T-shirt and jeans women

[acrosstheuniverse]

Eww. If I got that message I would cancel the date. It's fine to tell me I'm pretty or look beautiful in a photo you've seen, but if for one second you said something that sleazy it'd be an instant turn off. It implies you're expecting a 'sexy' outfit so much you're actually willing to ask outright for it. It implies that if I don't show up looking 'sexy' you're not interested. But the worst part is that you actually said it pre date in an attempt to make sure that even if she had something else planned to wear, she'd change it. Gross.

 

And I am a woman that likes to dress well, wear dresses and heels and jewellery, has my hair and makeup and nails done impeccably during every day life and would definitely make an effort for a dinner date with a dress. But for a coffee date, I would be showing up in some skinny jeans, boots, a pretty top and hoping that my personality was enough for the guy to Wanna see me again if I liked him.

 

Good luck attracting women with comments like that before you even know her.

[lana-banana]

1) I will fully own the fact that the women who have posted in this thread would not be a good match for me. I am fine with that because you can't appeal to everyone and I am not trying to date any of these women here.

 

2) I will also fully own that how I handle myself will make some women uncomfortable. Like the ones in this thread for example. I am simply saying the women that I date like how I handle myself. That's why they go out with me. I never once claimed that how I act works on every woman.

 

However, no one on this forum can claim to speak for everyone. You can say "in my opinion", "i think", "that wouldn't work for me", etc.. That's completely fine. That's what I do in my posts to stress I only speak for myself. But women here continue to act like they represent women in general which is the problem I have. The fact is that no one person can represent an entire populace (spelling corrected by someone who knows better).

 

The only reason you think we aren't representative is because none of us found you playful or silly. If we had said "oh tee-hee you're so funny" you wouldn't be saying "well I don't think you guys speak for all women!"

 

You said something creepy and degrading. Ten pages of posters called you out. You ignored all of these women and their opinions because you're not trying to date us (because a woman's opinion only matters if you're trying to get up her skirt, am I right, fellas?) Someone wisely pointed out the kind of classy, intelligent women you're allegedly going for would be turned off by your approach and you ignored that too. Your ego refuses to consider a world where most women aren't charmed and flattered by being treated like meat.

 

FF: Can you BELIEVE this woman?! Why won't she wear tight dresses and lingerie on our first date?

Women: Wow, that's pretty disrespectful.

FF: I don't care about your opinions, this is about MY preferences and what I want.

Women: Good luck with that.

[fitnessfan365]

. But for a coffee date, I would be showing up in some skinny jeans, boots, a pretty top and hoping that my personality was enough for the guy to Wanna see me again if I liked him.

.

 

That sounds like a hot outfit actually. I'd definitely appreciate the effort and you'd get a cool point.

 

BTW - I want to stress that this is not about the first meet attire. But notice how she said "pretty top" and not "t-shirt". If Ms T-Shirt had said that she was generally a "big pretty top and jeans" woman I'd instantly think of the type of outfit that across mentioned. "T-shirt" makes me think loose fitting and bland.

[xxoo]

"T-shirt" makes me think loose fitting and bland.

 

Women's cut t-shirts are not loose fitting. They are tapered for our shape.

 

I still don't understand why you took her answer about t-shirt and jeans literally and honestly when you were asking ironically and kidding.

[fitnessfan365]

The only reason you think we aren't representative is because none of us found you playful or silly. If we had said "oh tee-hee you're so funny" you wouldn't be saying "well I don't think you guys speak for all women!"

 

You said something creepy and degrading. Ten pages of posters called you out. You ignored all of these women and their opinions because you're not trying to date us (because a woman's opinion only matters if you're trying to get up her skirt, am I right, fellas?) Someone wisely pointed out the kind of classy, intelligent women you're allegedly going for would be turned off by your approach and you ignored that too. Your ego refuses to consider a world where most women aren't charmed and flattered by being treated like meat.

 

FF: Can you BELIEVE this woman?! Why won't she wear tight dresses and lingerie on our first date?

Women: Wow, that's pretty disrespectful.

FF: I don't care about your opinions, this is about MY preferences and what I want.

Women: Good luck with that.

 

No actually my reaction would be the same good or bad. I've always said on here that no one person can speak for everyone. That's exactly why I always stress that something is "my opinion" in all my posts. But as I've said over and over, I'm only speaking on behalf of women that I personally date. Since they like it, that's why they're going out with me. So how I act wasn't 'wrong" to them. That's been my point this whole time. If it's "wrong", "creepy" "degrading" or whatever other term comes up to the women on here, so be it. I can't help that. But all that matters to me is that women I like to date enjoy my personality.

