guilty, crazy, scared, worried... blah blah blah HELP!

[smile]

Ok so he is home. He came back on Monday. My grandmother has been in the hospital since Thursday. She isnt doing very well. Anyway he called and said I needed to get out of the hospital (i have been there everyday almost all day).

 

Anyway he called and his roomate had made dinner. He invited me over and waited until I called back to say I wsa comming over. It was like 2 hrs later and he waited for me to eat.

 

So I went over and he hugged me. It was weird bc that wall that was there before he left seemed gone. It didnt feel weird to touch him or hug him. I didnt worry about overstepping boundaries.

 

He took me to get ice cream and let me pick (he NEVER does that) then he bought me my favorite candybar. We sat on his couch and watched a movie, he let me pick it (he hasnt let me pick since we first started dating 3 yrs ago). We sat together kinda cuddled on the couch. He linked his arm in mine and rested his head on my shoulder.

 

We had sex and it felt so wonderful. Not just , you know in a sexual way but the way he held me and kissed me. He told me how much he missed me and how he couldnt stop thinking about me.

 

After we had sex I cried. For a million reasons... but I only admitted to feeling guilty for leaving the hospital to have fun. He told me it was ok to take care of everyone but I needed to take care of myself sometimes.

 

I slept there that night and he said... "this is the first time I have slept in my room, this is the first time the dog has slept in my room, this is the first time you have slept in my room.. what a special night". And he held me tight all night long.

 

I came home in the morning and went to work. Everything was ok then he called me.. I got the msg on my lunchbreak so I called him back. He was like "oh whats up" so I said I got his call. He asked if I had the dog's leashes. I said yeh I forgot to get them last night... I said sorry and he said I dont need to apologize for that. He said he would talk to me later... didnt want me to get them for him or anything. Weird.

 

Then today he called and didnt leave a msg. So I didnt call him back. He called this afternoon before I went to the hospital.He said he couldnt figure out what to do this evening. He keeps asking if there is anything he can do. But I mean there isnt I say thank you but what can he do?

 

Anyway then I went to the hospital. I txtd him and said if he wanted to come by later he could. He never answered. I called him after I left the hospital, like he asked me to, and he didnt answer. I left a msg and said "well I guess you found something to do. I am just leaving the hospital. Have fun I will see you later"

 

Its 11pm and he still hasnt said anything. Now here is where I am mixed up. Am I supposed to be thankful and happy that he wanted to see me first thing when he came home (I was even before his dad and brother)? Is he hurt because I am not giving him a way to be here for me? Do I have any right to be hurt about him not answering today when he specifially said if you need anything give me a call I will be around?

 

And the big one... why cant I cry about my grandma but I can sob and dwell on this?

 

I am crazy.

[strange love]

P.S. First off I sent you a private message, in response to you saying why hadnt I replied to you in my thread.

 

Wheres my blanky..(ie blanket as in security blanket) I used to have this dog max, and he had a big huge blanket, it was 20 times as big as him and he used to drag up up and down the stairs..priceless.

 

Thats what he is..your blanket.

 

Why wasnt he there, when you called? yes he found something to do, or possibly passed out.

 

so far so good, hes back and he hasnt broke up with you..but then again, apparently you are not using any labels.

I wouldnt be so worried, you have like the best relationship on here.. or best relationship/friendship what ever it is that I know of.

 

Some of us arent so lucky, we have to brave the cold world on our own.

But then again, we dont have to share our cake with anyone else.

[smile]

sharing cake? is that like bc he isnt exclusively mine?

 

I didnt want to depend on him, I didnt want to need him. But he was so sweet monday night and seemed so in tune to what I needed ya know? I let myself believe what I wanted (maybe needed) to believe.

 

My grandma is dying and he knows that. WHY WHY WHY would he offer to be here for me and then not answer his freakin phone. It went to voicemail. He didnt even answer my txt msg.

 

It just hurts me so much you know? I didnt want this. I am lying in bed thinking about my grandma but all I can cry about is him. I feel like such a jerk about it all. Why cant I feel what I need to feel?

 

I am so confused. I felt so clear a few days ago. Now I feel empty and kinda lost. I just dont know what I can do anymore.. where just two days ago I felt no wall.

 

I dnt know what happened or where he was , this is true. But I do know that he said if there was anything he could do to call and I did and he wasnt there. Hasnt answered me now 4 hrs later.

