Male Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Do you agree? Throughout my life, grade school, high school, and all the years since, I have noticed a trend. The guys that talk disrespectfully about women when with other males, tend to be the ones that get more women than the rest of the guys. These are the guys that if you are riding in the car with them, or walking in a store, and they see an attractive woman, they always make a huge ordeal out of it, explaining in detail to me and other guys if they are present what position he would bang her, and how she would absolutely love it. They usually tend to be married as well, or have a girlfriend, yet they always have women on the side. They talk negatively about their wives or girlfriends, yet as soon as a woman is present, they flip the switch and turn on the charm. How come women tend to be attracted to these types of guys so much? Its all a fake front just to either get in the womans pants, or get her to think he's a cool, suave guy. Obviously women dont see the negative disrespectful side that I see of these types of guys, but I just dont understand after years and years of dealing with guys and their bs, how women still dont realize that its all an act???? 1
Gloria25 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Ummm... Just cuz these guys brag and talk dirty about their wife/SOs/gfs/etc in male company doesn't mean they treat their women and/or romantic interests with disrespect.... For all you know, they are puffing their chest around their male buddies and when they go home, their woman's got their nutz in a vice-grip. 8
bachdude Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Ummm... Just cuz these guys brag and talk dirty about their wife/SOs/gfs/etc in male company doesn't mean they treat their women and/or romantic interests with disrespect.... For all you know, they are puffing their chest around their male buddies and when they go home, their woman's got their nutz in a vice-grip. Yes, it's often a deflection or a compensation for the fact that they have no back bone at home! They are afraid they will be found out by their male friends and be accused of being whipped. 2
Author Male Posted May 10, 2015 Author Posted May 10, 2015 Ummm... Just cuz these guys brag and talk dirty about their wife/SOs/gfs/etc in male company doesn't mean they treat their women and/or romantic interests with disrespect.... For all you know, they are puffing their chest around their male buddies and when they go home, their woman's got their nutz in a vice-grip. Yes...I agree thats the case sometimes. But I know for a fact of plenty of guys that do get with a lot of women currently, or at least did before they got married, and they were still the disrespectful jerk types. 1
Gloria25 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Yes...I agree thats the case sometimes. But I know for a fact of plenty of guys that do get with a lot of women currently, or at least did before they got married, and they were still the disrespectful jerk types. Have you witnessed an instance of them disrespecting their SO and/or romantic interest? And I don't mean them talking about it...I mean like one day you are sitting at the bar, see dude walk up, say something nasty to a chick and she hugs him and acts like he said nothing. In other words - you actually "witnessed" what these guys claim they are/do.
ascendotum Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 They talk negatively about their wives or girlfriends, yet as soon as a woman is present, they flip the switch and turn on the charm. How come women tend to be attracted to these types of guys so much? You somewhat answered your own question above. How the guys present themsleves when they are with the lads and how they behave in their relationship and how they behaved when they first met thier wife/gf and how they behave when they first meet a woman they just want to get in her pants (but no relationship) are all different. 2
No Limit Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Guys who are abusive will always find a victim. I'm currently able to observe this, as a friend of mine has been stuck in a toxic and emotionally abusive relationship for years now with just a short break in between in which she kept contacting him. First time I tried to warn her I was deemed "the enemy", shrugged it off and for a few weeks now I've been "the friend" again because right now she truly hates him and she can vent when I'm around. I'd love to pump some courage and brains into her but sadly there's no way to do that, so I just stay by her side until the fallout. 2
carhill Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Men that disrespect women get more women??? IME, it's more men who abide no disrespect from women who get more women. 4
preraph Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 That's just something some men tell themselves to justify their own bad behavior or instead of facing their own confidence issues. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 IME, it's more men who abide no disrespect from women who get more women. This is it right here, folks... And I think a lot of guys confuse "abuse" with not wanting to be a doormat or someone who has his head buried up his gf's ass... I think also, "Alpha" type of men, are generally not weak or overly patronizing to women...So, other guys view that as douche bag behavior...even though most of the time its not... TFY 5
Woggle Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Women don't like disrespect but deep down even most feminists are attracted to guys who respect themselves. They are not into the neutered men who live life as if they are apologizing for being born with a penis. 4
Popsicle Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 I have never once in my life been even remotely attracted to guys who do this but I gotta say that I do see women flocking to these guys and I'm always baffled by it. But then again, I'm sure they are baffled by my choices. The beauty about women us that we all like different things. 1
