Author LovelyBrown Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 I went searching for answers and it only made things 10 times worse, because it was the complete opposite of what I expected. It lead to hurt like I've never experienced. Closure has to come from within. It takes time... A lot of it. I kinda want that? No? I almost need for him to really break my heart so I can move on. Does that make any sense at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 I kinda want that? No? I almost need for him to really break my heart so I can move on. Does that make any sense at all? Yes, but you would regret it. Trust me! The more I tried the more distant he became and that hurt more than anything. I wish I could go back to not knowing and just believing it was like a Romeo and Juliet thing....or like the movie bridges of Madison county....but I couldn't just let it be...and now I have a lot of anger and hurt.....don't look for answers, just try to let it go..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyBrown Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 yes, but you would regret it. Trust me! The more i tried the more distant he became and that hurt more than anything. I wish i could go back to not knowing and just believing it was like a romeo and juliet thing....or like the movie bridges of madison county....but i couldn't just let it be...and now i have a lot of anger and hurt.....don't look for answers, just try to let it go..... ugh! Dammit Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 I kinda want that? No? I almost need for him to really break my heart so I can move on. Does that make any sense at all? I understand the concept of what you're saying, but then you're going to be stuck on the fact that he broke your heart. Believe me, I was stuck on one thing until I went searching for answers, then I just became stuck on that. You don't want to add more things to be stuck on. Your main goal should be acceptance at this point. I'm not saying stuff everything deep down inside and pretend it didn't happen... Feel it, grieve it, process it... But don't go setting out to make it worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyBrown Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 I understand the concept of what you're saying, but then you're going to be stuck on the fact that he broke your heart. Believe me, I was stuck on one thing until I went searching for answers, then I just became stuck on that. You don't want to add more things to be stuck on. Your main goal should be acceptance at this point. I'm not saying stuff everything deep down inside and pretend it didn't happen... Feel it, grieve it, process it... But don't go setting out to make it worse. I get that it will only add to the grieve, but him breaking my heart would be better than the constant what ifs? Make me really hate him? I really wish I could hate him! How can someone be so sweet, generous and a confidant to you and then just walk away? Now I feel like he just got scared and ran for the hills. Everytime I see him he gives me the puppy eyes and I just know that if I was to allow it we'd be back to square 1 and I can't be hung up on him anymore I'm just tired of it. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 I get that it will only add to the grieve, but him breaking my heart would be better than the constant what ifs? Make me really hate him? I really wish I could hate him! How can someone be so sweet, generous and a confidant to you and then just walk away? Now I feel like he just got scared and ran for the hills. Everytime I see him he gives me the puppy eyes and I just know that if I was to allow it we'd be back to square 1 and I can't be hung up on him anymore I'm just tired of it. I understand what you're saying, believe me, I do. It's because I'm still going through the same thing. I still want answers. But I know that it will just make it so much worse. I'm strongly advising you against going after them... You're a grown person and can make your own choices, but Take everything I said into consideration. Remember. Closure comes from yourself. Sometimes we have to be okay with things we don't have answers to and don't understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyBrown Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 I understand what you're saying, believe me, I do. It's because I'm still going through the same thing. I still want answers. But I know that it will just make it so much worse. I'm strongly advising you against going after them... You're a grown person and can make your own choices, but Take everything I said into consideration. Remember. Closure comes from yourself. Sometimes we have to be okay with things we don't have answers to and don't understand. Thank you! He's going to be working close to me in the next couple of weeks. I need all the will power. Have you talked or seen your MM? Link to post Share on other sites
Adoraxx Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 I kinda want that? No? I almost need for him to really break my heart so I can move on. Does that make any sense at all? That's how I always feel too. I always have so many questions when he breaks up (too many break ups to count ), and it does help me when he says something very painful to me. This last time he told me he is crazy about W. Now that is the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I have no questions for him anymore whatsoever . It sucks when you try to feel angry at him and when you can't reach that point . Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 I think the answers you want from him is just the truth. I doubt he can give you the truth in words. I think they live in complete denial, in their own made-up worlds where what they are doing is acceptable. They make excuses for themselves and their behavior and soon they start believing their own lies. They don't know, or they choose to ignore, how their actions affect other people. If you want the truth, keep reading here, and you will find it. Your answers are going to come from the stories other women tell; you will begin to see similarities in behavior, and read the same words told to have been spoken by MM and won't believe they are not seeing the same MM as you. You heard his words and you've seen his actions, and they don't line up do they? You try to figure out what this person is doing and why the words and actions do not line up but you can't. BECAUSE YOU DO NOT THINK LIKE HIM. To you, love means being true to the other person. To them, love is a means to an end, but only THEIR ends. They are selfish, self-centered, and only looking out for themSELVES. It is YOUR job to look after YOU. Start doing what you need to take care of yourself. Forget his answers because all you are going to get is more lies. It's like GoldieLox keeps saying, closure comes from within you. Closure is when you decide you have had enough of being d!cked around, that you are going to put on your big girl panties and deal with the pain and heartache appropriately, and say NO MORE disrespecting you, treating you poorly, and lying to you. It helps me to understand just how emotionally immature they actually are. They are like spoiled children who will not stop asking for candy at the grocery store. SOMEONE has got to tell them no and then follow through. