Friend Who I Want to Become Something More With, But Can't Express How I Feel

[cpmusick]

Alright, I'm seeking some advice and this seems like the place that will toss me some suggestions as to what I should do. Oh yeah, and I hope you REALLY like to read, cause I have a feeling that this is going to turn into a novel.

 

First, let me explain what type of person I am. I'm a 19 year old guy, and I've been a very shy person most of my life, the type that doesn't really open up much except with family and close friends. Therefore, I have not had but one relationship that was only semi-serious. I think it was just more out of desperation than anything. Anyway, I'm told I have a very fun and very unique personality.......when I open up and show it. Although I've been shy and self-aware most of my life, lately I've been going through a change and now have more confidence, a higher self-esteem, and I seem to enjoy talking to people and being around them more than I used to.

 

Alrighty then, now here's the situation, which I'm sure has been mentioned on this forum several times, but this is MY version of it. So there's this girl that I work with that I REALLY like. Her name is Cindy. I've known her every since I've worked there, which has been a little over a year. I'm friends with her at work, though I've never hung out with her outside of work. However, I talk to her every time I'm able to, though sometimes it's hard because we don't always work in the same departments, on the same day, in the same time of day. However, when we do work together, it's the most fun I have compared to pretty much anything else I do, or anyone else I talk to. I really feel that Cindy and I are very compatible. We have the same sense of humor, the same view on everything (we both are the types of people who view things differently from others, look at things in a different way).

 

Every time we talk to each other, I really enjoy it, and I feel like I can really open up and be myself. When I'm with Cindy I always have fun and laugh and really enjoy our time with each other at work. I can only imagine what it would be like if we could spend time together outside of work, and share our lives with each other. I've always had this slight crush on her, but just recently I feel like it's a much more massive thing than a crush. I feel very attracted to her. The more I spend time with her, the more I talk to her, the more I hear her voice, the more I see her smile, the more I feel her presence.........the more this attraction amplifies.

 

Now here's the problem. I can't seem to express to her how I feel. I mean, we have fun talking and all, but I can't seem to express to her that I want to be something more than friends, that I really want to be with her. Now, I'm about 99% sure she likes me because of how she's been acting lately. I'm the type of person that can "read" what people are thinking or feeling, quite well actually. I can see it in her eyes that she likes me more than just a friend. Another reason I know she likes me is because she has been playing along with the little jokes that one of my managers plays around with.

 

Allow me to explain. One of my managers (she's really cool, and seems more like a friend than a manager) just recently started joking around saying things like "Cindy [the girl I like] said you look nice today", or something like "Cindy said hi". She also found a ring on the floor the other day that a customer had apparently dropped or something, and she took the ring to Cindy and said it was from me. You know, just little kinda jokes, or maybe "hints" that me and Cindy should get together. Well, Cindy plays along with this every time. It's like she wants me to know she likes me, but doesn't want to just come out and say it (which is the same deal with me).

 

The big problem is that I can't figure out exactly how to express my feelings to Cindy. I do play along with the jokes that the manager throws out there, which I think helps quite a bit. But I want Cindy to know that I seriously want to be with her. However, I feel to shy at the idea of just going up to her and telling her "I really like you and want to be with you". Even though I'm pretty sure she likes me, I still feel that if I were to do that, that maybe I wouldn't get the response I was hoping for. Also, since she's been only a friend for over a year, it's hard for me to try and tell her that I want to be something more. What I want to do is express my feelings for her in some other way. I want to do something much more than just saying I like her. I also want it to be sorta funny and fun, yet I want her to know that I'm completely serious.

 

So what I need to know is how do I go about doing this? In what way could I express my feelings to her? Do you think I should just walk up to her and say "Cindy I really like you" and "I want to be with you", or something like that?

 

Oh yeah, I also need to add that I'm going to be leaving that job in several weeks, so I don't have much time to "work the magic". I really don't want this to be a missed opportunity to be with someone that I have a STRONG feeling that will end my search for that "perfect someone".

 

If you've taken the time to read this epical novel, or at least the main point of it, then please reply with your thoughts and\or ideas as to what I should do.

[gwennebe]

This is almost a perfect situation!!! You are going to be leaving the job so in case something goes awry you won't have to face her everyday. I suggest inviting her out to dinner since you are going to be leaving. Then just plant one on her!!! All of the signs are there, I say go for it.

[Marshbear]

The best way to express your feelings to her is to just come out and ask her for a date. She will know immediately how you feel about her and you don't have to tell her that you really,really like her.

 

If she says no then your friendship will probably suffer for awhile but if she says yes.....

[somegirloutthere]

i can relate to your situation because i am the girl in the situation, except i don't think "he" is leaving the job anytime soon.

 

i just wish he'd make a move already or ask me out for dinner so i know he's interested in something more other than being work friends. hanging out at work doesn't count because i can't tell if he's just friendly or wants more. he's one of the most interesting person i know and i can tell he feels the same way (mutual interest, at the very least). we make things interesting. we think alike. we are just so compatible. nearly the same situation as you. it's just...we hang out enough times at work, and i just want him to take it to the next level. having a dinner outside of work would be a sign of interest.

 

i think you should just go for it. all the signs are there. you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. let us know how it goes!

[Artscrafter]

I agree completely with Marshbear. I've been dealing with pretty much the exact same situation myself (my own thread is around here somewhere) and the answer turned out to be, just ask for a date. I agree that it's probably not the best of ideas to suddenly proclaim intense attraction to her out of the blue (it comes off as sudden and a little desperate), but as Marshbear said, the act of asking for a date communicates almost exactly the same thing without being as in-your-face about it.

 

One extra bit of advice when you ask her: Since you've been friends for a year, simply asking her to dinner or whatever can still be a little ambiguous - I've definitely taken "friends" (girls I'd known for a while) out to places without their realizing that I'd intended for it to be a date. Generally, the more time you spend with someone you like without conveying your intentions, the more likely it gets that a given outing might not be a date. So be sure to specify that it's a date you want at some point when you ask her. That'll communicate what you're trying to get out of it.

 

And if you're concerned about losing her entirely if she rejects you, I wouldn't worry about it too much. While "your friendship will probably suffer for awhile," most girls I know wouldn't completely cut off someone they've known for a year just because he asked her out. Everyone who has rejected my advances after I'd gotten to know them has stayed on pretty good terms with me since then. Worst (probable) case in your situation: You ask her out, she says no, things are a little awkward for a while afterwards, but in the end you're still friends, if you want to be, but without that awkward feeling of uncertainty. But best case? Use your imagination.

[cpmusick]

I really appreciate everyone's replies, it helps a LOT.

 

However, there was one thing that I left out on purpose. She has a boyfriend. And not only that, her boyfriend works at my job too. I'm pretty decent friends with him at work (more than just an aquintance), because he's a cool guy. I'm not real close friends or anything, but still, I respect him. Now, this is where my little situation gets tougher. Cindy has pretty much implied that she's "looking for a new boyfriend". She kinda said it as a joke, but with truth sneaking in behind it.

 

It seems that she's going to break up with him sometime in the somewhat near future, but I think it could be after I leave that job in a few weeks. So this situation just has me by the balls. I wouldn't want to ask her out because I respect her boyfriend, however, I do want to ask her out because I feel that this is an opportunity that I can't pass up, not after I've been looking for this kind of person my entire life.

 

I have a feeling on what the replies will be, that I shouldn't "steal his woman" or "go behind his back", but I really like this girl and I do not want this opportunity to go to waste. Besides, I'm almost certain she likes me as I do her. But I just don't know what to do.

 

The reason I kept out the "she has a boyfriend" part was because I was curious to know what I should do if she did not have a boyfriend. Though now with this new addition to my "novel", I'm sure the replies will differ from those previously posted.

 

I really hope someone can help me. Just imagine yourself in this exact situation. What would you do?

[Artscrafter]

This is a tricky situation. It seems kind of crass to go ahead and just ask her out when you know she has a BF (and I'm guessing she knows that you know.) But if she's really about to break up with him, I can see where you're coming from. Here's the thing: You don't know for sure whether/when they're going to break up. It could quite possibly be after you leave this job, if it does happen. And you need to be careful about starting to date someone who'd just broken up with someone else - even if she's the one who initiates the breakup, she might still be in "need to be with someone" mode (i.e. the rebound) which is not the best footing to start a new relationship on.

 

You need to take this slowly, but make sure you're showing a little interest. Your main priority right now is to establish contact with her outside of work such that leaving the job doesn't mean you never see her again. I'd still ask her out, but scratch my earlier advice about making sure it's officially a date. On the contrary, it ought to be something fairly informal. Two co-workers going for coffee together over the lunch break or something like that is fairly innocent on the surface and shouldn't be seen as a threat by her current BF unless he's the particularly jealous type. But get her used to spending time with you outside of work. That's the real key - then you can be there for her if/when she dumps the other guy and starts looking for someone else, no matter when that happens.

[moimeme]

Well if she says anything about ditching the new bf again, say 'If the job does come open, let me know and I'll apply'.

 

If she knows you are going and is worried about losing you, she'll likely make her own move anyway.