Comparing myself to other men

[guild11]

Hello, I have a problem... Every time that I'm intrested in some girl I start to compare myself to the guys around her, like "he is rich" or "he is smart" and so on.

I end up saying "why she should be with me when she can find 10x better".

I know its has something to do with the self esteem but how I do overcome the negative thoughts ?

[Sunyata]

To a certain degree you should be aware of what girls are reasonably within your orbital pull. If you spend a lot of time looking at girls outside of it, it would make sense that you constantly feel that way. If girls are pretty and grow up in a wealthy family, most likely they will be marrying a doctor, lawyer, businessman, etc.

 

I don't know though, don't listen to me.

[DJOkawari]

So, I used to have this mentality. My remedy was to simply improve all of the things I felt I was deficient in. Just massive, massive, self improvement all of the time. In the end, I could have basically any comparison and think "Yup I'm better". This helped me in a lot of ways, but it didn't help me with having deep relationships at all. Whenever I was dumped and the girl moved on I would think they left me for a "worse" guy. It would puzzle me and depress me. Were those guys really "worse"? The answer is no. We're all just individuals. Romance isn't a contest.

 

My theory now is that people just want to be with someone that makes them feel good. You feel good when your needs are met and also when you feel you are meeting your partner's needs. When you're enough and they're enough what else could you want?

 

When a person sees you, they see the things that you are, rather than the things that you aren't. Of course they are two sides of the same coin, but one is far more optimistic than the other.

[empresario]

Hello, I have a problem... Every time that I'm intrested in some girl I start to compare myself to the guys around her, like "he is rich" or "he is smart" and so on.

I end up saying "why she should be with me when she can find 10x better".

I know its has something to do with the self esteem but how I do overcome the negative thoughts ?

 

I bet if you took a strength's test one of your top 5 would be 'competition'. I know, because that's one of my top 5 as well.

 

Here is a description from the Gallup strengthfinder:

 

Competition is rooted in comparison. When you look at the world, you are instinctively aware of other people’s performance. Their performance is the ultimate yardstick. No matter how hard you tried, no matter how worthy your intentions, if you reached your goal but did not outperform your peers, theachievement feels hollow. Like all competitors, you need other people. You need to compare. If you can compare, you can compete, and if you can compete, you can win. And when you win, there is no feeling quite like it. You like measurement because it facilitates comparisons. You like other competitors because they invigorate you. You like contests because they must produce a winner. You particularly like contests where you know you have the inside track to be the winner. Although you are gracious to your fellow competitors and even stoic in defeat, you don’t compete for the fun ofcompeting. You compete to win. Over time you will come to avoid contests where winning seems unlikely.

 

Basically...don't fight the competition. Know it's a strength and know what your balconies and basements are baed on those strengths.

 

Here is what Gallup would say those basements/balconies are:

 

Competition

Balcony: driven, motivated, number one, measurement-oriented, winner

Basement: sore loser, not a team player, puts down others, self-centered, confrontational

 

I hope that helps!