still_an_Angel Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 You can only move forward from your mistake OP, you have acknowledged that what happened was not to your best interest and regret it, its now time to look into the future without this guy. Best of luck! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 I think many men in the U.S. feel unappreciated and expendable, un-cared for. And I think that is why they become resentful. Just my observation / opinion. That's quite a sweeping statement there. What about all the MW in affairs, do you think they are resentful as well? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adoraxx Posted May 10, 2015 Author Share Posted May 10, 2015 OP - He is showing you who he is, believe him. His actions aren't lying. So be your own best advocate. Is this fair to you? Is this what you deserve? Are you unreasonable in what your expectations? I think you know the answer to all of this and you will get to a point that no amount of love bombing will sway your mind in forgetting the disrespect he has leveled on you. ((((((((big hugs)))))))) Thanks Got it!! Yes, I do know the answer to all these questions and it isn't fair to me at all. Neither do I deserve this and I don't think I'm unreasonable in my expectations either... I do hope I'll reach that point where no amount of love bombing will sway my mind anymore. I did good for three years so it's time for me to get back on track. In about 1 1/2 weeks I'll be going on a trip, so I'm glad that this happened now and not the day before my vacation because I'm sure I would have felt miserable the whole time... and my vacation would have been ruined. Hopefully I'll feel better soon. Thanks for the big hugs and big hugs back at you!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adoraxx Posted May 10, 2015 Author Share Posted May 10, 2015 You can only move forward from your mistake OP, you have acknowledged that what happened was not to your best interest and regret it, its now time to look into the future without this guy. Best of luck! Thanks Still An Angel!! I will move forward and try not to look back. Thanks for your kindness! Hugs! Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 I expect to hear from him every day, whether we've had sex that day or not. We see each other at least once a week and talk in some form daily (on the phone during the week, text on weekends). So yes, I expect to hear from him after sex. And the days when we're not having sex, too. Period. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adoraxx Posted May 11, 2015 Author Share Posted May 11, 2015 I expect to hear from him every day, whether we've had sex that day or not. We see each other at least once a week and talk in some form daily (on the phone during the week, text on weekends). So yes, I expect to hear from him after sex. And the days when we're not having sex, too. Period. If you hear from him that often, it's obvious that HE really enjoys staying in touch too................. Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 If you hear from him that often, it's obvious that HE really enjoys staying in touch too................. Sometimes I wonder, to be honest. lol However, we stated expectations from Day 1 and since we've been together coming up on 3 years and it continues most of the time without fail (unless something serious comes up and prevents it like family emergencies on either side, etc.), I guess we're doing okay as far as that goes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Sun Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I find this thread really disturbing Maybe I am just so scarred, so done, so hurt, so USED, that I Just Can't. Do. This. Anymore. I don't know. This is just what's so f'd up about these relationships. I mean, really? Do we really have to ask this question? OF FREAKING COURSE WE SHOULD EXPECT CONTACT AFTER SEX. But we are in a jacked up relationship, with someone else's spouse, abiding by rules that aren't the norm. Sometimes we are married ourselves. I don't know. I am not okay with having been a MOW, period. I am not okay with having been used for sex. I am not okay with having been charmed, used, tossed aside like yesterday's garbage, given the silent treatment, treated with anger and hostility, then sweet-talked, manipulated, lied to, then tossed aside again...I was too trusting, too vulnerable, too naive. And there were days I got absolutely ignored after sex, which always killed me but I was so broken I didn't know what to do. So this is triggering to me. I can just hardly even wrap my brain around this. Sorry. Maybe I should have just stayed away from this one... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I find this thread really disturbing Maybe I am just so scarred, so done, so hurt, so USED, that I Just Can't. Do. This. Anymore. I don't know. This is just what's so f'd up about these relationships. I mean, really? Do we really have to ask this question? OF FREAKING COURSE WE SHOULD EXPECT CONTACT AFTER SEX. But we are in a jacked up relationship, with someone else's spouse, abiding by rules that aren't the norm. Sometimes we are married ourselves. I don't know. I am not okay with having been a MOW, period. I am not okay with having been used for sex. I am not okay with having been charmed, used, tossed aside like yesterday's garbage, given the silent treatment, treated with anger and hostility, then sweet-talked, manipulated, lied to, then tossed aside again...I was too trusting, too vulnerable, too naive. And there were days I got absolutely ignored after sex, which always killed me but I was so broken I didn't know what to do. So this is triggering to me. I can just hardly even wrap my brain around this. Sorry. Maybe I should have just stayed away from this one... You have nothing to be sorry for. You're entitled to your feelings. I hurt today too. What was I thinking getting involved with him?? How could I be so stupid to get involved with him? To believe all of his lies and all of the excuses he made? How could he be so deceitful? I thought I knew him! But then I have found myself asking these questions about so many guys I've been in relationships with (none married, none an affair but this one) that I'm beginning to realize this is the norm. What man is faithful and true? What man is not deceitful? What man is true to his word? I've only ever found ONE. