Hope Shimmers Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 So he just bought himself a month. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria_Smellons Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 In the other hand, he told me he decide for me, This is a large part of your problems, you're an adult, what's stopping you deciding things for yourself? he know once he tell her he won't meet me anymore, she will happy. So he's going to lie to her and hide you again to keep his family in the same household? In next month he will meet me anyway and she will know we are together. So he's not going to lie to her about seeing you, she's going to know about you and carry on with the divorce? So the end result will still be the same, she'll continue with the divorce, he'll have to move out and the kids will still be upset? He's contradicting himself, and he's buying himself more time to keep the status quo and not actually deliver on any of the things he's told you. He's playing you like a fiddle, and he's damn good at it. You will never see how damaging this 'relationship' is without an outsiders perspective. Please seek therapy. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 This month long vacation is going to eat you alive. I don't know how you will possibly stand it. You are drinking MM's kool-aid and I wish you would stop. Nobody deserves this kind of treatment. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruffian1 Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Sisa Are you scared he will have sex with her on this month long vacation?? Or does that not matter to you if he does? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Sisa Are you scared he will have sex with her on this month long vacation?? Or does that not matter to you if he does? I hope it doesn't matter to Sisa because rest assured he is going to have sex with her. I wouldn't be surprised if all of this is just smoke and mirrors. This man has no desire to leave his wife. At this point it shouldn't even be a question anymore as he promised OP he would be with her. OP until you stand up for yourself and tell him what you expect he will continue to treat you like a fool. It is unbelievable what you put up with from this man. Please treat yourself with more respect and then perhaps he will as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruffian1 Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I hope it doesn't matter to Sisa because rest assured he is going to have sex with her Well then his soon to be ex W will also be a fool if she does. Just say'in . . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 No guy on earth is worth all of this. I don't care if he has a golden penis and a billion dollars. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 :lmao::lmao: Oh you are too funny. BTW, is the pic under your user name yoursefl? Pretty. No guy on earth is worth all of this. I don't care if he has a golden penis and a billion dollars.[/QUOTE] 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lookingforclosure Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 No guy on earth is worth all of this. I don't care if he has a golden penis and a billion dollars. Agreed, but a billion dollars would be nice 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 :lmao::lmao: Oh you are too funny. BTW, is the pic under your user name yoursefl? Pretty. Thanks Mount, yes it is. Agreed, but a billion dollars would be nice Only if we can first push the MM off a cliff. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sisa Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 next month will be tough for me, but he promise will meet me and contact me, and she will know he and me is together, what he wish from me is at this stage don't let his kids know, and don't involve kids. He said it's good for long term if mother is stable, and kids know when grow up. After this month, from our plan we will live together soon. I give myself the timeline in this summer, I trust him now, trust we have future. Just sometimes is very difficult because of the situation. I write on this board many time, I know my behavior is strage to others, but I love this man and really want can find the best solution for everybody. I want to be with him, but I also can't help how to let his family feel good. Just can't figure out how to do without I leave him. for the next month, I think they will have sex, because MM is very sex drive person, I did told him don't let me know. I don't want to know, I will feel sad if I know. But I feel now sex is not the most important issue between us, it will be matter only later he choose he because of sex, but I think his decision will not just base on this. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria_Smellons Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 I love this man and really want can find the best solution for everybody. I want to be with him, but I also can't help how to let his family feel good. Just can't figure out how to do without I leave him. I'm glad you have a timeline in mind. The problem is Sisa sometimes there is no 'best for everybody solution'. He's going to do what's best for himself and his family. Maybe he genuinely does care about you, but he will always care about his family (wife and children) MORE. You will always be second. You've been told this, you know this to be fact. If you could make your peace with that, then although I wouldn't recommend this relationship as a lifestyle choice I could at least understand it, but you're unhappy all the time. You're whole life seems to revolve around him and his decisions, what about your life, your wants, your needs, your ideas? Even in a traditional relationship it is not healthy to make another person the center of your life, but that's what you have done with this man. He will never be in a position to make you the center of his life, which is what you seem to want. The only person here who has your best interests as their focus should be you, but you don't seem to give a damn about yourself or what it is you want. