Ex Said She Loves me Breaking up with boyfriend

[j_mysterio]

Last night My ex and I met up to talk. It was 12:30 A.M. since she had to work so late.

 

We sat in my truck and she told me she loves me still and that she made a mistake by jumping into a new relationship and she plans on breaking up with him.(i didnt push anything of this on her, at one point in time she said "dont say i told you so" to me) She has a lot going on and a fitness contest and said she wanted to wait to break up with him till after this week because she doesnt need the stress. I mean its been 2 months... that didnt bother me.

 

She said she thinks about me, misses me, loves me and we talked about a future relationship but not now so that we both can go into it clear headed. We ended up in my truck till about 6 a.m. talking about everything, fighting urges to hold eachother and kiss eachother... we eventually did.

 

Around 6 a.m. we went and got breakfast at a IHOP and talked about anyting and everything genuinley enjoying eachothers company.

 

We went back to her house and laid in her bed for a couple hours. She kept going out of her way to say "im so in love with you", "i love you so much", "you're all i see". At 10 A.M. she had to go to work. I went home and went to sleep.

 

I woke up at and texted her... she replied "i cant talk to you anymore". I called her and she was cold i said i love you probabbly 5 times trying to get it out of her... to say it back. Then i texted her "sorry for saying I love you a thousand times on the phone. You already know that. Everything is going to be okay. I promise. I'll talk when you're ready to talk. I enjoyed last night a lot" and she never responded.. I'm almost glad she didnt... thats a good sign to me... rather than her sending a rage text back. She also said to me "i dont want us kissing and hanging out to give you the wrong message, if we werre ever to get back in a relationship, i wouldnt want you to think id do this to you"(that was when we werre in the truck).

 

Just looking for some input on my situation. I know shes feeling guilt and shes stressed... and she hasnt even slept yet. Im sure her minds a mess. When she said she loved me... she meant it... from the bottom of her heart, i could tell. Any advice would be appreciated.

Edited May 6, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added paragraphs~T

[frigginlost]

Last night My ex and I met up to talk. It was 12:30 A.M. since she had to work so late. We sat in my truck and she told me she loves me still and that she made a mistake by jumping into a new relationship and she plans on breaking up with him.(i didnt push anything of this on her, at one point in time she said "dont say i told you so" to me) She has a lot going on and a fitness contest and said she wanted to wait to break up with him till after this week because she doesnt need the stress. I mean its been 2 months... that didnt bother me. She said she thinks about me, misses me, loves me and we talked about a future relationship but not now so that we both can go into it clear headed. We ended up in my truck till about 6 a.m. talking about everything, fighting urges to hold eachother and kiss eachother... we eventually did. Around 6 a.m. we went and got breakfast at a IHOP and talked about anyting and everything genuinley enjoying eachothers company. We went back to her house and laid in her bed for a couple hours. She kept going out of her way to say "im so in love with you", "i love you so much", "you're all i see". At 10 A.M. she had to go to work. I went home and went to sleep. I woke up at and texted her... she replied "i cant talk to you anymore". I called her and she was cold i said i love you probabbly 5 times trying to get it out of her... to say it back. Then i texted her "sorry for saying I love you a thousand times on the phone. You already know that. Everything is going to be okay Erika. I promise. I'll talk when you're ready to talk. I enjoyed last night a lot" and she never responded.. I'm almost glad she didnt... thats a good sign to me... rather than her sending a rage text back. She also said to me "i dont want us kissing and hanging out to give you the wrong message, if we werre ever to get back in a relationship, i wouldnt want you to think id do this to you"(that was when we werre in the truck). Just looking for some input on my situation. I know shes feeling guilt and shes stressed... and she hasnt even slept yet. Im sure her minds a mess. When she said she loved me... she meant it... from the bottom of her heart, i could tell. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

Dude, find a knife and stick it in your heart.... because that is what is going to happen. Red flags all over the place...

 

Back way, way, off...

[I_Give_Up67]

Don't fall for it brother! This has your a "doormat" written all over it.

[minime13]