 

Also, I've been one of the few advocates on here for delaying sex on a longer term basis to get to know a woman before sleeping with her. So I highly doubt that I'd request lingerie on date one. However, even though your deadlifting skills are hot Lana, we've never seen eye to eye from day one. You're the same woman who refuses to mention she has a boyfriend if a guy hits on her. I still don't understand that logic.

 

When a woman hits on me and I have a girlfriend, I let the woman know I have a girlfriend out of respect for her. To deny the existence of your boyfriend with a simple "I'm not interested" makes it sound like you would be if the right guy hit on you. The reason you're not interested is because you have a boyfriend you love. I don't see why you'd want to hide that.

Edited May 7, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[lil_missy]

She replied sarcastically saying "It's crossed my mind". She got the irony of the statement.

 

If a woman I met yesterday and didn't have official plans with yet, asked me if I was already planning my outfit, I'd see the humor and sarcasm right away and respond in kind. Example :

 

Her - Are you planning your outfit already?

Me - I've been rummaging around my closet all day

 

.

 

How can you tell she was responding sarcastically? Your example response is more sarcastic but her respond sounds like a standard answer, not much thought to it

 

Then she said she likes big tshirt and jeans, that is obviously toning down ur expectation

 

but yeh that kind of convo with anything sexy with a guy I never met would instantly put me off, if I'm looking for a relationship

 

Anyway did u end up meeting her or rejecting her?

[road]

I only had time to read the first page and glance at the last page.

 

 

There are jeans and then there are jeans. Same with tee shirts.

 

 

Now for me the right jeans and right top can look hot, be comfortable, and not look slutty. As to shoes the same can be said and put the right jeans with the right top, then add the right sneakers and you will have one hot looking woman.

 

 

I am not anti heels, dresses, or skirts. Just they are not required for a woman to look good.

[Toodaloo]

Ah, I see. Is it a bit like the time a random man called me up to say he was doing a women's clothing survey, then asked me what colour and style of "panties" I was wearing?

 

You should have told him bloomers!

 

No actually its not.

 

FF is just a bit OTT sometimes. That guy was just a pervert in the not so great way...

[toscaroscura]

The only guy I ever dated who verbally stated requirements for how I dressed or was pushy in any way for me to "dress sexy" ended up having massive control issues. It would definitely turn me off.

 

I'm a dress and skirt girl, when I go out. Now I don't mind playing sexy dominant/control games sometimes if he was my BF, where we get to choose outfits, but before the first meet? Naw.

[KatZee]

FF I think you're kind of missing a lot of what is being said in this thread.

 

For some reason, talking to women on these dating sites, all meet details, everything revolves around you. What YOU need, what YOU expect, what YOU want.

 

I think you're failing to see that women are their own entities and they too have their own opinions, feelings, and reactions to situations.

 

You have women telling you that what you said was OTT. It was overtly sexual especially for the beginning, when you should be getting to know the woman (as a person) and not worried about being "ironic" or "joking" (when in reality you're NOT being ironic, and you're NOT joking.)

 

I think you want people to think you're being this way, but the conversation and the subsequent responses from you prove otherwise. You want THAT sort of woman. The old school, manly man/submissive woman who acts like a lady, is always soft/feminine, whatever else.

 

Your jokes, are nothing more than passive attempts to manipulate the woman you're talking to into fulfilling whatever fantasy you have in your mind.

 

Let me tell you a few things about women:

 

How we show up to a date (if at all) directly correlates to how we feel about the guy we've been talking to.

 

If a guy dropped those texts on me before we even met, along with all other women saying it was a turn-off, I'd be turned off. Depending on how all other aspects of the conversation went, I still might meet with the guy.

That being said, if I had been planning on wearing a dress, a skirt, and being done up very feminine, I'd now show up dressed down. Not sloppy by any means, still feminine, but ultimately, it would not be how you wanted me to show up.

 

And that change in outfit would be for a main reason. You did not make me feel comfortable being around you dressed how I initially would have dressed, and second, the attraction/connection, whatever we had via text/e-mail, has significantly dropped off, and I'm not as motivated to get all done up for someone I'm now lukewarm about.

 

Sure, I may still meet you. But it would only be to get a feel for who you are as a person, IN PERSON. To gauge whether or not you're really that superficial/sexually focused in person.

 

Sometimes things come off wrong via text. Things get misconstrued. This is the only reason I'd continue on a meet up with a guy who said something like this to me.