Taramere Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Do you agree? Throughout my life, grade school, high school, and all the years since, I have noticed a trend. The guys that talk disrespectfully about women when with other males, tend to be the ones that get more women than the rest of the guys. These are the guys that if you are riding in the car with them, or walking in a store, and they see an attractive woman, they always make a huge ordeal out of it, explaining in detail to me and other guys if they are present what position he would bang her, and how she would absolutely love it. Do you not find that a little awkward to listen to? When I read your post, I thought of Jay from the Inbetweeners....endlessly trying to bullsh*t his (mostly) skeptical friends. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GzWiXCHLek
elaine567 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Women don't like disrespect but deep down even most feminists are attracted to guys who respect themselves. They are not into the neutered men who live life as if they are apologizing for being born with a penis. Nearly everyone Is attracted to people who respect themselves. Only abusive, controlling people seek out those who are "victims" and that is only because they see an advantage for themselves in being in such a relationship. 2
elaine567 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 I have never once in my life been even remotely attracted to guys who do this but I gotta say that I do see women flocking to these guys and I'm always baffled by it. But then again, I'm sure they are baffled by my choices. The beauty about women us that we all like different things. I believe it is partly due to human beings being attracted to confident people, even if that confidence is not exactly well directed. Confidence = strong, powerful. Many just want attention too, even if the attention is bad. I guess childhood issues may be being played out there. It is not only women that are attracted to men who disrespect them, men can sometimes put up with dire verbal abuse from women they are attracted to also. 2
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Do you agree? Throughout my life, grade school, high school, and all the years since, I have noticed a trend. The guys that talk disrespectfully about women when with other males, tend to be the ones that get more women than the rest of the guys. Did you just fall out of bed recently? where have you been? We're all men here, we know how it goes, it's news to the ladies if anything at all. But they're unable to see what we can, because they don't have the perspective. Never, ever ever ever ever, do you see the nice or nicest guys with the most women (options) or even a woman at all...never ever ever. These are the guys that if you are riding in the car with them, or walking in a store, and they see an attractive woman, they always make a huge ordeal out of it, explaining in detail to me and other guys if they are present what position he would bang her, and how she would absolutely love it. They usually tend to be married as well, or have a girlfriend, yet they always have women on the side. They talk negatively about their wives or girlfriends, yet as soon as a woman is present, they flip the switch and turn on the charm. I wouldn't say that they're all this incompetent and if a guy is boasting too much you should question his actual ability, but a lot of men can be very skilled with holding that two-sided coin that women never notice or see. Which for one, women don't WANT to see it or acknowledge it in the first place, they try to let the bad behavior go for the sake of the good. Men can have that constructed facade so well made up, that they just shift into it as soon as they actually meet the woman and act 100 percent different. But certainly yes, a lot of guys do talk crap...some of them successful, others just trying to boast or build their ego...but it doesn't mean they are lying just because they are behaving with an ego, think of it like a cocky sports star, he's arrogant as hell but he still gets paid a lot for his abilities...same thing with guys, they can be total douchebags, but they still know their way with women therefore they still succeed. And in the end like arrogant sport stars, they usually cause their own demise through overconfidence and a total lack of regard for their behavior. In order to be this kind of guy and successful, you need to be able to counter-balance it with some of the opposite behavior, at least around women of course. So these guys aren't idiots, they're like most guys growing up, learn that you have to perform one way around women and with other men, it's just all part of the game. How come women tend to be attracted to these types of guys so much? Its all a fake front just to either get in the womans pants, or get her to think he's a cool, suave guy. Because women don't know the difference between confidence and arrogance, they're not able to determine the good guys or the bad guys, they're just simply attracted to the men they are attracted to. They don't even know they're being "played" for a fool or just experiencing a guys "game", especially if it's well constructed, they might never know...they just don't know anything about this, they think guys are actually genuine and honest for some reason. Their daddies don't ever teach them how men are, they don't show them the tricks, and knowing women....they probably wouldn't listen at the end of the day anyway, they almost always have to learn the hard way. But it's not something they control, women gravitate towards charming, witty, intelligent and humorous guys who seem relaxed, confident and genuine. When in reality, that could all just be his game, but once a woman sees the surface and starts to developing "feelings"...it's over for the woman, she can't control herself and her behavior, it's like doing some hypnotic dance and she gets so sucked in she can't pull herself out of it...and