norudder Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I was just thinking about how there are no guarantees in any relationship whether affair or dating or marriage. If a marriage ends it doesn't mean it was all a lie does it? I was so upset about thinking his love was a lie because he didn't choose to be with me. If it had been a normal bf/gf relationship it would have hurt but I don't think quite as much. Lots of men refuse to commit to their girlfriends at a certain point for many reasons and the women either end it or accept it. Maybe an A is different because we invested a disproportionate amount of emotion equivalent to an open R without getting a return on investment of actually getting the R/commitment. And we know the reason he isn't committing. Of course there are many other issues and not all mm are selfish deceivers for not committing. I happen to think my exmm was though because he wouldn't commit to either his W or me. He truly wanted both but only secretly. His true love is himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruffian1 Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 He truly wanted both but only secretly. His true love is himself Yes, many times it is about having your cake and eating it too. They want a woman who they can be sure will not have another mans baby and him raise it not knowing it is his. That means faithfulness on both sides. He/She usually also does not want OM/OW screwing around with his/her W/H or to get a D. That is why it is also hidden. The crux is about the deceitfullness of cheating. It gives them control. That is also why it is hidden. One spouse is setting a life up behind the other spouses back. Don't want to be faithful anymore? Just tell the truth, and face the facts. Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 I was just thinking about how there are no guarantees in any relationship whether affair or dating or marriage. If a marriage ends it doesn't mean it was all a lie does it? I was so upset about thinking his love was a lie because he didn't choose to be with me. No, it just means he made a choice that something/someone else was more important. I bookmarked this post today by MissBee, it resonated with me: I don't think it matters whether or not it's about the kids but it's about whether the MM is willing to change his life, change the status quo, rearrange things and take risks. Kids, house, job whatever it is...if it means sorry, I'm not gonna be able to give you (the OW) what you want and need because all these others things are more important (and OF COURSE the kids should be more important)...isn't that the ONLY point that matters? And then if you know he can't leave for his kids, his dogs, his job, his money or whatever YOU choose what to do based on knowing this? This is in any relationship. Feelings aren't what relationships are about. Relationships are about choices, sometimes hard ones, but choices that allow you to be together, stay together and create a life together. That's what relationships are. In serious relationships you take your partner into account in terms of jobs, kids, moving etc...and if in your relationship everything else has to come before you or if for whatever reason the right choice for your partner means things won't be well for the relationship, that's why people break up and find other people whose lives and choices mesh better with their own. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/484365-ever-really-about-kids-5.html#post5804036 Link to post Share on other sites
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