Divorce after 5 months with baby

[Broken mummy]

Hello everyone,

 

My husband left me and our son and he went working abroad.

As the title says he wants divorce after only 5 months and he is now living his life abroad..he hasn't seen our son in 5 months already and i am living with my parents.

He calls on Skype every 10 days or so to see our boy and send me 300$ every month.

I am waiting to get his address so i can go and file for divorce but he is prolonging this because with court order he will have to pay more money than he is now as he earns good money.

Today i got in rage as he hasn't called or asked to see our boy at all over 3 weeks but yet i can see he is going online.

So i sent him a text saying btw your son is doing well thank you for asking..and you can guess he gave me stupid explanation why he hasn't asked or call about our son and he even had the decency to tell me I should be thankful that he is sending me money..could not believe it..what a idiot..

I don't feel that I should say thank you that he is giving me money to raise our boy..why should i,he left me and our son..he never said thank you for raising our son..this is his son too..he is responsible as much as i am..i never asked to be put in this position..don't care about his money..but my son isn't a toy to be picked up and played whenever he feels..either he is going to be in his life or not..seeing him for couple days in a year isn't being parent..sending money doesn't make him a parent..that is his obligations..yet at the end I should say thank you when he sends me money..am I wrong for feeling this way?

 

Should i thank him when he sends me money?

 

Hope someone can advise me about this.

Thank you for reading.

[ascendotum]

I guess you'll get a mixture of responses here. My instinct is to say don't thank him for doing his duty & obligation to his son. At the same time it might play to play nice in the early stages till you can find out his address. Depending on what country he is in, you might have no hope on enforcing any payment even if he is a US citizen. It might pay to get some advice from the relevant govt dept, so you know what lies ahead.

 

I think it hits a lot of guys hard when a baby comes along much earlier than they had hoped and they are not ready for the change to their life. He married you so obviously loved you, but I guess was not ready to be a father and no.2 in your life so soon. I see so many relationships break down in the first year of having a baby. He's certainly avoiding this upheaval (having a child) fairly drastically by going overseas, unless that was his plan all along. Did you two discuss having children (now not in x yrs time) and did you discuss him going abroad for his career before you got pregnant?

[Broken mummy]

Thank you for your answer.I did check with my lawyer about child support and he reassured me that if i go trough the divorce I would certainly be entitled to more than he is paying.However I agree to this amount he is paying me now as he once told me if i ask for more money than this he will disappear on me..as I said i am not interested in his money.

My concern is my son's well being and I don't think that it's a fair thing a child to grow up without a father in his life.I mean people divorce without walking away from their children.

I never stopped him from seeing his son it was his decision after having a bizarre argument two days before Christmas he kicked me and our son from the house and send me to my parents house.

Basically he never loved me,we got accidentally pregnant early on the relationship and he faked that he loved me only so i can keep the baby as he is 43 years old and in his mind this was maybe his last chance of having a child.

He married me only so i can stay and live in his country because we didn't had the proper visas.Of course he isn't admitting to this..in his mind we are different people and we shouldn't be together..he loved me but after 2 years he realized he doesn't love me anymore..which is bs to be honest.

He was thinking how awesome it is having a son and when me and the baby moved with him he realized his life changed,he couldn't go out drinking anymore,baby was crying all night and how expensive it is and stuff like that..well i guess he didn't like reality check of having a child.

That's when he decided to stop faking that he loves me and send me and our son back to my home country.

Yet he goes around crying to everyone how he loves so much his son but can't be with him because he doesn't love me.

And that's why i am angry with him..you see he already abused my trust in marriage the day he married me because he did it for the wrong reasons just to bring his son next to him in his country..so if he wanted so much this child then why kick him out of your life when we finally were granted residency there.

He could've easily say let's divorce and share our son..that way both of parents will raise our son..last time i check it takes two people to create child but in his mind i can raise by myself and him sending money is still considered as being a parent.

That's why I can't say thank you for paying for his obligations because at the end he chose to use my body to get a child..in my mind there was no need for us to move country even with the divorce going on.

[ascendotum]

so your son is considered a citizen of his country, but you are now back in your country. That will complicate things. while your lawyer is probably right in you getting more money post divorce, enforcing it in another country is a different story. He could easily throw your lawyers letters of demand in the bin, and he is not going to be extradited over it. The money you get now might be the best you can do, unless you hire lawyer in his country and even then child support laws might be weak there.

 

Iseeyou said your got accidentally pregnant plus it was early on the relationship. Both circumstances put a lot of pressure on a relationship and will turn the guy's plans for the furue upside down. Common theme in a lot of single mothers, though from what you say it seemed he definitely played a hand in this (apart from his sperm) by pretending to love you and wanting a baby initially. Its a big long term decision and he just cant change his mind 12mths later....but he has, and I guess where he lives its easier to do. The change to lifestyle is also something quite a few guys under estimate or push it to the back of their mind at the time the gf announces she's pregnant. At 43 its not because he's immature but more like self centered. Don't say thank you for the money,since its not benefiting you but his son.