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyBrown Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 That's how I always feel too. I always have so many questions when he breaks up (too many break ups to count ), and it does help me when he says something very painful to me. This last time he told me he is crazy about W. Now that is the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I have no questions for him anymore whatsoever . It sucks when you try to feel angry at him and when you can't reach that point . If MM said that to me I would slap him so hard he'd go blind! Really, what an ass. You deserve to be loved, you deserve to be respected. Tell this guy to take a hike. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyBrown Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 I think the answers you want from him is just the truth. I doubt he can give you the truth in words. I think they live in complete denial, in their own made-up worlds where what they are doing is acceptable. They make excuses for themselves and their behavior and soon they start believing their own lies. They don't know, or they choose to ignore, how their actions affect other people. If you want the truth, keep reading here, and you will find it. Your answers are going to come from the stories other women tell; you will begin to see similarities in behavior, and read the same words told to have been spoken by MM and won't believe they are not seeing the same MM as you. You heard his words and you've seen his actions, and they don't line up do they? You try to figure out what this person is doing and why the words and actions do not line up but you can't. BECAUSE YOU DO NOT THINK LIKE HIM. To you, love means being true to the other person. To them, love is a means to an end, but only THEIR ends. They are selfish, self-centered, and only looking out for themSELVES. It is YOUR job to look after YOU. Start doing what you need to take care of yourself. Forget his answers because all you are going to get is more lies. It's like GoldieLox keeps saying, closure comes from within you. Closure is when you decide you have had enough of being d!cked around, that you are going to put on your big girl panties and deal with the pain and heartache appropriately, and say NO MORE disrespecting you, treating you poorly, and lying to you. It helps me to understand just how emotionally immature they actually are. They are like spoiled children who will not stop asking for candy at the grocery store. SOMEONE has got to tell them no and then follow through. Yes! all is want is honesty, of all people I'm the one person he could have been 100% honest with! did he not realized that keeping the fact that his wife was on to us from me could cause HUGE problems? What was he trying to achieve? All meanwhile we are going out for coffees, exchanging emails/texts all day and calling me?! UGH:mad: Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Yes! all is want is honesty, of all people I'm the one person he could have been 100% honest with! did he not realized that keeping the fact that his wife was on to us from me could cause HUGE problems? What was he trying to achieve? All meanwhile we are going out for coffees, exchanging emails/texts all day and calling me?! UGH:mad: Honestly, sometimes I think they really are just big children and they see their wives as their mothers. Wives make the rules and they either follow them or they don't. They will try to get away with as much as they can. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Thank you! He's going to be working close to me in the next couple of weeks. I need all the will power. Have you talked or seen your MM? Aside from a few work related conversations that lasted about 20 seconds or less in the past week (he got a promotion which means I now need to talk to him more), nothing in 3.1 months. The false cheeriness in his voice to mask the awkwardness was nauseating. Mine was monotone with a slight hint of irritation. I want answers. I do. Even my husband wonders if it will make me feel better to a certain extent... but I will not bow. I'm stronger than that. I will get through this without his bull$hit answers, and you will too, because let's face it. Would we really believe what they say at this point? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyBrown Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 Honestly, sometimes I think they really are just big children and they see their wives as their mothers. Wives make the rules and they either follow them or they don't. They will try to get away with as much as they can. This is SO accurate! Today was so strange, he came into work for no reason whatsoever, when I showed up he barely said hi and left in a hurry. It was so strange my boss actually asked me what was up with him!! FML. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyBrown Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 Aside from a few work related conversations that lasted about 20 seconds or less in the past week (he got a promotion which means I now need to talk to him more), nothing in 3.1 months. The false cheeriness in his voice to mask the awkwardness was nauseating. Mine was monotone with a slight hint of irritation. I want answers. I do. Even my husband wonders if it will make me feel better to a certain extent... but I will not bow. I'm stronger than that. I will get through this without his bull$hit answers, and you will too, because let's face it. Would we really believe what they say at this point? Good for you! Today I realize what a total fool I have been, the way he showed up today and behaved. I'm done with him. It was exactly what I needed to move past this. Link to post Share on other sites
Adoraxx Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 Aside from a few work related conversations that lasted about 20 seconds or less in the past week (he got a promotion which means I now need to talk to him more), nothing in 3.1 months. The false cheeriness in his voice to mask the awkwardness was nauseating. Mine was monotone with a slight hint of irritation. I want answers. I do. Even my husband wonders if it will make me feel better to a certain extent... but I will not bow. I'm stronger than that. I will get through this without his bull$hit answers, and you will too, because let's face it. Would we really believe what they say at this point? Ugh that's so annoying, GoldieLox, that false cheeriness in his voice to mask the awkwardness... it's exactly what my xMM always does too and it's SO irritating. You're definitely stronger than that, stay silent an don't ask him any questions if you can Hugs!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyBrown Posted May 16, 2015 Author Share Posted May 16, 2015 WHAT THE HELL??!! I came home to him following another one of my social media accounts! I don't get it, he could barely look at me yesterday, and yet he does this! Yet another method for me to be able to contact him, so he can ignore me and not respond. I DONT GET HIM... If you're really trying to not piss off your wife then get rid of me for real. ? Link to post Share on other sites
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