Breadcrumbs?

[johndoe1991]

So my ex and I broke up back in November, while it was her idea, it was a pretty mutual breakup because of work and school and everything getting in the way. Didn't hear anything from her till February. She contacted me after the Super Bowl because I'm huge Pats fan saying enjoy the win and that was that. So no contact from February till this past Monday. I get a text from her. It read "I know I shouldn't contact you but you've been on my mind a lot lately and I've really wanted to reach out to you. My grandfather passed away in February and my Grandmother died last night. Can I ask you for advice?" So I gave her some advice and we sent 6 messages back and forth and haven't heard from her since and today is Saturday.. So what I'm asking is why would she contact me out of all the people in her life to ask advice? Everyone has lost someone just why contact me? I've been dating and had a few hookups since the breakup but I've never felt a connection with a woman so strong in my entire dating life and I'm really starting to miss her. Does this text specifically the "You've been on my mind a lot lately," mean anything at all or am I just over thinking things?

[badpenny]

Yes, I think you are over-thinking things and frankly (while I am certain she would not see it this way, as her actions were probably not well-thought out; conscious even) she 'used' you.

 

She threw you breadcrumbs because she hit an emotional low.

And it had nothing to do with you, but being sad and grieving and vulnerable, she decided to contact you.

 

A break-up is exactly like a bereavement; you lose someone you love.

The big problem is, they're not dead.

 

So, while she mourned the passing of her relatives, she was still able to connect with the last person she had a 'bereavement' with: You.

 

I think you made a mistake by responding, because it's set in motion all kinds of trains of thought.

So you shouldn't have broken No Contact. (Which you did, by replying. She didn't 'break NC' by reaching out to you. Had you not responded, it would have been a futile attempt.)

 

But I can see why you did, and it's understandable.

 

Go NC again, and try to leave it well alone.....

[Ronni_W]

Does this text specifically the "You've been on my mind a lot lately," mean anything at all or am I just over thinking things?

Over-thinking it. Unfortunately(?)

 

"You've been on my mind" was just the easiest thing to say, to gloss over that her reason for contacting you at this time was to get some piece of advice from you. She got what she wanted -- doesn't really matter why she thought/thinks that YOU are her "expert" in whatever topic she needed counsel.

[Ruby65]

It means she's looking for an ego-stroke. Probably some guy she was into just rejected her and she wanted reassurance that she was still desirable.

 

Games exes play.

 

That's what you get for not blocking her on your phone! Go full No Contact, block her on your phone and email and on every app and site you use. She shouldn't be able to toss you breadcrumbs every time she's feeling lonely/bored/sad.

[johndoe1991]

Thanks for the replies. I said nothing flirty or anything along the lines of I want you back. I just gave her advice. I guess I won't contact her back again. She's blocked on everything but my phone. I'm not going to reply anymore unless she makes it clear she wants to reconcile. Unfortunately shes not the type of girl to come out and say "I miss you and want you back."

[dyna85]

I've read somewhere that 3 months and 6 months tend to be the magic mark for the ex breaking no contact, if ever. It's kind of weird that she contacted you at the 3 month mark and again at the 6 month mark.

 

I don't know what to make of it. I guess time will tell if it means anything significant, but actions definitely speak louder than words. Who knows if she's putting feelers out there though to try to reignite something or if she's just simply checking in for her own sake. You would be the best judge to determine what it all means and how to go from here...

[johndoe1991]

I've read somewhere that 3 months and 6 months tend to be the magic mark for the ex breaking no contact, if ever. It's kind of weird that she contacted you at the 3 month mark and again at the 6 month mark.

 

I don't know what to make of it. I guess time will tell if it means anything significant, but actions definitely speak louder than words. Who knows if she's putting feelers out there though to try to reignite something or if she's just simply checking in for her own sake. You would be the best judge to determine what it all means and how to go from here...

 

Actually I was lying in bed the other night thinking the same thing haha. She's contacted me on the first week of the third month and the first week of the six month. It's really hard to judge her actions when there was nothing flirty or anything going on. Just 6 messages that's all and that was that. Does anyone suggest I text her and ask her whats up and what all this means? I feel like my best course of action would be what others have said and to just remain NC.

[darkbloom]

I've read somewhere that 3 months and 6 months tend to be the magic mark for the ex breaking no contact, if ever. It's kind of weird that she contacted you at the 3 month mark and again at the 6 month mark.

 

I don't know what to make of it. I guess time will tell if it means anything significant, but actions definitely speak louder than words. Who knows if she's putting feelers out there though to try to reignite something or if she's just simply checking in for her own sake. You would be the best judge to determine what it all means and how to go from here...

 

Is there a study on this or an article? I am extremely interested in the 3 and 6 month magic mark.

[darkbloom]

I would remain NC. If you ask her what the deal is, you're still probably not going to get a straight answer from her. Unless she is making it really clear that she wants you back, it's just breadcrumbs.

[erklat]

What I fear the most and what you just did here is

validating your ex.

[Ruby65]

I'm confused because from what's been posted I don't see anything even remotely close to hinting at wanting to get back together?

 

I think of you?

 

I miss you?

 

Dumpers toss these out all the time. It's how they can hook you into being there as Plan B placeholders while they look for someone new.

[johndoe1991]

Yeah there's really nothing there that signifys wanting to get back together. I'm just looking for something I guess, stupid feelings are coming back for her. She's the one who's reached out this whole time. I'm going to remain N/C for anything she throws at me unless it's clear she wants to get back together. There's no reason at all for her to contact me. Thanks for the reply's everyone, any other insight is nice, but your advice has been very helpful.

[Jonp219]

I've read somewhere that 3 months and 6 months tend to be the magic mark for the ex breaking no contact, if ever. It's kind of weird that she contacted you at the 3 month mark and again at the 6 month mark.

 

I don't know what to make of it. I guess time will tell if it means anything significant, but actions definitely speak louder than words. Who knows if she's putting feelers out there though to try to reignite something or if she's just simply checking in for her own sake. You would be the best judge to determine what it all means and how to go from here...

 

 

3 or 6 months after the break-up or NC?

[dyna85]

Is there a study on this or an article? I am extremely interested in the 3 and 6 month magic mark.

 

Hmm.. not sure. I've only seen this online (in forum posts or whatever) when scouring the net to try to cope with my emotions. It's just something that's stood out to me..

[dyna85]

3 or 6 months after the break-up or NC?

 

NC. Now, this is of course no hard and fast rule or anything, so don't take my word for it. I've just seen it written around the web and found it interesting.. old wives' tale or not.