Turning 30 in two weeks. Is there any reason to live a day past it?

[Sunyata]

Did anyone here hit 30 with a lot of "unfinished business" in their lives, whether psychologically, financially, so forth and so on?

 

I'm turning 30 and got my first "real job" at 27. Had a lot of terrible friendships and underachievement throughout my life. I am still at the same job and have underachieved greatly. I got into my first relationship (first date, first kiss, first everything) at 28 and it was a great life-changing experience that lasted a year 1/2 and ended. The break up was a great pain to experience, I must say. Makes me think how 16-17 year olds must feel.

 

So that's an extremely short story of my life, and how it is now changing as I go from society's new "youth" into society's first stage of "old." What do all you think about turning 30, and of your own attempts to live this game called life, to grow as a person, and so on.

[loveweary11]

I'm sorry if your post was serious. I can relate so well to the thread title, I'm dying laughing.

 

I'm past that one.

 

Important thing is to forget your age and just live. Do what you want to do with your life and don't compare yourself to others.

[MrNate 2.0]

Did anyone here hit 30 with a lot of "unfinished business" in their lives, whether psychologically, financially, so forth and so on?

 

I'm turning 30 and got my first "real job" at 27. Had a lot of terrible friendships and underachievement throughout my life. I am still at the same job and have underachieved greatly. I got into my first relationship (first date, first kiss, first everything) at 28 and it was a great life-changing experience that lasted a year 1/2 and ended. The break up was a great pain to experience, I must say. Makes me think how 16-17 year olds must feel.

 

So that's an extremely short story of my life, and how it is now changing as I go from society's new "youth" into society's first stage of "old." What do all you think about turning 30, and of your own attempts to live this game called life, to grow as a person, and so on.

 

You do know there's a year 31 right?

[thestaircase]

OP, your life seem fine. Trust me, there are people out there who have worser life than you.

I am 30 this year, and I have a pretty messed-up childhood and pretty much poor all my life. But I'm still happy living life, still the the independent and carefree girl.

 

I have a mother who is emotionally/mentally and physically abusive to me. In my whole childhood, all I heard is she belittle me, scold at me, and put me down like a dog. In her eyes, I worth less than a dog on the street. It definately take a toll on my self-worth.

 

When I turn 18, I left my mother house. I left with just my clothes and little money I make from work at my High school library.

I end up living in the Homeless Shelter for some time, before I can find myself a place. I became a College dropped out too.

In my 20s, I didn't care about dating because all I can think of is work to pay Rent, or else I'm gonna end up in the Homeless Shelter again.

 

I started my life over from scratch. Work different minimum wage jobs, bought a used car. Move to a cheap rent bad area neighborhood, the cheap rent here sure help alot.

I work at a Retail job that pay me hourly and little commission. I am far far from rich, but I do make enough to support myself.

Times sure fly by fast, this year I am 30 year olds. And I got married 4 months ago.

 

 

I hope this make you feel better, you can laugh at me. I lost my virginity at the age of 29 to my then boyfriend now husband. Now that is funny, because 29 is a ridiculously old age for a girl to lost her V-Card, in the western culture.

But I'm Chinese, and speaking for myself I'm just a prude in sex, lol

 

The only good thing in my life is I have an awesome husband, I have No regrets this lifetime. I have No 'unfinished business'

However, I still miss my wanderer and carefree life. It like a habit, when you live a carefree life for 30 years, it hard to snap out of it now.

Edited May 9, 2015 by thestairs

[Sunyata]

Thanks for your story too. My mom was pretty abusive too, and I was her "little sick child." And she tranquilized me to accept her projection. She probably wanted me to kill myself so she could be the grieving mother. It was really messed up.

 

And I have a progressive disease and got my leg amputated when I was 12, after being in a wheelchair or cast for 4-5 years.

 

But your life sounds very, very hard too. I'm so sorry you have had to deal with that. You are a strong and beautiful person, my fellow soul.

[JohnsonBaby]

This is seriously pathetic. Live your life and don't care so much about society,work on your strengths . Everybody ages and 30 oIs still young .

[Ninjainpajamas]

Thanks for your story too. My mom was pretty abusive too, and I was her "little sick child." And she tranquilized me to accept her projection. She probably wanted me to kill myself so she could be the grieving mother. It was really messed up.

 

And I have a progressive disease and got my leg amputated when I was 12, after being in a wheelchair or cast for 4-5 years.

 

But your life sounds very, very hard too. I'm so sorry you have had to deal with that. You are a strong and beautiful person, my fellow soul.

 

Well people have tough childhoods and life situations, but yours is pretty hard to beat man. That's got to be a difficult life, more than what many of us would ever know.

 

As far as looking at 30 as a negative thing...I personally don't know why you would look it at that way. I've become very wise, intelligent and just so much more capable as a man in my 30's all around.

