Another shallow post - yet relevant > dating and weight

[SerCay]

Ok so here'the deal. I'm 40 pounds overweight, and since I'm jobless currently, I find it SO hard to lose the extra pounds.

 

I've been single for a couple months now and I slowly start to feel emotionally stable again. Also I miss having sex, but I don't want to sleep with a random guy on a one night stand.

 

Now before I gained the weight I thought I was pretty hot. I got so many reactions and my confidence regarding my looks was very high.

 

So the weirdest feeling has now taken a hold of me; I don't want to start dating, until I've lost the excess weight .

Even though I'm not obese or anything, so there's no health threat that needs to be attended first, and even though I feel emotionally ready to date.

 

Any of you experienced this?

[DJOkawari]

I was feeling pretty similarly after my break up. I got into better shape, got some new clothes and now I still don't feel like dating

 

Just make sure you're actually working towards losing that weight (or work towards accepting it) otherwise it'll just be another rationalization that keeps you stuck in the break up funk.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Everyone experiences a dip in their confidence throughout life for a multitude of reasons. At the end of a relationship, it's no surprise.

 

Being with a job can be very depressing within itself though, I would suggest you start getting a daily routine...if not work, school or something else.

 

If you want to lose the weight, then you just have to have a plan and really try to stick with it and feel motivated enough to do that...

 

However with ending a relationship two months ago, I think you're going through the normal dip in confidence of "nobody loves me, nobody wants me" kind of thing that a lot of women go through and end up in rebounds over.

 

I think you should focus on losing that 40 pounds before you date, not because somebody won't find you attractive but because it's not the right answer to your self-esteem, opening your legs to a random guy or random male interest shouldn't be the solution to your problem, you should work on your self-esteem/worth first and eliminate whatever feelings/situation caused you to gain that much weight...you're not obese but that's not like just a few pounds, that's 40 pounds...that's not just an oops, something else is going on inside of you.

 

However if you think 40 pounds of "chubby" is going to keep men from sleeping with you, clearly you do not understand men...they're not as picky at the end of the day, they don't have that luxury to be honest with you.

 

It's really not that big of a deal to have men interested/attracted to you from a mans perspective at all, it really is about who or what kind of men are interested in you.

[Toodaloo]

Ok so here'the deal. I'm 40 pounds overweight, and since I'm jobless currently, I find it SO hard to lose the extra pounds.

 

 

This is the best time to loose weight! You have extra time to go walking, jogging, use time of beans as weights to tone up etc...

 

If I were you I would dedicate an hour or two to pampering yourself each day. Make an exercise plan and go for it while you look for another job.

 

Not only will it help keep you active but will also get you out of the house and talking to people.

 

Being fat does not make you unattractive, being dull and not bothering makes you unattractive!

[Hawaii51]

All I know is you shouldn't (can't) put of happiness- or it will never come. Be happy now and everything else will fall into place. tomorrow will always be tomorrow, so do it today

[IT Geek]

 

Being fat does not make you unattractive

 

I beg to differ.

 

Physical attraction is the FIRST thing people are judged on. Everyone does it. In the first few seconds after seeing someone people have already made a decision as to their qualification for a partner. No attraction? Doesn't matter how the inside of a person is. It's just a cruel fact of life.

 

How do I know? I'm overweight and never get a second glance. In fact, I did an experiment. I put two profiles on a dating site. One with my real photos and one with fake ones. Everything else was the same, income, likes, dislikes, etc.

 

The profile with the fake pictures got exponentially more views and replies to messages that I sent out from both accounts. Some of the messages from my real account were never even read, and I can only assume they were deleted before being read based on my appearance.

 

I hate to be blunt and sound insensitive, but looks and weight DO matter. Anyone who denies it is fooling themselves.

[StrangerThanFiction]

I totally get what you're saying OP. I feel exactly the same way at the moment too, right down to having to lose about 40lbs as well lol. For me I think it's a confidence thing. In all other aspects of my life I'm usually very confident but as far as dating...I'm feeling a bit self conscious. I'm afraid of putting myself out there while I feel overweight and then being rejected. Even if it's over something unrelated to appearance, I know that I'll blame it on me having extra pounds and then I'll console myself with ice cream, which will make me feel even worse about my weight lol. But that's just me. Maybe your reasons are different.

[Tayla]

Op, its entirely your choice on how you manage your self esteem and body image.

 

Do it for you. Otherwise you will always be living your life under someone elses expectations.

 

you are not societys playdough to be formed and shaped. You are aware of what you are comfortable with and aware that for you... you want to set a goal to recapture a physique that is pleasing to you. Its your call. Be gentle and good to yourself whatever the choice may be.