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Ok, my husband of 8 years tells me on valentines day he wants a divorce, and he left the next day. Basically same story as everyone else on here. "I'm not happy, I dont love you". I've been in total shock about the whole thing. Never once did he mention he was unhappy during the marriage, but now he tells me that he was about to do this 3 years ago, but couldnt because he was going through a stressful time at work. Now he works up the courage to do it. Yah, once he found a new girl friend (which he refuses to admit is the reason he's leaving). I've been to therapy, found out how to solve my own problems and issues. He's been reading self-help books and says "I know what i did wrong, what you did wrong. It makes me sad and angry". He blames me for his unhappiness. But hello, he never said boo to me. There's been basically NO CONTACT, except when dealing with the divorce issues. I've poured my heart out to this guy, and he says "Had it been 3 years ago, maybe it would have helped". Thankfully we have no kids. But what would posses someone to sit there, say NOTHING for 8 years, and then just walk out.

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7 to 8 years seems to be the *Magical number* so often...

 

Is it a cop out to just say he doesn't love you anymore and not give reason as to what the hell happend.. IMO yeah it is..

 

I dunno Girl, IMO this is probably more about him and less about you.. not that it makes it right or makes you feel much better...

 

Right now your Husband is in a pretty selfish place.. he is hell bent on making himself happy at any cost or expense including yours... At this point it seems he isn't willing to give anything to find resolve and save the marriage, my guess is at some point in time he will have regret but it won't be anytime soon....

 

Thankfully you've got some help it sounds like.. and I hope a great support group of family and friends that love and care about you... It is my feeling if after 8 years together your husband is so unwilling to give you another opportunity saying IF you had come to him 3 years prior with how you're feeling it might have changed something... is a load of bullsh*t... he is taking zero responsibility for the failure of the marriage.

 

Wish I could say more to help you out here... hang in there and take care of yourself.

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Thanks a lot Merin. I just needed to vent my frustrations :) Just got his mail, and now i have to break the NC. I feel so much better when I dont have to deal with him. I'm just in shock that he's NC me.

 

I'm extremely blessed with the support group that I have right now. Where I live at the moment, I dont have any family or close friends. But I found I had good friends in my coworkers. My family and friends live in another city, so on top of losing my husband, I'm losing my job, and will be moving back home to find a new place to live and work. So I can be closer to my support group. I'm such a sad story lol :)

 

I know I'm not perfect, but hell, I'm real about facing the problems. I just learned I've been suffering from anxiety all these years. I would ask him if things were ok, he reassured me everything was fine.

 

 

lol, as for your sig, I've been praying for strength all along. I like the usage that you'd do with it. Much better than my need for strength

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Originally posted by dgiirl

Thanks a lot Merin. I just needed to vent my frustrations :) Just got his mail, and now i have to break the NC. I feel so much better when I dont have to deal with him. I'm just in shock that he's NC me.

 

I'm extremely blessed with the support group that I have right now. Where I live at the moment, I dont have any family or close friends. But I found I had good friends in my coworkers. My family and friends live in another city, so on top of losing my husband, I'm losing my job, and will be moving back home to find a new place to live and work. So I can be closer to my support group. I'm such a sad story lol :)

 

I know I'm not perfect, but hell, I'm real about facing the problems. I just learned I've been suffering from anxiety all these years. I would ask him if things were ok, he reassured me everything was fine.

 

 

lol, as for your sig, I've been praying for strength all along. I like the usage that you'd do with it. Much better than my need for strength

 

LOL You're Welcome Honey...

 

Divorce isn't a fun thing to go through and let the record reflect I think from what you've said your husband is an assclown!

 

Although I'm sure you're feeling uncertain right now about where your at and where you're going... you sound like a strong girl and you've still got a sense of humor.. sometimes that will be the one thing that carries you through sh*tty times in your life...

 

The move back will be scary I'm sure.. but honestly it may really be the best thing for you.. and the NC deal he's put in place.. psssshhhhh screw him! LOL Ya know what they say If you don't have anything nice to say... uh.. yeah :laugh:

 

Hope you keep posting here.. there are a lot of great people that have gone through this or are going through it that may have some words of wisdom or comfort for you...

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Divorce isn't a fun thing to go through and let the record reflect I think from what you've said your husband is an assclown!

 

lol My therapist says he's "Self serving", anytime he's nice to me, he's just giving me crumbs.

 

Although I'm sure you're feeling uncertain right now about where your at and where you're going... you sound like a strong girl and you've still got a sense of humor.. sometimes that will be the one thing that carries you through sh*tty times in your life...

 

I'm actually quite petrified. This will be the first time I've ever lived on my own. I know once I'm settled in my new place with a job, I'll be fine. I'm just really nervous about taking all the steps to get there.

 

Hope you keep posting here.. there are a lot of great people that have gone through this or are going through it that may have some words of wisdom or comfort for you...

