TheLongIslander Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 Heartbroken now. Was with my girlfriend for 15 months, sexually active for a year. Sex was good but she'd sometimes ask for something crazy. Hit her on the butt, pull her hair, slap her in other places. I didn't want to but she insisted and then she complained that I didn't do it hard enough. Say what? Theres enough violence toward women and I'm not about to be violent. Last night she complained again, she wanted to be slapped on the butt. I did and she said I slap like a girl. It turned into an argument and she called me boring. This morning she broke up for good and I'm heartbroken and confused. I'm 25 and she was my first.
jen1447 Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 It was probably a blessing in disguise, because that's some fairly serious incompatibility that was going to blow up eventually. I respect that you have ethics that say you shouldn't harm women in any way and that you're true to them. But take this as a lesson learned, because quite a few women like to be roughed up in bed. And honestly, the stuff she was asking for sounds pretty mild to me. You have no obligation to deliver that if you're uncomfortable with it, but there is some virtue in accommodating a lover on their kinks if you can handle them. And it's probably a good thing to screen for earlier on if you can't. 7
htx Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 Sorry, some of us are just into that. I have the sweetest, most gentlemanly boyfriend who all my friends and my parents adore...but the reason I'm so addicted to him is he indulges my whims in bed...including being slapped, choked, f**ked roughly, thrown around. Sounds like you weren't compatible...but don't go thinking guys and girls who engage in BDSM fetishes are somehow bad people. We all like what we like. If you don't want to throw her around you don't have to, but it sounds like she's looking for more excitement in the bedroom. 7
pteromom Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 There are plenty of women out there who DON'T like to be roughed up as well, and who will appreciate your respectful nature. This was just pure incompatibility. There's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with her. You guys just want very different things when it comes to sex. I'm sorry this happened to you. You'll go on to find a woman who appreciates who you are though. 6
Author TheLongIslander Posted May 7, 2015 Author Posted May 7, 2015 Sorry, some of us are just into that. I have the sweetest, most gentlemanly boyfriend who all my friends and my parents adore...but the reason I'm so addicted to him is he indulges my whims in bed...including being slapped, choked, f**ked roughly, thrown around. Sounds like you weren't compatible...but don't go thinking guys and girls who engage in BDSM fetishes are somehow bad people. We all like what we like. If you don't want to throw her around you don't have to, but it sounds like she's looking for more excitement in the bedroom. If this is the norm for what girls want, I'm out. We had sex in many positions, in the bedroom, out of the bedroom, in my car. What more do you want? I will give a girl pleasure but not pain and will not risk injuring her. No way. If I injure her what happens then? I get arrested? 2
Author TheLongIslander Posted May 7, 2015 Author Posted May 7, 2015 It was probably a blessing in disguise, because that's some fairly serious incompatibility that was going to blow up eventually. I respect that you have ethics that say you shouldn't harm women in any way and that you're true to them. But take this as a lesson learned, because quite a few women like to be roughed up in bed. And honestly, the stuff she was asking for sounds pretty mild to me. You have no obligation to deliver that if you're uncomfortable with it, but there is some virtue in accommodating a lover on their kinks if you can handle them. And it's probably a good thing to screen for earlier on if you can't. Mild? What? I am not going to abuse her and risk seriously injuring her. As I said sex wasn't boring at all. We did so much, all over the house, even in my car. But I draw a line. Is this related to the rape fatasies that I've heard some have. No thank you, I like adventure but not playing with fire. 1
