Southern Sun Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 This guy doesn't want another wife. He has one at home who nags him, cries, is emotional, and all that other wonderful womanly stuff. It sounds like you're there to serve a certain purpose, I don't need to spell it out. I hate to say it like that, but this guy doesn't sound like he wants anything emotionally heavy with you. Don't apologize for what you feel, ever... however, just be advised that was long as you're in this situation, you will always feel like this. You said he ended it? I would leave it where it lies. Fill up your time with other hobbies. Don't lose your dignity by going back and begging and sending 100 "I'm sorry" emails, that's just going to push him further away. Maybe he'll come back, but think wisely, OP, before you get in this situation again. Amen to what Goldie said here...know that he was just managing down your expectations. He was getting you used to sex without having to give you anything else, to see if you would accept it. You had VALID emotions, no apologies. But even more important than this...listen to what he's telling you, do not make excuses for him, pay attention. And DO NOT let this man back in your bed. You have your standards - uphold them. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I don't think it's a matter of apologising, because that's how you felt. When dating a MM, you won't ever be his priority. He may intend to call or email when he gets home, but stuff happens and it's easy to get distracted with his wife and children. A long as you remain in this relationship, you will always have these feelings of hurt. You will only ever be fitted in where he has some free time. In essence, your a gap filler. Signing up for an affair means you have to keep your emotions in check, or the MM gets pissed off. In his mind, you knew the deal and all these emotions are more than he needs to deal with. So you need to decide if you will just supress your feelings, because he's somebody else's husband. I have to tell you, there are so many single women who date. That is no reason to settle for being a bit on the side. This may or may not be totally correct. You CAN be the priority, regardless, but this situation does not have a good feeling for that... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 You can't help how you feel, but you can control how you express your feelings. Some ways are positive, some negative. Never apologize for feeling, but sometimes it is appropriate to apologize for the way you express them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 This may or may not be totally correct. You CAN be the priority, regardless, but this situation does not have a good feeling for that... An OW only becomes the priority if/when he leaves his W for her... which rarely happens. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wishful-thinking Posted May 11, 2015 Author Share Posted May 11, 2015 You can't help how you feel, but you can control how you express your feelings. Some ways are positive, some negative. Never apologize for feeling, but sometimes it is appropriate to apologize for the way you express them. You are so right here.. thank you for this comment as well. Yes, I think the means of communication also matter and as much we want to express our emotions sometimes it is important not to "invade" and overwhelm. As much we may feel disrespected by the other person, and just burst out with how we feel about it ,we still have to consider the way we are communicating, cause it can cause more damage then good and more defensiveness then ability to listen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wishful-thinking Posted May 11, 2015 Author Share Posted May 11, 2015 Amen to what Goldie said here...know that he was just managing down your expectations. He was getting you used to sex without having to give you anything else, to see if you would accept it. You had VALID emotions, no apologies. But even more important than this...listen to what he's telling you, do not make excuses for him, pay attention. And DO NOT let this man back in your bed. You have your standards - uphold them. Thank you Southern Sun, I agree- Goldie's words have been sharp but honest and so valid. I am so at peace with how it all ended since I posted on this forum. All the confusion seemed to shift away and I don't feel sorry anymore for what I told him about me feeling hurt and disrespected. It hurt really badly and makes me sad, as I thought we shared a very special connection over the 2+ years but it doesn't seem to be the case anymore. It is harsh true that hurts but at least I can see the reality of this situation now and as you say- He has showed it to me so clearly. I am not going to be his doormat anymore, I feel I am ready to move on. I still cry a lot and feel really down but I feel empowered in a way by the truth that he showed me so clearly... And it just SCREAMS and SHOUTS that there is now only one way to go...to "move on" with no looking back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 YOu should never forget that the connection you had was very different for you. For you it probably had a lot more significance than for MM. His significant partner is at home with him. Poppy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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