T-shirt and jeans women

[Carm]

I would have totally cancelled on you immediately after a statement like this.

 

For a real connection, I would have wanted you to be impressed with me, my character, my personality, and the whole package.

 

What others have said: You have objectified her.

 

 

Hey Fitness,

 

 

You know I like you as well but have to say I'm with Carrie on this one. I would have cancelled on you too. In fact, I have cancelled on a couple of men for these reasons. Like Carrie, I don't want to be objectified. Working in the fitness industry, there were/are plenty of men who have/do that still to this day. I won't stand for that in a boyfriend.

 

 

Personally for me, I spend my days sweating so when I have dates, I always dress feminine and still do when my bf and I go out.

 

 

BTW, you were seeing someone for awhile....what happened?

[katiegrl]

Here's the thing though. At no point did I ask for opinion or seek approval on my texting style or pre first date etiquette. All I did was provide an example of a woman that says she likes to dress casual most of the time. Since I see a lot of women these days out and about dressing down, my goal was to find out how the women here dress out of curiosity. That's it.

 

Now people have the right to steer the thread in whatever direction they choose. If they don't like how I handed myself, that's cool. Not everyone will agree with me. But since I am just being myself, I don't see that as being "wrong". I just see it as differences of opinion. In the end, dating is a numbers game. Some women won't like my style. Others will. Those are the women I get dates with. So I'd rather keep being myself and find women that appreciate that.

 

 

 

Yes we know. You're dominant, and you like your women "submissive," and by making a comment like that...you're testing out exactly how submissive she is, or will be. We get it.... at least I do.

 

 

That's fine, certainly your prerogative. But when you post something like that on a message board, you should be prepared for some backlash. It just goes with the territory of posting on a message board.

[fitnessfan365]

Hey Fitness,

 

 

You know I like you as well but have to say I'm with Carrie on this one. I would have cancelled on you too. In fact, I have cancelled on a couple of men for these reasons. Like Carrie, I don't want to be objectified. Working in the fitness industry, there were/are plenty of men who have/do that still to this day. I won't stand for that in a boyfriend.

 

 

Personally for me, I spend my days sweating so when I have dates, I always dress feminine and still do when my bf and I go out.

 

 

BTW, you were seeing someone for awhile....what happened?

 

Well i appreciate the feedback Carm. But as I've said many times, my point was never to seek approval or opinion on how I handle myself before a date. I only used it as an example to a woman saying she prefers to dress casual. So I was curious how the women here on the forums dress. But instead of women sticking to the topic, they all chose to criticize how I handed myself. It's cool though. I just wouldn't get dates with any of the women in this thread.

 

But in response to what you said, before a man knows you, he sees you as a sexual object. I know women don't like to hear that and some guys will pretend to be above it. However, it's true. With a lot of women it's connection and emotion first. With men, it's sexual attraction and if she's a cool person he begins to invest emotionally as he gets to know her. But if I've never met a woman, my only motivation for initially talking to her is because I could see myself sleeping with her. If I wasn't attracted, I wouldn't pursue her romantically plain and simple. Plus, it doesn't help that you have the body of a 25 year old. So you can hardly blame a guy. I just hate keeping false pretenses. If I think a woman is hot, am attracted, or whatever else I speak my mind.

 

** It was a mutual break up with her and me. Very amicable. Ironically we decided to try and be friends recently, and that failed miserably. We're still way too attracted to each other.

 

Yes we know. You're dominant, and you like your women "submissive," and by making a comment like that...you're testing out exactly how submissive she is, or will be. We get it.... at least I do.

 

 

That's fine, certainly your prerogative. But when you post something like that on a message board, you should be prepared for some backlash. It just goes with the territory of posting on a message board.

 

What do my preferences for a woman's dress style have to do with dominance?

[Carm]

Yes we know. You're dominant, and you like your women "submissive," and by making a comment like that...you're testing out exactly how submissive she is, or will be. We get it.... at least I do.

 

 

That's fine, certainly your prerogative. But when you post something like that on a message board, you should be prepared for some backlash. It just goes with the territory of posting on a message board.

 

 

Hey Katie,

 

 

I think you're on point for many of your posts but I don't agree with FF liking his women to be submissive. I think he puts too much focus on being sexually attracted to women he dates which is normal for men. That being said FF, I think you need to tone that down if you want to attract a quality woman. Just my two cents.

[Phoe]

I don't think that a woman necessarily HAS to wear dresses in order to be feminine.

 

I own 3 dresses. They only get worn during the summer. 2 sundresses and 1 longer dress.

 

I am mostly a jeans and shorts girl. Sure, my jeans are fitted and good quality. I don't even own sweats or flip flops. My sandals are nice strappy ones or I wear nice ballet flats.

