absolutely NOT your average porn problem!

[HolyCrow]

I have no idea what to do at this point.

 

My husband looks at animal porn. YES PEOPLE DO THIS. I am aware that you may think this is fake, but please keep in mind that obviously some people do look at this kind of stuff, or it wouldn't be out there in the first place.

 

And then it wouldn't be on our computer.

 

My husband works with computers, so I don't think he thinks I would have found it. I can do some stuff on computers, but I'm no junkie, just email and internet searches, downloads, that kind of thing. not even so good with the downloads, so I rarely bother. I wasn't snooping. I was looking through a few downloads I got a few days ago, and and all of a sudden I see the most disgusting things I have evr seen.

 

Old women and dogs, young girls doing disgusting things to horses. Things with snakes, dead fish, you name it. I am horrified. What is he getting out of this? There's so much of it, it doesn't look like he accidentally clicked on it, or pop-ups, or that he just looked at one to check it out. No one else uses our computer.

 

How do I ask him what's going on? Do I have a right to be disgusted and frankly, a little pissed off? Do I ask him like I am judging him or pass it off like a joke?

 

I am so ashamed right now, I don't even want him to come home. I don't even want to see him. He has no other porn, except for a few random "normal" things, like guy on girl or girl or grl. those don't bother me. But this is not normal.

[HolyCrow]

I just counted, and there are 133 animal-related downloads!

 

WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING!!!???

 

He is not a researcher.

[JadeStar]

I hate to say it but when we first got our computer my husband was on porn for awhile and I saw animal porn in the files as well. Anyway I asked him about it and he said it was just curiosty. Maybe thats all it is with your husband too. I never saw alot of animal porn, and after I asked him about it I didn't see it anymore. He told me he had heard of people doing that and was curious to see if it were so, because it was easy access. Is that all you see your husband look at is the animal porn? Is it often? I would say if its something you don't see alot then maybe its just a curiosty thing. If its something you see all the time, then yeah something is up. I saw it for myself, people do do that and yes its very disgusting.

 

 

Jade

[HolyCrow]

Thanks JadeStar. In my last post I mention he does have some standard porn stuff, but it's not much. I don't mind that. I mind the animlas though.

 

I might think it was curiosity if there weren't so darn many of them. It's just all so weird. I am dreading him coming home. I wish I never saw it.

 

And yesterday, things were so normal they were boring. Now I'm all over the place and I wish I could tunr back the clock.

 

This is so weird.

 

Thank you for replying, though. At least I know it is possible to look at this stuff for reasons other than enjoyment.

[FolderWife]

[jmargel]

You have every right to feel grossed out about it, but truthfully what harm is it doing you? Good chance it is out of curosity. I've seen it myself, just like when someone watches a news clipping of someone dying people look at it because it's not the norm. Do I have a collection of that? No. Was I curious? Yea. Did I find it appealing? No.

 

Do you find it appealing watching midgets have sex? Probably not, but most people have probably looked it up just to see what it looked like. Personally I got a good laugh out of it.

 

You want to know the best way to go about it? Personally I would mention it to him that you seen this stuff on his computer and "jokingly" say "Jeesh, you're warped" and make a small laugh. Don't make a big deal about it, because if you do he'll just hang onto it more and keep it better hidden.

 

Like the other post about her bf watching scat movies, it's not so much the content but the taboo of it all. Even if he likes watching that stuff.. So what? Who cares. He's not making you watch it or act anything out. If my wife wanted to watch it, it woudn't bother me because that's who she is. I'm not there to be her judgementor, I'm there to love her without conditions.

[LucreziaBorgia]

How do I ask him what's going on?

Do I have a right to be disgusted and frankly, a little pissed off?

Do I ask him like I am judging him or pass it off like a joke?

 

You just do. Say, hey I was looking on the computer and saw (insert a description here).

 

Disgusted? Sure - you have a right to be disgusted at whatever you like. Pissed off? You can be pissed off if you want, but I would suggest putting anger aside if you want to really find out what is going on. All being pissed off will do is make him defensive and angry toward your pissed off behavior. You won't ever get a straight story that way. Just be curious, and ask him WITHOUT ANGER what it is you found and if he is into that sort of thing. He may pass it off as curiosity - which likely it is.

 

Don't ask him as if you are judging, and don't make too light of it either. Just ask with honest concern. Let him know that you are concerned about what you found - that you don't understand it and are just curious as to why he was looking at it.

 

He is probably just morbidly curious - there are plenty of sites out there for morbid curiosity, and I expect that's what it is. You can be pissed off and hurt if you want, but that is likely to just cause problems and be counterproductive to having an honest simple talk about what it is, and why its on your computer.

[HolyCrow]

But 133 downloads, I mean seriously. That's not just curiosity.

 

If it was one, fine, if it was 3, okay. Maybe.

 

But this is just too much.

 

And Jmargel, thank you for your comments. I understand what you're saying, but I cannot respect someone who looks at this kind of thing and gets off on it.