Last night My ex and I met up to talk. It was 12:30 A.M. since she had to work so late. We sat in my truck and she told me she loves me still and that she made a mistake by jumping into a new relationship and she plans on breaking up with him.(i didnt push anything of this on her, at one point in time she said "dont say i told you so" to me) She has a lot going on and a fitness contest and said she wanted to wait to break up with him till after this week because she doesnt need the stress. I mean its been 2 months... that didnt bother me. She said she thinks about me, misses me, loves me and we talked about a future relationship but not now so that we both can go into it clear headed. We ended up in my truck till about 6 a.m. talking about everything, fighting urges to hold eachother and kiss eachother... we eventually did. Around 6 a.m. we went and got breakfast at a IHOP and talked about anyting and everything genuinley enjoying eachothers company. We went back to her house and laid in her bed for a couple hours. She kept going out of her way to say "im so in love with you", "i love you so much", "you're all i see". At 10 A.M. she had to go to work. I went home and went to sleep. I woke up at and texted her... she replied "i cant talk to you anymore". I called her and she was cold i said i love you probabbly 5 times trying to get it out of her... to say it back. Then i texted her "sorry for saying I love you a thousand times on the phone. You already know that. Everything is going to be okay Erika. I promise. I'll talk when you're ready to talk. I enjoyed last night a lot" and she never responded.. I'm almost glad she didnt... thats a good sign to me... rather than her sending a rage text back. She also said to me "i dont want us kissing and hanging out to give you the wrong message, if we werre ever to get back in a relationship, i wouldnt want you to think id do this to you"(that was when we werre in the truck). Just looking for some input on my situation. I know shes feeling guilt and shes stressed... and she hasnt even slept yet. Im sure her minds a mess. When she said she loved me... she meant it... from the bottom of her heart, i could tell. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

First question that I cannot get past is why she came to you and talked to you about all of this while still involved with another man?

 

Would you like the answer to that?

[seminoles84]

***Crazy Alert***

[Tone Loc]

First of all, you can't say she meant it when she told you she loved you. It was all said in the heat of the moment, it doesn't necessarily reflect her true feelings. It may or it may not, we just don't know at this stage.

 

Let's look at the facts. She dumped you to be with another man whom she chose over you, and now she says she doesn't want to talk to you. She's rejected you once again and you're too hopelessly in love with her to realise what's happening. You're being played. She clearly has no idea what she wants, it'll take her a while to figure out exactly what she needs and there's absolutely no guarantee that she'll want you after she's had time to sort her head out. Don't do this to yourself, don't allow yourself to be played like this. Tread with extreme caution and keep your guard up, anything she told you when she came crawling back pretty much all went out the window when she did a complete 180 the following day and told you she didn't want to talk.

 

I can tell your heart is full of emotion right now, there's a lot of emotion to process and lots of thoughts and questions to sift through. Just don't allow yourself to be hurt again, this screams like a classic indecisive-ex-comes-running-back-for-emotional-comfort-only-to-later-change-her-mind situation to me. Be very careful here, for all you know she might decide to stay with the new man (your replacement) and dump you once more, keeping your wounds nice and fresh.

 

I'm not saying that she was lying when she told you she loved you. I'm saying that she was in a state of confusion and emotional uncertainty so you cannot and must not take anything that she told you as fact until you allow enough time to pass by so that she may settle down and make a final decision. Women like this are very manipulative and hurtful, so beware. All she cares about is her happiness, she doesn't mind messing around with two men and hurting them. I feel sorry for the other guy, I really do, poor guy is probably gonna come on loveshack next week after this woman decides to dump him and go back to you.

 

It's going to be impossible for you to evaluate this in an objective, unbiased way because you're hopelessly in love with this woman. I'd hate to see you get hurt over this, don't get your hopes up too much. She's already broken up with you once, even if you get back together, there's no guarantee things will be perfect. She sounds very indecisive and she has absolutely no clue what she wants. Might be worth you sitting down with her again and telling her "this is what you need... I am what you need" because some people need to be told what they need. To be honest, it sounds like she'd settle for any man right now. You have to ask yourself if it's a wise decision to get back with her, honestly answer this question, I know you love her desperately and you'd do anything to get her back, but is she even good for you? I doubt it. Men have a habit of wanting to be with girls who just aren't good for them. I'm speaking from personal experience, sometimes no matter how bad the other person is, you'll ignore all their flaws and all the problems in the relationship and you'll stop at absolutely nothing to be with them, and that my friend is a very dangerous game.

[j_mysterio]

So she texted back. I'll give you what was said

 

Her: Jason, I told my boyfriend... whether he forgives me or not I cannot talk to you... you always have found a way to hurt me in our relationship. I just cannot do that to myself again.

 

Me: Erika, you can choose to live the life you want. If this is really what you want then do it. But when you said you love me this morning you meant it, you meant it from the bottom of your heart when you said I'm all you see. You need to be single... and I hope you take the steps to make yourself happy.

 

Me Again: Dont forget the feeling when you kissed me, dont forget the feeling of you in my arms, and dont forget my eyes when I look into yours. I'm willing to spend the rest of my life with you... proving to you every day that you are the girl id die for... the perfect piece to my puzzle... if you are not willing to take my hand and walk through this life with me... then I have no choice to let you go.

 

I know this was a lot... probably shouldnt have texted that much, but i did.