some men are just very good at that dance and dazzling women with so many nice words and gestures that they get in so deep so fast they can't even see what's going on...and it's no coincidence that more than one woman is attracted to this. If you know what you are doing, you are going to attract not just one woman, but several or many. It doesn't work in the way that one woman is attracted to one type and another a different type, do you see that with men? no, you don't...it's the same guys with all or most of the success while the minority might pass a guy like that over, it doesn't tip into the balance of the nice guys some days or some nights going on, it's consistent. If anything, the nice guy has to impress those minority of women, who have higher expectations and makes him work much harder and prove much more for likely a much less attractive and exciting woman. Let's face it, the most desirable women aren't always the smartest to say the least or in that minority. But women don't realize or notice this, they just think they like a certain guy by chance because that guy chooses a particular style or trend, something dumb or superficial but essentially the same classification of guy otherwise just dressed in a different costume for flavor. They don't even understand or realize that they are attracted or interested to a certain type overall, and then they try to fight it but they are into it at the same time. It's almost like the more they fight it, the more they fall for it. Obviously women dont see the negative disrespectful side that I see of these types of guys, but I just dont understand after years and years of dealing with guys and their bs, how women still dont realize that its all an act???? They do, but again, they sweep it under the rug. And if you're being bitter and watching the jerks get all the girls, it's only going to make you look like a whining nerd. No woman likes a whiner, she doesn't respect a guy who's trying to out other men or complain so you're actually harming yourself even thinking or talking about it...plus, he has more skill than you do anyway and he'll just outwit you, he already has the edge anyway because she's interested in him not you, so it'll just make you look bad..you're definitely not going to change nature. You should really just accept the fact that a lot of women just don't know how to be treated and tolerate a lot of abuse because of their emotions and hopes that things will improve, a guy will change, or the "bad" sides will magically go away and she'll just have the good. They're also insecure and usually question their self-worth (many of them), women are not these rational and bold creatures who just rationally and logically decide all their moves and which guy they like or don't like, they just react and respond, they try to change the type of guy they are interested in but they can't...because a lot of these guys mimic the behaviors and attitudes of their fathers in many ways, as many women have issues with their dads and even the ones with "good fathers" seem to fall for the same kind of guys, so that's just the way it is. I can try to lie to you and reverse this whole thing into a "positive" perspective, but the reality is...women often do very much like jerks. 2
AdamI Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 It has nothing to do with being nice or being a douche. That's not where the attraction is. Obviously women wants to be with men that treats them with respect. I see and hear this all the time. Guys can't tell the difference between an actual douche bag and a guy that understands what attracts women. You need to stop underestimating women. Most women are experts at knowing what a guy is all about. Women are attracted to guys with genuine confidence because it speaks directly to the woman's "biological patterns" as I call it. (Note that it's not the confidence itself that's attractive. It's what it represents to hear subconscious) It's the same reason why a lot of women are attracted to guys with money and fancy cars, it's biology. The guy that OP mentions surely sounds like the typical overcompensating-douche. This guy probably heard that women are attracted to guys with confidence. Therefore, he decides to show off his confidence and it completely backfires. The only thing he has is a plastic confidence. It's fake and glued on. Most women can smell that from a mile away. Sure, some women might find it attractive but you don't want those women anyway, trust me. I could go on and on about this all day but the point I'm trying to get through is that men tend to see other men's behavior as black or white. While women see the whole color palette. So again, don't underestimate women by just saying " All women likes douche bags" because they don't. - Adam 3
Mrlonelyone Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Not all women are attracted to the same type of man, at least not physically. Certain traits are mentally attractive in a man to a woman. Confidence is attractive in anybody. Women as a group are attracted to a variety of male looks. Each of them has a physical and psychological type. If a man is that type and confident she will be attracted. For example I have a cousin who is short, and for most of his life clinically obese. He has always had a girlfriend and a woman he was at least talking to on the side since 1995. He is not tall, not muscular, not rich, yet he always has a woman. OP, your friends who are good with women are confident and comfortable in their skins and so attract women as lovers and guys as friends. Not on a pedestal. Your friends who have lots of women may just be venting. They don't hate the women or dis them when they deal with them. They just don't have the woman on a pedestal. They vent out all their frustrations towards friends so when they deal with the woman they can be more balanced. Women respect guys who call them on their BS. They don't always stay with them... there are plenty of women who will have an LTR with a doormat while boneing other men.