 

I am a schmuck. You think this is better than nothing? Nothing gives you space to heal and reflect... this is confusing.

 

I have no idea what I want.. but I am so hurt by him not being there. Or even answering my msgs.

[strange love]

Cake

Look back when I gave a damn I used to sweet ass things like I dunno riding my bike in a snowstorm to get sprinkles and ice cream..for u know who.. I must admit though theres nothing like riding your bike in fresh snow here in TO its like the whole downtown is one big offroad..yahoo!!

 

So what I mean is I have some ice cream here its f---king awesome fat tubbys ben and jerrys chunky monkey.. its been ages since I indulged in this stuff but hey I had a craving for a good 3 weeks. Its best to lay off this stuff though both ben and jerry have obese related health problems..

 

You remind of of a couple of my best friends kammy and simon..or i like to call them the wonder twins. Hes white under 30.. shes close to 40.. and east indian. Shes very insecure and obnoxious.. She needs attention, but her friendship used to bought cheaply for a kit kat bar.

It used to be if simon went missing I get a few hundred phone calls, even some very late at night.

 

Even my ex couldnt stand to be alone very long, I remember goodluck wathcing cool shows like american chopper or monster house, or f==k even queer as folk, it would be constantly every 10mins come give me cuddles etc ..

 

im not saying your as bad as that.. but things happen, im sure he was sincere... but something came up and when you called he was unreachable. Im sure if you wanted he would probably go with you for a visit to see gma in the hospital.

 

Just as every other time.. like before when you sounded the alarm, he didnt go anywhere and hes still here after so long..

 

Its never been a case of "whos moved my cheese" youve never had to adapt to the loss of him, cause hes never been subtracted from the equation.

 

And my thoughts on not labeling your situation for him may be the only way to keep you from getting really Uber needy.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Originally posted by smile

My grandma is dying and he knows that. WHY WHY WHY would he offer to be here for me and then not answer his freakin phone. It went to voicemail. He didnt even answer my txt msg.

 

It could be any number of things:

 

Maybe he can't handle the amount of emotional overload that comes with the death of a SO's family member?

 

Maybe he just wants to give the impression of being there for you, so that he can be assured that you will always be there for him, when he intends to only be there for you sporadically?

 

Maybe this attention he is giving to you is more meaningful to you than it is to him? Are you certain that he is singling you out to treat you this way, and he doesn't have other women he treats with the exact same consideration and affection?

 

It could be anything, really - maybe something legitimately came up and he couldn't get back in touch with you. Maybe you should sit him down and let him know what's on your mind.

[lovehurts23]

I believe that when there's a label between two people, u know where u stand. Eg. Friends/girlfriend'boyfriend/Having time to self but still attached and having a go in a week or two etc which in turn, makes you feel more secure about yourself and feeling a lesser urge to be needy!

 

Communication is the key, make it clear what you both want.

 

My girlfirend is having some problems(depression) that she needs to sort out for herself and pushed me away at first. I cried for the frist few days, but picked myself up and got to the bottom of the problem. Firstly she said she just needs space! i thought: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!? She didnt give me any reasons and was being very cold.

 

After almost 2 weeks of not knowing where i stand and total confusion on my behalf, i managed to tell her that i need to know where i stand and asked what's happening. I told her that it's 'all or nothing', and if she has a problem, she needs to communicate and tell me what it is that's bothering her. I made it clear that i would be by her side if she needed help through it, and thats what i'm here for. Its not fair just putting me aside(putting my life on hold while she goes out and has fun or whatever and still thinking what to do- its selfish). feels like i was put in a cage and couldnt bare not knowing what was going on. I think she was scared of me leaving her so just put me ''aside'' while she was making her mind up. She cant make up her mind forever! I said i couldnt deal with being put to one side for an unknown length of time, i said if u need space then i will give her space to sort her problem out, and we could try again in a few weeks. But we had to trust eachother that this space was just for her to sort her problem, and not to go off with other guys or girls. Otherwise she may aswell just end it and say that it was that she wanted to see other people. She assured me that the space she needs is not to experiment with other people.Its the last thing on her mind.Plus she is not the type of girl to go off and do that sort of thing. She doesnt want to let me go otherwise she would have ended it already. So she needs to find out what she wants!!!