 

Thanks! I've actually been lurking for a few days now. I've read a lot of good advice, and found many similarities to my story. It's very disturbing and yet reassuring because everyone seems to be handling it pretty well.

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Well for real, you're not alone! LOL sad but true...

 

I divorced my EXH about 3 years ago and we had/have 2 Little People together.. So I found myself a single Mom with 2 kiddo's who were counting on me for everything.

 

We went to counseling uh if you count ONE time :confused::laugh: and at that time our counselor as well told him straight up that he is self serving.. LOL imagine that uh? At any rate.. it's wierd how you can think you know someone so well.. well enough you married them and then something like this happens and you sit looking at that person you married and wonder who the hell they are! At one point during our divorce I actually told him IF I could get a judgement that made it so he could never talk to me again I would :laugh:

 

So I went to school, I got my Degree while working full time and taking care of my wee peeps.. and it's funny because it seems the better I do in my life the more the smile comes off his face ;) He (My EXH) makes triple what I make and guess what.. he now lives with his GF's PARENTS :eek: with another kiddo the 2 of them had (she's not yet 1) his GF is always on his a**, he can't go on vacation, this time around he HAS to do responsible things for his new Kiddo... as for me... LOL My kids and I are tight, I live in a nice 3 level townhome, I have a full time job that pays me well, I just bought a new car, I have an amazing BF that BTW just took me to Cancun, I have great Friends that I go out with and get my drink on now and then with LOL and I'm 110% happier without his silly a** in my life anymore.

 

Honestly I look at him now and I wonder WTF I was thinking :confused::laugh:

 

Those first steps are so hard... but so worth it once you find your footing again.. and you will;)

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Originally posted by Merin

We went to counseling uh if you count ONE time :confused::laugh: and at that time our counselor as well told him straight up that he is self serving.. LOL imagine that uh? At any rate.. it's wierd how you can think you know someone so well.. well enough you married them and then

something like this happens and you sit looking at that person you married and wonder who the hell they are! At one point during our divorce I actually told him IF I could get a judgement that made it so he could never talk to me again I would :laugh:

 

Eeek, damn those self serving! lol But I know exactly what you mean. I'm looking at him and wondering what is going on in his head. I thought I could read him so well, and now he's telling me these strange bizarre things.

 

 

So I went to school, I got my Degree while working full time and taking care of my wee peeps.. and it's funny because it seems the better I do in my life the more the smile comes off his face ;) He (My EXH) makes triple what I make and guess what.. he now lives with his GF's PARENTS :eek: with another kiddo the 2 of them had (she's not yet 1) his GF is always on his a**, he can't go on vacation, this time around he HAS to do responsible things for his new Kiddo... as for me... LOL My kids and I are tight, I live in a nice 3 level townhome, I have a full time job that pays me well, I just bought a new car, I have an amazing BF that BTW just took me to Cancun, I have great Friends that I go out with and get my drink on now and then with LOL and I'm 110% happier without his silly a** in my life anymore.

 

You definitely give me inspiration :) I want a BF to take me to Cancun too!! :( hehehe I've been living alone for the last 2 months, and the sad truth is, I've had a more fulfilling social life in the last 2 months than I had in the last 8 years. I know the truth in what you're saying about being happier. I know I will be happier, and I'm working towards that goal. But I'm still going through all the stages of grief. Now I'm switching between acceptance, anger and denial.

 

 

Honestly I look at him now and I wonder WTF I was thinking :confused::laugh:

 

Those first steps are so hard... but so worth it once you find your footing again.. and you will;)

 

I just want to fast forward my life :) I cant wait for all the details about the divorce is over with.

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This is still a very fresh wound...

 

You will have your days that you're doing great.. and of course you will also have those days when you want to pull the covers up over your head and stay in bed.

 

All of the things you're feeling right now are normal.. anger, denial, hurt... and yep even happiness.

 

Honestly Hate isn't the opposite of Love.. indifference is.

 

Once I became Indifferent to my EX.. I really didn't care anymore what he was doing, WHO he was doing :laugh: or where he was I became very empowered.

 

It still pisses him off that I just don't give a sh*t.. LOL because IMO Indifference stings a hella lot more than Hate.. know what I mean? It's when your EX knows and feels from you that you don't care anymore, that you've got more important things to do (like uh.. pushing thumb tacs into your toenails :laugh: ) then to wonder, ponder or worry about them.

 

This is a difficult time in your life right now... but yeah once it's all said and done.. there will come a time when you may just wonder WTF you were fighting so hard for....

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You're right about indifference. I need to work on that! On that note, I'm going to go to sleep with thumb tacs in my toenails lol :)

 

Thanks Merin! 'Night

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Originally posted by dgiirl

You're right about indifference. I need to work on that! On that note, I'm going to go to sleep with thumb tacs in my toenails lol :)

 

Thanks Merin! 'Night

 

:laugh:

 

You're Welcome, Sleep well:)

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