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 You have nothing to be sorry for. You're entitled to your feelings. I hurt today too. What was I thinking getting involved with him?? How could I be so stupid to get involved with him? To believe all of his lies and all of the excuses he made? How could he be so deceitful? I thought I knew him! But then I have found myself asking these questions about so many guys I've been in relationships with (none married, none an affair but this one) that I'm beginning to realize this is the norm. What man is faithful and true? What man is not deceitful? What man is true to his word? I've only ever found ONE. I'm feeling the same way. The thread I posted about another MM... that guy broke my heart, not because I had feeling for him (I never did!), but because he'd been sort of a role model for the type of guy I wanted, the type of guy I thought still existed: a committed, decent family man. He proved me wrong, too. And when I get thinking this way, that they're all dogs, it makes me figure why not continue on as an OW? We're all either doomed to be BS or OW. Blah. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I'm pretty offended by this talk of men being unfaithful liars. I for one am not. What's odd is on this thread and the one titled TRUTH, is filled with responses from MW who are not being honest with their husbands. Women who subject their husbands to the same treatment that they claim they don't/didn't deserve. The irony of it all is amazing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adoraxx Posted May 11, 2015 Author Share Posted May 11, 2015 I find this thread really disturbing Maybe I am just so scarred, so done, so hurt, so USED, that I Just Can't. Do. This. Anymore. I don't know. This is just what's so f'd up about these relationships. I mean, really? Do we really have to ask this question? OF FREAKING COURSE WE SHOULD EXPECT CONTACT AFTER SEX. But we are in a jacked up relationship, with someone else's spouse, abiding by rules that aren't the norm. Sometimes we are married ourselves. I don't know. I am not okay with having been a MOW, period. I am not okay with having been used for sex. I am not okay with having been charmed, used, tossed aside like yesterday's garbage, given the silent treatment, treated with anger and hostility, then sweet-talked, manipulated, lied to, then tossed aside again...I was too trusting, too vulnerable, too naive. And there were days I got absolutely ignored after sex, which always killed me but I was so broken I didn't know what to do. So this is triggering to me. I can just hardly even wrap my brain around this. Sorry. Maybe I should have just stayed away from this one... I totally agree with you! I have expectations too and what you wrote is the exact same way how I feel about it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I'm pretty offended by this talk of men being unfaithful liars. I for one am not. I'm pretty offended that I've never met a guy who was faithful. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I'm pretty offended that I've never met a guy who was faithful. You just replied to one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I'm pretty offended by this talk of men being unfaithful liars. I for one am not. What's odd is on this thread and the one titled TRUTH, is filled with responses from MW who are not being honest with their husbands. Women who subject their husbands to the same treatment that they claim they don't/didn't deserve. The irony of it all is amazing. You're entitled to be offended but I do not have any experience being in a relationship with a woman. I only have experience with men. and of the ten or so relationships I have been in, EIGHT of them were deceitful, told outright lies about their commitment level, or were cheaters. Two were married, one was in a LT relationship (all three of whom claimed they were separated or getting divorced), one was gay and presented to me information showing he wasn't, and the rest cheated. So go right ahead and be offended by my feelings. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 But that is not what this thread is about. Sorry Adoraxx, I did not mean to cause your thread to get off track because I shared my frustrations and feelings. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Sorry, too, just realized an inconsistency in what I said before about none of the other relationships being with a married guy. I had forgotten about him (it was over 20 years ago). Must not have been that memorable LOL 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I'm feeling the same way. The thread I posted about another MM... that guy broke my heart, not because I had feeling for him (I never did!), but because he'd been sort of a role model for the type of guy I wanted, the type of guy I thought still existed: a committed, decent family man. He proved me wrong, too. And when I get thinking this way, that they're all dogs, it makes me figure why not continue on as an OW? We're all either doomed to be BS or OW. Blah. Me, too, Roseville. Sometimes I come here and read and I find myself getting a little upset because I realize just how many married people are having affairs. It's not something I've talked to many people about, then I come here and there are new people posting about their affairs every single day! It makes me feel like there is no hope. Also, for me, it is not so much that there is no future with MM, and not even that it seems he lied. It's that I have known him for a very long time and considered him a friend, and he had to know he was purposely deceiving me. How can a person do that to someone who has always been a friend, and who they claim to care about and love? