mechanicgirl Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 Ok so heres the situation my husand and I have been together for 7 years but have only been married for almost 2. We have a baby together and he has other kids who live with us from his previous marriage. He never goes anywhere. Hes a really good guy he works has his own business at home. When we first met he drank all the time and thats changed he doesnt drink very often at all now but when he does we usually fight and he says really hurtful things to me. We have split up twice the first time I caught him with his ex wife and the second time we split up he started sleeping with my so called friend the next day this has been 4-5 years ago. He hates the fact that I work and we constantly fight anymore. I'm just done I'm not happy but I dont know how to tell him I want to leave without being the bad guy or him hating me but its just not there anymore I love him but I'm not in love with him. I would perfer just a friendship from him. What do I do??? How do I do this without hurting him Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 Your relationship sounds toxic all around. It's good you have the guts to leave now instead of waiting half of your life. There's no way to make him face hard truths in a gentle way. You can make it easier by sticking to your decision without confusing behavior like hooking up or a little ONS during the divorce proceedings, but aside from that he'll have to adjust to a life without you, which - depending on how much responsibility you have in the household - can be a big change, which most people are afraid of initially. Just give him time. He might be angry at first or whiny but just give it a few months and again, stick to your boundaries. Dates, sex and stuff like that isn't part of a platonic friendship so don't fall into that trap should he attempt to "coax you back". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 There's no way to make him face hard truths in a gentle way. Very true. So mechanicgirl, pick one - his satisfaction or your happiness. In this instance, can't have both. That he would sleep with someone else the day after your breakup - plus the other cheating - makes it seem you're much more concerned about his feelings than he is about yours... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 He drank so do you know if he is he an adult child of an alcoholic? These people likely have complex PTSD (chronic, multiple traumas) due to not being able to leave their family of origin while young. These people have their own challenges. I would make sure you're not dealing with that first. Drinking all the time is a red flag even if he's stopped. Link to post Share on other sites
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