i have a crush on my college professor!

[brwneyedgrrl]

[font=courier new][/font][color=black][/color]i have a crush on my philosophy professor! (how unethical does this already sound???) i have been in school since summer 04. in fall 04 i took an ethics class and dr. s was my professor. i thought he was attractive, but didn't think much of it. i decided after about a week of class, to stop by his office to talk about some problems i was having in class (i really was having trouble!). then i started dropping by a little more often, etc... i finally came to the conclusion (about halfway through the semester) that i had a crush on him. well, it is now the following semester (spring 05) and i am in another ethics class he teaches and i find that i am shamelessly flirting with him when i stop by his office, and he is kind of responding!(but nothing overt, i am afraid i may be misreading him). (FYI i am 26, married but we have an "open" marriage, and my professor is 35 and dating.) i don't know if i should wait until grades are posted (and i am no longer his student) and say something or if i should just shut up about the whole thing...i don't want to just say "hey i like you, want to have sex?" i want to tell him that i find him intellectually stimulating & that i think he is very attractive. and i would like to ask him what his opinion of me is. if nothing ever comes of this (sex, etc) then i am fine with that. i mainly want his opinion. i seem to be obsessed with knowing what he thinks of me!?!?

 

i don't even know if this is a physical crush. i think he is cute, but he isn't drop dead gorgeous. i find him intellectually thrilling. i love to talk to him. i have never touched him and vice versa. all we ever do it talk... but he has never made me leave if i stop by, he has never even hinted that i should leave, etc..

 

i don't know what i should do & i would love to hear some opinions from anyone that has been in this situation before, or even if you just want to tell me your opinion, or give advice.

[Anais]

Does he know that you are married ? Did you mention that it is an " open" one? Did he tell you that he is dating?

[brwneyedgrrl]

Originally posted by Anais

Does he know that you are married ? Did you mention that it is an " open" one? Did he tell you that he is dating?

 

He knows that i am married (and bisexual). I have not mentioned that it is an "open" marriage...but I have thought about doing that to see how he responds. He did tell me that he is dating someone. We talk about personal stuff, but not too personal. I really can't read him! He looks at me in class when he is lecturing, we always talk about class & ethical issues, as well as some personal stuff...but I just don't know.

[HotCaliGirl]

I dated 2 of my college professors, but we were not involved with anyone else, so your situation has a different twist. If your husband is ok with it and you ask him if his girlfriend would not mind, then maybe you could set up a date to go out together to see where things go.

 

I would find out whether or not he is in an open relationship because if he's not, then you should not think of him with a crush and respect that he has someone else.

 

Also, just curious how your open relationship works with your husband!

[brwneyedgrrl]

Originally posted by HotCaliGirl

I would find out whether or not he is in an open relationship because if he's not, then you should not think of him with a crush and respect that he has someone else.

 

Also, just curious how your open relationship works with your husband!

 

I have been thinking about that lately (seeing what the status of his relationship is), I am not sure how to broach the subject though. I think that I need to wait until the semester ends before I say anything...

 

My relationship with my husband works as follows:

 

we have rules, we must stick to those rules!

-rule #1: honesty (to each other & the other person)

-rule #2 : we must talk about each person and see if we are okay with that combination (hope that makes sense)

 

that's really it. we usually discuss people we are involved with on a daily basis, etc. so far we haven't actually had sexual relations with another person. we have come close and been in some hot situations, but no actually sex. i would be the first one to do it if i did happen to sleep with dr. s... i am afraid that my hubby will get jealous if i am the first one though... (i don't think that makes much sense, sorry!)

 

anyway...if you have any specific questions, just ask.

[HotCaliGirl]

Well, don't both of you end up getting jealous? If he says he kissed or was attracted to a certain girl, do you just listen, ask for details...??? And don't you feel like he doesn't love you enough if you tell him about other men and he is ok with it? Does it really work out ok???

 

WHen you say if you're ok with the combination - do you each have to give your approval for the other to be with the other person? Is that based on his description of the girl he is interested in or do you actually meet her?

 

Hope these aren't too many questions!

[brwneyedgrrl]

Originally posted by HotCaliGirl

Well, don't both of you end up getting jealous? If he says he kissed or was attracted to a certain girl, do you just listen, ask for details...??? And don't you feel like he doesn't love you enough if you tell him about other men and he is ok with it? Does it really work out ok???

 

WHen you say if you're ok with the combination - do you each have to give your approval for the other to be with the other person? Is that based on his description of the girl he is interested in or do you actually meet her?

 

Hope these aren't too many questions!

 

So far we haven't had a big problem with jealousy. We have discussed our marriage several times over the past 5 years. We reevaluate what we want every time we discuss it. So the rules change slightly from time to time.

 

When we discuss attraction there is almost no jealousy. I know he finds other women attractive, and that he would not have married me if he did not want to be with me the rest of his life. He has never come home and told me that he has kissed someone, but I don't think I would be jealous.

 

I never feel like he doesn't love me. No matter what happens I know that he loves me and I love him. Even though I have this crush on my professor, I in no way want to leave my husband. I just want to satisfy my lust

 

Yes, we have to give approval. There are certain women I am uncomfortable with him being with and I have told him. He hasn't stated anyone specifically that he does not want me to be with, but I would respect it if asked me not to be with someone. Most of the women he is interested in are women we come in contact with frequently. We don't go out partying, clubbing, etc. so these are people we come into contact with in everyday life.

 

Definitely not too many questions. Ask away! I love to answer questions!!

[HotCaliGirl]

I guess your husband will feel attracted to someone else regardless of his love for you and for him to share this with you, maybe it makes you feel more secure instead of jealous?

 

If you suspected he was interested in one of the females but he was unable to tell you, it might drive you nuts trying to figure out what he's feeling, if he would cheat etc. so MAYBE this is more healthy to share things like this, but I am not sure how it would make you feel if he actually kisses or has sex with someone else.

 

I don't understand how you could be ok wtih that without feeling hurt. Is it because you love him so much that you would put up with anything he does or do you genuinely enjoy and get pleasure from this type of situation?

[brwneyedgrrl]

"I guess your husband will feel attracted to someone else regardless of his love for you and for him to share this with you, maybe it makes you feel more secure instead of jealous? "

 

That is exactly what it is. I can't stop him for being attracted to others, and he can't stop me from being attracted to others. I would rather know who he is attracted to & be sure that he will not cheat on me.

 

"but I am not sure how it would make you feel if he actually kisses or has sex with someone else. "

 

He has kissed someone, but we were in the same house. So I knew what was going on. Of course, we are never apart. The only time we are apart is when he is at work & I am in school. Other than that we spend all of our free time together. Anyway! It did bother me a little, but as I get older I realize that there is no reason to be jealous. He loves me and comes home to be everyday.

 

" Is it because you love him so much that you would put up with anything he does or do you genuinely enjoy and get pleasure from this type of situation?"

 

It isn't either of these things. I do this because it is what I want as well. I don't want to be tied down to sex with only one person for the rest of my life. I want to be able to explore new things & I want him to be able to as well. I don't really get pleasure from the situation, but I do get pleasure from the openness we have. I feel very secure talking to him about anything...and I think that our marriage being open helps us to be more honest with each other in other areas.