 

I own a few t-shirts, but they fit well and are of a soft material. My tops are mostly "casual", but are good quality, fit well, and suit my style. If it's summer I'm wearing tank tops or something with straps that highlight my collarbone, and if it's winter I will wear lightweight, soft v neck sweaters.

 

I keep it simple, I don't do anything fancy or particularly "girly" but that does not mean I lack femininity.

[Phoe]

Actually I thought that line was really cludgy. Dropped like a ton of bricks.

 

I did cringe a bit...

 

for a woman you're already well acquainted with, the suggestion could indeed come off as flirty.

 

for a woman you barely have begun to interact with? nah... it's definitely moving towards that objectification area.

[katiegrl]

 

What do my preferences for a woman's dress style have to do with dominance?

 

 

Well first of all, let's not deny that you are dominant, and that you like you're women submissive. That's pretty obvious given what you post about ... and how often.

 

 

However, that said, it's NOT your preference that's the issue with regard to how dominant you are.... You are certainly entitled to your preference of whether she wears a dress or jeans. No one is debating that.

 

 

It's voicing that preference, in the way that you did BEFORE having even met her that's the issue.

 

 

Can you not even admit that you were testing her? Her reaction? Perhaps it was subconscious, but to me it was plain as day what you were doing.

 

 

Again, JMO but I don't think you give a rat's rear end what she wears on your first MEET.

 

 

You threw out the comment to gauge her reaction. If she responded favorably, you've got a winner. Someone who knows how to please a man...at least in your eyes, which includes dressing sexy (i.e. sexy dress). And who also likes sexy banter.

 

 

Which is all well and good, I love sexy banter myself. It's just that for most women, it's just too soon for all that... it's just too "familiar," and suggestive, and to be honest creepy.

 

 

If you were turned off by her reaction, and again that is your prerogative, it indicates a certain rigidity in your thinking. Again JMO.

 

 

I'm sure you don't give a rat's rear end what I think, but you asked...and like a "good little girl" lol, I answered....

Edited May 7, 2015 by katiegrl

[Erised]

I'm a jeans and tee kind of girl. I do quite well that way, anyhow, and I'm comfortable.

 

It's fair you let her know if that's an incompatibility, I think. Nothing wrong with you having your preference.

I'm sure she's not hurt one way or the other.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

I didn't read everything, but I don't get the asking her about her planned outfit. Seems douchey & controlling to me.

 

 

My ex wore skinny jeans & fitted graphic tees almost every day. I never questioned her femininity.

[ascendotum]

I did cringe a bit...

 

for a woman you're already well acquainted with, the suggestion could indeed come off as flirty.

 

for a woman you barely have begun to interact with? nah... it's definitely moving towards that objectification area.

 

With some women it will work and others (as witnessed here no). I suspect younger women will go with the flow more on his remark than older / more dating experienced women. Ive seen guys txting transcripts on line before where they say similar as a way of pre-empting the mood for the date (and it seemed to go down well). Ive seen the msgs/txts of a couple of players I know and they were way more more dirty flirty than that. Some women will filter such guys out because of it and that will suit the guy too as it can be a filter for him...if he's not looking for anything serious or wants a more flirty fun loving /maybe bit submissive woman.

 

I have no problem in a woman wearing jeans, t-shirt, boots to a date, or even most the time, if they are nice quality, stylish, figure flattering. My last gf actually wore cargo pants on the first date...Oh No......but its was because we went indoor rock climbing. Not a good first date for FF unless he told them to bring a change in clothes. Its definitely possible she went with the jeans & t-shirt as a knock back on his comment. The dates still on anyway.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

At least he didn't ask her if she used a cane.

[fitnessfan365]

I didn't read everything, but I don't get the asking her about her planned outfit. Seems douchey & controlling to me.

 

 

My ex wore skinny jeans & fitted graphic tees almost every day. I never questioned her femininity.

 

Well the "have you planned your outfit yet" was me trying to be funny and ironic. A first meet is extremely casual. So the idea of someone dressing to the nines for that cracks me up. The "I look forward to whatever sexy choice you make" was me just trying to flirt. But according to the women here, it wouldn't have worked on them..LOL

 

However, I think it's perfectly OK to try and flirt and build a little bit of tension going into a meet. Believe it or not, this style has actually worked well for me with women I meet online because they already feel comfortable and desired going in. So it's a continuation instead of starting from scratch. The only thing that results in a state shift obviously is if she's a Catfish that mis-represents herself. But if she is who she claimed to be, then I try to carry that same energy from the phone call and few texts into the meet.

[clia]

Where are you taking her on the date?

 

Answer this, and I'll tell you what I would wear.

[xxoo]

Well the "have you planned your outfit yet" was me trying to be funny and ironic. A first meet is extremely casual. So the idea of someone dressing to the nines for that cracks me up. The "I look forward to whatever sexy choice you make" was me just trying to flirt. But according to the women here, it wouldn't have worked on them..LOL

 

You were joking, but you took her answer to be straightforward truth.