Popsicle Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 OP, I get that this is upsetting. It's upsetting to us women when men are attracted to bad girls, or keep after girls who don't even like them/care about them. I see it with both genders. There is nothing you can do about it but not let it get to you and move on to the next. 2
gaius Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 What you're viewing as disrespect is actually the guy working on charming other guys. Emotionally needy people usually figure out the best way to get attention from both sexes. What they really think and feel becomes less relevant. In fact, it might actually change from situation to situation in order to elicit the reaction that they want. In essence, they just want it more than you do. 1
autumnnight Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I think we might need to redefine disrespect. A confident guy who might brag a bit is not necessarily disrespectful IMO. Maybe kind of immature, but not disrespectful. I feel WAAAAY more disrespected by the whiny guys who toss out the phrases "all women..." and "Guys have it sooooo hard..." and get in a wad that a girl smiled at them two days and didn't the third, calling it mixed signals. men who rely on PUA and MRA for their opinions of women. THOSE are the men who are disrespectful and sad, and that is why they DON'T get women. 3
toolforgrowth Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 What does it say about the women who go after those jerks? I find it hilarious that nice guys hate the jerks for getting those girls. I mean really, is that the kind of woman you'd want in the first place? One whose self esteem is so low that she'll stoop to being with a guy like that just for a little bit of attention or validation? As far as I'm concerned, men and women like that were made for each other. I say let them have each other and their dysfunction. No go out and find a real woman instead. One who would look at a dumb guy like that and see right through him. 2
autumnnight Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 I find it hilarious that nice guys hate the jerks for getting those girls. First, I agree with you that a woman who goes for a jerk has issues and is really NOT good sel-aware relationship material. However...it has been my experience that GOOD MEN never complain about the jerks. The ones who complain about the jerks are the ones who want a guaranteed scientific formula to get any girl they want, and in lack of one will put on a nice ACT until the girl doesn't drop her skirt....then they are NOT so nice, and they stumble off to MRA and PUA and other sites and forums to rag on how women don't want a "nice guy" like them. 5
toolforgrowth Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 First, I agree with you that a woman who goes for a jerk has issues and is really NOT good sel-aware relationship material. However...it has been my experience that GOOD MEN never complain about the jerks. The ones who complain about the jerks are the ones who want a guaranteed scientific formula to get any girl they want, and in lack of one will put on a nice ACT until the girl doesn't drop her skirt....then they are NOT so nice, and they stumble off to MRA and PUA and other sites and forums to rag on how women don't want a "nice guy" like them. Yes and no. Yes on PUA's...I think they turn to that out of a sense of misogyny, or at least apathy towards a woman's sensibilities. With that being said, PUA's wouldn't do that if they weren't having at least some success with it. It's not the PUA's fault if women are falling for it. And the fact that they are illustrates the fact that it does indeed work. If a woman is shallow enough to fall for it, that's her issue. Sure those guys are jerks, but again, that also says something about the women who buy into it. But I disagree with the MRA assertion. Most MRA's, like myself, have paid a very high social and financial price simply for being male. I have no desire to subjugate women, but I also have no desire to be subjugated or penalized because I'm a father and/or husband. Sure, some of them are pissed because they kept getting rejected, etc. I don't pay much attention to them. But I'm not a MRA because of a lack of success with women (truthfully, I haven't had that problem much). I consider myself one because of the draconic social and divorce laws against husbands and fathers. Different perspectives, different reasons.
Mrlonelyone Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 First, I agree with you that a woman who goes for a jerk has issues and is really NOT good sel-aware relationship material. However...it has been my experience that GOOD MEN never complain about the jerks. The ones who complain about the jerks are the ones who want a guaranteed scientific formula to get any girl they want, and in lack of one will put on a nice ACT until the girl doesn't drop her skirt....then they are NOT so nice, and they stumble off to MRA and PUA and other sites and forums to rag on how women don't want a "nice guy" like them. Mens rights activist are no more evil than womens rights activist were /are. Some of them are extreme but most just want to ensure fair treatment. In the real of equal pay and the corporate world men are at a disadvantage. However when it comes to family law, domestic law, and the norms of interpersonal relationships men are at a great disadvantage in the western world.
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