CarrieT Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 he got the mail from divorce lawyer yesterday, the wife ask a lot money which he doesnt have now. now he earn around 10K a month (before tax), but he don't have saving. wife ask 5K per month, kids tuition is not including yet. and ask for 600K extra, which he impossible to have it now. How we can do with this? Is asking this is readable ? She can ASK for whatever she wants. Usually it is a court who looks at the finances and decides how to split the assets. he asked me do I want to see the mail, I say no need. So he read the mail to me. I trust him, he doesn't need to lie me this. Why do you trust him? You know he has been capable of lying to his wife for years - why not to you as well? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 So let him give her everything he has. Will you still want him then? Just don't give him a dime of yours to give to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sisa Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 I trust him. I know he also can choose stay with her and NC with me, then she will not divorce with him, and he will not face the situation like right now. He ask me if he also find a lawyer too, I feel unnecessary because I think we can believe the law. Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Sharing a lawyer in a divorce is a bad idea. He needs to get his own. Especially with the amounts she is asking for. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WasOtherWoman Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 If he only earns 10K a month, he is going to be hard pressed to support two households. I honestly would run.... all you are going to end up with here is a man in financial trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
amomwhoknows Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 You can ask for anything in a divorce. It doesn't mean she will get it. It is not likely she will get 50% of his income. Here the max you can get is 30%. She won't get 600,000 if he doesn't have that. People ask for money but it comes from retirement accounts, savings, investments,property,etc. You normally split those things. So if he has none of them then she can't get it. In our state, with a long term marriage and minor children, it can be close to 50 percent for the years that spousal support is ordered. And I am guessing that the 600K isn't a number her attorney pulled out of thin air -- I bet you anything his assets support a figure close to that. All that said, I think this is one very bad situation for a very young woman. I also think she is being strung along. There will be no divorce. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 People hit high in the first round of the divorce procedure. I wouldn't sweat it too much. I do think he should have an attorney and they can counter offer. You keep going back and forth until you hopefully meet in the middle where both parties agree. If not you go before a judge and the judge decides. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 He ask me if he also find a lawyer too, I feel unnecessary because I think we can believe the law. tell him to get a lawyer - asap. you can trust the law with help from someone who knows it better than you do. Link to post Share on other sites
Wifeinpain Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 I know many single women who have spent years looking for an avaliable, 100% committed partner and haven't found him. So long that they still haven't married, aren't in a relationship, and have reached the age where they no longer believe they'll be able to have children. So just because you look doesn't mean you'll find it. I also never went looking for or wanted an AP. The opportunity presented itself and me being naive at the time took it. Yes I kept going, so I made my decision. I'm also not going to spend my life "looking" for a relationship of any kind (single or AP). If it happens then I'm all for venturing down that path, but until then I'm okay with where I am. I've never wanted to get married. I'm single, I have a relationship that for the most part quenches my need to have someone care about me and take care of me sexually, I teach, I'be bought my own home, I have three amazing young children I adopted from foster care and God continues to bless me. I don't need to find a single man to feel accomplished. Ok, fair enough. But why does your sexual gratification have to come at someone else's expense? Are your sexual needs so important that you will risk extreme emotional damage to another person? This is from a former OW now married then became the BS...I learned a huge lesson. Our life's joy should never ever be at the expense of others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sisa Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 In our state, with a long term marriage and minor children, it can be close to 50 percent for the years that spousal support is ordered. And I am guessing that the 600K isn't a number her attorney pulled out of thin air -- I bet you anything his assets support a figure close to that. All that said, I think this is one very bad situation for a very young woman. I also think she is being strung along. There will be no divorce. she is 40+ and they marry 10+ years, two kids around 14. his parents has house and saving, is this count into MM's asset? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sisa Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 If he only earns 10K a month, he is going to be hard pressed to support two households. I honestly would run.... all you are going to end up with here is a man in financial trouble. my income is similar as MM, so we can be fine if he give half asset to her. Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 No, what his parents have is not included. Link to post Share on other sites