[j_mysterio]

And thank you Tune Loc for alll that info... it wasnt just a random remark. It was insightful and helpful

[j_mysterio]

I guess back to NC till shes single and contacting me?? Or until we both move on... whatever comes first.

[AIJ]

So she texted back. I'll give you what was said

 

Her: Jason, I told my boyfriend... whether he forgives me or not I cannot talk to you... you always have found a way to hurt me in our relationship. I just cannot do that to myself again.

 

Me: Erika, you can choose to live the life you want. If this is really what you want then do it. But when you said you love me this morning you meant it, you meant it from the bottom of your heart when you said I'm all you see. You need to be single... and I hope you take the steps to make yourself happy.

 

Me Again: Dont forget the feeling when you kissed me, dont forget the feeling of you in my arms, and dont forget my eyes when I look into yours. I'm willing to spend the rest of my life with you... proving to you every day that you are the girl id die for... the perfect piece to my puzzle... if you are not willing to take my hand and walk through this life with me... then I have no choice to let you go.

 

I know this was a lot... probably shouldnt have texted that much, but i did.

 

You dun goofed. Badly. You keep pushing and pushing. Let it go and move on, you're just delaying yourself. She doesn't want to be with you.

[Tone Loc]

And thank you Tune Loc for alll that info... it wasnt just a random remark. It was insightful and helpful

 

It's okay buddy, I'm just trying to help. I'm often viewed as a cynical, brash and borderline bigoted man, so my advice and views may very well be useless, but I'm just being honest.

 

You're so completely in love with her, I think you're very keen to jump at the first opportunity to win her back and to make things better. She's really got a strong hold on you, and I know exactly how that feels. She's got some reservations at this stage as she said she doesn't want to be hurt again, and since you parted ways that day she's no as forthcoming as you when it comes to sharing her feelings over text. Obviously she's having a hard time figuring out her thoughts and she still hasn't left her boyfriend as of yet. Until she crosses that bridge, we can't tell what's going to happen. She may even become single then move onto other men, I hope that doesn't happen, for your safe. I'd hate to see anyone get hurt like that. But as I said, there's no guarantee of anything at this stage. You're prepared to put yourself on the line and confess your love and spend the rest of your life with a woman who isn't jumping at the opportunity to get back with you, that's what confuses me here. She's clearly got some doubts and hasn't made her mind up. I hope it works out for you, then you can come back here and tell us your success story and it'll have a happy ending. Until then, stay strong and give her time. I don't have the guts to chase after the girl that I love because I'm too afraid to get hurt, instead I let her go and it's very painful, but I'll give you credit for putting yourself on the line and not giving up. It's gonna be all or nothing. I mean, she did tell you she loves you...that can't be completely discounted. But again she may change her mind.

 

Sometimes you can get hurt really badly when you put yourself entirely on the line and at the mercy of the person that you love, and that can be so dangerous. Just take a look at what she did to the other guy, he must be hurting very badly right now. That's why I say, have a back up plan and prepare for the possibility that things may not work out cleanly and smoothly.

 

And that concludes my ramble.

[davidromero43]

Wow! You dodged a bullet!

[Tone Loc]

I guess back to NC till shes single and contacting me?? Or until we both move on... whatever comes first.

 

Definitely, one hundred percent. Now is the time for full, complete NC. Don't contact her at all. If it's meant to be, if she truly does love you then she will come back to you. She will be the one to reach out, because you've said all that you've needed to say. She knows you want her, so now the ball is in her court, in a manner of speaking. Give her time. Try to move on, don't put your life on hold waiting to hear from her and waiting to get her back because that's never guaranteed. For now, treat this like a break up, don't get your hopes up, don't check your phone relentlessly to see if she's texted you. Turn to the people that are close to you and indulge in the things that give you happiness and strength, you'll get through this.

[j_mysterio]

I'm forcing myself to talk to a couple other girls... as fncked as that is... it makes me feel better and less depressed. I sent one last text. So that i didnt end it sounding sappy... just assertive.

 

Me: "One last text... for the record... I dont want to hear from you again until your single"

 

You're right... i feel bad for the other guy. The whole situation is *****ty. Call me a doormat, idc. I'm trying to give her what she needs and what I need at the same time... i really should be focusing on myself though... thats why i sent the last text. Shes really good at being indecisive and stringing me along... even if shes not meaning to... thats what shes doing. ive grown strong enough now... over the months to ignore her. she knows where i stand... and if she doesnt pursue me... then thats the way its supposed to be.

[j_mysterio]

and you nailed it when you said i jump at any sign of interest from her.... stupid girl... stupid stupid girl playing with my emotions.

[badpenny]

Well, friend, it takes two to tango....You can't call her 'stupid' without recognising that you've been foolish and gullible too.

I have to say, those messages you sent her....?