 

She said ''what if im still unsure what i want'', i said '' i'll have to break it off OR we'll have to come to some agreement and let me know where i stand, because i'm not prepared to be treated in this way(emotional torture). Then she said, well what happens if i see you in a month and i find that i've made a mistake of not keeping you?? . i said i wouldn't take her back because she could just do this again to me and i'm not going to go through it again. I said i respect her desicion but i must respect myself too. I made it clear that i still wanted to be with her and that i still love her, but it hurts too much to see her not telling me whats going on.

 

We agreed that two weeks should be enough to let her have her time alone. I asked if she needed more time or less or if its ok? she said two weeks should be fine. I think she just needs time to reflect on her life and where she wants to be(With her job and career) without me giving my opinion on things. She needs to make these decisions for herself.

 

We've now agreed that we'd go out as a couple in a few weeks and see how things go. I said if she still felt uncomfortable with everything, that's fine, but she'll need to tell me and we'll have to end it because this is just unfair to us both. But if everything goes well, we can take it easy and start going out again. Initially she said to start ''dating'' again, but to be honest i think we're well past that point. It's still a case of not knowing where we stand, i HATE that and wont be able to deal with it. Anyway, fingers crossed for the next time i see her.

 

If you love someone, u will learn to let them go. But you must respect yourself first and realise you have a life to live aswell!!! You may not realise it now, but when u do, u will feel alot better within yourself. If someone is bullsh**ing with you, just say you arent prepared to be left hanging and you have to get on with your life too and they must repect that. without knowing your future with them, it is almost impossible to get on with simple everyday things. If they want time, tell them you will not be waiting around forever as you have a life to live! Communication is the key!! very complicated, but u must know where u stand otherwise your emotions will be going up and down like a yo-yo! Sort something out with them, just make sure you know here you stand, and if they are unsure, set some length of time to sort themselves out and if they havent sorted it out, then kick them to the curb because they're obviously not in love with you anymore and u must move on!!. If that happens, i'm pretty positive that if you ignore them and get on with your life, they could come running back. Just tell them where to go if that happens.(you don't want the same bull**it again)

 

Warning, they will try to keep you waiting because they have a fear of you moving on. Do what you have to do. Its hard, but in the end you WILL pull through. Good luck.

[CheesOmatic]

Originally posted by smile

 

"this is the first time I have slept in my room, this is the first time the dog has slept in my room, this is the first time you have slept in my room.. what a special night".

 

he sounds like a cheeseball anyway? his dog? special night? who says things like this?

 

and as for strangelove, i have no idea what he's even going on about, with the cake and the whatnot.

 

he seems irritating, and you can do better.

[smile]

strangelove.....I am not as insecure as you think... not anymore. Or at least not as insecure as I used to be. Ok I guess what I am saying is I have learn to control it enough to keep it from putting a wall of resentment between us.

 

Its just that, as lovehurts23 said without the lable the insecurity is heightened. Its hard to be secure without really knowing where I stand. You think he thinks that labling keeps me from freaking out? Thats odd I thought this was time to prove to him that I was better at that jealousy stuff.

 

I mean it may not seem like it but I am... I wasnt crying bc he didnt call... I was frustrated bc he did and then wasnt there when I called back. Maybe it was legit and maybe it wasnt. Thats where LucreziaBorgia comes in.

 

I dont know that I am the only one. I mean I cant imagine where he wouldve gotten the time in his days to wine and dine an other considering he spends so much time calling me and asking me what I am doing. I mean yesterday he was with his family and he called me twice.

 

But who knows... I want to trust that he is just with me. It seems special and he has never done anything bad or cheater like to me ever in three years. Why would he treat me like that now? He is pretty sincere. I just dont know why he is holding back.

 

We will talk. I am over emotional right now.

 

Oh and Chessomatic he was joking kinda when he said it. Being silly and goofy but I think he kinda meant something special too.. ya know? I mean I am a pretty big dork as is he. Just kinda the nature of our relationship. He didnt light candles and make it cheesy it was just goofy but sweet.

 

Oh yeah... I am still kinda lost about the cake too, sorry strangelove... maybe explain a bit more please? Unless you mean moderation. Like dont overindulge in this just take it as it comes? But if thats what you mean then I dont get the sharing thing.

[strange love]

Some of us arent so lucky, we have to brave the cold world on our own.

