T-shirt and jeans women

[katiegrl]

I take things at face value. "i'm a big t-shirt and jeans woman" means that how she likes to dress in general. There's nothing wrong with that if that is what she is comfortable in. But it doesn't mean that I have to date her. I think if people were more direct and realistic with expectations/preferences going in it would save time.

 

Example - Got another woman's number. Called her and had an awesome conversation. Originally from the UK, sexy Brittish accent, very playful, etc.. We both love to bowl. So I ask when she's free and then plan a bowling date. Then I jokingly say "If your jeans are too tight, it gives you an unfair distraction advantage". She laughs and says "That's what my strategy is then". Obviously she's feminine, likes to flirt, and recognizes that dress style/type plays into attraction. Regardless of what she wears, she has a great personality right off the bat.

 

 

Look dude, true femininity comes from within, NOT on how a woman dresses. Sure she may "look" the part (feminine) but true femininity comes through via her "essence" -- how she carries herself, how she interacts with a man, how she speaks, etc., NOT on how she dresses.

 

 

I don't know where you ever got the idea that a woman who prefers stylish form fitting jeans that show off her figure isn't feminine or confident or doesn't want to be desired by a man .... as you mentioned in a previous post. How utterly ludicrous.

 

 

Bottom line is ... that line of questioning before ever even meeting her (or any woman) made you appear like an arrogant *********.

 

 

Will some women like it? Sure. The types that probably think Christian Grey (Fifty Shades of Gray) is god's gift to women.

 

 

If that's your thing, go for it. But it's a turn off to most women. Period.

[jen1447]

What FF said is just some good flirting ...

Actually I thought that line was really cludgy. Dropped like a ton of bricks.

[Mrin]

My original intent was just to share an experience and see what the women here like to dress like. Since I always see women out and about dressing down, and since I met this woman who likes to dress more casual as well, it was on my mind. That's it. The thread started out that way with Gaeta and a few others commenting on how they dress. But then the thread took on a new direction of women commenting on my texting style, what I said, how I shouldn't say anything about appearance before meeting, etc..

 

So that's why I have been sticking to my opinion, and say that the way that I interact with women is my own. By being myself, I attract women that like it, and eliminate those that don't so in my eyes that isn't a mistake.

 

Ya, I think we got lost here a bit on critiquing your text game.

 

Getting back here to your original point, which I think is very valid, how do you prefer women to dress: my preference is that I strongly prefer women who dress appropriately for the occasion and that usually means not dressing down. I take pride in my appearance and dressing appropriately and find it a total turn off if she doesn't. I don't mind the jeans look as long as she can pull it off as sheik not grubby or "comfy". I am a fan of dresses and skirts when the weather and circumstances warrant but also fine with a good jeans/pants look. I am attracted to women who can project a feminine aura. I am attracted to women with a sense of style.

 

I will freely admit - I have nexted women after first dates when they showed up dressed down or slovenly. Just not interested in that.

[umirano]

1. Jeans over dress pretty much any day
   
2. I'd never dream of asking about / suggesting a type of clothes of my date
   
3. Pretty much all my naughty thoughts involve a female in denim
   
4. I want to express my sincere gratefulness to every girl / woman wearing jeans
   

 

If it must be I will also date a girl in a dress :-P

[elaine567]

 

1. I'd never dream of asking about / suggesting a type of clothes of my date

Exactly.

I found that text interchange a bit cringeworthy.

It comes across as condescending on the part of fitnessfan, I would have answered in the same way she did, even if my usual attire was haute couture.

Most women are pretty expert re what they wear, what they like wearing and what suits them, and to suggest she needs to plan for a start, and then suggesting she sex it up for their first date is just a step too far IMO.

 

To think that if she chooses to wear a sundress, she is a potential match, and if she chooses to wear jeans and t-shirt she is not a match, is also frankly ridiculous IMO and such a shallow way of thinking.

[MissBee]

1. 
    
   
2. I'd never dream of asking about / suggesting a type of clothes of my date
    
   

 

And this my friend will serve you well, as MOST women will not take kindly to this presumption.

 

Once we're together I don't mind you making requests to see me in something you like but if we have never laid eyes on each other in the flesh texting to ask about my outfit and then presuming it is going to be sexy and the rest is going to fall flat for most women.

[Emilia]

Once again, I was not trying to tell her what to wear when I first meet her. I was simply joking around asking if she'd planned her outfit yet. Then to be playful and joke I said "I'm looking forward to whatever sexy choice you come up with". It really was completely innocent. But in general, I am not attracted to a woman that dresses down and overly casual all the time. I like women that like to be feminine in appearance more often than not.

But the point everyone is making is that it's not an appropriate joke with a complete stranger. You must have enough social skills to understand that people have boundaries and that you crossed hers. You can't talk the same way to someone you have never met than to someone you had half a dozen dates with. How is that not clear?