 

Sure, I know people like different things, and I can accept that. But will not respect it, and I will not stay with him if this is the kind of thing he is really into.

 

So while I am asked to deal with his preference, it should also be fair that he accept my preference to not stay with someone who likes something like that. It works both ways. I don't think I could be sexually attracted to him knowing that he likes to see such disgusting things. Even if it's not that way to him, but it is to me. So it is possible that he can't help his feelings, and I can't help mine. I don't know that there is a comrpmoise in this, because I simply cannot.

 

I will not.

[SexKitten]

yeesh, and people think i'm weird for looking at girls.

 

i think you need to talk to him. even if he's uncomfortable, it bothers you and you're married, you should be able to discuss these things.

[moimeme]

I don't know that there is a comrpmoise in this, because I simply cannot.

 

I will not.

 

So your love is pretty conditional, then. Too bad you didn't give him a list of 'I would hate you and leave you if:' before you married. I imagine it might be pretty long.

[westernxer]

Hopefully you don't own any pets.

 

That would be my biggest concern.

[Ladyjane14]

Too bad he didn't tell you he gets off on bestiality before you married.

 

We just had another thread about this same sort of problem. Here's the link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t60556/

 

133 d/l's sounds like more than curiosity to me, but I wouldn't rule it out either. You need to have a SERIOUS conversation with him about this, in order to find out if he's got a problem or not. The litmus test for that... is can he stop at will or not. (????)

 

If he doesn't need it....then it's probably just curiosity.

 

I'm with you though in the whole Ewwwwww! factor of it. But try and get a little more info, so you can decide if it's an addictive behavior.

[MySugaree]

133 beastiality dls are nothing to sneeze at. Your husband appears to be obsessed with beastiality porn. Has this obsession affected his behavior--both intimate and not--with you? Is he less interested in marital sex? Is he up at all hours of the night on the PC? Is he showing more than usual affection for the family dog? (Sorry, lame attempt at humor).

 

Is he subscribing to any of these zoo sites? I suspect he is. Watch carefully for any spill-over of his beastiality porn obsession into your marital life. When you talk to him, speak calmly. Don't appear judgmental. If you can remain married to a beastiality porn addicted spouse, then don't make too big a deal of it. On the other hand, if this zoo porn obsession is a deal breaker or is ripping apart your marriage's emotional/sexual/intimacy fabric, tell him how you feel, and kindly ask him to cease and desist.

 

It's his pony porn habit, but it's your marriage.

[faux]

With the vastness of the internet and all that is available on it, it is always possible to stumble upon animal porn once in a while. I think it's fine if people look at the stuff out of curiosity; if it's there, why not? If your husband is viewing it on what seems like a regular basis, I will agree there might be some kind of a problem. Not necessarily, but there might be something going on here.

 

If this is on your mind, you probably would do well to talk to your husband about it. I don't know where you would go from there, though. I think it's fine to look at things in private, because looking at porn is a private thing. There are times when it could cross the line though, and repeatedly looking at and downloading animal porn for future viewing is definitely different.

 

I don't know how you feel about it, but if he made his adventures more private would it bother you as much? It might be worth discussing with him. I don't think any man can promise to stop looking at porn and keep that promise, or even consider keeping the promise if he makes it. Maybe he can get his own computer to do whatever he wants to with it as far as porn is concerned, so it is more out of your way. When private habits like this become public feelings of discomfort arise, and other issues can pop up.

[SoleMate]

Wow.

 

Animal porn.

 

I was, thankfully, not even aware that is was out there.

 

And the porn apologists (some of them) pop right up to say how perfectly cool and OK it is.

 

Ya know, we all have our tolerance levels. If someone posting here can honestly say that they'd be perfectly happy to discover that their spouse had a major interest in bestiality, and would do their best to be supportive and non-judgmental, now's the time to here from you... How can you ever even touch him sexually again?

 

I would much rather my husband spend every Friday night until 3 am at a strip club.

[Merin]

Originally posted by westernxer

Hopefully you don't own any pets.

 

That would be my biggest concern.

 

[Israfil]

Originally posted by SoleMate

I would much rather my husband spend every Friday night until 3 am at a strip club.

 

Maybe.

 

But wouldn't you rather have your husband looking at beastiality porn on the Internet at 3 AM on Friday night than engaging in it???

[HolyCrow]

Originally posted by moimeme

So your love is pretty conditional, then. Too bad you didn't give him a list of 'I would hate you and leave you if:' before you married. I imagine it might be pretty long.

 

It would be a pretty long list because I disagree to stay with someone who likes something that makes me sick?

 

You're not in my situation, don't act like you know what it's like.

 

I guess it never occurred to me to ask him if he liked it, as a condition of marriage. If I had, and I wish I had, I would have dismissed him as a pervert.

 

People like different things. This is also means people DISlike different things. I will not be sexually attracted to him if this what he likes. I feel completely differently. That is fine.

 

I don't want it to be like this.

 

And I never said I hated him, don't put words in my mouth.