But then again, we dont have to share our cake with anyone else.

 

What I meant by this is, those of us alone..single.. we dont have to share things with other people. How many times have you had something in the fridge you were dreaming about , only to find its been polished off by your romantic partner.

 

Not much has changed with you and him.. you always seem to be concerened about every day being the last day. But then there he is still 3 weeks later...

 

I guess you have never read the book "who has moved my cheese"? Its about these mice and little people that have their cheese supply moved.. and they have a hard time coping with it. But your cheese is always there.. get it?

 

I think once you really pick up on that fact, you will start to be more secure. Or maybe you can go to counselling.. that might help out perhaps..

Think of what you could be doing with your time besides worrying..

[smile]

ok valid excuse. He called the next day and said that he forgot his charger at his house and he was staying with his dad. He apologized for not calling me back.

 

Anyway he invited me to his family bday party on friday. It was odd bc I am not his gf anymore ya know? He called me three different times on friday. Once when he was at the vet just to chat with me till the dr came in.

 

He invited me to a show they are playing down south and then the one at his house. He keeps telling me I can come along if I want to ... everywhere he says he is going. He tells me to call him whenever I need anything.

 

But when we were hanging out this friend of his who never really liked me said something about her roomate. How she thought he liked her. He said they hung out once but it didnt go well. Then he said stuff about trying to be friends with her and thats why they hung out. But it sucked to hear ya know?

 

I felt everything shut down. Instead of being chatty and fun I felt myself reteating back to that usnure person I used to be. But I let it go and hung out with everyone else.

 

He kept sitting next to me and joking with me but I couldnt look at him. When it was time to eat dinner he made my plate for me. Everytime I moved he sat next to me.

 

I asked him for a massage and he took me to his old bedroom. He gave me a massage and started kissing the back of my neck and nuzzling. Not in a lusty way but in a sweet way. But in my head all I could think of was that girl... that roomate. I dont want to be one of many.

 

He started to move his hands and I stopped him. Then we talked about his future and stuff and he said what he wanted work wise. But then he said something about how he has dumb ideas of how things are going to work out. I didnt know if that was pertaining to the thing of me stopping him from having sex with me.

 

I started to cry. I thought it was about the girl but when he asked me I just fell apart. And I finally felt the reality that my grandma is dying. He held me and just listened. He held my hands while he talked to me. He had his head down and I couldnt see his eyes. When I did see his eyes they looked red like he was crying too.

 

I left but I didnt want to. The dog followed me outside. Tried to get into my car. Then he came out ot get the dog and thanked me for comming to his party. Thanked me for everything. He looked at me and just said this weird "thank you so much for everything" very sweet and sincere.

 

Then I got home and txted him thanks about being there and how hard it is for me to ask for anything and how I didnt want to leave. He told me I didnt have to and I couldve stayed there with him. I said thanks and how it sucked to be alone. He said "Call me next time!" .

 

He is there for me emotionally and he is so sweet and seems to want to be around me. Do I just let it go on from here? Or do I make him tell me what he wants and where this is going?

Partly I want to, partly I dont. Part of me thinks that he is slowly comming back... a bit scared and trepidatious, and an other part thinks he is just using me a as a sure thing, security. But thats not who he is. I have no idea anymore.

[lovehurts23]

All i got to say is that i've just put my words into action and ''so much for 2weeks of space''. She wants me back. And this was just after 2days into the ''space''. Just be nice and try to be as happy as possible when chatting to him. I know it is VERY hard, but u need to let him know that you are not prepared to be messed about. He'll soon realise what he is missin when he hears you have been going out and enjoying yourself. Be confident(even if you don't feel like it), u need to brave the storm. If he says,''it sound like you're having too much fun without me etc'' dont fall into the trap, he's trying to put the blame onto you. Tell him that you have let him know how u feel about him, but that you aren't going to wait around forever as you have your life to live, so he needs to make his mind up-dont push it though. After that, u need an iron will and use NC, he will probably phone you if you don't contact him for a while. If he says why havent you been contacting him say that you are only allowing him to have his space(just as he asked). Tell him it is hard to concentrate on everyday things while not knowing where you stand, and won't put up with it for much longer. Say you are prepared to give him the space he needs, but u guys both need this space to show u can be independant and not rely on eachother all the time!! This should solve the insecurity problems u guys have if u get back together. Each relationship is different, so is hard what to say. Just use what i've said as a guideline. good luck! (dont be too in his face, he'll miss you: Absence makes the heart grow fonder ) catch my drift!!