 

If she got that you were joking, she was likely joking, too.

[fitnessfan365]

Where are you taking her on the date?

 

Answer this, and I'll tell you what I would wear.

 

Haha.. Once again, it wasn't about what she would wear on a first meet. I've said many times that I was simply trying to be funny and ironic. I mean doesn't the idea of expecting someone to dress to the nines for something really casual crack anyone else up?

 

What I originally commented on was that she said "I'm a big t-shirts and jeans woman". Since she threw the word "big" in there this basically tells me that is her style preference. I like women that are really feminine and confident in how they represent themselves. So I was looking at it in terms of more overall compatibility. Not what she wears on the first meet.

[Diezel]

Yikes, I just read the rest of the thread, and the overthinking is over the top.

 

FF texted that because SOME women actually do respond to a text like that. You people DO know that, right?

 

He didn't make a mistake by sending that text. He made a mistake by letting her response affect him in a negative way instead of just responding in a more positive or even playful manner.

 

But to say that he completely screwed up or needs to revisit his texting etiquette is a little too much.

[Carm]

Well the "have you planned your outfit yet" was me trying to be funny and ironic. A first meet is extremely casual. So the idea of someone dressing to the nines for that cracks me up. The "I look forward to whatever sexy choice you make" was me just trying to flirt. But according to the women here, it wouldn't have worked on them..LOL

 

However, I think it's perfectly OK to try and flirt and build a little bit of tension going into a meet. Believe it or not, this style has actually worked well for me with women I meet online because they already feel comfortable and desired going in. So it's a continuation instead of starting from scratch. The only thing that results in a state shift obviously is if she's a Catfish that mis-represents herself. But if she is who she claimed to be, then I try to carry that same energy from the phone call and few texts into the meet.

 

 

So FF, when a guy I do not know, or hardly know says anything similar to what you said...i.e. "look forward to whatever sexy choice you make" all I think oh boy here we go again with another guy who wants to push the sex thing with me.

 

 

I get that for men it's all visual, but too fast too soon sends alarm bells running through my mind and it's a turn off. No second chance, they are done in my mind. I does NOT mean I'm a prude, far from, but when a guy doesn't know me I feel he has no right to talk like that to me.

 

 

Thankfully, my bf was a perfect gentlemen for many dates and that is the biggest turn on for a woman like me.

[barcode88]

FFan while I usually agree with most of what you have to say I think you might be wrong on this one.. I don't think a lot of the Women here are trying to tear you apart so to say - I think they're expressing the opinion that this girl might not necessarily be as casual as she says (the inquiry of your thread), rather she is basically sht testing you.

 

Your comment does come off as overtly sexual, and I wouldn't expect it to work on all Women the same. This girl is taking your comment and going the total opposite direction with it (Jeans/Tshirt) to see how you react to make sure she isn't wasting her time going out with someone with a weird sexy outfit fetish or something.

 

Her actual intent was probably to wear something more appropriate for a date. Going back to the story you had about the flip flops/torn jeans girl you bought pizza for - this is what comes to mind for me. You thought she was just a total slob, but in reality she may have been sht testing you all along.

[preraph]

Well, I'm old and fat now and truly not trying to date at all now, but last time I did have a big date, back when I was more or less thin, I wore a crepe three-pc outfit, long pencil skirt, flowy, with matching top with squarish low cowl crumply neckline and matching jacket. It was night and walking around Boston and went to a Tapas place with old flame and friends. If it was day, I'd usually wear ruffled neck blouse and knee-length chiffon skirts cut on the bias to go to ladies' lunches or even out by myself.

 

Now that I'm old and fat and not dating, I still go out to eat in nice places and the odd concert and just try to wear a jacket or sweater over something not too boring and usually skinny pants and accessorize. My latest outfit is a black and white tweed long straight thigh length mod looking collarless jacket with either a sleeveless white shell or a ruched waist blue sheer material blouse with another one of those low busty cowl necklines. Big silver bib necklace. Black pants. For summer, I wear a lot of those colorful fake chiffon-type sort of like poncho tops but they have sleeves.

[clia]

Haha.. Once again, it wasn't about what she would wear on a first meet. I've said many times that I was simply trying to be funny and ironic. I mean doesn't the idea of expecting someone to dress to the nines for something really casual crack anyone else up?

 

What I originally commented on was that she said "I'm a big t-shirts and jeans woman". Since she threw the word "big" in there this basically tells me that is her style preference. I like women that are really feminine and confident in how they represent themselves. So I was looking at it in terms of more overall compatibility. Not what she wears on the first meet.

 

I guess what I'm struggling with is that jeans and a t-shirt can be super feminine. And it does matter where you are taking her. I make a lot of decisions on whether to wear a skirt, dress, jeans, etc., depending on the destination.