 

You're REALLY failing to understand women here, while your mind is so focused on your end game and what YOU want, you're essentially making women out to be "things" that you mold into what you want. We are people. It's sad I even have to say something like this to a guy in 2015.

 

How we react, how we respond, is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS directly related to how you make us feel.

 

You're missing this. Big time.

[Gaeta]

Me - Already planning your outfit for next week?

Her - It's crossed my mind

Me - I look forward to the sexy choice you come up with

Her - We'll see. I'm a big t-shirt and jeans woman

 

I'm curious. What did you reply to her after her I'm a big t-shirt and jeans woman?

[BlueIris]

So for the women on the forums, I'm curious how you usually dress. Do you always dress for "comfort" and not care about attracting male attention. Or do you enjoy strutting your stuff?

 

I definitely don’t dress to attract male attention 90% of the time- except when on a date- or “strutting my stuff.” I don’t want male attention at a flirtation level unless and until after I’ve decided I want to date him. A man who wants a woman who dresses in a sexy way or to “strut her stuff” wouldn’t be happy with me because I dress conservatively in general.

 

I don’t debate your preference and I think it’s good to display your personality from the beginning so you can each decide if you click. In OLD, too many people tried to impress anyone and everyone and put on a veneer, a washed out version of themselves, and only later would their real personality emerge.

[barcode88]

Getting caught up here...

 

What wishes?

 

Did I at any time in my texts say "I want you to dress sexy"? No. I playfully said "I look forward to whatever sexy choice you decide on". Once again to play off "planning an outfit" for something casual and so far in advance.

 

I still find it funny though that women continue to focus on the texts instead of the original topic. The whole point of this thread was to see if women still enjoy strutting their stuff vs dressing down. The texts were only used to site an example of a woman that likes to dress casual.

 

It's not that you ASKED her to dress sexy, but you definitely implied that she should. It's ALMOST the same thing.

 

Also this isn't an example of a woman who likes to dress casual. You haven't even met her yet so you don't know HOW she dresses. All we have is an exchange where you implied she wear something sexy, and in return she gave you a big sht test that got you worked up over. For all we know she may dress nicely for her dates. Hence the purpose of this thread is convoluted since it's basis isn't what you're presenting it as.

 

She replied sarcastically saying "It's crossed my mind". She got the irony of the statement.

 

If a woman I met yesterday and didn't have official plans with yet, asked me if I was already planning my outfit, I'd see the humor and sarcasm right away and respond in kind. Example :

 

Her - Are you planning your outfit already?

Me - I've been rummaging around my closet all day!

Her - I'm looking forward to whatever sexy choice you make

Me - I have a feeling yours will be better.

Her - You'll just have to wait and see mister!

Me - Talk to you soon.

 

This is honestly how a lot of text conversations go with women that I date It's just harmless fun banter. I think the women in this thread have really done some serious over thinking and made a mountain out of a mole hill.

 

Well it would be a little surprised if a Woman said something like that to me, and I don't really envision that kind of thing happening. Flirting should leave some imagination to the mind, but that's overtly sexual.

 

I don't think anyone is making a mountain out of a mole hill here except you (no offense). She felt uncomfortable about the sexual overtones and responded pretty well to it for being uncomfortable. You took her response (which was most likely a sht test to see how you would respond) and accused her of dressing down right away when you failed to notice how uncomfortable you might have made her. This thread doesn't really need to exist, you could have just took the comment for what it was and rolled with it. Your inquiry into asking Women about "Dressing Down" doesn't really apply to the story you presented because you haven't even met this girl yet! Also her comment about dressing down can't be taken at face value since it was in response to you implying she should dress up.

 

 

 

 

 

Also - Quite a few women here shot you down, I don't think you can just play this off as a "They're not my type" thing. Sure - your approach might work on some Women, but based on the stories that you give us, it's not always well received. Sure some of them (including this girl in the original post) might still meet with you, but that doesn't mean that your approach is good!

 

I'm not always right either, usually when I get overwhelming responses telling me that I'm going about something wrong, I'll give it some thought.

Edited May 7, 2015 by barcode88

[clia]

1) I haven't decided yet.

 

2) I don't get why you keep asking about the first meet when I don't care what she wears on it. It's a casual get together.

 

Am I on Candid Camera?

 

I keep asking about the first meet because that's what you were texting her about. And if you don't care what she wears on the first meet, why did you ask her what she was going to wear and tell her to pick out something sexy?

 

I'm confused.

[amaysngrace]

In OLD, too many people tried to impress anyone and everyone and put on a veneer, a washed out version of themselves, and only later would their real personality emerge.