[Blue08]

I agree with the pushiness of it. I think if I got a text message like that it would turn me off almost instantly. I think you should let it go and just see how it goes and get to know her and not be so focused on what she wears. I would love to dress classy but unfortunately I do not have the money to dress how I would really like to do so.

 

Look for the person who they are on the inside, outfits change everyday

[neowulf]

I don't know.. I've seen some stupid sexy jean / t-shirt combo's.

 

... the clothes change man...

 

.. they also come off

[KatZee]

I met up with a guy this past weekend, Ive known him a while and thought we were just grabbing drinks, I showed up in tight skinny jeans with the rips in them and a tight casual tee with a v-neck. I had a nice jacket over it and had the hair/makeup/accessories on point.

 

So even though I was super casual, it looked more done up than it was. While we were out we made friends at the bar and he told the guy we were on our first date. I was like, wait WHAT!?

 

He texts me after he drops me off and keeps saying what a great time he had and that I looked beautiful.

 

As someone said, I highly doubt she's gonna show up in Walmart mom jeans and a stained oversized tee shirt.

 

Jeans and T doesn't have to look masculine or sloppy.

[loveweary11]

I tried to stay away, but fitness, you coach guys here when they aren't quite getting it.

 

In this case, you're not quite getting it.

 

That was weak texting convo. Too presumptuous. Too demanding sounding and would have nixed the date with most girls.

 

It's not the right time to be asserting your dresss style preference.

 

Be more subtle.

 

Meet her for who she really is, then worry about dress style.

 

For all you know, she saw you were asking for sexy outfits and was just ****ing with you after that comment by saying jeans.

[RedRobin]

I think the appropriate response to your inappropriate question would be...

 

 

"depends. How much money do you plan to spend on me, lol"

 

 

... I imagine lots of men would be bent out of shape if a woman was trying to steer him towards an expensive evening for a first meet.

 

 

In other words, you don't really have any right to have any expectations at this point. If I were her, I'd show up in my jammies just for a laugh. If I showed up at all. and not the fun jammies either... It would be the flannel ones with little moons and stars.

[Gaeta]

I think the appropriate response to your inappropriate question would be...

 

 

"depends. How much money do you plan to spend on me, lol"

 

Love it !

 

When I was suggested to dress sexy for a date I think I replied: I'll wear a damn burlap bag if I wish !

 

Might explain why I've been single for years though lol

[strawberryshortstack]

Got a woman's number off OKC. Called her and decent conversation. We're both busy the rest of the week so we agreed on plans for next week. She sends me a text today. We exchange a few.

 

Me - Already planning your outfit for next week?

Her - It's crossed my mind

Me - I look forward to the sexy choice you come up with

Her - We'll see. I'm a big t-shirt and jeans woman

 

Now I actually respect her for being honest, and I have no desire to change anyone. But this was an instant turn off. My usual preference is for women that dress like women. Skirts, sundresses, form fitting jeans and tops, etc.. It's very attractive when women like to be feminine and feel desired. Yet these days you see more and more women in sweats, flip flops, loose fitting jeans, baggy t-shirts, sweatshirts, etc..

 

So for the women on the forums, I'm curious how you usually dress. Do you always dress for "comfort" and not care about attracting male attention. Or do you enjoy strutting your stuff?

 

I dress to be comfortable, but on the dressy side. Nice, flattering jeans, a dressy t-shirt (no logos) or top and nice, but comfortable shoes. However, I also tend to do a lot of walking dates, so it makes more sense for me to dress more casually.

[jen1447]

In other words, you don't really have any right to have any expectations at this point. If I were her, I'd show up in my jammies just for a laugh. If I showed up at all. and not the fun jammies either... It would be the flannel ones with little moons and stars.

 

I promise I won't pile on FF anymore after this, but it could be this is what the other girl was doing when she showed up in flip-flops and FF took her to the pizza place.

 

FF, do yourself a favor and just own up. It's okay to be wrong once in a while, and you come off as a bigger man by acknowledging that than forever fighting a pointless battle that was decided long ago.

[barcode88]

I promise I won't pile on FF anymore after this, but it could be this is what the other girl was doing when she showed up in flip-flops and FF took her to the pizza place.

 

FF, do yourself a favor and just own up. It's okay to be wrong once in a while, and you come off as a bigger man by acknowledging that than forever fighting a pointless battle that was decided long ago.

 

Yeah I remember that story, but never thought of it that way... Makes sense!

 

 

FFan now that I think about it you really get into what a girl wears on your first few dates

[RedRobin]

Love it !

 

When I was suggested to dress sexy for a date I think I replied: I'll wear a damn burlap bag if I wish !

 

Might explain why I've been single for years though lol

 

 

I tend to date athletes, and most of them like women who look good without a lot of makeup, etc.

 

 

I also wear clothes that fit well, and save the skin tight and eff me shoes for when I get to know them better.

 

 

Interestingly enough, my current boyfriend wore some pretty loose clothing on our first few dates. I was a little concerned that he was on the too skinny side. As it turns out, he has an amazing body, but had more than one woman in the past try to interest him in something casual, which he isn't into. He wanted me to be interested in him... not (just) his hot bod.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lucky me.