WasOtherWoman Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 my income is similar as MM, so we can be fine if he give half asset to her. But that would put you in the position of being the primary earner and responsible for helping him to afford to live. Don't you want a man who can afford to support himself, without you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sisa Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 I feel support him through divorce things is better than let he keep married with her. Then we will have more free and she will get what she deserve instead always involve in our finance part and plan. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sisa Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 She told MM today that if he leave me and then she won't divorce and he don't need to pay 600K. I think MM afraid now, now he try to conviemce me stay with him if he CANT divorce. I told MM he need to find a lawyer and reject her unreasonable asking, MM told me he don't want fighting, but he don't have 600K now, so how to divorce? Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 She told MM today that if he leave me and then she won't divorce and he don't need to pay 600K. I think MM afraid now, now he try to conviemce me stay with him if he CANT divorce. I told MM he need to find a lawyer and reject her unreasonable asking, MM told me he don't want fighting, but he don't have 600K now, so how to divorce? Yes he sounds afraid. He doesn't have a spine. You can't be a man for him. Let him stay married and dump him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Seems to me you will need to just accept that his situation will never change and he will continue to give you excuse after excuse- if you want to stay with this man, I would simply tell him to stop with the excuses because it gets your hopes up and puts you in a state of confusion-just tell him you are willing to stay in the relationship as it is so there is no reason for him to continue to make up these elaborate tales to keep you- 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 (edited) Seems to me you will need to just accept that his situation will never change and he will continue to give you excuse after excuse- if you want to stay with this man, I would simply tell him to stop with the excuses because it gets your hopes up and puts you in a state of confusion-just tell him you are willing to stay in the relationship as it is so there is no reason for him to continue to make up these elaborate tales to keep you- He only makes up the tales because sisa won't agree to be a permanent OW like he wants. that is what he wants. If it were truly the money that he cared about, then he would be so appalled and disgusted by W's unreasonable request that he would fight it. But he relents to her because he wants to relent to her, not actually because of the money, and he can conveniently blame it on his W, which sisa believes. His W senses his weakness too and knows he won't do anything. Edited June 1, 2015 by Popsicle 4 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 He only makes up the tales because sisa won't agree to be a permanent OW like he wants. that is what he wants. If it were truly the money that he cared about, then he would be so appalled and disgusted by W's unreasonable request that he would fight it. But he relents to her because he wants to relent to her, not actually because of the money, and he can conveniently blame it on his W, which sisa believes. I totally agree that is why, but my point is she has only 2 choices- leave or accept this is the way it is- her being the permanent OW- its never going to change- if she wants to stay, she should just accept this and let him know that so they can move forward without all the drama of these elaborate lies-personally, I would move on, but it seems to me, she does not want to because she tries to believe all the bull he sends her way-its her choice, but to me to continue being the OW she and have some sanity she should just give up on the "he is going to leave after XYZ" and start accepting her role in his life- Link to post Share on other sites
Author sisa Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 yes, I feel the same in fact. So how to let him divorce, I don't want give up him, I want he with me. Should I force him choose one, tell him deadline and tell him I don't accept be lover. Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 yes, I feel the same in fact. So how to let him divorce, I don't want give up him, I want he with me. Should I force him choose one, tell him deadline and tell him I don't accept be lover. You have been doing that all along and he keeps stringing you along with story after story- so yes, you can give him a deadline but history has shown he will give you another story as to why he can not meet that deadline. You seem really nice so I feel bad saying this, but the 600K and all of that is just bull, you know it, but you love him so you are willing to believe it- It does not appear he is ever going to divorce his wife for you, so either move on or accept it for what it is now- I feel like giving him a deadline is just prolonging all of this and forcing him to come up with another lie and forcing you to believe it- Again, I am sorry if that is harsh, but you have been putting up with this for so long-its time to make a decision one way or another- 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 What gettingstronger said. He just can't do it and you have to accept that. Wish him luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 There is nothing romantic or sexy about a man who won't fight for you ( he won't fight for his W either). How could you still even remain attracted to him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sisa Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 He treat me good and bad in the same time. He tell me if I love him, I should stay with him because he treat me good, he don't feel marry is necessary. He say he wish I love him instead the concept of love to marry him. He say he can't promise me to give me family, but he promise will treat me good. I ask him why he marry her, he said when he is young he think marry if necessary, but now he find out he is not fit marry. I love him because except he is married, I feel we are fit and have great chemistry. He talk to me everyday, give me attemtion, the one most close to me. And it's so hard to let him go, we love each other and i can't give up and let his wife have him, I don't want this, maybe she love him too, and she don't give up too, but why I should let her have him. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 (edited) You must have been treated really bad by single men is this is what you think is really good. And that makes you the perfect type to be a permanent OW. You may not know it but there is a lot better. Edited June 1, 2015 by Popsicle Link to post Share on other sites
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