 

I agree.

How dare anybody think that dating could somehow lead to sex?

[Toodaloo]

I agree.

How dare anybody think that dating could somehow lead to sex?

 

Oh flip I am doing it wrong...

 

My expectations are clearly wrong!

 

So what have we got to do to get some sex around here???

[amaysngrace]

Oh flip I am doing it wrong...

 

My expectations are clearly wrong!

 

So what have we got to do to get some sex around here???

 

Shhh...we aren't suppose to talk about that.

[preraph]

A woman whose uniform is t shirt and jeans can't even get a decent job! So for her to cleave to that tells you she's got no higher goal than to "be comfortable." Limiting dress to that will keep her from going a whole lot of places. It will eventually keep her from being introduced to someone's parents. You have to look like you at least have a plan in life. A woman wearing t shirt and jeans is just having arrested development and refusing to grow up, plus has no sense of inspiration. Clothes do reflect who you are. I think she was pulling his leg a little, but she would like to just do nothing and put little effort into life.

 

 

Look, I don't know what FitnessFan's ideal in his head is, but I totally agree with him that someone who mostly wears t shirts and jeans is frumpy and indicates a person who is so laid back they just don't care. There are a lot of steps between mostly wears t shirt and jeans to wearing dresses and high heels and I'm sure FF understands she's not going to wear heels and a dress when going bowling or rock climbing.

[preraph]

So many women have said it would "put them off." Listen, this would only put off someone who didn't have anything else in their closet than jeans and t-shirts. Anyone who liked to dress would be thinking, "Oh, boy, a guy who likes to dress up and go to nice places and notices what I wear."

[katiegrl]

Maybe the reason you need to keep explaining is because this makes no sense. I think you have no idea how creepy you sound. The first date is about meeting the other person and establishing they aren't a serial killer, and your "playful" line didn't help your cause. I would have cancelled immediately.

 

 

 

Bzzzzzzt, wrong, do not pass go. If you had said "Oh, you should know I'm a sucker for women who wear sundresses!" this thread would not be ten pages long. Instead you said you were looking forward to HER making a "sexy" choice FOR YOU. There's nothing general about that. (Unless you're suggesting you think all attractive women should dress sexy, just because it would please you. Sad as it is I can honestly believe this is the case.)

 

Your insistence that you were being "funny and ironic" by telling a complete stranger your clothing preferences doesn't work when you're so passionate about defending those preferences. "But, guys! I was just kidding about her choosing an outfit for me! I don't even know her! And by the way her outfit choice is extremely important!"

 

 

 

You didn't tell this girl you wanted her to dress to impress. You said you wanted her to dress sexy. YOU are the one conflating "feminine" with "sexy", when they aren't the same at all. Every woman who has ever tried to buy a dress for work knows the difference. You aren't really saying you like dresses, you like SEXY dresses, and you seem to think it's acceptable to tell a total stranger she had better look sexy for you. That's not flirty and playful, that's just gross. You sound like a wannabe pick-up artist in a fedora.

 

I love your insistence that it was all totally natural interaction and she wasn't even remotely put off by such an aggressive, creepy comment. (And yes, I agree with every woman in the thread who thinks she was obviously trying to tell you to cool it. But what do we know? We're just women!) Your ego seems unable to accept the possibility that you made a major screw-up and you come off as a demanding jerk.

 

Here's an idea: screening is a two-way street. Most women prefer to date men who aren't pushy and obsessed with sex. They certainly prefer men who don't treat them like sex objects. Maybe next time you should take thise preferences into account instead.

 

^^^^^^ +1000!!!

 

It might behoove the OP to cut and paste it to his fridge!!! And read it every mirn and night till it sinks in...

 

Nuff said!

[regine_phalange]

Since you don't need feedback on your approach, well, the way I dress depends on where I'm going. I don't dress for people but for occasions. if we go for a coffee or a casual dinner don't expect me to dress up. If the spot is romantic, yes, I'll wear something for that, because my mood and anticipation will be like this.

 

This last year I have changed my wardrobe dramatically, and it consists of pieces that are more professional looking. Can't afford to spend a lot of extra money on things that I can't wear most of my days.

 

I only own 1 pair of jeans, and I don't wear it often. I have several dressy pants though, which I can dress up or down. Some are fitted, some are flared. Some are pleated, some aren't. I have some shorts too, I look better with flowy ones.

 

I usually don't look good in T-shirts even though I own some. I look better in more fitted tops.

 

I have several summer dresses, mostly morning ones. I also love long airy summer skirts. And leather skirt for winter because it's really easy to combine with different fabrics and patterns.

