what do you make of this ???

[antonio]

Some of you may say forget about her...but anyway here goes.

 

My ex girlfirend broke up with me some 4/5 months ago after we had been together almost 3 years...most of our friends and family thought (including me) that we were probably the next to get engaged...we had a great time together...though it was the first really serious realtionship for both of us...she is in her later twenties and I'm around 30...I haven't seen her for months...I sent her a christmas card which was about 2 months after the breakup and she never responded.

 

At the time of the breakup she said it was the hardest thing she has ever done in her life. I have never been given a real reason for the breakup besides the fact that she was confused, not ready to get engaged, not sure if I'm the one, etc, etc.

 

In any case, I have been trying to get out and about with family and friends (it certainly helps to get out and about when your down after a breakup). I've had reasonable fun going out clubbing and dancing and I'm back at the gym working out alot...though I'm not going out with any other girl since the breakup (though I would like to).

 

Over the past couple weeks its come to my attention (though I thought this might be the case) that my ex has become a hermit...she never goes out...she doesn't hang with her friends, etc, etc.

 

She dumped me (I still have her $25,000 ring in the safe) and she's the one who has become a hermit (which is amusing considering that she thought I didn't want to go out as much as her when we were together)...what do you make of that ???

 

Part of me worries for her (probably because she is the only girl I ever fallen in love with)...I'm thinking of sending her a card (for easter maybe)...what do you think ???

 

Thanks in advance.

[Tony T]

Don't send her a card, don't worry about whether she's a hermit or not, don't even go back there. You were right in your first sentence. The very best advice you'll get from most people is to forget her butt for all time and move on.

 

The girl broke up with you and if she wants there to be contact, it's her place to call you. Have respect for her wishes and stay out of her life. I can't even believe you would want to go back for more punishment.

 

She is obviously going through some sort of problems now...or maybe she's just using some time to discover herself...if the reports you are receiving are correct that she's spending lots of time alone. Actually, that's quite a good thing and you shouldn't want to interupt that.

 

The very best thing you can resolve yourself to do is when someone expresses they don't want to be with you anymore, forget them and don't look back. They had a good reason for doing that...and most of the time it will have nothing to do with you.

 

P.S. You got this girl a $25,000 engagement ring, which is about $20,000 more than the average guy spends on such a ring. You weren't trying to buy her, were you?

[antonio]

No, I wasn't trying to buy her with the ring.

 

Its something I wanted to do at the time and I'll probably never do it again (don't quote me on that)...I mean #####...thats a few holidays flashing some cash in Monte Carlo picking up some horny gold digging chicks whilst cruising in a hired red Ferrari...know what I mean.

[Tony T]

I know exactly what you mean. But when it comes to ladies you are wanting to get serious about, it's much better to go for a less expensive ring. You can always upgrade it to whatever you want after a few years of seeing exactly where things are going.

 

Had you given her this ring and then she split, you may have had lots of difficulty getting it back...if she was indeed a golddigger.

 

While you may not have been trying to buy her, in her own very discrete way she may have been working on being bought...but so much for that.

 

You seem to be a guy who gets what he wants. That's good. But lots of times what we want can get us into lots of trouble. Move on my friend. You'll be feeling better in no time.