 

I really have been through a lot of in my life, and even tragedy struck recently and the way I handled it, the situation and circumstances that I dealt with all at once...it really made me understand how much I've grown, and how capable I've become in handling a situation I didn't even think I was prepared for. There were mistakes and things I'd like to change for the future in the way I handle certain emotions but I don't fault myself for it too much because I know it's something I'm going to improve on...and in time I will conquer that too, so I'm pretty proud of the man I've become.

 

For myself, that's never in particular only had to do with success, finances and the kind of car or house I drove, or even how successful I am/was with women.

 

I myself in my life had a lot of things not go my way, but I've always been able to find love...so it's one thing that probably helped me survive through so much. So I can sympathize how difficult that is or would be, to be single and in your situation, I can BS you and say it's no big deal and you're fine without it.

 

But honestly, I've been successful in different areas of my life, including women and being respectable and looked up to by many people. But it's never been something that's given me that peace of satisfaction, therefore I've always pursued the things that give me that motivation. If you compare yourself to the world and what they want and achieve and hold yourself up to that "standard" then you're not ever going to be happy, most of these people are doing it in a multifaceted way.

 

Men are doing it to look attractive and desirable to women, please their families and feel accepted or validated, the things they own they associate with their self-worth...if you were to take that away they wouldn't be much of a man because they've invested so much in the things that aren't apart of them as a person, it's all about this other superficial world that impresses other people, but deep inside they could be very sad, lonely and feel resentful over the fact of why people admire them. And that's something personally I find very unappealing, I wouldn't want a woman to love me at my best and because I had all these things to offer her.

 

So in a way, the more you sacrifice, the less you have, the more somebody has to love you for you and who you are.

 

But have you really given yourself a chance? have you really pushed yourself to overcome your fears and strive beyond the self-imposed boundaries that you've placed upon yourself?

 

I can tell you one thing about life, we hold ourselves back more than any other person ever could. We determine and decide our fates for ourselves, it's because we can't get the courage, maybe the fear is too big, maybe the unknown is too daunting. And that's why for myself I've always pushed myself to strive for more than just that ideal job, education, perfect little picture perfect life...at the end of the day you got one life, and you have to do the best with what you have, we don't get to decide what those things are.

 

Don't hold grudges and resent people in your life, like your mother and family members for what they've done and been. All these people on this planet are damaged and suffering in some way, don't associate yourself so personally to a circumstance because of how someone else behaved and treated you. Yes, they inflicted that pain and didn't accept you the way you were, but that is their problem...you've got to become your own person and man now, you have to forgive those people for people who they are, they've got a lot of pains, regrets and sorrows in themselves...most people are just stuck in their own pain which is why they don't see what they do or how they affect others, but it's never as personal as you feel it is, people are just broken.

 

Hopefully you can set goals for yourself and dare to change your life, hopefully you try to figure out the solutions and ways to accomplish the things you want to do instead of just accepting defeat and waiting for life to kind of finish you off. It's just not going to get better, it's not going to get easier with that kind of attitude, as hard as it may be, you've got to have goals and pursue the things you want and that will make you feel fulfilled...if you pursue them with enough passion and dedication, and push yourself beyond your doubts and fears, you will accomplish something out of that.

 

Life isn't like a wishlist, where you just hope and wish for things to be better and hope that they come to you. Unfortunately in this world you've got to fight for most things, you've got to push yourself forward...and sometimes, you're just fighting yourself, a lot of times you're causing your own problems and unhappiness because you refuse to let certain things go, holding onto that pain and disappointment and kind of just wallowing in a pit-stop along the highway of life and never moving forward again...just looking back and feeling like it's already done you too much wrong.

 

Put that effort and find that thing in life you are passionate about, and it's lot more than sex and romance I can tell you that much. Because I can tell you, the women, the money, the career doesn't automatically mean happiness, as much as you might think, that's not what makes you feel any differently or helps you get over your problems....you still carry that crap with you, I guarantee you that. After the high of a romance or sex, or even a relationship, or the money, or going to that job everyday...you've still got your feelings and issues to deal with at the end of the day, so even if you had those things, yes it would make life better, easier and in ways happier but you could still be miserable...there's plenty of people who are.

 

But those things will definitely add to your life, so try and accomplish those goals but also have personal goals and work on the issues and emotions that you have so that when you have those things, you can actually enjoy them. Because you'll still have issues of trust and this sense of not being good enough or accepted or whatever, it'll always creep up on you because you've got those personal issues to deal with, but if those things help you become confident, give you more self-worth and etc...which they do, then try to work on accomplishing them, don't just give up because you still have plenty of time to change your life, and I'm 34, and I think I have plenty of options in life still and look forward to a lot...I want to travel more and have a family and all of that.