Author TheLongIslander Posted May 7, 2015 Author Posted May 7, 2015 There are plenty of women out there who DON'T like to be roughed up as well, and who will appreciate your respectful nature. This was just pure incompatibility. There's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with her. You guys just want very different things when it comes to sex. I'm sorry this happened to you. You'll go on to find a woman who appreciates who you are though. I'm freaked out is what I am and te responses here other than yours are freaking me out more. I'm anything but a cold fish in bed, and I just loved doing all these different positions and oral was great and we sucked each other's bodies. But extreme pain, no way will I do that. 1
SoulCat Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 I am not going to abuse her and risk seriously injuring her. Slapping her ass during sex especially when she asks for it does not constitute abuse. And apart from maybe some redness on her skin it isn't going to injure her either. Is this related to the rape fatasies that I've heard some have. Now that's a weird leap..... I love getting my ass slapped during sex and my guy happily does so. I have no rape fantasies whatsoever, never have done. Sounds to me like your ex was just a little more adventurous and kinky than your vanilla could cope with. Better to find that out sooner rather than later. 4
Author TheLongIslander Posted May 7, 2015 Author Posted May 7, 2015 Slapping her ass during sex especially when she asks for it does not constitute abuse. And apart from maybe some redness on her skin it isn't going to injure her either. Now that's a weird leap..... I love getting my ass slapped during sex and my guy happily does so. I have no rape fantasies whatsoever, never have done. Sounds to me like your ex was just a little more adventurous and kinky than your vanilla could cope with. Better to find that out sooner rather than later. I did slap her ass but apparently not hard enough. Apparently I hit like a girl. Not into hitting girls. How am I vanilla, having had sex is many positions all over the house and in the car? Isn't vanilla sex just the missionary position? I'm far from one of these people who believes sex is just for procreation. I love sex but not this lunacy.
Vercetti Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 She was your first. Hope you learned being dominant is not disrespectful. Holding down, limiting movement, pulling hair, ect. I'm not big into smacking...but I'll do it till laughing gasping trying to get away and then push the line a little more. It's not violence it's play. If I really pulled your hair choked you hit you restrained you...there would be criminal charges if you survived or they found the body. 2
SoulCat Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 Isn't vanilla sex just the missionary position? Vanilla sex: Sex that involves no twists or kinkiness, and no S&M. Basically plain regular sex. Typically sweet and happy and very lovey-dovey. A few different locations and positions other than missionary does not make it less vanilla. But that's just me. Other opinions are available. 7
Author TheLongIslander Posted May 7, 2015 Author Posted May 7, 2015 She was your first. Hope you learned being dominant is not disrespectful. Holding down, limiting movement, pulling hair, ect. I'm not big into smacking...but I'll do it till laughing gasping trying to get away and then push the line a little more. It's not violence it's play. If I really pulled your hair choked you hit you restrained you...there would be criminal charges if you survived or they found the body. All I've learned is I'm not cut out for the craziness that's demanded by girls. And I'm on Long Island, god knows how crazy they are in NYC. To me it's violence and go a little too far and she passes out. I like adventure but this is over the top. Looks like I should get used to being single.
Author TheLongIslander Posted May 7, 2015 Author Posted May 7, 2015 Vanilla sex: Sex that involves no twists or kinkiness, and no S&M. Basically plain regular sex. Typically sweet and happy and very lovey-dovey. A few different locations and positions other than missionary does not make it less vanilla. But that's just me. Other opinions are available. A few, we did many positions all over and we weren't just there laying down. If most girls want hair pulled violently, getting slapped to an inch away from going to the hospital, then I'm out.
Author TheLongIslander Posted May 7, 2015 Author Posted May 7, 2015 We rolled around the house and even held each other against a wall, how is that vanilla?