[CarrieT]

Me - I look forward to the sexy choice you come up with

I would have totally cancelled on you immediately after a statement like this.

 

For a real connection, I would have wanted you to be impressed with me, my character, my personality, and the whole package.

 

What others have said: You have objectified her.

[Diezel]

What you did was "test" her with that, and you know it. And she responded to your test with one of her own.

 

I would have let that slide, met her at a venue and decide from there if it was worth it.

 

I wouldn't judge until I've met her at least.

[OldRover]

Another point about dress.... I don't know why any guy would want to wear a coat and tie! That crap went out of style years ago. That's business attire, not dating clothes. I wouldn't wear that if the girl was a 10 on 10 and she were paying.....

[preraph]

I can't believe all the kickback just because he doesn't want to date someone who said they're usually in a t-shirt and jeans. I mean, it does say something about lifestyle and how big your world is. I'm by no means a clothes snob or a prude. I've been to a pool hall with a guy with hair down to his mostly buttless jeans who said he was going to tattoo "Get out of that hole you cwazy wabbit" down there. But when I took him to a posh private music party on the roof a nice hotel, he had the sense to wear his rocked out duster and polish it up a bit.

 

Let's try to keep this in perspective, because Fitness actually gets dates from OLD, unlike so many people, so he must be doing something right. If I'd been flirting with someone for awhile, his type comments wouldn't have bothered me, and honestly I'd be more interested because he just let me know he has a sense of style.

 

Of courses, back in the dark ages, before Skype and texting, the only outlet for this type ramped-up flirting was talking live on the phone, and in my case, he was an air-traffic controller working at the time, which certainly added to the tension.

 

And I have to add because so many "suit and tie" comments were made, that there are many, many ways of dressing for men. You do not have to go straight from jeans to "suit and tie." You can go to business casual, sports casual, street casual, rock casual, leather jackets, cool shoes, good jacket with no tie, one of my favorites, with jeans or with trousers. It's not either/or.

Edited May 6, 2015 by preraph

[Eternal Sunshine]

FF - women on OLD sites get a lot of creepy sexual messages. Even if you were joking, she doesn't know you and as a stranger from the internet you shouldn't be making those comments.

 

Personally, both of your comments on tight jeans and sexy outfit would be a huge turn off to me. I would even cancel the meet. + 1 data point.

[katiegrl]

FF - women on OLD sites get a lot of creepy sexual messages. Even if you were joking, she doesn't know you and as a stranger from the internet you shouldn't be making those comments.

 

Personally, both of your comments on tight jeans and sexy outfit would be a huge turn off to me. I would even cancel the meet. + 1 data point.

 

I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if this chick did too.

 

 

My gripe isn't so much objectification (although it is)....it just sounds too "familiar" and "presumptuous" - it's something a man might say to a girl he's been dating awhile, who knows him and feels comfortable with him.

 

 

NOT to a girl before even a first meet.

 

And JMO but I don't believe the OP meant it as a "joke" either. You don't make that type of sexual innuendo to someone you've never met...as a joke. Please... he was "testing" her - how she would react to the comment. Apparently she failed...

 

 

And as far as femininity and dressing sexy... as I said true femininity comes from within, her essence, how she carries herself, her voice, how she interacts with a man - NOT from whether or not she wears a dress or jeans.

 

 

Hell, I could be wearing my boyfriend's extra large football jersey or sweater and woolen socks, no makeup with hair in pony, and he would think I'm sexy!

 

 

JMO

Edited May 7, 2015 by katiegrl

[Ambivalence]

So basically you want her to look like a slut?

 

Hope this was a joke.

Anyway, she was probably joking.

 

If not, dump her. Seriously, if she wants someone as good as you, she'll have to try harder than that.

[fitnessfan365]

I promise I won't pile on FF anymore after this, but it could be this is what the other girl was doing when she showed up in flip-flops and FF took her to the pizza place.

 

FF, do yourself a favor and just own up. It's okay to be wrong once in a while, and you come off as a bigger man by acknowledging that than forever fighting a pointless battle that was decided long ago.

 

Here's the thing though. At no point did I ask for opinion or seek approval on my texting style or pre first date etiquette. All I did was provide an example of a woman that says she likes to dress casual most of the time. Since I see a lot of women these days out and about dressing down, my goal was to find out how the women here dress out of curiosity. That's it.

 

Now people have the right to steer the thread in whatever direction they choose. If they don't like how I handed myself, that's cool. Not everyone will agree with me. But since I am just being myself, I don't see that as being "wrong". I just see it as differences of opinion. In the end, dating is a numbers game. Some women won't like my style. Others will. Those are the women I get dates with. So I'd rather keep being myself and find women that appreciate that.

 

So in attempt to steer the thread back to what was originally intended, how about ladies start commenting on how they dress, the type of things they like to wear on dates, etc..