 

But feel free to imagine all you like. Maybe you like this animal porn stuff too, so you can sympathize. Enlighten me.

[moimeme]

Ya know, we all have our tolerance levels. If someone posting here can honestly say that they'd be perfectly happy to discover that their spouse had a major interest in bestiality, and would do their best to be supportive and non-judgmental, now's the time to here from you... How can you ever even touch him sexually again?

 

Once again, we're talking about FANTASY here. And fantasies do not involve actual genuine animals but imagined ones. People fantasize about mind control, about rape, about incest, about sex with aliens, and all sorts of things which, as things imagined are VASTLY different from things which are real.

 

Me, for instance. The idea of orgies fascinates me. The thought of sensation coming from all sorts of different touches seems interesting, but I know absolutely I wouldn't want to do it in person with real humans.

 

Don't forget that most bestiality sites are not about the men having sex with animals, but rather about women having sex with animals and men watching that. Now if you were to ask Crow's husband if he'd like a horse to do his wife, I bet he'd bust you in the chops. However an imaginary beast is almost mythical. In fact mythology was full of human-critter love affairs - did you run shrieking from your English classes? NO - because you understood it was stories and fantasies and not real.

 

Do you lose your mind when your husband watches movies in which humans are maimed, tortured, and murdered? No. Do you freak out when he reads books that contain graphic depictions of the worst tortures of humans? No. But if it's to do with sex, and sex fantasies, well everybody just flips out totally.

 

And that's what's sick if you ask me.

[Ladyjane14]

Originally posted by moimeme

Once again, we're talking about FANTASY here. And fantasies do not involve actual genuine animals but imagined ones.

 

It's genuine enough for the animal involved in the production of the porn. As consumers, if we buy into that sort of abuse.....aren't we in actuality supporting it?

 

Animals don't have language skills in order to tell us that they're okay with whatever perverted human sexual practices they encounter.

 

I heard a news story not too long ago about a housecat that had to be put down, because of damage to his internal organs. You can imagine why....because I just can't even say it. How sick is that??? I don't think it's much of a stretch to imagine that the cat's owner was probably a consumer of this type of porn.

 

Unless we're talking about artistic renderings which are drawn from human imagination, those are real animals and real people. It's NOT always a case of no one getting hurt. It's a case of consumers of porn NOT CARING...as long as it's happening to others and not themselves.

 

We need another sexual revolution on this planet. One that insists on responsibility. We can prevent AIDS. We can keep little children from being sold into prostitution. We can prevent rape and molestation. We can keep families together. The list is endless.

 

And.....we don't have to resort to sexual puritanism to accomplish all that. We just have to each of us take responsibility for our choices, and pass that philosophy on to the ensuing generations.

 

This kind of behavior is NOT okay. It feeds the beast. It perpetuates the lack of responsibility we should all feel in passing on a healthier world to our children and their children.

[MySugaree]

This kind of behavior is NOT okay. It feeds the beast. It perpetuates the lack of responsibility we should all feel in passing on a healthier world to our children and their children.

 

And sanity prevails.

 

"It feeds the beast"? Great turn of phrase, Ladyjane.

[jmargel]

With the speed of internet connections you can easily download 133 movies in a short period of time. Here in the states beastality is not morally acceptable to the majority of the people here. However in such other countries it is. I believe there is a tribe that is located right above africa (New Guinea I believe) in that when a boy turns 14 years old he *has* to have sex with a man to "make him a man". It was a documentary on the discovery channel. That here is legally and morally not acceptable, but there it is.

 

Has his behavior towards you changed? If not then honestly I don't think there's much to worry about. Yea what he views is gross but he is his own being. But you also have the right to make a choice in whether you can be married to someone like this. What if you confront him and he stops? Are you still going to resent him? Have you done anything in the past or present that might make a person look at your in a not so positive light?

 

Have you talked to him about this? Have you given him a list of what kind of porn he can look at? What if it's BDSM? Some people think that BDSM is awful, personally I enjoy it. What about women/women or men/men? What about orgies?

 

If you *tell* him or give him an ultamatium about this, fights will break out. He'll resent you for trying to control him. If you talk to him tell him that "I'm not going to tell you, you can view it or not but that does creep me out". Then let him *think* about what he's doing. More than likely he'll want to stop since he knows it's bothering you so much.

 

For now though don't say anything until your anger subsides. Alot of times when people say things out of emotions they regret it.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Originally posted by HolyCrow

I don't know that there is a comrpmoise in this, because I simply cannot.

 

I will not.

 

You need to let him know that, and go from there.

[tiki]

It's seriously like animal rape to me. How can a goat consent?

 

To the OP: I think maybe you should confront him. Maybe he'll feel embarassed and 'caught'. Please talk to him about this!!!

[Ladyjane14]

Originally posted by MySugaree

"It feeds the beast"? Great turn of phrase, Ladyjane.

 

OMG.... I'm so embarrassed. I totally did NOT see the pun in that until just this minute!

 

Good eye, MySugaree. Quick-witted as usual!