RoseVille Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 Equating slapping her ass upon request to rape culture and an inch away from going to the hospital is a little much. You're vanilla. She's not. You're not compatible. 4
badpenny Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 You don't seem to be getting it... You say sex wasn't boring... To you, maybe. To her, it patently was, and what's more, sad as.it is, you were not delivering what she asked for. That, to her, was unacceptable. There is actually a world of difference between being violent and abusing someone maliciously, and someone asking you to be more rough in bed. It did nothing for you, and evidently turned you right off. And that's perfectly OK. She needed more from you, and that's OK too. Put this down to pure incompatibility. You have different sexual tastes, and that just means you have different sexual tastes. Full stop and end of story, no more, no less. 2
elaine567 Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 A few, we did many positions all over and we weren't just there laying down. If most girls want hair pulled violently, getting slapped to an inch away from going to the hospital, then I'm out. I guess most girls would not want roughed up, some will, but others will definitely appreciate your style of sex, do not beat yourself up about it, you do not need to change, not everyone has kinks. You were just not sexually compatible with that girl, do not let it affect you. 2
Vercetti Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 Maybe should read my post til sinks in. It's not violence it's play. Even hardcore S&M is a playful joke. Personally I don't want coustumes or props, the fundamentals are the same. I thought like you early on. Even some positions being degrading and not love. Got over it quick. There is nothing wrong being a man. There is nothing wrong with docile little submissive angels wanting to be taken. 2
fitnessfan365 Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 If this is the norm for what girls want, I'm out. We had sex in many positions, in the bedroom, out of the bedroom, in my car. What more do you want? I will give a girl pleasure but not pain and will not risk injuring her. No way. If I injure her what happens then? I get arrested? It's cool that you're sticking to your principles. Also, I could see if she was asking to act out rape fantasies, or have you get really violent like with punching/slapping her in the face, etc.. Stuff like that is way too intense for me. But the stuff you mentioned seemed pretty basic to me. When you pull a woman's hair correctly, it can not only give her immense pleasure but it also allows for deeper penetration when her lower back arches. Plus, a lot of women like their asses smacked. In the end though, you'll just have to find a woman that is a bit more conservative in bed like you are. 1
SoulCat Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 We rolled around the house and even held each other against a wall, how is that vanilla? It's vanilla because it lacks kink. It lacks twists. It lacks role play and pushing boundaries. Doing it against a wall or in the kitchen or hayloft does not make it kinky or particularly adventurous. That's what makes it vanilla. Look, there is nothing inherently wrong with it. It's perfectly fine for some people, but just not for others. That's where you and your ex differed, and most likely would never be compatible in the long run. 2
Author TheLongIslander Posted May 7, 2015 Author Posted May 7, 2015 Equating slapping her ass upon request to rape culture and an inch away from going to the hospital is a little much. You're vanilla. She's not. You're not compatible. I did slap her ass but apparently not so hard she was not knocked off the bed. Guess in today's nutty world anything that isn't extreme is vanilla and boring and for losers.
Author TheLongIslander Posted May 7, 2015 Author Posted May 7, 2015 Maybe should read my post til sinks in. It's not violence it's play. Even hardcore S&M is a playful joke. Personally I don't want coustumes or props, the fundamentals are the same. I thought like you early on. Even some positions being degrading and not love. Got over it quick. There is nothing wrong being a man. There is nothing wrong with docile little submissive angels wanting to be taken. Your definition of being a man is being violent and not calling it violence. Guess its child's play just having sex, and what's missionary position, babies play? 1
pteromom Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 Vanilla DOES NOT equal boring. It just means lack of kinks. There's nothing wrong with being vanilla. It's not an insult. Doesn't mean you lack an adventurous spirit. It just means that you aren't into fetishes, kinks, or alternative sexual expressions. And there is no need to resolve yourself to singledom. There are plenty of girls who don't want to be roughed up. 4
Author TheLongIslander Posted May 7, 2015 Author Posted May 7, 2015 It's cool that you're sticking to your principles. Also, I could see if she was asking to act out rape fantasies, or have you get really violent like with punching/slapping her in the face, etc.. Stuff like that is way too intense for me. But the stuff you mentioned seemed pretty basic to me. When you pull a woman's hair correctly, it can not only give her immense pleasure but it also allows for deeper penetration when her lower back arches. Plus, a lot of women like their asses smacked. In the end though, you'll just have to find a woman that is a bit more conservative in bed like you are. Judging by the responses there aren't many out there. Smacking asses isn't enough because I didn't do it will all my might. Those who equate pain with pleasure are off the wall but now I'm the bad guy for saying such a thing.
preraph Posted May 7, 2015 Posted May 7, 2015 Don 't worry LongIslander. For every woman out there who wants you to hit her, there's one who would react to being hit by coming after you with the frying pan.
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