RoseVille Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Here's the thing. Anyone who promises another that they will love, honor, and cherish and then cheats on them makes themselves a liar. And the act of withholding this information from their spouse while maintaining an affair is lying by omission. And participating in an affair with someone else without fully disclosing to their spouse what they are doing means they are LIVING a lie. So whether WS lies directly TO you or not, they are still a liar. Ugh. True. But anyone who says they've never lied... well, they're a liar too. Lying to one person doesn't mean you lie to another. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Sun Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 (edited) My xMM started out being "brutally honest" with me, though there wasn't one other person in his life that he WASN'T lying to. Made me feel kinda special at the time. Awww. (Dripping sarcasm). Of course he lied to me too later. I learned that he will lie to get what he wants, period. No one is special, except him. Lying is perfectly justified in his mind. After all, he has needs and if he told the truth about his motives, he might not get his way. He told the truth when it suited him and he lied when it suited him. Period. Edited May 11, 2015 by Southern Sun 4 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Why can't he just love you regardless of the sex? Why does he need to use a post-it? What kind of world does a person live in to report infidelity via post-it note? I don't know the whole story, but and I'm not going to apologize for my comment. Apologies - I assumed you meant he should have told her about "us" from the start, not only at the point of being in love. He did tell her once we were in love. Telling her anything involved Post-It Notes. It was the only way they communicated. She made sure she was never there when he was, and vice versa. Any communication was via notes on the fridge. I guess he could have asked the kids to pass on a message for him, but that hardly seemed fair. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 You two seem to have a similar type of guy and they had similar type of wives and marriages (super crappy ones). You were lucky. I suspect we're not the only ones. Reading on LS gives me the idea there are many awful marriages out there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I believe 95% of what he tells me, if not more. I don't think he lies so much as omits (but he does know I consider that lying as well). I actually commented to him once that it would probably make me feel better if he lied rather than telling me the truth. lol BUT I'd much rather be hurt with the truth than comforted with a lie and he knows that so... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I never caught my xMM in a lie, and he said he was always honest with me. but this from a man who lied routinely and frequently to his wife. A man who would step into another room to phone her for their evening call, and then come right back out and resume his activities with me, with a seamless transition. Anyone capable of that kind of compartmentalization and deceit is not trustworthy. So even though I may never have caught him, I assume that he has lied to me either lies of omission (I'm sure these happened) or lies of commission. Ditto Grapes. MM was meticulous about keeping everything the "same" and covering his bum about where he had been. Turned the GPS off on his phone, actually signing in to a shooting club and walked straight out again to see me.that was a frequent event. He would plan outings where he could legitimately be without any questions from his W. He was clinical and cold about having an A. I never caught him out in a lie, but he was a professional. Said he hadn't an A before. In hindsight, I do not believe him. He was far too aware of what he needed to do. I have seen the seamless transition as well. How does that happen? I never had to because I am single. I assume that there was a whole raft of stuff that he didn't reveal to me. How do we become so enamoured of men, who after all , are slick liars and cheats? Poppy. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Ditto Grapes. MM was meticulous about keeping everything the "same" and covering his bum about where he had been. Turned the GPS off on his phone, actually signing in to a shooting club and walked straight out again to see me.that was a frequent event. He would plan outings where he could legitimately be without any questions from his W. He was clinical and cold about having an A. I never caught him out in a lie, but he was a professional. Said he hadn't an A before. In hindsight, I do not believe him. He was far too aware of what he needed to do. I have seen the seamless transition as well. How does that happen? I never had to because I am single. I assume that there was a whole raft of stuff that he didn't reveal to me. How do we become so enamoured of men, who after all , are slick liars and cheats? Poppy. I personally would not have the ability to juggle two lovers at the same time, and even less ability to hide the truth and create these seamless transitions! I also think that people who do this have no empathy for the people they are lying to. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 (edited) Several post were removed for the fact they derailed the thread one person given a nudge for incivility. Any further derailments will get a nudge. Note: The original William subsequently reviewed all the deleted posts which were reported to moderation and will add that unwillingness to follow the directives of moderation will result in varying lengths of suspension. You got your licks in so move on. Thanks! Edited May 12, 2015 by William 2nd review. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Foodjunkie79 Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Ive had to play detective.....wasn't nice to know the truth!! Whats worse is when they completely deny it!!! Then they try and suck u in..... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I once caught sight of some texts on his phone from his W that made reference to "making out on the couch." Others that said "love you" and things like that. Made me sick to think that this woman is trying to keep the fire burning in their relationship, thinks she is protecting her marriage and home, and he is having a whole other intimate relationship on the side. I could understand it more if things at home were cold and distant, but that wasn't what was going on. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 My xMM prided himself on being "a man of his word." While I believe he was very honest with me throughout the affair, he really wasn't honest with himself when he told me he was going to divorce. Once he told his wife he wasn't happy, he had to face what divorcing would really mean. The truth to be faced by me was that he was a selfish coward who panicked and tried to placate everyone involved. Meanwhile, his wife and I were twisting in the wind. The true man of his word is the man I met after the affair deadline came and I ended it. This man did everything he said now, not someday. He has actions that match his words. Love is actions. Love is choices that don't hurt others in the process. The day I married my husband, I looked at our children watching us get married. I was thankful it didn't come at a price for them or our former spouses. If I had ended up with my xMM, I wouldn't have had that peacefulness. We have nothing to hide or justify. That is the only truth I need. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sammy7111 Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 It affair is all a lie 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Sometimes the lies were so openly there, yet neither cared to acknowledge it. We can only state what we know at the time, basically some data will come much later and totally turn a truth into a lie and vice versa. The biggest half truth is often in the behaviors of the partners. Take it for what its worth. Link to post Share on other sites
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