 

I also have sweatpants. I usually wear them for working out (doh!) or if everything else is in the hamper . I'd wear those on a date only if it was a date that required physical effort (like mountain-climbing).

 

I don't like to wear very high heels. I have some lower heels, ballerinas, boots, loafers and espadrilles. Majority of my summer shoes are flat, with a couple of exceptions. I like leather sandals, casual flip flops and dressier flip flops for the evening.

 

Oh, and from jackets I prefer either leather jacket or trenchcoat.

[lemoncello]

Women don't dress up for a man. They dress up to impress each other. Competition for a decent single man is fierce.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I met a guy online who physically speaking was GORGEOUS. Hot as hell. He lived about an hour an half from me and pursued me quite heavily. We exchanged phone numbers and since our date a week out due to schedules, we started texting almost daily leading up to our date night.

 

It was immediately apparent that this guy liked to call the shots and have his way - alpha male. He also had VERY specific ideas of what he wanted particularly how a woman should behave and how she should dress...for his enjoyment. It wasn't long before he threw out something about looking "sexy" for him. He commented more than once about "showing off my lovely assets" etc. He also had a thing for feet and he specifically asked me to wear high heeled strappy sandals AND paint my toenails red.

 

Uh...okay...

 

I was still a bit naive to dating at that time and although I thought him to be a bit too aggressive for not having met me or gotten to know me, I went with it. So far, what he was asking for wasn't out of my wheel house at all; my fingers and toes are always manicured and more importantly, I know how to dress my body that is "sexy" in a very feminine and classy way rather than trashy.

 

The closer our date got, he continued to remind me about "looking sexy". I still held out hope that he was just being flirty and cheeky and figured it would all fall into balance when we finally met in person.

 

Well, it didn't. He was like a dog in heat and looked at me like a piece of meat. I don't think he even looked at my eyes the whole time we were together. He asked me to put my foot on his lap so he could "admire my beautiful toes". He was arrogant and everything that came out of his mouth was sexual. I'm definitely no prude but this was more than I wanted for a first date.

 

It was painfully obvious this guy didn't want to get to know me or vice versa. He wasn't really interested in dating someone in the traditional sense. He just wanted a trophy doll he could boss around and have his way with whenever HE wanted.

 

Looking back on that day, I should have walked out and ended the date rather than stick around like a "good girl". Better yet, I should have called him on his "sexy" comments early on instead of feed into them. Lesson learned.

 

So...my point is that here is just one tiny example of the kind of shenanigans many women experience whilst dating. It resonated with me and I've tried to make a very conscious decision not to put myself in that position again if I can help it.

 

Of course, I'm not saying that ALL men who ask about their attire end up like this. That is just ridiculous BUT it did make ME more aware and even more cautious. As I've said in previous posts about dating, my time is valuable.

 

 

Now had we been officially dating and he instructed me to show up without panties and meet him in the restroom...who am I to disappoint?

 

Of course, he better be game for some of my own requests as well

[Haydn]

I suspect a `Speedos man`..........

 

I am not a girl but a cracking pair of jeans and cons or some other low top trainers always work for me.

 

But Toodaloo has made me rethink wellies!

[katiegrl]

Quite well actually. Ms T-Shirt ended the text conversation telling me to call her this weekend. So she wants to meet me. But that seems to be the one piece of info that everyone is ignoring isn't it?

 

The fact is that I am happy with how I handle myself. That's why I never asked for advice or critique and simply cited the texts as an example of a casual dresser. But everyone is entitled to their opinion. If you don't like it, that's cool with me. I'll continue to do what I do, and keep getting dates like I have tomorrow, Fri, and yes with Ms T-Shirt next week.

 

But can we PLEASE get back to the original topic? Ladies, do you like to dress feminine and strut day to day or just on special occasions like date nights out?

 

^^Back to the topic, yes ff, I enjoy dressing femininely, and DO dress femininely. And contrary to what you believe about women who wear jeans and tee, I *aways* look incredibly feminine (and sexy) whether I am wearing jeans and a tee, a spring sun dress with short capped sleeves, or a man's oversized jersey with a pair of woolen socks.

 

I am also extremely confident and love being desired, and that's true no matter what I am wearing. I also enjoy turning my man on, which doesn't take much effort tbh, he gets turned on simply by my "essence.". Not by what I wear...

 

As for intentionally *strutting my stuff,* sounds rather cocky, which is NOT me, so that would be a no. I am actually quite humble as far as that goes....believe it or not.