 

PS, He would be able to put up with a SO's illness/death in the family if he loves you. My gf's gran died 2 months ago. It was very upseting for me but i had to show her that i was strong and was there for her whenever she needed a talk or a shoulder to cry on etc. That's what part of relationships are about, and will come across many upsetting times! Have faith and you'll pull through. There's always light at the end of the tunnel. The stonger you are, the closer the light becomes.

[smile]

After being weird for a few days about calling back and being busy we had a nice talk. I told him how I felt about him not calling me back and saying he would blah blah. I thought he would get mad.. he wasnt. He apologized and then explained why he didnt call. But he said he was sorry.

 

He is going to play a few shows out of town this weekend. He said he was going to come to town to see me before he left. He was later than he said he was going to be and when he called I said it was ok if he didnt come over. I was ok with it.

 

He said he wanted to see me before he left. So he came over and we ate the dinner I made yesterday. He went on and on about how good it was. Then we had ice cream. He asked me about my grandma.

 

We talked for a while and he held me while I cried. He didnt try anything sexually again but I have been told I use that too often as a gauge of interest. He was there, for me. He had company, some really good friends who live far away, and he left them for a bit so he could be with me. He kept asking what I was doing tonight and if I was going to work tomorrow. Like how long was I going to the hospital and when I think I am going to bed. I dunno like he was worried about me.

 

He kept hugging me and said I can call him WHENEVER I need to. He wanted me to call and keep him updated.. even if I wanted to vent about my family. I said I didnt want to put a damper on his trip and he said "call me WHENEVER you need to".

 

No matter what happens between the two of us what I cant forget EVER is the way he is here for me now. The way I always wanted him to be when we were together. Its nice to be there with your family and ppl who are going through the same thing but it means so much to have that ONE person who is only there for you. Right now he is doing that for me.

 

Oh and the sex thing the other day he didnt try anything and i was walking around the room in just my underwear. When I said he didnt even try and it made me sad he said he didnt want to make me cry again. That he didnt want to overstep that boundary because of whats going on with my grandma. But he did think about it and did want it. So I think if I woulda done something today he woulda followed suit, but it wasnt about sex for me. It was kinda nice that it wasnt about that.

 

I dunno .... I feel sad about my grandma but good about him being there for me. And you all too.. thanks

[Universe]

Usual disclaimer: I may be projecting my own experience on to you. But it does seem pretty similar.

 

Smile - I know I've said this before. But as I'm realizing this more and more about myself, I read your posts and I feel that you have a very similar problem. We're clingy. You've said that being clingy was one of the main reasons that you guys broke up in the first place. I know you've thought a lot about it. I did to. But the thing is, you can't be letting so much hang on every phone call the he does or doesn't make. It's weird, but on his end I'm starting to suspect something that might be what makes his actions so confusing sometimes. Not only are you clingy, which must be hard for him to deal with, but he's also used to you being clingy. He seems a little clingy in his own way. I think he may feel slightly rejected or confused by your actions sometimes because he's used to you clinging to him. So when you're strong and you don't cling to him, he acts weird and sometimes clings to you.

I sense a certain level of honesty and openness is not being reached between you. Again, I may be projecting my own experience on to you, but I think you may be overly guarded with your communication with him. Stop trying to read into his words or lack of words. Don't try to encrypt your words to make them easier to take. Lower you defenses. Tell him how you feel and why and then ask him to do the same. I'm not saying gush all over him. But be honest about what kind of relationship you would like to have with him right now. Don't dwell too long on the past or future. Take a step back and ask yourself what kind of relationship would be healthiest for Smile right now. Focus on that and understand it. Then tell him what it is and ask him what kind of relationship he thinks woul dbe healthiest for him right now.

I've been in the process of reconciling with my ex for the past few weeks. I'm about to write a classic Universe novel-length post about it. But after all the months of pining and whining and strategizing and guessing and scheming, the thing that's really helped me to connect the dots between my head and my heart at a much faster rate than before is the fact that she and I are discussing things very openly and honestly like never before. When you start doing that, you really can start seeing yourself as an independent body acting with and against this other independent body. Nothing has made me see myself more clearly and understand my true needs and desires.

