ohso Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 My bf's best female friend is getting married next week. My bf talks about it a lot to me in a positive way. But I am very annoyed by it because I told him it bothers me but he acts like he forgot. We talked about marriage and he says he doesn't want it, but he'd do it if I want it. I told him that I'm sick of waiting and watching everyone getting married but us. Another thing, I'm not invited to this wedding and this is just freaking me out. Why do you think he acts this way? It's not like he's about to get an idea to marry me obviously, so it looks like he wants to get back at me but I don't know for what. I didn't force him into marriage, I told him what I feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 to quote an earlier statement you made here on LS : "I can’t trust him on that. He’s very flaky. He doesn't even realize he is in love with me and says he's never been. I’m also resentful so even if he asked me to marry him I would refuse just to hurt him back. So there is your answer in your own words. Doubtful I would be around someone who seethes of resentment. Share again Why you are staying with him for so long? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 My bf's best female friend is getting married next week. My bf talks about it a lot to me in a positive way. But I am very annoyed by it because I told him it bothers me but he acts like he forgot. The way you worded this makes it sound as though you get annoyed that he speaks positively about someone else getting married. If that's true, I think you're being unfair and unkind. You should be able to be happy for others even if you're envious of what they have, and your boyfriend should be able to express his happiness without you getting salty about it. Another thing, I'm not invited to this wedding and this is just freaking me out. Why does it freak you out? Why do you think he acts this way? It's not like he's about to get an idea to marry me obviously, so it looks like he wants to get back at me but I don't know for what. I didn't force him into marriage, I told him what I feel. You think that him being happy his friend is getting married is his way of getting back at you for something? Is he upset with you over the marriage thing? I think you must be leaving out a lot of relevant information, because this doesn't really make a lot of sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaii51 Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 I'd only act that way if I didn't want to marry you, but that's just me and this just reality. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
madjac74 Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 Soooo you just want to get married because everyone else is? Your boyfriend should most definitely run! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ohso Posted May 10, 2015 Author Share Posted May 10, 2015 Why does it freak you out? You think that him being happy his friend is getting married is his way of getting back at you for something? Is he upset with you over the marriage thing? I don't know, it seems so. I'm freaking out because after almost 8 years of relationship I expect to be invited. I think I'm not invited because I'm not his wife and that is because, I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ohso Posted May 10, 2015 Author Share Posted May 10, 2015 Soooo you just want to get married because everyone else is? Your boyfriend should most definitely run! So why he stays? Yes, I want to get married because all our friends who have been together much shorter than us are. I've felt it's my turn for long time. But that's not the only reason. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 Wanting to get married because "it's your turn" and "all of your friends are doing it" make me cringe. It seems thats you're focused on the fantasy and not even considering whether you're compatible and if he's the right one. About not being invited to the wedding, that's absolutely insane. Usually an invite is for the friend of the couple plus their guest/date. You wouldn't have to be married to the guest to go.....where In the world did that crazy idea come from? If he's telling you you can't go versus just simply not being invited by the bride.....well, those are two totally different things that are both questionable independently. Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 So why he stays? Yes, I want to get married because all our friends who have been together much shorter than us are. I've felt it's my turn for long time. But that's not the only reason. Your friends' relationships should have no bearing whatsoever on your desire to marry this man. Marriage isn't something cue up for. You don't take a number and wait your turn. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
devilish innocent Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 From what you've mentioned in your other posts, it sounds like you do know why he's not ready for marriage. He's told you he's not ready financially, emotionally, and that he doesn't feel that your relationship is that strong. Those are all good reasons to hold off on marriage. The number of years you've been together doesn't matter if the other things aren't in place. I've had friends get married because of how long they'd been together even though they knew there were other issues in their relationship, and it ended up being a terrible mistake. As frustrating as the situation may seem, it's better than the alternative of being married if he doesn't feel ready. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 My bf's best female friend is getting married next week. My bf talks about it a lot to me in a positive way. But I am very annoyed by it because I told him it bothers me but he acts like he forgot. We talked about marriage and he says he doesn't want it, but he'd do it if I want it. I told him that I'm sick of waiting and watching everyone getting married but us. Another thing, I'm not invited to this wedding and this is just freaking me out. Why do you think he acts this way? It's not like he's about to get an idea to marry me obviously, so it looks like he wants to get back at me but I don't know for what. I didn't force him into marriage, I told him what I feel. Do you plan to stay with him knowing that he doesn't want marriage and may be passive aggressively bringing up his friend's wedding? If I wanted marriage and the guy I'm with said he didn't and "only if I want it" then I'd probably start moving on. Your preference obviously hasn't changed and as you continue to stay together without marrying others will continue to marry and have weddings and you'll only be reminded of what you're not getting. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 My bf's best female friend is getting married next week. My bf talks about it a lot to me in a positive way. But I am very annoyed by it because I told him it bothers me but he acts like he forgot. We talked about marriage and he says he doesn't want it, but he'd do it if I want it. I told him that I'm sick of waiting and watching everyone getting married but us. Another thing, I'm not invited to this wedding and this is just freaking me out. Why do you think he acts this way? It's not like he's about to get an idea to marry me obviously, so it looks like he wants to get back at me but I don't know for what. I didn't force him into marriage, I told him what I feel. How long have you been together? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Why would you want to marry a guy who doesn't want to marry you? He will have his way about everything if he "gives in" and "gives you want you want" and play that card every time there's an argument. Go find a man who really wants to be your husband. One caveat: If you guys are in your early 20s, then it's just too soon for either of you to marry and by the time he's 30, he'll be singing a different tune. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 This is another simple post to answer...RUN! Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 If it is YOUR goal to get married but not his - then end that R so you can find a man who has the same goals you do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 You know what this sounds suspiciously like? He's treating you like a FWB he happens to live with. He doesn't want to marry you. he's not even sure he loves you (according to you). You want to get married, but why? Simply because you've been together 8 years, doesn't make either of you marriage material. There's a glaring incompatibility here, yet you persist? I'm sorry ohso... time you guys went your separate ways. And I hate to say it, but he's as good as breaking up with you, because it sounds (from what YOU tell us) that he may not even give you so much as a backward glance. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 I really find it hard to believe that your boyfriends female best friend would not allow him to bring his gf of 8 years to the wedding. No one would do that to a couple who have been together that long. Maybe he doesn't want you to go. Is he in the wedding? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 I really find it hard to believe that your boyfriends female best friend would not allow him to bring his gf of 8 years to the wedding. No one would do that to a couple who have been together that long. Maybe he doesn't want you to go. Is he in the wedding? This makes me heavily suspect that when he was approached about attending as a guest (most guests are, before they receive an invitation... at least, they hear about the planned wedding long before the actual event or invitations are sent out....) he said he'd be coming alone, or that maybe you couldn't make it. You've been with him 8 years. In anyone's book, you would certainly be 'an item'. It's inconceivable that you would not be included as a guest, if it was well-known he'd had a partner for nearly a decade.... I think it's possible you've been excluded deliberately. And if that's the case, then that really is both sad, and very revealing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Trishern Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 I don't know, it seems so. I'm freaking out because after almost 8 years of relationship I expect to be invited. I think I'm not invited because I'm not his wife and that is because, I don't know. If I were you I'd expect to be invited as well. In fact I'd find it very strange and suspicious that I wasn't, considering the length of time you've been with him. Are you sure there's nothing going on between the two of them? Something sounds a bit off to me. I can't imagine not inviting a partner of my friend to my wedding, that's just rude. You are his SO. Mrs. Trishern Link to post Share on other sites
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