 

My oh my.....will you ever regret saying that stuff when you have another, better sweetheart on your arm....

 

Ugh.... Had I been on the receiving end, I would have cringed to get them.

 

I'm sorry, you just opened your heart to a wasteland of arid, fruitless and infertile possibility.

 

Two hopes of a good outcome here, fellah: 'Faint' and 'None'.

[minime13]

Me: "One last text... for the record... I dont want to hear from you again until your single"

 

No more texts. #1, you are making yourself too available to her, and that continues to let her do what she's doing. #2, every time you communicate, it sends you back to square one of moving on.

 

Whatever she sends, and however she responds, don't respond back. Not right now.

 

She's trying to have her cake and eat it too. The relationship she's in is a rebound, and now that the newness has worn off, she is seeking familiarity. However, she's not breaking up with him "just in case," as in just in case you don't take her back and it doesn't work out with you again. She's still rather be in *a* relationship.

 

If she finds, down the road, that she does love you and wants you back, it will not be a case of holding onto a current boyfriend before you respond. It will be when she is single, and has been single, and has figured out what she wants. Otherwise, it's nothing more than her wanting *a* relationship, not *the* relationship.

 

In the meantime, don't force yourself to talk to other girls. Do it when it's right. Otherwise, you're just doing the same thing she's doing with her current guy.

 

Good luck.

[na49]

Even if you do get back together, she is capable of changing her mind again, and probably would. She either wants you or doesn't. What is she so indecisive about? Obviously the new guy isn't cutting it so she liked the attention from you, but she doesn't want to be your girlfriend, and doesn't want to be intimate? huh?

[Tone Loc]

Even if you do get back together, she is capable of changing her mind again, and probably would. She either wants you or doesn't. What is she so indecisive about? Obviously the new guy isn't cutting it so she liked the attention from you, but she doesn't want to be your girlfriend, and doesn't want to be intimate? huh?

 

So much truth in this post, listen to this person.

[j_mysterio]

Idk, she really is scared of me hurting her again... cant say I blame her. The relationship thing is true... she mentioned it... she asked me "what if i get back with you and you decide thats not what you want?" It's like shes scared to be alone so shes forcing herself to be in this fake relationship with her rebound for comfort instead of taking a risk with me... someone she has feelings for. Talking about me hurting her again. Shes got a lot of questions running through her head and I'm better than her rebound... clearly... she hurt him less than a month into the relationship. She did to him... what i did to her... why would she do that if she knows how much it hurts? Attention? It seems a bit extravagant for just some attention one night... but then again... who knows.

[minime13]

Idk, she really is scared of me hurting her again... cant say I blame her. The relationship thing is true... she mentioned it... she asked me "what if i get back with you and you decide thats not what you want?" It's like shes scared to be alone so shes forcing herself to be in this fake relationship with her rebound for comfort instead of taking a risk with me... someone she has feelings for. Talking about me hurting her again. Shes got a lot of questions running through her head and I'm better than her rebound... clearly... she hurt him less than a month into the relationship. She did to him... what i did to her... why would she do that if she knows how much it hurts? Attention? It seems a bit extravagant for just some attention one night... but then again... who knows.

 

Again, no more contact. She's not going to figure anything out with your input. It's her decision to make - whether she wants to take a chance with you again, or not. The fact that she is apparently afraid to be alone is a clear sign that she's not ready to make that type of decision. She has a boyfriend and is not willing to leave him for you, at this point. If she decides to give it another chance, it is her option to contact you. Just leave it at that.

[j_mysterio]

That's what I am doing. 100%. I just like to vent on here and talk through it with everybody!!

[j_mysterio]

and I honestly wish she would break up with her boyfriend... for her, not me. Shes only digging a bigger hole for herself to get out of. She knows shes not happy... shes said it to me twice... on two different occassions. I told her its a rebound... she said no its not... then eventually she came to me to say she regreted it and knew she made a mistake by doing it and that she isnt ready for a relationship. Which... i knew she wasnt... not even with me.

[minime13]

That's what I am doing. 100%. I just like to vent on here and talk through it with everybody!!

 

That's a good thing. It's perfectly natural to go into the mode of "what is he/she thinking" when these things happen, and it's good to let that out.

 

Honestly, it sounds like she isn't ready for anything, and is still getting over whatever went wrong with the two of you. If she can, eventually, then that's the time to talk. Anything before that is just going to hurt and confuse (like this interaction did).

 

I always say, when I'm struggling with any relationship, "whatever needs to happen, will." I don't know if that helps, but it's good to divert the worry. Best of luck!

Edited May 6, 2015 by minime13

[j_mysterio]

Thank you... I hurt her over a year ago... and shes still hurt. She said she still cries about it when she thinks about it. I'm only human... I have my regrets.