 

My $0.02

[smile]

My grandma died yesterday. I didnt call him right away because he was out of town and I didnt want to ruin his weekend. I wanted him to have fun. I reluctantly called him this afternoon.

 

He was sweet and asked when she went and when the funeral was. I wasnt sure if that was a courtesy question or if he wanted to go but I didnt ask. Then he said if I needed anything to let him know.

 

I txted him a bit after that to ask if he wanted to hang out later... I was just tired of family. He never answered. About 5:00 I woke up from a nap and decided that I would call him back at 5:30... I mean he calls me a million times why not twice from me right?

 

At 5:30 exactly he calls me. Weird. We chat about Disneyland stuff and he asks how I am. He said he is going to a bday party tonight. He decided that he would go and he got my msg. If I needed anything later this week just to call him. And that was that conversation.

 

I was hurt. Duh. If he knew 6 hrs ago that he didnt want to hang out then tell me 6 hrs ago. I just felt pushed aside, like he can be here for me as long as it doesnt interfere with his fun. Damn that hurt. And he was too busy all day to say anything to me. Ouch.

 

So I called him back. I told him that it hurt me that he didnt call me sooner and that he could be there for me as long as there was nothing else better to do. He said that was a boyfriend/ girlfriend agrument. I said no it was a friend argument because it was already hard for me to even ask him to be there for me ... he tells me to ask and when I do it takes 6 hrs to answer me with a no.

 

He said it took so long because he wasnt sure if he was going or not. He wasnt sure what he was doing. He wasnt angry and he didnt fight (which is so unlike him). I said I wanted to talk about it, so we did. I said he was too busy to answer my txt and he said I shouldnt jump to conclusions. The msg I left said if youre busy I understand but do you want to hang out later... so he said he figured it was ok that he went to the bday party.

 

He understood that I was feeling sad and lonely. He said that I would go through a lot of different emotions throughout all of this and being angry at everyone would be one of them. I would feel sad hurt and lonely too and a whole slew of other things. He said to take care of myself and let my family take care of me too.

 

It feels like the tide is receeding. I dont want to need him. I never wanted to again, and now that I am I feel like it was a stupid decision. I wasnt mad after we talked... but I am sad now. I am not sure if I am sad about him or my grandma or what. I have no idea what I feel about anything.

 

I want him to go away but I want him to be here. I dont want to make an effort.. I dont want to have to. It hurts what he said about bf/gf fight. Its that stuff that made us break up. But this isnt that ... and he understood the emotion I was going through and didnt judge me for it... in fact the only judgement was what he said about the bf/gf fight.

 

There is a part of me that just wants to walk away. Away from everything and just start over. I have this craving for cleansing and a new start. I just feel different. I am less afraid of him leaving and more afraid of him fighting. What does that mean?

[Universe]

Stop over analyzing everything he does and doesn't do. Be with your family now. I'm sure they need support now. If he's around to give you support, then great. If not, then don't focus on his absence. Just be there for your family and give your grandmother the memorial she deserves.

It's likely that he doesn't know what he should be doing for you right now. I don't think he's handling it very well. I think you're right to be pissed at him. But that's not worth your energy right now. Don't have expectations for him. Expectations have the same effect as demands. If you love him, you won't make demands. But at the same time, you might want to think about whether or not you really love someone who doesn't give you support in your time of need.

[smile]

thanks universe. and youre right that is what I am doing. I cant give him that attention he needs. Me begging him to be here, me doing what he wants at a moments notice... I cant and wont do that anymore.

 

He called today and gave me some sob story about something not too important and I just said "I am sorry but I have no sympathy to give right now" because I dont. I am drained and everything just seems to be happening around me. I dont want to control it or be responsible for it.. as far as he goes, I just want to avoid it.

 

I dont know that I can love someone who cant see what I need.. or wont do anything about it. I can say until I am blue in the face that its because he is too scared to inadvertantly fall back into a relationship.. too afraid to let go. Too afraid to be happy because he cant be sure how long its gonna last (he agreed with me on that. I can say that as much as I want but as long as he isnt willing to do anythign about it I am wasting my time.

 

He cant be there and I deserve more of an effort... or at least more concern. So thank you for pointing that out. No more expectations of him... I just want him to stay away.