but at least I have tried to help better myself, and i was taught the tools, and shown the avenues to take.

 

Oh great. Still more stigmatization of people who are already suffering. You tell me one person you actually know who has ever used a genuine disorder as an 'excuse'. It's a myth. A stupid one at that. People who have these disorders feel ashamed of themselves and of being 'sick' and 'wrong'. Mostly, they'd prefer nobody knew about the diagnoses.

 

It's not an 'excuse', it's an EXPLANATION. It's what you need to begin to heal. If you don't know what ailment you have, how ever do you get help? You need a diagnosis and a name and then you're able to find treatments, therapies, help.

it would seem that nearly all children born here have ADD/ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, and nearly all teens have BPD, Bipolar Disorder, and a long list of other things.

 

A myth. Again, stigmatizing people who don't deserve it. Another type of prejudice. Another way to exclude and ostracize some of your fellow humans. Which doesn't help them one bit.

 

You should check out the psychiatric hospital admission rates for youths in my area.

 

And I'll bet you a lot of that is due to drug use. Crystal meth, which is becoming far too popular, is particularly problematic in causing mental problems.

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by moimeme

And I'll bet you a lot of that is due to drug use. Crystal meth, which is becoming far too popular, is particularly problematic in causing mental problems.

 

Moi, you know as well as I do that drug use does not cause mental illness. There is always a predisposition which is aggravated by use and abuse, or a component of self medicating involved. You can't just randomly develop schizophrenia from crystal meth, otherwise more people would be suffering from this disorder. It's something we took great pains to teach the residents at the mental institution I worked at in undergrad.

 

Crystal meth has been popular for a looooong time down here and in the midwest. Trailer park coke is what we call it.