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 You just replied to one. I have never met one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 This forum is disproportionally full of people in affairs or who have spouses who had affairs. It doesn't do any good to think that every man out there is a lying cheater. That's a defeatist attitude and also not true. What goes around, comes around... if we don't want to be treated like trash, then we need to stay away from affairs. I learned it the hard way, so I'm not trying to knock anyone over the head with it. BUT it doesn't mean that there aren't good guys out there. There are men who don't contact women after sex in all types of relationships, not just affairs. No one should allow that in any relationship - or at least I would not. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I'm pretty offended by this talk of men being unfaithful liars. I for one am not. What's odd is on this thread and the one titled TRUTH, is filled with responses from MW who are not being honest with their husbands. Women who subject their husbands to the same treatment that they claim they don't/didn't deserve. The irony of it all is amazing. I'm 100% single and have never cheated on anyone that I've been with. So don't paint everyone with a wide brush because you're offended that some people are doing the same to men please. Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 This forum is disproportionally full of people in affairs or who have spouses who had affairs. It doesn't do any good to think that every man out there is a lying cheater. That's a defeatist attitude and also not true. What goes around, comes around... if we don't want to be treated like trash, then we need to stay away from affairs. I learned it the hard way, so I'm not trying to knock anyone over the head with it. BUT it doesn't mean that there aren't good guys out there. There are men who don't contact women after sex in all types of relationships, not just affairs. No one should allow that in any relationship - or at least I would not. Whether the relationships I have been in were with married men or not, nearly all of them were w deceitful men. One even beat me and he was a non-cheater (as far as I knew). Am I to blame myself and say I "have a broken picker?" These men were from all walks of life, different professions, varying upbringings. What goes around comes around? I have ALWAYS been a loyal, caring, kind, trusting person and partner. I take care of others better than I take care of myself! Are you saying that I must be a bad person and therefore I attract bad mates? How is a woman to know whether or not she is being lied to? xMM TOLD me, point blank, that he was exiting his marriage, had no desire to remain with his current spouse, did not assign blame but claimed to take full responsibility for his unhappiness and decision to divorce. Then had all manner of excuses for not separating and divorcing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Sun Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I have met a wonderful, faithful man. He is my husband and I am very fortunate that he is putting up with me after the crap I have put him through. I will not take it for granted. I was just pointing out how sad this topic is. It doesn't have to be this way and we do it to ourselves. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 This forum is disproportionally full of people in affairs or who have spouses who had affairs. It doesn't do any good to think that every man out there is a lying cheater. That's a defeatist attitude and also not true. What goes around, comes around... if we don't want to be treated like trash, then we need to stay away from affairs. I learned it the hard way, so I'm not trying to knock anyone over the head with it. BUT it doesn't mean that there aren't good guys out there. There are men who don't contact women after sex in all types of relationships, not just affairs. No one should allow that in any relationship - or at least I would not. Plural doesn't apply to me. Whether it be family, friends, colleagues, or men I've been involved with, I've found that the men I've personally encountered are as faithful as their options. Every guy I believed to be a good one turned out not to be. It's hard to be optimistic with that experience. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Whether the relationships I have been in were with married men or not, nearly all of them were w deceitful men. One even beat me and he was a non-cheater (as far as I knew). Am I to blame myself and say I "have a broken picker?" These men were from all walks of life, different professions, varying upbringings. What goes around comes around? I have ALWAYS been a loyal, caring, kind, trusting person and partner. I take care of others better than I take care of myself! Are you saying that I must be a bad person and therefore I attract bad mates? How is a woman to know whether or not she is being lied to? xMM TOLD me, point blank, that he was exiting his marriage, had no desire to remain with his current spouse, did not assign blame but claimed to take full responsibility for his unhappiness and decision to divorce. Then had all manner of excuses for not separating and divorcing. Wow, way to put words (paragraphs) in my mouth. My ex-MM told me the same thing. In hindsight, I should have known better, both at the beginning of the relationship (which was not an affair at at that point) and while I ignored several red flags for a period of years. So yes, I got what I deserved. Sorry to have offended you. Nowhere did I say you were a bad person/attract bad mates. But yes, I do believe our decisions tend to come back and bite us, and being in an A is one of those. I am guilty of that too. Link to post Share on other sites
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