[Jonp219]

Did anyone here hit 30 with a lot of "unfinished business" in their lives, whether psychologically, financially, so forth and so on?

 

I'm turning 30 and got my first "real job" at 27. Had a lot of terrible friendships and underachievement throughout my life. I am still at the same job and have underachieved greatly. I got into my first relationship (first date, first kiss, first everything) at 28 and it was a great life-changing experience that lasted a year 1/2 and ended. The break up was a great pain to experience, I must say. Makes me think how 16-17 year olds must feel.

 

So that's an extremely short story of my life, and how it is now changing as I go from society's new "youth" into society's first stage of "old." What do all you think about turning 30, and of your own attempts to live this game called life, to grow as a person, and so on.

 

First off I have no idea what happened in your life prior to age 27, but I commend you, you woke up one day and realized you had to change your ways and that says a lot about you. Don't worry about turning 30, I know people who are in far worst circumstances than you. Although I'm 25, I too feel like I'm behind everyone else. I didn't star taking college seriously until I turned 21, and since then I've been putting an immense amount of pressure on myself to "catch up" (which was no good). The word "old" is subjective, it's all about your health and how you feel.

[d0nnivain]

Of course there are reasons to live past your 30th b-day. Haven't you ever heard the saying life begins at 40?

 

On my 30th b-day my father had a massive heart attack.

 

I met my husband at 39.

 

Your life is on an upward trajectory. If you haven't already gotten into therapy, do so. It will help tremendously. At the very least please call a suicide hot line.

 

If you hate your job, do something to get yourself a new one. Lots of things can improve if you are here to make them happen.

[Sunyata]

Of course there are reasons to live past your 30th b-day. Haven't you ever heard the saying life begins at 40?

 

On my 30th b-day my father had a massive heart attack.

 

I met my husband at 39.

 

Your life is on an upward trajectory. If you haven't already gotten into therapy, do so. It will help tremendously. At the very least please call a suicide hot line.

 

If you hate your job, do something to get yourself a new one. Lots of things can improve if you are here to make them happen.

 

The topic title was a joke. I feel like I could have stated it better. But I just meant it to express the kind of sadness at turning 30.

 

I've been in lots of therapy. Individual therapy was a mistake as I did not choose a good therapist for me. I've recently gotten back into it after finding out my insurance covers it. Group therapy was and continues to be hugely beneficial to me.

[Diezel]

30's where when I REALLY started to enjoy life.

[texmccormick]

I'll be 30 in a few weeks, and I definitely have a lot of "unfinished business".

 

 

I don't look at it as a bad thing, though. It's nice to have goals, even if they take longer to be achieved than you desired. At 30 we still have PLENTY of time to get things done.

 

 

Most of all, just enjoy life. Simply being happy is an accomplishment in and of itself. That's the only business you really need to focus on, OP.

 

 

Happy birthday, by the way

[calvincline47]

Damn OP, if you seriously only have one leg, then you're doing pretty well in life I'd say.

 

If I had one leg, I probably wouldn't have a job or a girlfriend. Kudos to you for overcoming that obstacle.

[Bubberfly]

You do know there's a year 31 right?

 

Oh god! There is?

 

Haha, I'm sorry, this was hilarious.

 

 

Trust me. I turned the big THREE-OH 6 months ago.

I was worried about layoffs at work, I had just broken up with a guy and felt alone, I was overweight, I had never been married or had children. I was moping around all day on birthday eve not looking forward to the day when my "life would be over (I.e., 30)". I felt like a failure in life because our society tells us we're worthless unless we accomplish xyz by the time we turn whatever age. Silliness.

 

All of the 40-50 something folks I knew laughed and snorted at me and told me to shut-up-you're-being-ridiculous-you're-still-a-baby.

[madjac74]

Did anyone here hit 30 with a lot of "unfinished business" in their lives, whether psychologically, financially, so forth and so on?

 

 

I hit 20, 30 and 40 with all of these! Geesh should I not live another day? Waaah waaaah

[mario_C]

OP and JonP - who says in another thread he's going to kill himself (not to mention OP of that thread) - are victims of a mentality prevalent in the West where anyone over 30 is worthless. You're ugly, they tell you; you're of no value in the workplace, in the social scene, in bed. You're washed up, out of touch, silly and square.

B u l l s h i t.

But too many people buy it, because getting older is scary and we deal with scary things typically by anaesthetizing our brain with comforting thoughts (see: religion, psychotherapy). And we're seeing the results of this toxic mentality here, and it's causing real damage in real people's lives.

Talk to your therapists. Really talk to them. Being suicidal might lead to hospitalization, but is the funny farm really worse than dying painfully and alone? Really? Is starting over from a bad breakup really worse than dying painfully and destroying everyone who cares about you emotionally? I get it, you don't give a damn about yourself, but what about them? Don't you care about them?