djpumpit Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 So approx 1 year ago I left my Wife , and moved in with my dad , I have three girls 17,13,&12 that come and see me twice a week and spend the night . After time went by I was DJing for a Wedding , and a Bridesmaid hit on me . Well we both connected really fast . The other side of the story , is well she is separated from her husband , and has been for 8 years now , but He works on a oil rig , and comes home once a month for 3 or 4 days to see the kids . The house is in his name , and so is everything else . The kids do not know they are separated , also the kids do not know about me . My kids know about her , but have not met her yet . So any ways it's been really hard to see each other because the only time we can get together is maybe at lunch time . So shortly I will be moving to a new house , and we have talked about her coming to live with me . I love her and she assures me that she really loves me , and she wants to move in with me . Big problem I am facing right now , is that her Separated husband is down for 2 months this time , and is there right now . I am getting frustrated with trying to convince myself that she is really going to leave . Last week I told her to just pack her bags and come and stay with me , but her answer was she is scared , because of the kids . So my question is when it's time for me to get my new house which is in 1 month and 19 days from now , is she just going to come live with me , what will she tell the kids then . So I am really stuck here on what to do. Do I give her time to make up her mind , or do I give her a date , and if she does not come then we are done . Please help me out with this one . Oh BTW her kids are 17 & 13 Link to post Share on other sites
davidromero43 Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 It is a very big decision. Not just for herself. She also has to think about her kids and trust you. You live with your Dad. Not the best “trust” starting place. Right now he is gone for periods of time. She only has to deal with the time he is there. You can remind her that she needs to live the life that is best for her. And if she sees you can provide a stable home, perhaps she will choose to be happy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author djpumpit Posted May 7, 2015 Author Share Posted May 7, 2015 Forgot to mention my Dad Past away about 2 months ago , so I am at the house alone right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Decide how long you are willing to wait for her to leave her H, and tell her where the cutoff point is. If she doesn't accept that cutoff point, you're wasting your time, and waiting for something that will probably never happen. Set a date and mark it on your calendar. Make it known to her. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Be very careful with your plans. Please read around in this forum about the number of WS who promised to leave their spouse to be with the OW/OM. It just doesn't happen very often. They complain and complain about their spouse, tell the OM/OW how much they love them and then never leave their so called awful marriages to be with the OM?OW. Basically there are a bunch of cheating cowards out there. Just be careful. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyRock Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 I'm sorry but that doesn't sound like she is separated at all. It sound like she is very much married but lonely when he is away. I think you are a time filler. If her kids haven't even met you it is neither healthy nor ok for those kids to move in with you. In fact that is literally insane to move your kids in with another man you aren't married to in this situation when they don't even know the parents are seperated. But that beside the point. I think they haven't met you because the parent are very much still married and she is afraid they might say something to the father. You also need to protect yourself here. Do you really want an oil worker pissed at you for being with his wife? 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Author djpumpit Posted May 7, 2015 Author Share Posted May 7, 2015 Thx everyone for your quick responses . I will be very careful . I guess I will know my answer when I move to my new house . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 I agree with MR. Reading that, I felt that you were being duped by a lonely woman who wants attention when her husband is away. He's back from the rig and off duty for 2 months, and he's there the entire time? And the kids don't know? Yeah, I don't think she's separated, at all. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Do you really want an oil worker pissed at you for being with his wife? Why did you ask this? Are they dangerous or something? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Why did you ask this? Are they dangerous or something? Not inherently so. But they themselves are starved for their wives' attention, and they're hearty, strong men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 I have a question - you are the father of three daughters - is this the kind of relationship that you hope they experience in their future? You want her to move in with you - for what purpose? Is there an end-game in mind? The fact is that she is married and the whole "separated" word is being used to justify a relationship that violates her marriage covenant. She is married she is not divorced, i.e. not available! I am a divorced man. I know how lonely it gets and I know how hard it is to find someone special as a 40+ year old man who isn't as skinny or as attractive as he once was. Having said that, however, there is no just reason to be involved with a married person. There just isn't. I am not judging you because I have made my own mistakes. The one thing I want to do more than anything else in this world is to be a good example to my children. There has to be someone else you can develop a relationship with who isn't already taken. There are far worse things in this world than being single. Sorry if this sounds like a soap box but I value marriage and commitment so much more since I lost mine. My thoughts and prayers are with you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 So approx 1 year ago I left my Wife , and moved in with my dad , I have three girls 17,13,&12 that come