 

I don't know where you live, but where I live I regularly see girls in skinny, dark washed jeans, heels, and a form fitted t-shirt. And they look anything other than frumpy, sloppy, etc. It's a very stylish, sexy look. A t-shirt can be low cut and fitted. I wore "jeans and a t-shirt" today and can assure you that I was well put together and looked great. Skinny jeans with great shoes and a t-shirt can go almost anywhere, including a nice restaurant, depending on how it is styled.

 

So, I just feel like you are judging this woman and her "casual" attire without seeing what she actually means by "jeans and a t-shirt." Again, I doubt she is talking about some big sloppy jeans and a men's oversized t-shirt. But I could be wrong.

[katiegrl]

So FF, when a guy I do not know, or hardly know says anything similar to what you said...i.e. "look forward to whatever sexy choice you make" all I think oh boy here we go again with another guy who wants to push the sex thing with me.

 

 

I get that for men it's all visual, but too fast too soon sends alarm bells running through my mind and it's a turn off. No second chance, they are done in my mind. I does NOT mean I'm a prude, far from,

 

**but when a guy doesn't know me I feel he has no right to talk like that to me.**

 

 

Thankfully, my bf was a perfect gentlemen for many dates and that is the biggest turn on for a woman like me.

 

Exactly! It's too familiar and presumptuous...

 

And the OP talks about irony. What would be ironic is if she DOES actually prefer dresses, little short pink dresses, with daises and capped sleeves....

 

But showed up in old sweats and washed out tee ...just to gauge "his" reaction.

[fitnessfan365]

Yikes, I just read the rest of the thread, and the overthinking is over the top.

 

FF texted that because SOME women actually do respond to a text like that. You people DO know that, right?

 

He didn't make a mistake by sending that text. He made a mistake by letting her response affect him in a negative way instead of just responding in a more positive or even playful manner.

 

But to say that he completely screwed up or needs to revisit his texting etiquette is a little too much.

 

THANK YOU! That's been my point the whole time. Some women like it and some don't. The women that do, are the ones that appreciate that side of me and go out with me.

 

When we talked on the phone, she originally suggested Sat or Sun, which I told her that I couldn't do. Then we agreed tentatively on next week. But I still have to finalize my schedule and I told her that I'd give her a quick call this weekend. She texted me today. So I took a shot and asked about tonight because my Thurs-Sun are full.

 

She said she'd love to see me tonight but was busy and couldn't. Then we exchanged the few texts that I mentioned. It ended with her saying she had to get back to work, but she re-confirmed to call her this weekend. That's why I didn't get into a long drawn out banter session with her.

[barcode88]

THANK YOU! That's been my point the whole time. Some women like it and some don't. The women that do, are the ones that appreciate that side of me and go out with me.

 

When we talked on the phone, she originally suggested Sat or Sun, which I told her that I couldn't do. Then we agreed tentatively on next week. But I still have to finalize my schedule and I told her that I'd give her a quick call this weekend. She texted me today. So I took a shot and asked about tonight because my Thurs-Sun are full.

 

She said she'd love to see me tonight but was busy and couldn't. Then we exchanged the few texts that I mentioned. It ended with her saying she had to get back to work, but she re-confirmed to call her this weekend. That's why I didn't get into a long drawn out banter session with her.

 

As long as you realize she is probably sht testing you Even if she DOES show up a bit more casually dressed than usual, it's most likely a test to see if you will bail or stick around.

[katiegrl]

Yikes, I just read the rest of the thread, and the overthinking is over the top.

 

FF texted that because SOME women actually do respond to a text like that. You people DO know that, right?

 

He didn't make a mistake by sending that text. He made a mistake by letting her response affect him in a negative way instead of just responding in a more positive or even playful manner.

 

But to say that he completely screwed up or needs to revisit his texting etiquette is a little too much.

 

Oh no we get it, at least I do...

 

He likes his women submissive and 100% responsive to him .....his likes, his preferences, his texting style, all of it.

 

And he is entitled to that...

 

However, for many women, at least the women posting in this thread, which as Gaeta said represents how most or many women think, we found his comment, *NOT* his preference, off- putting, among other things, which is "our" prerogative.

 

And since he did throw the comment out there, it's reasonable to expect that there is gonna be some backlash.

 

If he did NOT want the backlash, he should have left the little text exchange out, and simply asked us how we prefer to dress...and left it at that...

[jen1447]

FF, do yourself a favor and just own up. It's okay to be wrong once in a while, and you come off as a bigger man by acknowledging that than forever fighting a pointless battle that was decided long ago.

 

Here's the thing though. ....[paragraph snip]

 

Now ....[paragraph snip]

 

So ....[paragraph snip]

 

"And in closing, let me tell you about a small boy and his dog spot ...."

 

You didn't try very hard.