The uncertainty is terrible!

[pink hearts]

I have known this guy for about 6 months now, as friends.

 

I have noticed the subtle flirting, the niceness and everything. I think he likes me. I have once told him if he likes a girl he should say something... But he said he doesn't like saying what he feels, he doesn't always do it. He also says he likes to do the chasing, that he has a hard time with girls who go after him. Not sure why, he just wants to be the one initiating.

 

He has never directly asked me on a date. Just comments like 'I would take you to... if I ever took you on a date' that’s not asking. Or when we go for meals with mutual friends he says 'If this was a date with you and I then we would have a specific meal or a specific wine he knows I like'

 

Anyway, a week ago we went out as a group. With mutual friends. Of course he and I gravitated towards each other. Dancing and having a good time. During the night a girl approached him. But he told her he was with me so not interested. There was a lot of touchy feely between us.. which I am not complaining about No make outs or kissing or anything.

 

When I was ready to go home, he called me a taxi. So I hug him goodbye and he says thanks for a good night, he had a lot of fun and then he goes like 'I love you' Of course I could not say it back. I think it was the alcohol talking. I think. I said thanks for the good night back and left. So i get home, text him that I got home okay, he texts goodnight and.... I have not heard from him since.

 

Its been a week. Usually we talk on phone here and there and he invites me on hangouts he is having with his friends. We usually hang out in groups - with his friends or with mutual friends.

 

I tried texting 2 days after we hang out, to see if he was ok. All I got was 'I am good. Have a nice day'

 

 

I am wondering what happened here... If nothing will happens between us, I want my friend back.

 

Thoughts on what’s going on with him? What to do?

[HansonGirl]

I have known this guy for about 6 months now, as friends.

 

I have noticed the subtle flirting, the niceness and everything. I think he likes me. I have once told him if he likes a girl he should say something... But he said he doesn't like saying what he feels, he doesn't always do it. He also says he likes to do the chasing, that he has a hard time with girls who go after him. Not sure why, he just wants to be the one initiating.

 

He has never directly asked me on a date. Just comments like 'I would take you to... if I ever took you on a date' that’s not asking. Or when we go for meals with mutual friends he says 'If this was a date with you and I then we would have a specific meal or a specific wine he knows I like'

 

Anyway, a week ago we went out as a group. With mutual friends. Of course he and I gravitated towards each other. Dancing and having a good time. During the night a girl approached him. But he told her he was with me so not interested. There was a lot of touchy feely between us.. which I am not complaining about No make outs or kissing or anything.

 

When I was ready to go home, he called me a taxi. So I hug him goodbye and he says thanks for a good night, he had a lot of fun and then he goes like 'I love you' Of course I could not say it back. I think it was the alcohol talking. I think. I said thanks for the good night back and left. So i get home, text him that I got home okay, he texts goodnight and.... I have not heard from him since.

 

Its been a week. Usually we talk on phone here and there and he invites me on hangouts he is having with his friends. We usually hang out in groups - with his friends or with mutual friends.

 

I tried texting 2 days after we hang out, to see if he was ok. All I got was 'I am good. Have a nice day'

 

 

I am wondering what happened here... If nothing will happens between us, I want my friend back.

 

Thoughts on what’s going on with him? What to do?

 

I can totally understand your concern! I would feel the same way if the guy I liked suddenly stopped contacting me. I thought of a couple possibilities, but there may be others: A) he either got really busy or something happened in his personal life he needs to attend to and he's preoccupied with that, like maybe he got a huge work assignment or maybe a relative died, something like that. B) He has been either freaked out or has been thinking about your night together. You said he doesn't like to admit his feelings.. maybe it's another instance of that? C) perhaps you weren't the only girl on his radar and he was also into someone else? and it just happened to coincide with your night together that he asked her out or something?

Do you know if he was sober that night when he did those things? or was he drunk? Because if he was under the influence, he may have been thinking about it a lot now that he's sober. For good or for bad. I mean he might be thinking about the perfect way to ask you out finally or it could be that he the opposite, that he isn't interested.

 

From what you described it totally sounded like he was into you. But whatever it is, i would NOT send him any more texts. It's moments like this when we ladies get insecure about what's going on and start contacting the guy incessantly, and it actually has the effect of putting off guys even more. so don't do that! (not saying you would necessarily but just in case you do start getting the urge). you already texted him once, that's enough.

[pink hearts]

Thanks HansonGirl! I will not be texting him again. Fighting the urge..

 

He had been drinking that night, but he was not drunk yet. I have seen him drunk and I don't think he was drunk.

 

Sadly I am thinking its option C... That maybe there is another girl. I have heard his friends asking him about a girl when we are together. I have heard it twice. and both times he has pretended he didn't know what they were talking about. But I could see it was because I was there...

 

I actually would give it a go if he talked to me. I wish he could say something.

[preraph]

So he likes to do the chasing and he said he's with you and told you he loves you, but he's never actually asked you out on a proper date? He's hinted around what he'd do on a proper date IF he was to ask you out. But he hasn't asked you out.

 

He's either trying to make himself sound like he's the aggressive guy and he's actually a big coward waiting for all the pieces to fall into place before he asks you out or he's cheap and trying not to spend money dating. Why don't you just start dating other people and see if that doesn't light a fire under his *ss.

[pink hearts]

So we ended up hanging out with a group of friends. He invited me. it was a weekend trip. Lets call him Ben.

 

Trip started okay. With Ben hanging out with me, saying 'he wants to take care of me...' he said.

 

On the flight he is nice, having conversation with me and letting me sleep on his shoulder :-)

 

Until we got to our destination and everything went cold. He started avoiding me, being mean, asking me if the men around had more potential than him. I am like what the hell happened.

 

Then.... the icing on the cake. One night I get kind of drunk, we are both drunk. We are hanging out at a bar and all of a sudden he needs to go to the bathroom and will not be coming back. He said to me 'You might want to hang out with other people, I am going to the bathroom'

 

First, how does he just leave me, in a bar, while I am drunk?

 

Anyway, so I go to another bar where I meet up with some of our other mutual friends. and Ben is there. At this time I have nothing to say to him. So I continue to have my fun and while at it I meet a very hot man, with a sexy British accent... We dance, have fun!. I can see Ben glancing at me... but I don't care. Then I see him holding some girl, he was with her for 2 hour or so... Then she disappears. He comes to speak with me, but I am busy having fun. So he left. I haven't seen him since.

 

He changed his flight for a later date, so we all flew back home without him. The other friends don't really know whats going on..

 

Whats is strange is - I still care about him a lot! Should I just let him be? Get over my feelings and move on? Because I really do not understand him.

[preraph]

Pink, you need to stop caring about people who treat you like this. He's screwed up -- very. He is insecure, as another poster said. He's a big coward. He's always looking for a way to throw his cowardice back at the woman and make it her fault. He's just a jackass, and you need to think more of yourself than to settle for that!

[Charlotted29]

I really do wonder what becomes of guys like this! Will they always be this way and end up alone or do they change... I had a best friend/later lover like this and he still ended up with a girl that some how puts up with him!