and see me twice a week and spend the night . After time went by I was DJing for a Wedding , and a Bridesmaid hit on me . Well we both connected really fast . The other side of the story , is well she is separated from her husband , and has been for 8 years now , but He works on a oil rig , and comes home once a month for 3 or 4 days to see the kids . The house is in his name , and so is everything else . The kids do not know they are separated , also the kids do not know about me . My kids know about her , but have not met her yet . So any ways it's been really hard to see each other because the only time we can get together is maybe at lunch time . So shortly I will be moving to a new house , and we have talked about her coming to live with me . I love her and she assures me that she really loves me , and she wants to move in with me . Big problem I am facing right now , is that her Separated husband is down for 2 months this time , and is there right now . I am getting frustrated with trying to convince myself that she is really going to leave . Last week I told her to just pack her bags and come and stay with me , but her answer was she is scared , because of the kids . So my question is when it's time for me to get my new house which is in 1 month and 19 days from now , is she just going to come live with me , what will she tell the kids then . So I am really stuck here on what to do. Do I give her time to make up her mind , or do I give her a date , and if she does not come then we are done . Please help me out with this one . Oh BTW her kids are 17 & 13 I don't believe for ONE second that she is separated. No f'ing way. If she was, she would tell him she's met someone. It wouldn't matter and she wouldn't be scared. She's lying to you! Go on with your life, tell her to call you once she is divorced and that you will not 'date' her while she is still legally married/separated. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 DJ: Here's another voice in the "she's not really separated" chorus. she may be separated from him, physically, when he is on the rig. But she is NOT SEPARATED from him legally, emotionally, or maritally at any time. If they were, he would not be staying at her house when he comes home from his work. She would not be keeping you a secret. I'm afraid you are being duped by someone who is left alone by her husband a lot of the time. The woman you think is your GF is really a WW. And you are the OM, which is how you found yourself on this forum. If you can muster up the strength, end it with her. Tell her you are not interested in being anyone's secret. If she is really separated, and truly loves you, she will come after you and clean up her mess. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Add me to the rest. She's not separated. If she was, she could have a conversation with her husband about next steps, I mean, they're separated right? Nothing to hide right? Oh except she is. Lying and hiding and sneaking around. Sorry - you've been duped by a lonely woman. And secondly - seriously man, what are you thinking? You plan on moving your married girlfriend and her two teenagers in with you in one month and 19 days and none of your kids have met any of them - not your girlfriend OR Their kids. Take it from someone who knows - kids, especially teenage kids, don't particularly like being thrown in a living situation with complete strangers. On top of that, you'll be raising her children full time and only seeing your own kids twice a week. I can't tell you how freaking bad this is. Prepare for jealousy and resentment. This will be a disaster if you don't manage this appropriately. And right now you aren't. My father didn't and he lost all three of his girls. Why don't you have your children 50/50? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 She's not available - she's married. Her husband comes home to her when he's not at work. She ISN'T single. And for her to ask to live with you? Sheez, this gal just wants a free ride from any man. No go - tell her when she's single then you will take her out on dates. But no living with you - she needs to support herself instead of finding backup plans to mooch off of. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Surely, at the very least she can introduce you to her husband as her friend....can't she? Give him a week for re-introduction into his role at home....then pop by for a visit. If your GF? is not okay with that...then I think you might need to re-evaluate your role to her. There is much that just sounds off.. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 I have a question - you are the father of three daughters - is this the kind of relationship that you hope they experience in their future? You want her to move in with you - for what purpose? Is there an end-game in mind? The fact is that she is married and the whole "separated" word is being used to justify a relationship that violates her marriage covenant. She is married she is not divorced, i.e. not available! I am a divorced man. I know how lonely it gets and I know how hard it is to find someone special as a 40+ year old man who isn't as skinny or as attractive as he once was. Having said that, however, there is no just reason to be involved with a married person. There just isn't. I am not judging you because I have made my own mistakes. The one thing I want to do more than anything else in this world is to be a good example to my children. There has to be someone else you can develop a relationship with who isn't already taken. There are far worse things in this world than being single. Sorry if this sounds like a soap box but I value marriage and commitment so much more since I lost mine. My thoughts and prayers are with you. This. So much this. Daughters watch their fathers. Don't let them watch you sacrifice integrity. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 My suggestion is to invite her H for a chat and ask him when the divorce would be final... That you've been seeing his wife and would like for her to be available. If he states when it will be final then tell him you would like to date her after she's finished being married. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lana877 Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 I`m sorry to say she would never leave him... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts