I am the OW, and I am

[Hope Shimmers]

MM keeps saying he "doesn't play house" and a LTR without marriage isn't something he can do.

 

That's a ballsy thing for a cheating MM to say. He won't be in a LTR without marriage because of those same marital family values that he throws out the window when he cheats on his wife.

 

Part of the problem is something I was very honest about right from the start, as a widow I am entitled to SS benefits based on my late husband's earnings, and that is a large number. If I marry before I am 60 (just under 10 more years) I lose that benefit.

 

I truly hope you do not give up those benefits for this man. I believe you will be sorry if you do.

 

I am close to your age and also single. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that you need to be married for your life to be whole. I sometimes even fall into this trap because I think I *should* want that, but I have to remind myself that it isn't how I really feel.

 

So you need to figure out exactly what you want for YOU, totally unrelated to this guy.

Edited May 7, 2015 by Hope Shimmers

[Phoenician]

Well , first I can just see in this thread a lady ;

a real one .

 

he could be a great guy ,

or a jerk,

but not even a prince desreve that you loose your security ; because if he dies or eave you or leave you ; you will be the one who loose .

 

You are happy with him , fine stay like this , a single free person .

 

Hugs

[GirlStillStrong]

I think I was just coming out of the fog of recovery from the death of my H, so I was a bit lost still.

I am lost now because I know the right answer and can't get to the point where I can do the right thing. I don't know who changed the rules, as I look back it seems we both just kept pushing the edge of the envelope further and further away.

 

Sure you can. You have only to make up your mind. Once you do, things will become clearer. I have had to take breaks from MM over the course of time, to get clarity. Take a break. Focus on YOU and YOUR needs for awhile.

[Poppy47]

DO NOT lose your financial security. That is the most important advice I can give you.

 

Seems to me he isn't going to leave. Keep having the relationship if it pleases you. Don't contemplate living with him in the future or marrying him.

 

You are at an age when financial security is very important. Make a wrong move and it is gone forever.

Poppy.

[Popsicle]

You don't need to get married at least for now. But you definitely should start dating again and less focus on MM. You should go out and meet new people and see how it goes.

 

This.

 

Surely your MM will take a long time, IF EVER, to leave, and there is no harm in you looking/seeing other men. You may find another who is available that you really like. And the distraction alone is good for you.

[OldRover]

You have a few options. You could be happy if you accept the limitations of MM, in that he may never divorce, and if he did he says he would want marriage again. The chance of that being successful is really small, but some have done it. And the likelihood of some serious emotional humps is high, probably a lot of them. Worth it? Only you can decide.

 

The dating world sucks, and takes a long time to find a good mate... maybe years. There's a lot of good men out there, but hard to sort through and find one that is Mr. Right for you. Being single (unattached) also sucks. Having a good mate (with or without marriage) is wonderful.

 

I've gone through similar things that you've gone through, so I can relate. I chose to sever my relationship with the other woman (I was the MM, but single a lot of the time I dated her). While the OW was absolutely great for many reasons, it just wasn't a long term thing and came with some unacceptable baggage. I knew her for 8 years and couldn't figure out that we would never work out until recently.