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruffian1 Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 He said it's good for long term if mother is stable Kinda too late for that Good idea not to get upset with him having sex with other woman, you are going to need that skill in the future I believe. Plus he can always hide it from you like he did from his W so you will never know any way. He is going to want you "stable" too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sisa Posted May 6, 2015 Author Share Posted May 6, 2015 MM has good income, but MM told me his saving now is around 20000, near empty in fact. now he spend 5000 per month to provide his separate wife and two kids in hometown, they are not spending type but I guess they are just not so well to manage their finance. Now they are discussing the divorce contract, and she ask for 500,000 from MM and saying it's for her security. MM agreed will keep the monthly support for her (which is more than 50% of his income), kids education (extra), and now MM told me we should provide her the house, and he wish me can support 100,000. I thought the divorce term normally is separate half asset to the ex, and provide reasonable monthly support, I don't understand why MM feel this is reasonable when he cannot afford this and we need to debt. I told him we can buy house for her when we have money, why she need immediately now, because they rent the house now, and MM also pay all of it. Is her intention is make he and me poor and debt? Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 I think her intention is to make sure that she and the kids are provided for. I don't think she believes he will act in their best interest, because in sure according to her thinking, he is not acting in their best interest. She's looking out for she and her kids well being. That's is her job. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AngeliqueC Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 Having been divorced twice, my advice is that your MM needs to get a good attorney who will work toward a fair distribution of assets and see that the children are provided for. Perhaps a shared custody arrangement would be in his best interest, both financially and for the emotional well being of the children. But let the attorney decide what is right and fair to fight for - the divorcing spouses are generally too emotionally involved to make those decisions with an impartial frame of mind. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 My H was extremely generous to his xW in the divorce settlement, as he recognised she'd be unlikely to find another partner. So he paid her out over the odds for her share of the house, and agreed to shared custody (so that no child support money would change hands either way) although the kids were living with us full-time. So she was quids in... But that still wasn't enough for her, and she started going after things she had no right to (e.g. his father died during the D, and she made a grab for his house. She also asked her lawyer to look into including my house and other assets into "our" "joint" estate, to make a claim against that...) Fortunately her lawyer told her to back off, as her money-grubbing would just irritate the judge and make him likely to rule against her punitively. It's not inusual for women who feel their husbands have been "stolen" from them to seek restitution financially. After all, he was her meal ticket, and she needs the money in the bank to replace that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 He gave her the house because it was unlikely she would find someone else.There is plenty of people no one needs to be with out an partner.When a person decides to get out of marriage due to cheating they should be fair. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 He gave her the house because it was unlikely she would find someone else.There is plenty of people no one needs to be with out an partner.When a person decides to get out of marriage due to cheating they should be fair. When someone gets out of the marriage, whether there is cheating or not, there should be a fair division of assets. My guy and his ex split everything 50/50. They don't have any minor children so it was easy. Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 He has way too many excuses and issues to be any fun- can you find the strength to move on? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 It is normally split 50/50 of all assets. . Does he have a lawyer? Sisa, he has told so many lies. Are you sure he isn't after your money? Has he asked you to help him buy her a house or give him huge amounts of money? I don't like that he said you and him should buy her a house. Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 Move on from him already..... Too much baggage..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 I think that would be called alimony AND child support, not just alimony. Is he looking less attractive now that he will have less money? because this is real, He will have a lot less money. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 I am re-reading your post- 5K as half his income and 500K don't add up too well unless he is really good at investing or this is the value of his home and retirement- something is not right with his story to you- I do not think 5K is an unreasonable amount for support-depending on where you live- where I am if I did not work there is no way I could get by on 5K and keep the house, etc... If you are going to take on debt with this guy, you need to see his balance sheet- something really doesn't add up here- Link to post Share on other sites
bigman1 Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 Here's the thing, when you marry someone, you forsake all others and throw all of your eggs into that basket. You give up opportunities that you otherwise would have taken because you are with the spouse and those opportunities don't work out for both of you. I'm a lawyer, who hates divorce cases BTW, but my fees factor in that by taking on this client, I have to limit the number of other client's I take. Therefore, the XW had an expectation interest in a certain lifetime lifestyle with her spouse. He cheated and is not leaving her for you. Fine. Still, he owes her and she has a right to expect the things that she would have gotten. I know men who leave the older wife for the new younger wife. Well, they have to pay. Its the cost of business. You can't alter the trajectory of someone's life and expect them to just keep it moving. There is a reason that they say "its cheaper to keep her". Put another way, just because you didn't watch the whole movie does not mean that your ticket cost less. Yes, he was her meal ticket, but that was the deal when they entered the marriage. Your love is gonna cost, but her love cost too. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
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